"I would never have touched a relaxer if I had pretty hair like that!?"

kbragg

kbragg

Well-Known Member
Unpopular thing to admit out loud, but I constantly find myself thinking that whenever see someone BC and they turn out to be a 3 a, b, or c.:ohwell: Of course I'm biased as a 4a/b but for me I can understand why a type 4 would relax. The number of products you have to go through to find what works. The hours of twisting braiding and cornrowing, washing hair in sections, the debil also known as single strand knots, I mean without true dedication to being an natural it's easy to give in to the creamy crack lol.

But type 3's? Why? I would love to be able to just do a wash and go, to have curls without a twist or braid out or rollerset, to have hair that can be brushed flat into a pony tail without having to use a scarf to tie down the edges etc, to be able to retain more length since the hair is less fragile, less dry and less likely to ssk.

Anyway, I know I'm supposed to think all hair type are pretty and maintenance and care on a 4a/b head is just as quick and easy as any other hair type but I'm not there yet.:ohwell:

I don't think type 4 type hair is "bad" and 3 and under is "good" perse, just a bit easier i.e. less bulk. Nobody can rock a fro like a type 4 though:grin:
 
Well I am a "type 4" natural and glad about it. My only regret with going natural was that I didn't do it sooner :yep:.

I've had people tell me that if they had my "hair type" they wouldn't relax but :rofl:....."I knows" better.
 
Yeah alot of times when I see people with 3a or 3b I'm like wth did you ever have a relaxer anyway? I don't even get why anyone's mother wouldn't be able to deal with it either (if they were relaxed at like 4)....but maybe I'm biased since my mother taught me at an early age to take care of my hair


And I don't care what no one says. Maintenance and care for a type 3 is not the same as type 4. So don't worry if you're not at that point to admit it lol Just because type 4 hair is just as beautiful and CAN be taken care of doesn't mean it's not harder and more time consuming.
 
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Welllll.....sometimes it is not all as good as it looks....Speaking for myself...My hair gets just as dry and does not always cooperate. well most times it doesn't ....it may not get tangled as much but it has it's issues and down sides as well....Every time I see a Type 4 twist out or fro I get jealous to no ends....But when I wake up I have a flat matte head just like the next person.
I personally don't see it being much easier.....I was relaxed previously because I basically had no idea of the potential of my hair....and there are still days I miss being relaxed...I miss my straight, wrap and go styles....
I think it's like being short or tall...I wish I was way taller...and my bff is 6'1 and wishes she was way shorter....They both have their benefits and downsides
 
I totally know what you mean.

I admit it: I sometimes wonder this when seeing a looser haired sister's BC pics (though not "...if I had pretty hair like that", but "...if I had a similar texture")

Then I think, a type 3s reasons for relaxing are probably just the same as a type 4s: it's what you know, you feel pressure to do it, you prefer straight hair, and most products geared toward any race are focused on type 1/2 hair, not curly or kinky hair. I think all textured hair (from 3a to 4z) can be difficult to manage (and frizzy frizzy frizzy! lol) without proper techniques and products. Unfortunately, the techniques and products for properly managing and textured hair type are not widely available nor practiced. For some, relaxing is easier than learning from scratch how to handle and care for textured hair; for others, it's simply a matter of preference.
In the same way even girls with wavy hair feel pressure to iron out what texture they have, looser haired curly girls feel pressure to relax too.

Also (hope I'm not being too longwinded...), outside of the black community, a type 3b/3c is not lauded, but a lot of the time regarded as unmanageable. Proof can be seen in sites like Naturally Curly, where there are women of all races with fat marker- sized, perfect type 3 ringlets curls gathered after years of straightening (with heat or chemically).

So basically, yes, I know what you mean when you see looser textures BC. But when I look at it objectively, I find myself better understanding that the pressure to relax and straighten affects women with ALL textures, and not only type 4s.
 
