If love was truly color blind....

[Syrah]

I can only say what I think she means - telling her daughter to identify as black and making her aware of black issues. The same thing her mother did for her, I can imagine.

I definitely understand what you are saying. As for the bolded, the only group I have certainly noticed doing this are a lot of east Asian women (who prefer white men). The common sayings are that Asian men are too short, feminine, etc.....all put-downs to explain why they need to date "out." I've heard this all the time. These excuses may be only physical, but they still imply that Asian men are somehow deficient, and it amazes me that asian women aren't accused of being self-hating as well.

See above about asian women who will only date white men. The only thing that makes me scratch my head about black women is that some say "casting the net" when they really mean I'm going to start dating white men. True "casting the net" would simply mean being open to other cultures period, imo.

Maybe its that they haven't aired their negative opinions of Asian men for the world to see...

 

[TrueToHair]

.................................

 

[mischka]

Maybe its that they haven't aired their negative opinions of Asian men for the world to see...

I don't agree with this. I've seen a considerable amount of asian women, both online and in real life, discuss the whole interracial dating/asian men thing in the same ways we discuss bm/bw relationships. I do think there is a lot of the same thing going on with asian women where they feel the need to defend and justify the mass rates that they seem to prefer white men.

The reason why they don't get accused of self hating is that the dynamic is different. They are seen as the preferable choice in many ways, by white men who are considered a trophy. So why would anyone look at their dating out in a negative way when compared to black women who have a much less preferable public image in the media and are therefore subject to different (negative) interpretations (without going into too much elaboration I hope I articulated that well). Additionally, the origin of "bw who date wm is self hating" is mostly from bm themselves, and asian men don't express that view about their counterparts quite so loudly and publicly. (that isnt to say they dont feel that way because, again, i have seen more than enough evidence from asian men to indicate that they do feel abandoned and somewhat betrayed.)

 

[TrueToHair]

................................

 

[rafikichick92]

Maybe its that they haven't aired their negative opinions of Asian men for the world to see...

To be fair to black women, it's not just us "airing our dirty laundry".

A brief thought experiment. When's the last time we saw the mainstream media do a piece on Asian women and relationships? And when's the last time we the media do a piece on Black women and relationships? And who runs/own the media? Hint: it's certainly not black women or Asian women.

Also, look at the blogosphere. How many posts/blogs do you see by black men talking about Black women and our so-called view of them and relationships? How many posts/blogs do you see by Asian men talking about Asian women and their view of Asian men in relationships?

The point is, left to ourselves (no input from the media or black men) there would be about as much talk about dating or not dating black men among black women as there is (or isn't) about dating or not dating Asian men among Asian women. (Maybe a little bit more since by and large the dating pool of Black men is more undesirable than that of Asian men and people like to complain, but still.) I mean, other people are talking about us which kinda opens the floodgates so to speak, and a lot of black women end up feeling compelled to respond or at least evaluate what's going on.

 

[Mortons]

From my pov I can't afford to care about color. Its just not set up I'm my favor to do so, therefore its an attribute I must drop. It depends on where people are in life and ther vantage point

Sent from my SPH-M910 using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[rafikichick92]

From my pov I can't afford to care about color. Its just not set up I'm my favor to do so, therefore its an attribute I must drop. It depends on where people are in life and ther vantage point

Sent from my SPH-M910 using Long Hair Care Forum App

I wish all people thought like this. Color doesn't change a darn thing in terms of what we should be looking for in a mate. Depending on your goals/dreams and your situation in life, less of your desired color may be available, statistically speaking.

Random/bad example: say you HAVE to marry a basketball player for whatever reason and you also happen to LOVE Asian men. In this case, you're a fool if you hold out for an Asian basketball player. The odds are against you and there are plenty of other fish in that sea.

When it comes to marriage, why hold out for something that doesn't even matter in the end?

