If I cut my Hair, I lose my Man...

[blackbarbie]

IMO, breaking up is going to be the next step. A couple of posters have already said that it isn't about the hair and I agree. He is taking this relationship backwards, unraveling it, one step at a time, i.e. broken engagement, asking her to move out.

OP do whatever you want with your hair, this guy is not the one for you.

This was going to be my exact response. It really does seem as if he is pulling at straws and HE has a bigger issue regarding the relationship and it's not really the hair. You mention that you guys have broken the engagement off, he has asked you to move out and you don't know why, well, the hair is just another way that HE can control and I could be wrong, but it seems as if he is making plans to end the relationship anyway, hair or not. He is just being cowardly and using the hair as an excuse.........

Do you.

BB

 

[SherryLove]

I concur with the above. That's just plain nonsense. Is he just using your hair as an excuse for something else that will end the relationship? Looks like he's looking for a way out and it appears that you do nothing that out of line so he picked your hair.

It's more then your hair...pray and seek the REAL answer.

And SherryLove is co-signing...

 

[Arcadian]

Shinka, first Imma give you a hug

Do what you need to do for YOU. If you have to bc, cut, shave it off for the health of your scalp, go for it.

He's beyond shallow if this is a breakpoint for him. You deserve better than that and though its hard when you love somebody, sometimes its better for you to do what you need to do for yourself.

SO had to see me through chemo pretty close to the beginning of our relationship. I was losing chunks of hair and eventually shaved it butt bare bald. He didn't care for me any less because of it, it was only hair and that does not define who I am.

If it would make you feel better, try a wig or 2 (or 4...heck I did!!) change it up and be creative and love you for you. Your hair will grow back and be healthier with care.


-A

 

[ImFree27]

Simple answer = If you living your life for him then don't cut it, but if you're living your life for you then cut it, what if you had a terminal disease and lost your hair, he would still leave you...I would do what will make me happy and he should be happy if you're happy, its hair, it will grow back but is he willing to grow with you

 

[HoneyA]

The fact that he even said that if you cut your hair off he'd leave you suggests to me he's not the one for you. This is not a man that you can spend the rest of your life with. To my mind, he's looking for an excuse to leave. This has nothing to do with your hair. My suggestion...leave him first.

 

[1QTPie]

((((((Shinka))))))))

If it weren't for the broken engagement, the asking you to move out, that you just described him as an A-Hole and the fact that his is NOT your husband.. I would say talk it out.

If your scalp is suffering and your hair is getting worse, this is not the time to think about his eyeballs.

A real man is going to love everything about you. I gained 80 pounds, cut all my hair off.. and a bunch of other foolishness and guess what, I am loved even more.

Do what you need to do.

 

[Shinka]

Thank you ladies for the support. I really thought about this. Yes, we have more issues on the table than just this hair, but we decided to take it slow to work them out. I tried explaining to him the hair issue to no avail. He wasn't hearing it.

I guess me wanting to change my hair was too drastic. He even mentioned how my hair was almost shoulder length when we met a year ago. So I guess my hair is part of his attraction to me.

But, my decision is F_HIM. He gotten on my last nerve with this today.


So I took his clippers and GI Janed my hair. So I'm rocking a head wrap because it's uneven for my taste. Howeverm, I feel so liberated fomr him and the hair.

Many of you are right: I feel like I just speed up the process of a potential breakup.

I hate to be controlled. So I'm taking the consequences in stride as a newly liberated...(for like the 8th time) Napp.

 

[PanamasOwn]

my opinion will probably be very unpopular so I wont say much.

If hair was one of the reasons he ws attracted to you in the first place; I can understand why he is upset.

I personally wouldnt leave but you must also consider what he is feeling.
He might think that the fact the he will not be attracted to you isnt that big of a deal and that his opinion doesnt count.

many women do the same thing; but not with looks but money and dont hesitate the leave their mate if/when he goes broke.

I think ill stop here.

I was going to go here too, BUT you did it so much more delicately. Guys can be very hard to understand (sometimes) (well, 90% of the time) and of those times they don't express their feelings very well. Like the above, you guys were already going through some things and he may feel like you doing this isn't considering him. Now I know, it yours your body, its your hair you should do what you want, but would you be ok with your man, getting 20 tattoos, a nose pierceing mohawk his hair and put neon green streaks in it and decide this is how I want to be from now on?

