If love was truly color blind....

[BeautifulFlower]

I have been researching interracial marriages and the dynamic/statistics surrounding them. I have begun to look outside my race. Never giving up on black men but knowing that I may not marry one and that is more than ok with me.

So I ask myself, if love were truly color-blind, socially racial barriers no longer existed, and connected with someone of the opposite sex based on some level of attraction and shared values, would more women get married?

 

[mischka]

ehhhh.... so is the implication here a lot of women (or a lot of black women specifically) end up unmarried because they won't consider dating interracially?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Nope. My questions is simple....would casting a wider net (racially) produce more marriageable options for all women?

 

[mischka]

Oh, I misunderstood, since obviously the question you asked above is a mathematical certainty.

 

[TrueToHair]

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[GraceV]

Oh, I misunderstood, since obviously the question you asked above is a mathematical certainty.

I couldn't have stated this more eloquently. I read it and thought surely that is obvious. I didn't know how to state it without potentially derailing the thread. You put it excellently.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I honestly think the social barriers would still be there. Typically individuals want someone in their circle with the similar background and values.

I guess this is what I am thinking. I was reading an old thread where alot of women stated they would not date/marry white men under any circumstance. But I thought, well...if you two shared everything but race...would an opportunity for love even though its not packaged the way you expected?

 

[TrueToHair]

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[BeautifulFlower]

I'm in the camp that thinks the package is apart of what you are getting. It's not like gift wrap you take off and discard. (teasing). I would want to be with my physical ideal, and I want my husband to look at me the same way. Maybe it's naive, but I do think that part of having the "whole package" is what you physically hoped for.

True physical preference is apart of the package.


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[BlackMasterPiece]

I believe the main barrier to most American BW getting married is the mentality that results from being fatherless. Often its not intentional or even overt but there are subtleties and fundamentals that they're missing in terms of:

- Which men are marriage material

- How to conduct yourself in the presence of a man to maintain harmony.

- What qualities make a man view his woman as his future wife.

- How to navigate a relationship to establish yourself as the wife to be.

- Having a father to speak to on these matters and to also give men the stank eye just in case they wanna ak foolish​

I've dated men of all backgrounds however I have encountered countless outstanding Black men, true kings. And I think it has to do with the circles you run in and the gatherings you frequent. I really have nothing but wonderful things to say about BM and there is absolutely zero shortage of brothas that want to marry me or my BFF's. I think part of it is that we all grew up with a nuclear family unit and there are things that we internalized from seeing the daily dynamics of a marriage.

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[BeautifulFlower]

found this statement on another board talking about bw/wm....

Aside from cultural/socio-economic factors, am I the only thinking that there is also a biological aspect that tends to make people of our race more attractive? I certainly feel more attracted physically to women of my race but I have absolutely no racist bias whatsoever. . Just in tersm of pure physical attraction, I don't find women of other races attractive. I can see women of other races and realize that they are beautiful in a purely abstract sense but I don't find myself attracted. I am surprised that nobody has mentioned that, maybe I am exceptional in that respect.

 

[mischka]

^that's because thats poorly veiled racism.

 

[Syrah]

I have been researching interracial marriages and the dynamic/statistics surrounding them. I have begun to look outside my race. Never giving up on black men but knowing that I may not marry one and that is more than ok with me.

So I ask myself, if love were truly color-blind, socially racial barriers no longer existed, and connected with someone of the opposite sex based on some level of attraction and shared values, would more women get married?

If love were color blind, there would be some other "Notion" to emerge that would be used as a way to separate and bucket people. Its human nature.

But I'll play the game - I don't think a color blind society would lead more black women to the altar. As another poster mentioned, I don't think what prevents black women from getting married is the fact that we are black...or at least, thats not all of it.

 

[hopeful]

A lot of women who come from poor family backgrounds get married. And a lot of women who come from the "perfect" nuclear family don't. I think it is a lot more complicated than that. Sometimes when you don't have a father or were treated poorly by him, you are even more motivated to be in a loving marriage and to create a loving, happy family and home. Some women who have a great mom and dad take it for granted and aren't so motivated IMO. Sometimes daddy is so perfect, no man can measure up too. I just think it is very complicated. Whoever unlocks the secret will be very rich. And OP I feel like the post you quoted, can see why certain men of other races are attractive and yet I feel nothing. Otherwise I don't really understand the question being posed. I assume if a wider net is cast, your options will be greater, but still not sure I fully get the question being asked.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

^^^I am not sure how to fully express it without someone getting offended because some people on board are super sensitive to everything. I am just beginning to open that door, and I am trying to understand the dynamic I am walking into.

But I guess...there's is always the question "why women date interracially" and my question is..."why are we so committed to not dating interracially"?