 

[Syrah]

I don't agree with this. I've seen a considerable amount of asian women, both online and in real life, discuss the whole interracial dating/asian men thing in the same ways we discuss bm/bw relationships. I do think there is a lot of the same thing going on with asian women where they feel the need to defend and justify the mass rates that they seem to prefer white men.

The reason why they don't get accused of self hating is that the dynamic is different. They are seen as the preferable choice in many ways, by white men who are considered a trophy. So why would anyone look at their dating out in a negative way when compared to black women who have a much less preferable public image in the media and are therefore subject to different (negative) interpretations (without going into too much elaboration I hope I articulated that well). Additionally, the origin of "bw who date wm is self hating" is mostly from bm themselves, and asian men don't express that view about their counterparts quite so loudly and publicly. (that isnt to say they dont feel that way because, again, i have seen more than enough evidence from asian men to indicate that they do feel abandoned and somewhat betrayed.)

I don't know what's on YouTube nor would I consider one-off posts indicative of a cultural or generational behavior pattern. But I would say that our airing of our issues with BM and vice versa has gone far beyond a few YouTube posts. Its problematic. Our entertainers talk about it, our magazines publish it and we make movies about it. And beyond Madea, I think this is what Tyler Perry et al (TD Jakes' Jumping the Broom) are trying to combat - by showing images of black folks a) loving each other and b) working through relationship issues.

I'm not saying that White America hasn't contributed to the constant analysis, but I feel like its something that we willingly participate in and perpetuate.

I agree with your analysis as to how "self hate" got thrown into the mix. That being said, I guess I can see how the refusal to consider your own can be seen as a form of self hate. Again, I think its one think to express a preference.

I think its another for the preference to transcend to a requirement that the (fe)male form of what you are need not be considered under ANY circumstances. I don't see how notions of self acceptance can be uttered in the same breath.

 

[Skyfall]

Why is it always black women that need to cast a broader net?

 

[Syrah]

To be fair to black women, it's not just us "airing our dirty laundry".

A brief thought experiment. When's the last time we saw the mainstream media do a piece on Asian women and relationships? And when's the last time we the media do a piece on Black women and relationships? And who runs/own the media? Hint: it's certainly not black women or Asian women.

Also, look at the blogosphere. How many posts/blogs do you see by black men talking about Black women and our so-called view of them and relationships? How many posts/blogs do you see by Asian men talking about Asian women and their view of Asian men in relationships?

The point is, left to ourselves (no input from the media or black men) there would be about as much talk about dating or not dating black men among black women as there is (or isn't) about dating or not dating Asian men among Asian women. (Maybe a little bit more since by and large the dating pool of Black men is more undesirable than that of Asian men and people like to complain, but still.) I mean, other people are talking about us which kinda opens the floodgates so to speak, and a lot of black women end up feeling compelled to respond or at least evaluate what's going on.

I'm only focusing on BW because that's what we are on this board. I am not at all exonerating BM as equal and willing participants (if not instigators) in the madness.

I still think the Asian comparison is rare compared to the extent to which the "I have no other choice but to date outside of black if want ___, ____ and ____" has taken hold in the black community on both sides (men and women). When did we decide that at a very basic level, our blackness makes us ill fitted for each other?!

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that I don't see the problems that black women face while dating. But we've attributed these negative characteristics to the very idea of being black - a man's being black makes him less likely to have ______, to be _________, to be willing to do ________ in a relationship.

"Facts are facts". Yes, but I also think we're more willing, than other cultures, to believe our own negative press...and that is equally problematic IMO.

 

[rafikichick92]

I don't know what's on YouTube nor would I consider one-off posts indicative of a cultural or generational behavior pattern. But I would say that our airing of our issues with BM and vice versa has gone far beyond a few YouTube posts. Its problematic. Our entertainers talk about it, our magazines publish it and we make movies about it. And beyond Madea, I think this is what Tyler Perry et al (TD Jakes' Jumping the Broom) are trying to combat - by showing images of black folks a) loving each other and b) working through relationship issues.