Wow, I wish my so-called type 3 hair was this mythical easy hair you seem to think it is, :lachen:. So many products do not work for me that I have given up and basically use only my own concoctions. I have to twist/braid, have tons of single strand knots, must wash and detangle in sections if I don't want to lose a few thousand strands, wash and go's are an invitation to disaster, and only have decent-looking curls that last with the help of twists or rollersets. Even if my edges "lay down" it only lasts a few minutes without a heavy layer of gel or product, and even then the edges escape after a couple of hours. For most of my adult life, I was only shoulder to armpit length, until I started having babies and had no time to do anything but wet bun. The only reason I have "less bulk" now is because some of my hair never grew back in after massive loss after a few bouts of illness. And don't let me get started on the dryness, the frizz, the hours spent straightening only to revert immediately because there was one rain drop in the sky 25 miles away. If my hair had not been resistant to relaxers, I might still be relaxed today. But after two weeks, my hair would looked just as it did without a relaxer, even when I used the coarse formula left in for the maximum time.

Hrmph, I want a refund on my so-called type 3 hair.
 
Aww...OP, I don't think you're alone in feeling like that. I think a lot of those sentiments also stem from people not having been around a lot of heads sporting natural type 4 hair and so it's so "foreign" to them. Add to that the ignorance of how to handle it, and you see people getting frustrated because they are trying to make their hair do what type 3 hair does...because that's all they have seen around them that's natural and so its care info is all that met them at every corner.

It's like when some of you as kids wore towels on their heads and pretended it was long flowing hair. You saw that hair on TV, in movies, in books and around you, and while your hair was relaxed so you hair sorta looked like that, it may have been too short to swing, so you dreamed of having hair down your back that flows and moves when you move your head. I think the "envy" is really more from familiarity with hair that looks more like 3, 2 and 1...than anything else. And then because it's on every person who's called "beautiful" in magazines and movies...it grows on you and you believe in it and come to associate it with beauty. You'll be surprised how a seed planted in a young mind grows into a tree way back in the subconscious that keeps waving it's branches even if only in the dark.

I am guessing this because I have been around type 4 hair more than any other hair in my life and I have never envied any other hair type. I actually didn't go through tons of products to find the ONE, and I don't spend hours detangling or fussing with my hair. TBH, I find my hair so obedient and easy to control that I swear to you, I would not give it up for any other. And that is the honest-to-God truth. Even as a kid, all I ever wanted was a big puff--big combed out afro puff. I never did the towel hair thing and I've never been excited about having clumped coils as a style, although I do think my tiny coils are pretty cute. But I'd rather enjoy them at the end of my twists than as a type of hair-out do.

And I think all this is because my kind of hair is the hair I am most familiar with and the hair I find easiest to get into any style I choose. Other hair types do have their pros too (I guess a WNG is one), but because that's never been something I've wanted to do or even something I ever knew of, I don't care for it or miss/wish for it. I remember how shocked I was to learn one day that there are black people who sleep without braiding their natural type 4 hair! :eek: It was like I walked into the Twilight Zone when I first heard that because it's like second nature to me to know that you CANNOT do that with type 4 hair and not have issues. And I think I knew this before I was even ten years old! But I don't say that to make out I'm smarter than anyone. I just was around type 4 hair so much that the things that surprise/irritate/annoy people about the hair are the things I find most normal and so I dodge the frustrations by doing the right things by my hair so I never have to encounter those things. So as easy as type 3 hair may be to one familiar with it, so is type 4 hair to me..

Put another way, because of the minimal exposure to natural type 4 hair over the years, I think a lot of people are more adroit at handling natural types 1, 2, 3 than any other hair. It's no wonder natural type 4 seems such a burden to them; not unlike the nightmare I found my biracial friend's hair (type 3) to be...coz I found it such a pain to get it to do things mine does with ease. (For those who haven't heard me share this story, I was a kid and we were doing each others' hair as kids and while I had fun playing and styling hair that looked like mine, I was all thumbs with type 3 hair and I secretly felt sorry for my friend and wondered if she was sad that she had such awful hair. What irony eh? :giggle: )
 
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Believe me, it's not all what it's cracked up to be. Just like the other poster said, my hair gets dry just like everybody else and tangles like crazy. my mother relaxed my hair when I was young :perplexed so I had no idea as to what my "actual" hair was like. When I tried going natural years ago, it only lasted for a few months. Mainly because I like the convenience of wrap n go. My hair dried in 20 minutes with mousse and I was gone about my business. On the flip side, I did not like my "see through" hair. It is thin as all get out.