It's a give and take. Men really don't fully understand our hair struggle. Sit him down and explain things. Come up with a solution that will fit both of you guys.. (Ex: you chop off slowly and wear protective styles in btwn) Or chop of completely and wear a wig.

At the end of the day, we can sit here ALL day and tell you to leave your man, but NONE of us really know whats going on in your home. And we won't be there when you have to be by yourself. We are only virtual sisters. Do what is best for YOU and your situation.

Thats my 2 cents.

 

[PuffyBrown]

I concur with the above. That's just plain nonsense. Is he just using your hair as an excuse for something else that will end the relationship? Looks like he's looking for a way out and it appears that you do nothing that out of line so he picked your hair.

It's more then your hair...pray and seek the REAL answer.

I Agree!
He should be happy with what is making YOU happy.
Not that its all about you but that what you do to make you happy is not negotiable except for really serious stuff like buying a house. Not over some hair IMO. That doesn't make sense. This man is looking for an excuse and in then end doesn't want to take responsibility on his part of the relationship and is wanting to "blame" you for the reason that the relationship isn't working. I agree with other folks on this thread that he is a loser and not only should you leave (per his request) you should RUN and never look back. You can love somebody but not have to spend the rest of your life with them being emotionally and mentally abused. (if you are feeling that way).

 

[Kurlee]

Girl cut your hair! That is the biggest piece of bull tripe i have ever heard. Whether you cut ur hair or not, hes leaving anyway sooner or later. U are too good for that mess, time for a new look and a new man

 

[Ciacia]

I was going to go here too, BUT you did it so much more delicately. Guys can be very hard to understand (sometimes) (well, 90% of the time) and of those times they don't express their feelings very well. Like the above, you guys were already going through some things and he may feel like you doing this isn't considering him. Now I know, it yours your body, its your hair you should do what you want, but would you be ok with your man, getting 20 tattoos, a nose pierceing mohawk his hair and put neon green streaks in it and decide this is how I want to be from now on?

It's a give and take. Men really don't fully understand our hair struggle. Sit him down and explain things. Come up with a solution that will fit both of you guys.. (Ex: you chop off slowly and wear protective styles in btwn) Or chop of completely and wear a wig.

At the end of the day, we can sit here ALL day and tell you to leave your man, but NONE of us really know whats going on in your home. And we won't be there when you have to be by yourself. We are only virtual sisters. Do what is best for YOU and your situation.

Thats my 2 cents.

ITA

you already cut your hair, good thing !! do what is best for you
then you'll see his reaction, be the calm one and try to explain your issue again
if he really loves you, he'll never take the chance to lose you over a physical thing. If he does not, he will leave, you will be sad for a little while, but you will be better off on the long term !!!

 

[cmw45]

So..your man is willing to leave you because your outward appearance will change. Now, God forbid you get into an accident or you have to go through chemo or something....

Ditto. I mean, I can't say I know what that feels like, but I would let him walk.

 

[Supergirl]

Shinka,

For as long as you've had your pic in your avatar, I've thought you were an extremely pretty lady. I won't act like I don't understand what it's like to be attached to someone, but honey this guy sounds all wrong. Do you really want to spend your life, or even your next few years with this guy? Your looks will change over time and if he can't handle a temporary hair cut, then my my my...

 

[ladylibra]

((((((Shinka))))))))

If it weren't for the broken engagement, the asking you to move out, that you just described him as an A-Hole and the fact that his is NOT your husband.. I would say talk it out.

If your scalp is suffering and your hair is getting worse, this is not the time to think about his eyeballs.

A real man is going to love everything about you. I gained 80 pounds, cut all my hair off.. and a bunch of other foolishness and guess what, I am loved even more.

Do what you need to do.

exactly. to all you ladies saying "my opinion is probably unpopular but... men are visual and if this is part of why he's attracted to you... ad nauseum" yes you are entitled to your opinion. but the OP stated there are deeper issues between her and this guy. so let's say she keeps relaxing and keeps suffering... sorry, that's just a Band-Aid on a broken leg in this case.