I'm not saying that White America hasn't contributed to the constant analysis, but I feel like its something that we willingly participate in and perpetuate.

I agree with your analysis as to how "self hate" got thrown into the mix. That being said, I guess I can see how the refusal to consider your own can be seen as a form of self hate. Again, I think its one think to express a preference.

I think its another for the preference to transcend to a requirement that the (fe)male form of what you are need not be considered under ANY circumstances. I don't see how notions of self acceptance can be uttered in the same breath.

I agree, but in the post that I quoted of yours above, it seemed as if you were blaming black women for this. IMHO, black women, by and large, are not responsible for taking this public. I haven't seen any BW initiated bashings on a public scale (YouTube aside). I don't see black women making movies highlighting anything like this. I don't see mainstream black female entertainers (rappers, etc do not count) really perpetuating this kind of thing, honestly. From what I can see, BW are not responsible for all of this public attention. Now, we are getting attention, but we are not generating it. (NOTE: After reading your response to me, I can see that we agree here.)

ETA: You said: "I have no other choice but to date outside of black if want ___, ____ and ____" has taken hold in the black community on both sides (men and women). When did we decide that at a very basic level, our blackness makes us ill fitted for each other?!"

I don't necessarily think people think blackness makes us ill suited for each other. Your __, __, and __ may be true depending on what fills in those blanks and have nothing to do with blackness. If an Asian woman fills in those blanks with tall, blond hair, blue eyes, doesn't believe in women being submissive, etc then of course she's going to leave herself with no other choice than to date outside her race.

I think for those of us raised in the middle class, especially in predominantly white neighborhoods, a lot of our ____s will exclude some black men. If we want to statistically improve our chances, we need to allow other races into the equation. Now, people who completely X out the whole black race automatically should and do get the side eye from me.

ETAA: I may be a little off base because I don't follow this sort of thing and I'm not that in touch with the black community per se.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Why is it always black women that need to cast a broader net?

White and Asian and Latina women already do it. We have been more reluctant.

 

[Syrah]

I agree, but in the post that I quoted of yours above, it seemed as if you were blaming black women for this. IMHO, black women, by and large, are not responsible for taking this public. I haven't seen any BW initiated bashings on a public scale (YouTube aside). I don't see black women making movies highlighting anything like this. I don't see mainstream black female entertainers (rappers, etc do not count) really perpetuating this kind of thing, honestly. From what I can see, BW are not responsible for all of this public attention. Now, we are getting attention, but we are not generating it.

First, lets look at who's running their mouths. Its rappers and ball players. Its Juelz Santana and Chad Ochocinco Johnson. Hardly the bastions of the community, but for whatever reasons, our most vocal and visible representatives and the only images of black success that some people will ever see. Why are they the representatives? That needs to change.

Could it be as simple as shifting who represents us? If folks were looking up to someone else and these somepeople else's were married to black partners, would we see behavior change? I think so.

This is what I mean when I say that as black folks we have a PR problem. The worst amongst us somehow represent us. This used to be at the sole discretion of white media. That no longer is true...yet we (black people) continue to do it to ourselves.

What does this have to do with IR?

Everything. I think it trickles down into how we view ourselves and each other. So rather than being able to say "wait...that neither represents nor reflects my reality" we're looking around at the men we've dated, seeing many instances of men who imitated these idiots and are like "damn - is this all there is?".

 

[rafikichick92]

Why is it always black women that need to cast a broader net?

Because, for the most part, we're the only demographic who hasn't done it already. BM have done it. AW have done it. HW have done it. WM and WW have obviously done it. Pretty much the only ones left are BW, HM (from what I can see), and AM (again, from what I can see).

 

[Syrah]

Just wanted to add that my posts aren't referring to those who simply want to "cast a wider net" and include more people in the equation but those who are choosing to exclude black people from the mix (on both sides)...

