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If your hair could talk what would it say to you?

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That's easy:

"Listen *****,
You are going to have to learn how to cornroll me sometime. This sew-in ain't gonna last foreva."

*Hair sucks teeth and jumps off my head*
 
" Oh..so NOW you wanna listen to those ladies on that damn forum and learn how NOT to burn me when flat ironing. Now I hope you would stop putting all that gel in me. I'm natural..I frizz..get over it, TRICK!
 
"Look here, we've had some setbacks but if you cry over those setbacks one more time, we gonna fight. I'm still here yet you still whining about missing me when I was longer. Get yourself together. You've started the HHJ thing so let's get to it. You'll be able to pull me over your shoulders again in no time. Just remember your journey but don't let it keep you down!"

My response, (humbled) "Yes ma'am!"
 
Why'd you let that shs cut me? You know you didn't need a 'trim'. I'm natural. I'm gonna have some rougher ends sometimes...that doesn't mean cut. You should have known that. By day two, after a little sealing, I would have been fine....
Just do it yourself from now on, okay?
 
Do you know how long we was tryna TELL YOU we wanted to be loc'd? How many times, when you call urself psing in them there extension braids and we nearly MATTED UP ON YO SORRY SELF? Please, you should've done this a long time ago-know how much progress u would've had by now? Just drink some more water and get the blood flowing and we'll be fine.

Oh, and stop worrying about the fuzz, you know we're always gonna look wild. We like it that way.
 
"You research everything it sure took you long enough to think about researching your hair SMDH."
 
my hair: Damn, it took you a long time to figure out what I always needed. No one else could figure it out, not even your momma and all those stylist all these years. It's pretty simple, just keep me moist and strong and handle me delicately....I'm a laaady #Sheneneh voice!
 
Those small bouts of shedding and breakage, that was your fault, I'm innocent. But you regrouped, listened to me and met my needs like a good caregiver should. I'm kind of proud of you.

But seriously, I've been good to you this year. I grew for you, I flowed for you, soooooo when when are you going to reward me with a steamer woman! Don't think I didn't see all those times you've added the steamer to your cart and never clicked "check out." Grow a backbone!
 
My hair: You're a liar! You said you weren't going to get micros again and what did you do? Went and got micros. I know transitioning is not easy but micros? Seriously? How about you take them out, do the BC (those relaxed ends have seen better days), and lets get on with our happy natural life.
 
My hair would say, "Thank you for all of the special attention and products that you have given me over the last year. I've stuck with you throughout all of your uninformed years. I only left mostly because of cutting and thinned out because of the perming. Now we are on the right track and I will reward you handsomely soon." PS: Stop length checking me so often. I said soon but not 10 minutes later. Love ya.
 
Why do you pay me attention, then leave me for months without a word? My new anthem has become I Will Survive, because I'm doing well in spite of you. Just imagine how I could be if you worked with me?
 
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