A couple of years ago, I reverted back to being natural and it lasted a year. Again, I relaxed for convenience (due to the lack of knowledge about certain products).

Now I'm armed and dangerous and serious about my natural hair. I like the fullness and I'm embracing my natural texture.

I have to admit that I can't stand yall 4's because I'm so jealous of yall afro's. They usually stand tall and full and got that extra bounce thang going on. Mine :nono:, don't see it happening. The only thing supporting my fro right now is the shrinkage. If I pluck this sucker out, I'll have an instant part in my head due to my hair fallin :wallbash:. It ticks me off.
 
Nonie as usual is 100% on point with her post.

I grew up in a city where natural hair, fro's and other natural styles were commonplace and welcomed more than any other look and its only gotten moreso with time.

I also grew up with a mother that has rocked her fro with pride ever since I can remember and was always proclaiming to me the beauty in my coils. So at the end of the day I came to love my texture and tight tiny coils and all the different looks it could create so I think exposure plays a big role.

I think Nonie made a really important commentary when she said you only encounter problems with type 4 hair when you're trying to make it behave like another hair type....and thats sooooo true. When you find out what type 4 coarse hair likes and the myriad of looks it can achieve its such a liberating exciting experience. It doesn't have to be time consuming or involve alot of products either. I just spent a month enjoying wash and go hair using literally nothing but shampoo and conditioner not using a shower cap once just jumping into the shower wetting my hair almost daily. throwing on a satin bonnet at night and thats it.

There is so little knowledge readily available to Black women on how to care for our hair in its natural state that isn't based on changing it to another hair type or treating it like another hair type. As a result black women come to view their hair as difficult when its really just a lack of knowledge on how to care for type 4 hair and style it appropriately.

I think Black women just need to be informed about all the potential their has to be healthy, long and versatile. Too many people view natural type 4 hair as limiting when in reality its liberating.

There is a natural YouTuber that is the mother of 4 boys under the age of 6 named chocolatetresses...she is forever changing up her hair styles and keeping it fresh....you should check her out:yep:
 
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Oh, I forgot to mention the shrinkage. My so-called type 3 hair shrinks, from tailbone to APL, sometimes shorter.

I have asked this before, and I will ask it again, if type 3 hair is supposed to be so darn "easy" what the heck are all the type 3 heads doing on this forum in the first place?
 
Oh and just so you all know (I don't know who wouldn't since I'm a chronic oversharer:lol:) I speak from experience i.e. my oldest DD. She irritates me whining about her type 3 hair, it is so lush, thick and beautiful and it really easy to take care of with the technique's I've learned on this board. I have a sneaking suspicion that she will relax as soon as she's an adult and living far enough away that she's not afraid I'll come beat her down lol.

DS really nice hair too, he's more of a 3c/4a. Poor Kayla lol is like 2C/3A. WHEN she's not acting like a wild child:lol: her hair looks like medival hair cuz it's so dang long (how she has more than 2 inches of hair I dunno lol. Of course she always ends up looking like Simba & Diana Ross made a baby by the end of the day lol.

And no I did not marry a white man so my kids could have "good hair.":rolleyes: Oldest DD's hair in my fave and she's not even biracial. And oddly enough I love everyone else's type 4 hair go figure. Just hate how mine no matter how I wear it shrinking into a mullet because of my multiple textures lol.

I want Nonie's and Beautiful Brown Baby Doll's and BlackHairMaterpiece and gosh every type 4 on here except my own. What the heck Kass?:lol:
 
I've seen several 4a's do wash and go's and you can see their curl pattern. I've heard that co-washing (which I don't do) and low maintenance is a factor. And maybe I'm lucky but I have never had a problem with single strand knots.
 
CurlTalk said:
I totally know what you mean.