 

[rafikichick92]

First, lets look at who's running their mouths. Its rappers and ball players. Its Juelz Santana and Chad Ochocinco Johnson. Hardly the bastions of the community, but for whatever reasons, our most vocal and visible representatives and the only images of black success that some people will ever see. Why are they the representatives? That needs to change.

Could it be as simple as shifting who represents us? If folks were looking up to someone else and these somepeople else's were married to black partners, would we see behavior change? I think so.

This is what I mean when I say that as black folks we have a PR problem. The worst amongst us somehow represent us. This used to be at the sole discretion of white media. That no longer is true...yet we (black people) continue to do it to ourselves.

What does this have to do with IR?

Everything. I think it trickles down into how we view ourselves and each other. So rather than being able to say "wait...that neither represents nor reflects my reality" we're looking around at the men we've dated, seeing many instances of men who imitated these idiots and are like "damn - is this all there is?".

I agree. One of my biggest pet peeves is the ignorance BP display toward their PR. I also think that there is a difference between only dating IR/wanting to or not wanting to date XYZ race and being willing to date any Xiao Ping, Tyrone, Pedro, John, or Kojo (lol!) that comes along and meets our criteria.

But again, this comes down to BM. BW will date a BM in a heartbeat. By and large, BM are the ones dissing and ditching BW. Not to mention their PR is not so great--as you said, alot of BW are thinking, "is this all there is?" and even when they see that it's not, alot of those "non Chad Ochocinco" men aren't checking for them.

 

[Renewed1]

I agree with both ya'll statements.

But for me, I didn't put alot of thought into dating outside my race. I didn't consider what "others" would think about it; personally I don't care.

I decided to date white foreign men; because that is what I am attracted to; I know what I like. I figure if a white foreign guy is dating me; he pretty much have a sense (I hope) of the prejudices that comes with it and don't care as well.

I can't live my life for anyone else but myself. I can't have the opinions or narrowed mindedness of others dictate my life.

Lastly, people make it sound like if your a BW dating a WM that every person on the street is judging you. SERIOUSLY!!! The ones that are judging/hating/whatever is a small number considering there are over a Billion people on this earth. Nobody really cares at the end of the day.

I think whether love is truly colorblind is up to the individual person. There are so many variables in the human experience it's impossible to pinpoint one or even a small number of them. All I can say is my childhood/early adult experiences lead me to not to notice racial/color differences as to restrict who I see as a potential spouse/father to my children. Doing so only limits the pool of men I have access to and at the end of the day I want a successful and happy marriage based on what I share in common with a man internally, education, belief in family, belief in God, career ambition, love of travel etc., not skin color.

I suppose a lot of this comes down to personal preference. I'm turned on at the idea of finding similarities amongst external differences. I like the idea of 2 people from different backgrounds coming together. Restricting myself by racial lines makes things boring JMO.

I agree with your whole statement. But for me dating someone from the same racial and cultural lines are boring. I would not date a white American guy....BORING!

But at the end of the day, dating non-black men is not radically different from dating black men. The biggest difference is background *shrug* they are still men and a lot of the old rules apply. Race differences come up but I have found that you are both cognizant of them and don't want them to overshadow the relationship so if there's a problem, you work it out. (There have been men that I just couldn't date because clearly they werent ready/equipped to deal with these kinds of race relations.

This is what really matters. It's a MAN!! Use your wits to protect your heart. Everything else will pan out in the end, if ya'll are right for each other.

 

[Syrah]

I agree. One of my biggest pet peeves is the ignorance BP display toward their PR. I also think that there is a difference between only dating IR/wanting to or not wanting to date XYZ race and being willing to date any Xiao Ping, Tyrone, Pedro, John, or Kojo (lol!) that comes along and meets our criteria.

But again, this comes down to BM. BW will date a BM in a heartbeat. By and large, BM are the ones dissing and ditching BW. Not to mention their PR is not so great--as you said, alot of BW are thinking, "is this all there is?" and even when they see that it's not, alot of those "non Chad Ochocinco" men aren't checking for them.