Thank you ladies for the support. I really thought about this. Yes, we have more issues on the table than just this hair, but we decided to take it slow to work them out. I tried explaining to him the hair issue to no avail. He wasn't hearing it.

I guess me wanting to change my hair was too drastic. He even mentioned how my hair was almost shoulder length when we met a year ago. So I guess my hair is part of his attraction to me.

But, my decision is F_HIM. He gotten on my last nerve with this today.


So I took his clippers and GI Janed my hair. So I'm rocking a head wrap because it's uneven for my taste. Howeverm, I feel so liberated fomr him and the hair.

Many of you are right: I feel like I just speed up the process of a potential breakup.

I hate to be controlled. So I'm taking the consequences in stride as a newly liberated...(for like the 8th time) Napp.

way to go chickie hopefully things work out for you, whether it's with that guy (assuming he comes to his senses one day) or the man meant for you.

 

[OneInAMillion]

Thank you ladies for the support. I really thought about this. Yes, we have more issues on the table than just this hair, but we decided to take it slow to work them out. I tried explaining to him the hair issue to no avail. He wasn't hearing it.

I guess me wanting to change my hair was too drastic. He even mentioned how my hair was almost shoulder length when we met a year ago. So I guess my hair is part of his attraction to me.

But, my decision is F_HIM. He gotten on my last nerve with this today.


So I took his clippers and GI Janed my hair. So I'm rocking a head wrap because it's uneven for my taste. Howeverm, I feel so liberated fomr him and the hair.

Many of you are right: I feel like I just speed up the process of a potential breakup.

I hate to be controlled. So I'm taking the consequences in stride as a newly liberated...(for like the 8th time) Napp.

CONGRATS on doing what's best for you and speeding up the inevitable. You'll find someone better I'm sure of it!

 

[bermudabeauty]

Thank you ladies for the support. I really thought about this. Yes, we have more issues on the table than just this hair, but we decided to take it slow to work them out. I tried explaining to him the hair issue to no avail. He wasn't hearing it.

I guess me wanting to change my hair was too drastic. He even mentioned how my hair was almost shoulder length when we met a year ago. So I guess my hair is part of his attraction to me.

But, my decision is F_HIM. He gotten on my last nerve with this today.


So I took his clippers and GI Janed my hair. So I'm rocking a head wrap because it's uneven for my taste. Howeverm, I feel so liberated fomr him and the hair.

Many of you are right: I feel like I just speed up the process of a potential breakup.

I hate to be controlled. So I'm taking the consequences in stride as a newly liberated...(for like the 8th time) Napp.

You did it already?! Girl you wasn't playin! Good for you. Please show us all a pic so we can shout and clap for your accomplishment. Now I hope your hair will grow back nice and healthy.

 

[Country gal]

So..your man is willing to leave you because your outward appearance will change. Now, God forbid you get into an accident or you have to go through chemo or something....

Then he would pull a John McCain.

 

[msa]

Thank you ladies for the support. I really thought about this. Yes, we have more issues on the table than just this hair, but we decided to take it slow to work them out. I tried explaining to him the hair issue to no avail. He wasn't hearing it.

I guess me wanting to change my hair was too drastic. He even mentioned how my hair was almost shoulder length when we met a year ago. So I guess my hair is part of his attraction to me.

But, my decision is F_HIM. He gotten on my last nerve with this today.


So I took his clippers and GI Janed my hair. So I'm rocking a head wrap because it's uneven for my taste. Howeverm, I feel so liberated fomr him and the hair.

Many of you are right: I feel like I just speed up the process of a potential breakup.

I hate to be controlled. So I'm taking the consequences in stride as a newly liberated...(for like the 8th time) Napp.

Sounds like you made a good decision!! I'm happy for your newly liberated self!! And I'm sure you look flyyyyyyyyyyy

 

[RegaLady]

As long as YOU are happy! He can respect it or forget it! You are cute anyway. And for a man to say you look like a boy with short hair is an insult. Eveyone agrees a pretty face is a pretty faces, regardless. You are beautiful, and a true man will know that!