I admit it: I sometimes wonder this when seeing a looser haired sister's BC pics (though not "...if I had pretty hair like that", but "...if I had a similar texture")

Then I think, a type 3s reasons for relaxing are probably just the same as a type 4s: it's what you know, you feel pressure to do it, you prefer straight hair, and most products geared toward any race are focused on type 1/2 hair, not curly or kinky hair. I think all textured hair (from 3a to 4z) can be difficult to manage (and frizzy frizzy frizzy! lol) without proper techniques and products. Unfortunately, the techniques and products for properly managing and textured hair type are not widely available nor practiced. For some, relaxing is easier than learning from scratch how to handle and care for textured hair; for others, it's simply a matter of preference.
In the same way even girls with wavy hair feel pressure to iron out what texture they have, looser haired curly girls feel pressure to relax too.

Also (hope I'm not being too longwinded...), outside of the black community, a type 3b/3c is not lauded, but a lot of the time regarded as unmanageable. Proof can be seen in sites like Naturally Curly, where there are women of all races with fat marker- sized, perfect type 3 ringlets curls gathered after years of straightening (with heat or chemically).

So basically, yes, I know what you mean when you see looser textures BC. But when I look at it objectively, I find myself better understanding that the pressure to relax and straighten affects women with ALL textures, and not only type 4s.
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You speak the truth. People on my Puerto Rican side say their hair is "nappy" if they are 2b and under. At the same time my black side sounding like Skee-Lo singing "I Wish"

Everyone is striving for Japanese straight blonde hair. Even the white girls who were not born blonde or they have a slight wave want to look like babie.
I've had Afro Asian friends say their hair was "nappy" and they had 3a hair. I've hear white girls say their hair was "nappy" and they had 2a hair.

It is all cultural. As one other person put it there are good and bad sides to what we have.
 
I feel like Type 4 hair is just SO different looking it can make you feel more self conscious and more likely to give into that pressure to relax or straighten.

There is no hiding my fro. No matter what I do, or how I do it short of A LOT of manipulation and possibly tears it will stick out like a palm tree in a forest of pines. I don't mind that - in fact I kinda love it :look: but I can see how any person that wasn't ready for that kind of scrutiny wouldn't want to be "out" there like that.

I guess I always saw Type 3 and under as "curly" hair vs Type 4+ "kinky" hair growing up and when I see type 3 with shiny, silky looking curls it's hard for me to understand why anyone would want to hide it.

But like they say - the grass it always greener. I love my hair and wouldn't trade it for anything but if you'd asked me the same question when I was 12-13 or so I would've told you point BLANK that I wanted Hilary Banks hair. :lachen:


ETA: and I KNOW type 3s and under get shrinkage but FOR REAL y'all nothing sucks more than having a dried up head full of matte finish shrunk up looking all of 5 inches long your whole life when you ain't never had a haircut. :lachen: Now I appreciate it but back then......woooooooosa.
 
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yamilee21 said:
Oh, I forgot to mention the shrinkage. My so-called type 3 hair shrinks, from tailbone to APL, sometimes shorter.

I have asked this before, and I will ask it again, if type 3 hair is supposed to be so darn "easy" what the heck are all the type 3 heads doing on this forum in the first place?
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Well type 1s and 2s have hair growing forums as well. MAny of them have problems growing out their hair and they seek knowledge to attain longer lengths.....but I'd still say their hair is easier to deal with than type 3s or 4s
 
BlackMasterPiece said:
Nonie as usual is 100% on point with her post.

I grew up in a city where natural hair, fro's and other natural styles were commonplace and welcomed more than any other look and its only gotten moreso with time.

I also grew up with a mother that has rocked her fro with pride ever since I can remember and was always proclaiming to me the beauty in my coils. So at the end of the day I came to love my texture and tight tiny coils and all the different looks it could create so I think exposure plays a big role.

I think Nonie made a really important commentary when she said you only encounter problems with type 4 hair when you're trying to make it behave like another hair type....and thats sooooo true. When you find out what type 4 coarse hair likes and the myriad of looks it can achieve its such a liberating exciting experience. It doesn't have to be time consuming or involve alot of products either. I just spent a month enjoying wash and go hair using literally nothing but shampoo and conditioner not using a shower cap once just jumping into the shower wetting my hair almost daily. throwing on a satin bonnet at night and thats it.