Good point. Folks who don't like IRR love to make it seem like the criteria is as simple as "he's not black". When in reality, only one criterion has changed (assuming that it ever existed in the first place)...

 

[lux10023]

veryyy great point syrah

IT BOGGLES MY MIND THAT If CHAD CINCOCINCO ONLY DATES XYZ TYPE OF WOMEN--or lil wayne says he prefers lightshin chicks..how THAT WOULD EFFECT A SISTAHS psyche---r those the dudes your checking for..like really...like for real for real...

same goes for a corp bro with a molly by his side--he may not be the best type of man either...all that glitters aint platinum

one glance at barack and michelle..silences 99% of any bullish a rapper or ball player or some regular dudes opinion about how he feels about blk women..imho

and further more if a rappers pref in women effects your self-esteem than the problem is a lil more serious than ya think..meh

First, lets look at who's running their mouths. Its rappers and ball players. Its Juelz Santana and Chad Ochocinco Johnson. Hardly the bastions of the community, but for whatever reasons, our most vocal and visible representatives and the only images of black success that some people will ever see. Why are they the representatives? That needs to change.

Could it be as simple as shifting who represents us? If folks were looking up to someone else and these somepeople else's were married to black partners, would we see behavior change? I think so.

This is what I mean when I say that as black folks we have a PR problem. The worst amongst us somehow represent us. This used to be at the sole discretion of white media. That no longer is true...yet we (black people) continue to do it to ourselves.

What does this have to do with IR?

Everything. I think it trickles down into how we view ourselves and each other. So rather than being able to say "wait...that neither represents nor reflects my reality" we're looking around at the men we've dated, seeing many instances of men who imitated these idiots and are like "damn - is this all there is?".

 

[Prudent1]

First, lets look at who's running their mouths. Its rappers and ball players. Its Juelz Santana and Chad Ochocinco Johnson. Hardly the bastions of the community, but for whatever reasons, our most vocal and visible representatives and the only images of black success that some people will ever see. Why are they the representatives? That needs to change.

Could it be as simple as shifting who represents us? If folks were looking up to someone else and these somepeople else's were married to black partners, would we see behavior change? I think so.

This is what I mean when I say that as black folks we have a PR problem. The worst amongst us somehow represent us. This used to be at the sole discretion of white media. That no longer is true...yet we (black people) continue to do it to ourselves.

What does this have to do with IR?

Everything. I think it trickles down into how we view ourselves and each other. So rather than being able to say "wait...that neither represents nor reflects my reality" we're looking around at the men we've dated, seeing many instances of men who imitated these idiots and are like "damn - is this all there is?".

ITA with your entire post but especially the bolded. If we did not continue to feed the stereotype monster it would starve to death.

 

[mischka]

veryyy great point syrah

IT BOGGLES MY MIND THAT If CHAD CINCOCINCO ONLY DATES XYZ TYPE OF WOMEN--or lil wayne says he prefers lightshin chicks..how THAT WOULD EFFECT A SISTAHS psyche---r those the dudes your checking for..like really...like for real for real...

same goes for a corp bro with a molly by his side--he may not be the best type of man either...all that glitters aint platinum

one glance at barack and michelle..silences 99% of any bullish a rapper or ball player or some regular dudes opinion about how he feels about blk women..imho

and further more if a rappers pref in women effects your self-esteem than the problem is a lil more serious than ya think..meh

Ehhhhh I think this is kind of simplifying the point. You can't hold up one good example against a hundred bad ones and say "see? chill out," and it's kind of dismissive to say that we shouldn't be affected if we see the same thing mirrored to us over and over. True, these male "spokesmen" in the BC who tout all this bullsh8t ARE NOT men that deserve any sort platform for their views but in the absence of countering evidence....?