 

[Kimberly]

Thank you ladies for the support. I really thought about this. Yes, we have more issues on the table than just this hair, but we decided to take it slow to work them out. I tried explaining to him the hair issue to no avail. He wasn't hearing it.

I guess me wanting to change my hair was too drastic. He even mentioned how my hair was almost shoulder length when we met a year ago. So I guess my hair is part of his attraction to me.

But, my decision is F_HIM. He gotten on my last nerve with this today.


So I took his clippers and GI Janed my hair. So I'm rocking a head wrap because it's uneven for my taste. Howeverm, I feel so liberated fomr him and the hair.

Many of you are right: I feel like I just speed up the process of a potential breakup.

I hate to be controlled. So I'm taking the consequences in stride as a newly liberated...(for like the 8th time) Napp.

Girl! Good for YOU! I am so happy for you! Too many young women (and old ones, too) let men run their lives and make all their decisions for them and sacrifice too much of themselves just to have a man in their lives! In the end, you don't have anyone to answer to but YOU! Do you and keep it moving! The man for you will love you no matter what!

 

[britskie]

I'm glad things worked out for you. And happy to see all the support on this thread!

 

[Kimberly]

Shinka,

For as long as you've had your pic in your avatar, I've thought you were an extremely pretty lady. I won't act like I don't understand what it's like to be attached to someone, but honey this guy sounds all wrong. Do you really want to spend your life, or even your next few years with this guy? Your looks will change over time and if he can't handle a temporary hair cut, then my my my...

always so wise....

 

[Southern Belle]

I have a dilemma today. I want to BC cause I can't do these perms. I had a bad scalp reaction last touch up and its almost time for anothetr touchup. My hair is short so there's no hiding the hair or protective ponytails. It's getting puffy in the miami heat.

I have a dilemma, I want to cut it and my man said if I do...it's over. He lasted through another BC this past Novemeber and says he can't do another.

"Makes no sense for a pretty girl like you to look like a boy"

We've been together for a year, we just ended our engagement, but decided to take things slower.

I don't know what to do. I don't like this puffy permed mess. He doesn't even like braids or weaves. I'm at a crossroads.

My Man or My Hair...help please.

Pleeeeaaasssee accept this for the BLESSING it is! First he ends the engagement and asks you to move out. Now he's threatening to be done with you if you cut your hair. God is practically jumping up and down SCREAMING for you to get outta there!

He is trying to prepare you for a bigger and better "man" than you have now. Please accept His gift.

 

[FineChyna]

if someone wants to leave you over your hair then he is not worth it and you are very pretty judging by your pic. to hell with him.

this story reminds me of how i was first transitioning and a guy i really cared about and was seeing off and on basically told me he thought my hair was ugly and as a woman i should be ashamed for not having my hair done (yes he said that)

at first i was really hurt and felt that maybe with my natural hair i was ugly but then i realized that a)i what i was doing was what was best for my hair and b) its my hair and life and i can do what i want with it

the funny thing is the guy who dissed my hair grew dreds and went through that stage where his hair wasn't long enough and people were telling him it looked "ugly" and his feelings were all hurt....

years later a met someone who thought my hair as it was in it's natural state was beautiful.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

My man refused to walk down the aisle unless I relaxed my hair (because flat ironing wouldn't get it straight enough). Eventually I realized in his case it was just a measure to control me. My gut and head was trying to tell me heart he was dead wrong and after a couple weeks of agonizing I listened and since then I've met a much greater man. If your heart and head are telling you he's not worth your hair's happiness it might mean that he's not the man for you and a better one is waiting

 

[Menina Preta]

.

I just feel emotionally sad over this.

Sweetheart, I think you may need to end this one. If it's already on it's last dying leg, cut it off before that 'rot' affects other areas of your life, like your self-esteem and self-worth.

 

[Menina Preta]

I was going to go here too, BUT you did it so much more delicately. Guys can be very hard to understand (sometimes) (well, 90% of the time) and of those times they don't express their feelings very well. Like the above, you guys were already going through some things and he may feel like you doing this isn't considering him. Now I know, it yours your body, its your hair you should do what you want, but would you be ok with your man, getting 20 tattoos, a nose pierceing mohawk his hair and put neon green streaks in it and decide this is how I want to be from now on?

