I'm feeling really unappreciated

[Loves Harmony]

Ok, here lately ive been feeling unappreciated. Im come home cook, clean,etc. Ive been married for going on three years. In i just feel like i dont get no affection or attention at home. Here lately ive been in the bedroom while dh is in the livingroom. When i go in the living room he would go in the bedroom . I would ask him whats wrong he would tell me i dont feel like being bother.

I understand that sometimes but here lately it seem like all the time. He tells me that i dont give him enough time to cool from being at work. Okay that cool but how many hours do you need. I work as well so it not like im at home waiting by the window for him to come in lol lol. He get mad over everything i do for example ill kiss him he would say leave me alone, or i say i love you he would be like whatever (sometime that how we kid around). Example Saturday he was upset because i didnt get up to cook breakfast (steaming mad like f her and get off the phone). I cook 5 days out the week and that day i didnt feel like cooking.

What should i do..... I talked to him about it and he tell me theres nothing wrong, you know i love you. ( i just dont feel it)

 

[dlewis]

It seems like he needs to learn to communicate better. I have been like that (how you described him) and I'm not one to communicate my feelings well. I shut down completely if I'm feeling attacked.

My husband has also been like that and when he tells me to leave him alone I do and go off and do my own thing. After a couple of days he's usually ok.

Now, only you know him and know if this is normal for him. If you feel like this is out of character for him to act like this...go with what you feel.

 

[janaq2003]

cosigning!

 

[Loves Harmony]

It seems like he needs to learn to communicate better. I have been like that (how you described him) and I'm not one to communicate my feelings well. I shut down completely if I'm feeling attacked.

My husband has also been like that and when he tells me to leave him alone I do and go off and do my own thing. After a couple of days he's usually ok.

Now, only you know him and know I this is normal for him. If you feel like this is out of character for him to act like this...go with what you feel.

Yea thats true! Thanks alot Dlewis.

 

[Barbie83]

Girl I'm soooo with you....my boyfriend is the poster child for Scorpio (intense, can be cold/mean, private, closed off....) Honestly I just step my game up when he's in "shut-down". Kiss him more, say I love you more, initiate conversation more.....

It's hard because sometimes my pride gets in the way and I dont feel like "sweatin" him all the time...but he comes around. He just loves differently.

But I've known this about him since we first met. This is normal push-pull of our relationship.

I agree with dlewis....if this is normal behavior for your guy, I woldnt worry about it too much...every relationship ebbs and flows...but if this reflects a recent change in behavior, I'd say you need to start asking yourself some hard questions.

 

[Lucie]

Men are like rubber bands. They snap back. Women are like waves that ebb and flow. Relationships ebb and flow as well. In your heart, you know him. Has he ever done this before? Good luck!

 

[Loves Harmony]

Girl I'm soooo with you....my boyfriend is the poster child for Scorpio (intense, can be cold/mean, private, closed off....) Honestly I just step my game up when he's in "shut-down". Kiss him more, say I love you more, initiate conversation more.....

It's hard because sometimes my pride gets in the way and I dont feel like "sweatin" him all the time...but he comes around. He just loves differently.

But I've known this about him since we first met. This is normal push-pull of our relationship.

I agree with dlewis....if this is normal behavior for your guy, I woldnt worry about it too much...every relationship ebbs and flows...but if this reflects a recent change in behavior, I'd say you need to start asking yourself some hard questions.

Its normal but it hurts my feeling (Aquarius). My husband is a Scorpio and you describe him to the T! What cracks me up he dont see anything wrong with acting like that.... I guess im just being a cry baby

 

[mswoman]

How long has this been going on? If its been a week okay, but if it's every day for the past month or two something is wrong with the communication. If he is getting mad about things that means something is really on his mind, sorry to say honey but if you started cooking 7 days a week unless you communicate that you have cut back your schedule he may have been disappointed.

What is his love language? Seems like yours is affection.... but his may be acts of service. Also if ya'll were married by a pastor talk you him about the situation and get some suggestions from the pastors wife. If it has been more than 3 months of this dodging etc.. you may need to go seek counseling to get it all out.