There's a theory that the downfall of the black community is due to a kind of black flight... that when blacks become successful they leave for better/other communities and there are no role models left to set an example/mentor others to aspire to a higher class. This is kind of what we are seeing in relationships. So many of us come from broken homes (and nobody needs [general] you to come in and say I CAME FROM A LOVING TWO PARENT FAMILY yeah, shut up, good for you, but you're not the norm) that we have no models for good relationships and we are taking our cues from all the wrong sources. I personally feel that this is where black men have severely failed the BC but I digress...

 

[spelmanlocks]

I think black women should be more open. Why turn down a perfectly good man who might be a wonderful life partner. I've known some rock solid BW/WM couples.

 

[TrueToHair]

.........................

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

White and Asian and Latina women already do it. We have been more reluctant.

I'm sure you know this but I'ma put it out there anyway... these women have not had the historical experiences as black women. I think black women have good reason to dis-trust men of other races (specifically, white men). The legacy of rape, assault, etc. still lives on. We have been more vulnerable than any other race of women in America.

As for your original question, I don't think a color blind society would equal more marriages. There are so many other factors to getting married.

 

[TrueToHair]

...............................

 

[Syrah]

Ehhhhh I think this is kind of simplifying the point. You can't hold up one good example against a hundred bad ones and say "see? chill out," and it's kind of dismissive to say that we shouldn't be affected if we see the same thing mirrored to us over and over. True, these male "spokesmen" in the BC who tout all this bullsh8t ARE NOT men that deserve any sort platform for their views but in the absence of countering evidence....?

There's a theory that the downfall of the black community is due to a kind of black flight... that when blacks become successful they leave for better/other communities and there are no role models left to set an example/mentor others to aspire to a higher class. This is kind of what we are seeing in relationships. So many of us come from broken homes (and nobody needs [general] you to come in and say I CAME FROM A LOVING TWO PARENT FAMILY yeah, shut up, good for you, but you're not the norm) that we have no models for good relationships and we are taking our cues from all the wrong sources. I personally feel that this is where black men have severely failed the BC but I digress...

What good does sticking around amongst a group of people who don't believe ____ is possible when they have the mindset that they don't want to hear about other people's success stories. "Yea, shut up, good for you, but you're not the norm". You said it. Folks will come out of the woodwork to participate in a post that is full of stereotypes about black men - and the few that come out and say "actually, no those haven't been my experiences" or "actually, I have met black men with all of the characteristics that you have just reserved for non-black men" and "here are some suggestions" or "here's how I did it" get eaten alive.

And I understand the context under which you made the comment - but I think that's part of the problem; we don't want to hear about it because then it leads to "well, damn, why not me" instead of "well, ok, how about me".

And I think that's why, amongst other things, you see social flight take place (economics and geographies are different topics entirely but stem from the same motivations). If I'm trying to meet "good black man" (or good man, period) it starts making less and less sense to be around the chicks who don't think its possible. They're sucking their teeth at every brother that walks by, deciding that he isn't worth the time or the effort before he's even opened his mouth. Their aura and the look on their faces is enough to chase ANY man away, black white or otherwise.

I just wish that it wasn't so socially acceptable to believe the absolute worse about each other. Worse yet, as black women somehow it manages to bring us together.

 

[mischka]

What good does sticking around amongst a group of people who don't believe ____ is possible when they have the mindset that they don't want to hear about other people's success stories.

A. this is an assumption and b. what is this an assumption of?

"Yea, shut up, good for you, but you're not the norm". You said it. Folks will come out of the woodwork to participate in a post that is full of stereotypes about black men - and the few that come out and say "actually, no those haven't been my experiences" or "actually, I have met black men with all of the characteristics that you have just reserved for non-black men" get eaten alive.

I think those "I grew up with two parent" stories are a derail and have nothing to do with what is being discussed usually. How you gonna come into a conversation with someone saying "my experience was messed up because of xyz" and say "well, my experience was better, so, sorry, sucks to be you!" It completely invalidates the other person's experience PARTICULARLY WHEN the original claim is the more frequent, and therefore more valid, one. No, I'm not interested in hearing about the exceptions. That is a fallacious argument*. No ma'am. Sorry. No, not AT ALL.