There is so little knowledge readily available to Black women on how to care for our hair in its natural state that isn't based on changing it to another hair type or treating it like another hair type. As a result black women come to view their hair as difficult when its really just a lack of knowledge on how to care for type 4 hair and style it appropriately.

I think Black women just need to be informed about all the potential their has to be healthy, long and versatile. Too many people view natural type 4 hair as limiting when in reality its liberating.

There is a natural YouTuber that is the mother of 4 boys under the age of 6 named chocolatetresses...she is forever changing up her hair styles and keeping it fresh....you should check her out:yep:
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I love your hair:drool: I think my biggest problem was just nailing down a regimen. I would use what I read on here was "perfect for type 4 hair" only to end up either greasy, tangled, dry or breaking. I've never really found what my hair likes. That's been the biggest challenge I guess. I guess I have it in my head that it's a little easier for type 3's to find what their hair like because there's more products geared specifically to them that actually WORK whereas as a type 4 your sent to the grease, perm and or pressing comb. I never had natural hair as a child so of course that makes it even more difficult.
 
yamilee21 said:
Wow, I wish my so-called type 3 hair was this mythical easy hair you seem to think it is, :lachen:. So many products do not work for me that I have given up and basically use only my own concoctions. I have to twist/braid, have tons of single strand knots, must wash and detangle in sections if I don't want to lose a few thousand strands, wash and go's are an invitation to disaster, and only have decent-looking curls that last with the help of twists or rollersets. Even if my edges "lay down" it only lasts a few minutes without a heavy layer of gel or product, and even then the edges escape after a couple of hours. For most of my adult life, I was only shoulder to armpit length, until I started having babies and had no time to do anything but wet bun. The only reason I have "less bulk" now is because some of my hair never grew back in after massive loss after a few bouts of illness. And don't let me get started on the dryness, the frizz, the hours spent straightening only to revert immediately because there was one rain drop in the sky 25 miles away. If my hair had not been resistant to relaxers, I might still be relaxed today. But after two weeks, my hair would looked just as it did without a relaxer, even when I used the coarse formula left in for the maximum time.

Hrmph, I want a refund on my so-called type 3 hair.
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Girl you are too funny.

What I got out of the original post was the people with "silky" 3a/b/c I have seen cottony and spongy 2a's on down but I think she ment the people with the silky strands. I know my spongy and cottony friends/family have just as much of a problem as I have sometimes.

My third son is a silky 3b but his cousin is a cottony 3b. They will never be able to use the same products.
 
Nonie said:
Aww...OP, Idon't think you're alone in feeling like that. I think a lot of those sentiments also stem from people not having been around a lot of heads sporting natural type 4 hair and so it's so "foreign" to them. Add to that the ignorance of how to handle it, and you see people getting frustrated because they are trying to make their hair do what type 3 hair does...because that's all they have seen around them that's natural and so its care info is all that met them at every corner.

It's like when some of you as kids wore towels on their heads and pretended it was long flowing hair. You saw that hair on TV, in movies, in books and around you, and while your hair was relaxed so you hair sorta looked like that, it may have been too short to swing, so you dreamed of having hair down your back that flows and moves when you move your head. I think the "envy" is really more from familiarity with hair that looks more like 3, 2 and 1...than anything else. And then because it's on every person who's called "beautiful" in magazines and movies...it grows on you and you believe in it and come to associate it with beauty. You'll be surprised how a seed planted in a young mind grows into a tree way back in the subconscious that keeps waving it's branches even if only in the dark.

I am guessing this because I have been around type 4 hair more than any other hair in my life and I have never envied any other hair type. I actually didn't go through tons of products to find the ONE, and I don't spend hours detangling or fussing with my hair. TBH, I find my hair so obedient and easy to control that I swear to you, I would not give it up for any other. And that is the honest-to-God truth. Even as a kid, all I ever wanted was a big puff--big combed out afro puff. I never did the towel hair thing and I've never been excited about having clumped coils as a style, although I do think my tiny coils are pretty cute. But I'd rather enjoy them at the end of my twists than as a type of hair-out do.