I agree with dlewis and suggest you read the thread on marriage
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=314897&page=2

 

[Loves Harmony]

How long has this been going on? If its been a week okay, but if it's every day for the past month or two something is wrong with the communication. If he is getting mad about things that means something is really on his mind, sorry to say honey but if you started cooking 7 days a week unless you communicate that you have cut back your schedule he may have been disappointed.

What is his love language? Seems like yours is affection.... but his may be acts of service. Also if ya'll were married by a pastor talk you him about the situation and get some suggestions from the pastors wife. If it has been more than 3 months of this dodging etc.. you may need to go seek counseling to get it all out.

I agree with dlewis and suggest you read the thread on marriage
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=314897&page=2[/quote
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Its been going on for a few weeks. Maybe its me. I ask him if hes mad he would say no. He said that i like to talk to much and he is not the problem lol lol. I do love to talk but ive always been this way. We go to work about the same time and we both go to school. I feel like we dont see each other enough. Maybe its just me....

 

[dlewis]

How long has this been going on? If its been a week okay, but if it's every day for the past month or two something is wrong with the communication. If he is getting mad about things that means something is really on his mind, sorry to say honey but if you started cooking 7 days a week unless you communicate that you have cut back your schedule he may have been disappointed.

What is his love language? Seems like yours is affection.... but his may be acts of service. Also if ya'll were married by a pastor talk you him about the situation and get some suggestions from the pastors wife. If it has been more than 3 months of this dodging etc.. you may need to go seek counseling to get it all out.

I agree with dlewis and suggest you read the thread on marriage
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=314897&page=2[/quote
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Its been going on for a few weeks. Maybe its me. I ask him if hes mad he would say no. He said that i like to talk to much and he is not the problem lol lol. I do love to talk but ive always been this way. We go to work about the same time and we both go to school. I feel like we dont see each other enough. Maybe its just me....

Girl, all that talking will make him run the other direction. My husband loves to talk and I have been known to tell him ... Stop all that damm talking. or Don't you have something else to do. or just stare at him until he figures out that he needs to be quiet. My brother a big talker to and I've broken so many hairbrushes over his head while we were growing up just to get him to shut up. I honestly don't see how his girlfriend puts up with him. I can't think when someone is going on and on constantly.

 

[jerseygurl]

Lucie and Dlewis are on point. He'll come around.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Sounds like he may need some space. I know I feel the same way about needing time to cool off after work; especially if it was a bad day. Try chilling out for a bit; give him only what he's giving you and see if he snaps out of it.

 

[Loves Harmony]

Girl, all that talking will make him run the other direction. My husband loves to talk and I have been known to tell him ... Stop all that damm talking. or Don't you have something else to do. or just stare at him until he figures out that he needs to be quiet. My brother a big talker to and I've broken so many hairbrushes over his head while we were growing up just to get him to shut up. I honestly don't see how his girlfriend puts up with him. I can't think when someone is going on and on constantly.

I couldnt do anything but laugh. You sound just like him lol lol.... I guess its me then ... That sucks

 

[Loves Harmony]

Lucie and Dlewis are on point. He'll come around.

Thanks alot!

 

[dlewis]

I'm glad we could help. Is he a loner anyway?

 

[Loves Harmony]

I'm glad we could help. Is he a loner anyway?

What do you mean "loner"? Like if he like to be alone? If thats what your asking yea. He could sit in the house all day everyday and be fine. As long as i have dinner on the table he is good.

I miss the honeymoon stage lol and the time that we spend after he came back from Iraq. Now he like get away from me, heres a few dollars go buy conditioner and eyeshadow, or talk to your friends on the hair site...lol lol

 

[dlewis]

What do you mean "loner"? Like if he like to be alone? If thats what your asking yea. He could sit in the house all day everyday and be fine. As long as i have dinner on the table he is good.

I miss the honeymoon stage lol and the time that we spend after he came back from Iraq. Now he like get away from me, heres a few dollars go buy conditioner and eyeshadow, or talk to your friends on the hair site...lol lol

I'm like that too. I don't need contact with other people like most people do. Even with my kids I have to make an effort because I could literally get lost in my own little world.