 

[mischka]

Can I ask you to fully express what you're saying because that seems to be the reason your line of thought is blurry?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Why are we so committed to not dating interracially? (whether is be white, Asian, Hispanic, other)

 

[metro_qt]

If love were color blind, there would be some other "Notion" to emerge that would be used as a way to separate and bucket people. Its human nature.

But I'll play the game - I don't think a color blind society would lead more black women to the altar. As another poster mentioned, I don't think what prevents black women from getting married is the fact that we are black...or at least, thats not all of it.

If love were purely colour blind, there is still religion, nationality and even political inclination to divide us all

 

[TrueToHair]

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[mischka]

The reason why I didn't date interracially was because I never seriously thought about it, and there weren't many men of other races around me.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

^^^I am giving it serious thought. Considering the implications of it.

But I guess some people blame race as a huge dating/marriage barrier but its really one only of the many barriers. A package would include race and everything else. I can accept that.

 

[mischka]

What implications have you found?

 

[aribell]

I think that whether or not it matters depends on one's personal values. I think it's deeper than aesthetic preference. Is the notion of a black "community" important to a woman (or man)? If so, then that person will inherently want to preserve and build that community. Asian immigrants who pressure their kids to marry their "own" are attempting to preserve their particular values, religion, tradition. I think that black people take more heat about expressing such preferences because the thought is that we're supposed to be simply "American" and the black narrative/cultural experience isn't necessarily given the same credibility as that of say, an Indian family in the US.

The people that I know who have dated/married interracially have been those who may be perfectly conscious of their personal ethnicity, but aren't as concerned about the furtherance of that ethnic community or of having to be identified as a part of it politically or socially. That's just what I've observed from people I know and talk to. It's more the post-racial society type of mindset.

So I think whether it matters just depends on the person. Is having black children who will identify themselves as such something important to a person or not? Does it matter to you if in a couple of generations your descendants won't know what chitlins are? I mean, that's a silly question, but basically it's about a sense of belonging and cultural preservation.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

What implications have you found?

Its almost as if black women are expected to remain devoted to black men. But why? Because their black. That's not enough for me. I want a man I'm attracted to, career right, money right, fun, loves me, loves Jesus (these are the basics).

I am reading alot of BW that have gone out with WM and BM are very opposed to it verbally and WW just give dirty looks. I sense they feel you're selling out over race, but what if (beyond race), this person and I simply have chemistry and a genuine interest in each other.

I feel like is love was more color blind, maybe people would be more open and attracted across gender lines and some people would feel more free to not limit themselves.

For instance, if I am in a room with a bunch of single men that would quite possible be interested in dating inter-racially: 100 in total; 20 black, 40 white, 25 Asian, 15 Hispanic. If I am "committed to dating" only my race, I just went from 100% to 20% when there's possibly 60% eligible men. Would I really only entertain 20% because of the first thing I see, skin color.

What about all the other things that are far more important and that make a marriage last? Common goals, interest, values, commitment, kindness, etc...I guess I am not so much interested in getting married then I am having a marriage that will last and I accept I may find that guy in a culture/racial group that's not like my own.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

BTW....thank you all for your responses

 

[TrueToHair]

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[C(squared)]

A lot of women who come from poor family backgrounds get married. And a lot of women who come from the "perfect" nuclear family don't. I think it is a lot more complicated than that. Sometimes when you don't have a father or were treated poorly by him, you are even more motivated to be in a loving marriage and to create a loving, happy family and home. Some women who have a great mom and dad take it for granted and aren't so motivated IMO. Sometimes daddy is so perfect, no man can measure up too. I just think it is very complicated. Whoever unlocks the secret will be very rich. And OP I feel like the post you quoted, can see why certain men of other races are attractive and yet I feel nothing. Otherwise I don't really understand the question being posed. I assume if a wider net is cast, your options will be greater, but still not sure I fully get the question being asked.

I agree. There are so many variables that it doesn't behoove one to try to identify one single thing that prevents women from getting married.

 

[FlowerHair]

I don't know.

All I know is that I want to see the color of the one I'm with. That's part of who he is and part of who I am. I love my man because of everything he is, including his color and heritage. That would be true no matter what color he was.

 

[Syrah]

I don't know.

All I know is that I want to see the color of the one I'm with. That's part of who he is and part of who I am. I love my man because of everything he is, including his color and heritage. That would be true no matter what color he was.

I'm with you.

I know where the poster is trying to go, but I've always resented the notion that the path to "equality" (or justice or whatever) was about erasing color lines. Color lines are beautiful. They enhance our understanding of other cultures and our own. I fully expect that whomever I with sees me as a black woman as I expect to do the same with my partner.

 

[TrueToHair]

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