And I understand the context under which you made the comment - but I think that's part of the problem; we don't want to hear about it because then it leads to "well, damn, why not me" instead of "well, ok, how about me".

I don't want to hear it because it's not relevant to the black community as a whole, so what point does it prove? All it's saying is that "if I could do it, you could do it" but that is not addressing the issues at hand which is usually coping with the consequences in the present, for people who DIDNT have that experience. How is the possibility of it occurring relevant to that issue? We know it can happen. Now what?

If I'm trying to meet "good black man" (or good man, period) it starts making less and less sense to be around the chicks who don't think its possible. They're sucking their teeth at every brother that walks by, deciding that he isn't worth the time or the effort before he's even opened his mouth. Their aura and the look on their faces is enough to chase ANY man away, black white or otherwise.

I don't have any opinion on this because it doesn't apply to me so it isn't a problem I'm looking to solve.

I just wish that it wasn't so socially acceptable to believe the absolute worse about each other. Worse yet, as black women somehow it manages to bring us together.

I don't believe the absolute worse about bm, at least I would like to think that I don't. But I'm through giving them the benefit of the doubt as well *shrug*


*[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]composition fallacy: when the conclusion of an argument depends on an erroneous characteristic from parts of something to the whole or vice versa[/FONT]

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I don't believe the absolute worse about bm, at least I would like to think that I don't. But I'm through giving them the benefit of the doubt as well *shrug*

I would like to believe also that one day our brothers in abundance will get their acts together and be the men we need them to be. In the meantime, Imma holla over there too...

 

[rafikichick92]

I'm sure you know this but I'ma put it out there anyway... these women have not had the historical experiences as black women. I think black women have good reason to dis-trust men of other races (specifically, white men). The legacy of rape, assault, etc. still lives on. We have been more vulnerable than any other race of women in America.

As for your original question, I don't think a color blind society would equal more marriages. There are so many other factors to getting married.

First off, I'm not disagreeing with you necessarily, just trying to add another facet to this POV.

These other women may not have been enslaved by white men, but let's face it, no race has fared well at the hands of white men. Asians, especially Chinese, for example, were brought over to work on the transcontinental railroad back in the 1800s and were treated like slaves--they were humiliated by having their ques (sp?) cut off, worked in brutal conditions, not allowed to leave the work quarters, etc. (Mind you, I'm not saying they were treated as badly as AA slaves necessarily, but it wasn't a walk in the park either.) In the 1950s and 1960s, Asian women had a negative stereotype similar to the "black Jezebel" placed on them by the white community. Long story short, they also have good reasons not to trust white men. Granted not as extensive as those of BW, but they have moved on for the betterment of their race.

I believe BP can do this same. Look at Melba Beals, one of the 9 who integrated Central High School in Arkansas in 1957. She faced incredible, unbelievable abuse by the WP in that school for 2 years. She certainly had reason to distrust WP, yet she ended up marrying one. (Full disclosure: she had an absentee father because her parents got divorced when she was a kid and she and her husband ended up getting divorced too, don't remember why.)

I don't advocate pretending like nothing ever happened, but at some point, if you can't find a BM who fits your bill, move on and date IR for the benefit of your community or just date IR from the beginning to give yourself the most options. We need more married, stable BP producing black kids raised in 2 parent homes. To borrow Truett Cathy's phrase, why try to mend already disfunctional BP when you can build up strong, functional black kids even if you have to do it in an IRR? We all know that because of the one drop rule your kids are going to be considered black anyway. JMHO.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Because, for the most part, we're the only demographic who hasn't done it already. BM have done it. AW have done it. HW have done it. WM and WW have obviously done it. Pretty much the only ones left are BW, HM (from what I can see), and AM (again, from what I can see).

I would say Hispanic Men cast a wide net, at least where I live. BW and AM are the ones who don't.