 

[pinkdot's blog]

I know how that feels. When you are with someone and you are in a relationship things start to slip and one day you look up and they act as if they don't want to be bothered.

O k...... that's fine but you have the right to want what you want. And if what you want is a man that is going to make you feel wanted and pay attention to you then that is what you deserve.

I've also learned that love is a game I know it may not sound right but it is. When they act a certain way you have to act the same way back. So if a man is acting distant don't even say anything. Don't even act like anything is wrong. Start doing your own thing. Don't ask him any questions because he knows what he's doing.... Start taking out time for yourself. I've learned this many times over and over ... the hard way. Distance makes a man snap back in place just like it makes us women start asking questions...

I strongly believe that whatever you give out into the Universe will come back to you. So if you start showing love and extra attention for yourself, then that is what will come back to you.

It feels better when you accept whats going on then ask yourself, " What can I do for myself to make myself feel better?" Let the problem go then start working on you. It fells better when you let go..... Boggling your mind over a man and what he's not doing is MENTALLY EXHAUSTING. You can't make another person do anything. No even someone who is supposed to be obligated to you.

As for cooking... I commend you for cooking every weekday when you come home from work... A lot of women I know don't even cook. So when you are tired and you don't feel like cooking, I feel it is perfectly fine....

I'm sure he loves you... But sometimes you have to let a man know what the deal is once in a while... No need to get loud no need to keep telling him what you need over and over no need to keep asking questions over and over...

You can say a lot without saying anything at all.....

 

[Bunny77]

I know how that feels. When you are with someone and you are in a relationship things start to slip and one day you look up and they act as if they don't want to be bothered.

O k...... that's fine but you have the right to want what you want. And if what you want is a man that is going to make you feel wanted and pay attention to you then that is what you deserve.

I've also learned that love is a game I know it may not sound right but it is. When they act a certain way you have to act the same way back. So if a man is acting distant don't even say anything. Don't even act like anything is wrong. Start doing your own thing. Don't ask him any questions because he knows what he's doing.... Start taking out time for yourself. I've learned this many times over and over ... the hard way. Distance makes a man snap back in place just like it makes us women start asking questions...

I strongly believe that whatever you give out into the Universe will come back to you. So if you start showing love and extra attention for yourself, then that is what will come back to you.

It feels better when you accept whats going on then ask yourself, " What can I do for myself to make myself feel better?" Let the problem go then start working on you. It fells better when you let go..... Boggling your mind over a man and what he's not doing is MENTALLY EXHAUSTING. You can't make another person do anything. No even someone who is supposed to be obligated to you.

As for cooking... I commend you for cooking every weekday when you come home from work... A lot of women I know don't even cook. So when you are tired and you don't feel like cooking, I feel it is perfectly fine....

I'm sure he loves you... But sometimes you have to let a man know what the deal is once in a while... No need to get loud no need to keep telling him what you need over and over no need to keep asking questions over and over...

You can say a lot without saying anything at all.....

I co-sign this post 1000000%!!!

I'm not married, but in my relationships this had been a problem for me. Everyone (especially men) tried to tell me to just go away and leave ole boy alone for a while, but no, I wanted to talk and find out what the problem was. That only made things worse.

When dealing with your DH, be as sweet as sugar, but do your own thing. Don't cook everyday... go do something after work and come home with some take-out one time (for example). Or go out and don't come back with anything -- if DH asks what's up, smile and come up with a cutesy answer as to why you didn't do anything that day.

Keep him guessing... make him try to get YOUR attention by not being as available. He wants you to go out and be with your friends? Do it! He wants you to go on LHCF and talk to us? Do it!

Keep on doing it too until he eventually goes, "Well dayum, where's my wife?" Unless there's something deeper going on, I'm SURE he will start to come around.

Make him miss you, even if you live in the same house.

 

[Loves Harmony]

Thanks alot Pinkdot... That makes perfect sense...

 

[Loves Harmony]

I co-sign this post 1000000%!!!

I'm not married, but in my relationships this had been a problem for me. Everyone (especially men) tried to tell me to just go away and leave ole boy alone for a while, but no, I wanted to talk and find out what the problem was. That only made things worse.