It's a give and take. Men really don't fully understand our hair struggle. Sit him down and explain things. Come up with a solution that will fit both of you guys.. (Ex: you chop off slowly and wear protective styles in btwn) Or chop of completely and wear a wig.

At the end of the day, we can sit here ALL day and tell you to leave your man, but NONE of us really know whats going on in your home. And we won't be there when you have to be by yourself. We are only virtual sisters. Do what is best for YOU and your situation.

Thats my 2 cents.

You make some good points. However, the OP did not talk about BCing "just because." She had to, b/c of scalp irritation, which is a health issue. I think about my own man and I know he would not be happy at all if I cut out my relaxer, however, if I had a scalp issue and just couldn't do relaxers anymore b/c of extreme irritation, I know he would support me and deal with it.

IMO, there's a difference in changing one's appearance for just desire versus a change for health. For ex., what if the OP was severely overweight and her man liked her like that, but she wanted to lose weight to alleviate her health problems? Would any of us tell her to 'compromise' and just lose a pound or two a month? I doubt it.

 

[PanamasOwn]

You make some good points. However, the OP did not talk about BCing "just because." She had to, b/c of scalp irritation, which is a health issue. I think about my own man and I know he would not be happy at all if I cut out my relaxer, however, if I had a scalp issue and just couldn't do relaxers anymore b/c of extreme irritation, I know he would support me and deal with it.

IMO, there's a difference in changing one's appearance for just desire versus a change for health. For ex., what if the OP was severely overweight and her man liked her like that, but she wanted to lose weight to alleviate her health problems? Would any of us tell her to 'compromise' and just lose a pound or two a month? I doubt it.

Thats true... if she is having actual physical ailing issues and he is STILL not be understanding, then there isn't much anyone can say...wrong is wrong... (Sorry Bruh, tried to help ya)

 

[Irresistible]

I could be wrong , but didnt I see a post about a staph infection, was that you?

well whatever, lose that fool! Girl pray on it, the answer will come easily, a man that doesnt love you enough to stand by your side while you do the right things for your hair and scalp health!

dont even bother to miss him! There is so much better for you! When I first took my last weave (1993) out I started dating someone right after and was wearing phony ponies that looked real, he thought it was my hair, I took it off one day and showed him the pony tail on the floor and showed him my real hair , which was really short, he said he felt deceived, I thought I would lose him for sure, but 5 years we were together, it was him that got me to stop perming when he saw the breakage, it was in the shower with him that 'the co wash' was discovered for me over 15 years ago.

girl either he stands by your side, or lose that fool! omg!

I have a dilemma today. I want to BC cause I can't do these perms. I had a bad scalp reaction last touch up and its almost time for anothetr touchup. My hair is short so there's no hiding the hair or protective ponytails. It's getting puffy in the miami heat.

I have a dilemma, I want to cut it and my man said if I do...it's over. He lasted through another BC this past Novemeber and says he can't do another.

"Makes no sense for a pretty girl like you to look like a boy"

We've been together for a year, we just ended our engagement, but decided to take things slower.

I don't know what to do. I don't like this puffy permed mess. He doesn't even like braids or weaves. I'm at a crossroads.

My Man or My Hair...help please.

 

[Irresistible]

The truth is first it will be your hair then it will be something else

There aint no future with somone this shallow, IF he loves you he will get over it

maybe its just a power play to control you, when you show him you matter to you, over his superficial bs, then maybe he will wake up

I have a dilemma today. I want to BC cause I can't do these perms. I had a bad scalp reaction last touch up and its almost time for anothetr touchup. My hair is short so there's no hiding the hair or protective ponytails. It's getting puffy in the miami heat.

I have a dilemma, I want to cut it and my man said if I do...it's over. He lasted through another BC this past Novemeber and says he can't do another.

"Makes no sense for a pretty girl like you to look like a boy"

We've been together for a year, we just ended our engagement, but decided to take things slower.

I don't know what to do. I don't like this puffy permed mess. He doesn't even like braids or weaves. I'm at a crossroads.

My Man or My Hair...help please.