When dealing with your DH, be as sweet as sugar, but do your own thing. Don't cook everyday... go do something after work and come home with some take-out one time (for example). Or go out and don't come back with anything -- if DH asks what's up, smile and come up with a cutesy answer as to why you didn't do anything that day.

Keep him guessing... make him try to get YOUR attention by not being as available. He wants you to go out and be with your friends? Do it! He wants you to go on LHCF and talk to us? Do it!

Keep on doing it too until he eventually goes, "Well dayum, where's my wife?" Unless there's something deeper going on, I'm SURE he will start to come around.

Make him miss you, even if you live in the same house.

I got you! Thats exactly what one of my friends was just telling. It hard will be hard but im learning....

 

[Loves Harmony]

Thanks alot Ladies for coming in..... Im serious thank you alot!

 

[hopeful]

Its normal but it hurts my feeling (Aquarius). My husband is a Scorpio and you describe him to the T! What cracks me up he dont see anything wrong with acting like that.... I guess im just being a cry baby

...Its been going on for a few weeks. Maybe its me. I ask him if hes mad he would say no. He said that i like to talk to much and he is not the problem lol lol. I do love to talk but ive always been this way. We go to work about the same time and we both go to school. I feel like we dont see each other enough. Maybe its just me....

I couldnt do anything but laugh. You sound just like him lol lol.... I guess its me then ... That sucks

Well I can be a bit of a loner and need my quiet time but I don't treat my dh like this. We both need our quiet time though and give each other space. I don't think you should take all of the blame. He should care about how you are feeling. Even if he can't give you what you want at the moment he could at least be compassionate about it and let you know he's going to make up for it later. I think your feelings are valid and if nobody cares about your feelings your hubby should.

I do agree with some of the posts to a degree and you should do your own thing and not let him take you for granted. But he should be missing you and you two have to find a balance that works for both of you.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I dont' know what to say. I'm sorry you're going through this... I never really went through this... but I think pinkdot's blog is efficient to your needs.

(I'm honestly brash enough to leave people for things like this.... so that's why I don't know what to say. That's not something I think anyone should leave over, just me b/c I know I'd rather leave than cheat to get the attention.)

 

[Poohbear]

Its been going on for a few weeks. Maybe its me. I ask him if hes mad he would say no. He said that i like to talk to much and he is not the problem lol lol. I do love to talk but ive always been this way. We go to work about the same time and we both go to school. I feel like we dont see each other enough. Maybe its just me....

Maybe he would rather spend quiet time with you after work than talking all the time. Let him wind down with some peace and quiet. A lot of men do not like to be bombarded with questions and words, especially after having a hard day at work.

 

[Poohbear]

I'm like that too. I don't need contact with other people like most people do. Even with my kids I have to make an effort because I could literally get lost in my own little world.

Same here! And I also avoid people who ask a lot of questions and talk too much. Most of the time, I do not feel like talking. And I've always been the loner type ever since I was a little girl.

 

[brownelovely]

There may be something wrong...not sure about that. Just do your own thing and leave him be. Don't keep asking him what's wrong and all that...leave him alone and do your own thing.

SO did this a few times and once I started igging his tail too then he came on back around after he realized that it can be hurtful to be ignored.

 

[Loves Harmony]

I dont' know what to say. I'm sorry you're going through this... I never really went through this... but I think pinkdot's blog is efficient to your needs.

(I'm honestly brash enough to leave people for things like this.... so that's why I don't know what to say. That's not something I think anyone should leave over, just me b/c I know I'd rather leave than cheat to get the attention.)

This is exactly how i feel. We decided to get away today and talk so hopefully everything will go great... Thanks alot

 

[laCriolla]

Girl

Put on that club dress you have in the back of the closet, walk past him and go out!

LOL don't listen to me, I'm not married.

no but seriously- in WMMarryB it says something about breaking routine. when they expect you to be home at a certain time, and then you're not....they stop taking you for granted.

 

[Nyssa28]

Great advice was given. I hope you and your DH can get over this hump.