And I think all this is because my kind of hair is the hair I am most familiar with and the hair I find easiest to get into any style I choose. Other hair types do have their pros too (I guess a WNG is one), but because that's never been something I've wanted to do or even something I ever knew of, I don't care for it or miss/wish for it. I remember how shocked I was to learn one day that there are black people who sleep without braiding their natural type 4 hair! :eek: It was like I walked into the Twilight Zone when I first heard that because it's like second nature to me to know that you CANNOT do that with type 4 hair and not have issues. And I think I knew this before I was even ten years old! But I don't say that to make out I'm smarter than anyone. I just was around type 4 hair so much that the things that surprise/irritate/annoy people about the hair are the things I find most normal and so I dodge the frustrations by doing the right things by my hair so I never have to encounter those things. So as easy as type 3 hair may be to one familiar with it, so is type 4 hair to me..

Put another way, because of the minimal exposure to natural type 4 hair over the years, I think a lot of people are more adroit at handling natural types 1, 2, 3 than any other hair. It's no wonder natural type 4 seems such a burden to them; not unlike the nightmare I found my biracial friend's hair (type 3) to be...coz I found it such a pain to get it to do things mine does with ease. (For those who haven't heard me share this story, I was a kid and we were doing each others' hair as kids and while I had fun playing and styling hair that looked like mine. I was all thumbs with type 3 hair and I secretly felt sorry for my friend and wondered if she was sad that she had such awful hair. What irony eh? :giggle: )
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Girl where do you come up with this stuff?? I swear, you need to pen a book!
 
kbragg said:
And oddly enough I love everyone else's type 4 hair go figure. Just hate how mine no matter how I wear it shrinking into a mullet because of my multiple textures lol.

I want Nonie's and Beautiful Brown Baby Doll's and BlackHairMaterpiece and gosh every type 4 on here except my own. What the heck Kass?:lol:
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Girl, have you seen my shrinkage? My hair shrinks big time and I don't have multiple textures. If you need a reminder I'll be happy to post the pics here.

BTW, if you have type 4B hair on your head, I can assure you it looks just like my hair. I haven't seen any 4B head that looks different from mine unless it's heat damaged and just straight. But even then, it looks just like my 4B when pressed. *shrug*

I know multiple textures can be frustrating coz your hair behaves differently, but depending on how that is, I'm sure if you were patient and just really thought about it, you could come up with a do that makes you feel like the luckiest girl to have that difference in textures. (I think I talked about this before. I'll try find the post and return to insert it here.)
 
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kbragg said:
I love your hair:drool: I think my biggest problem was just nailing down a regimen. I would use what I read on here was "perfect for type 4 hair" only to end up either greasy, tangled, dry or breaking. I've never really found what my hair likes. That's been the biggest challenge I guess.
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There is a bit of an experimentation phase....but that can be shortened by finding out what your hair stats are ie coarse or fine, hair type, and possibly even porosity. Once you get your hair stats down to the specifics you can seek out others on the board who have the same stats and have found success. For me finding out that my hair was classified as 4a coarse was really helpful in helping me identify others with my same texture and coarse thick strands and taking cues from them like RusticBeauty, NigerianQueen on Fotki, Sera on youtube/fotki and some of the ladies in the long haired 4 somethings thread. When you're looking at fotki's and YT channels....I would suggest looking exclusively at those that match your hair type....that way you can reprogram your thought to only seeing the positive and the versatility of your strands..

I guess I have it in my head that it's a little easier for type 3's to find what their hair like because there's more products geared specifically to them that actually WORK whereas as a type 4 your sent to the grease, perm and or pressing comb. I never had natural hair as a child so of course that makes it even more difficult.
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I think one of the most important things I've learned about having type 4 tightly coily coarse hair is that I don't have to use ANY of these crappy commercial bad smelling "black hair" products on my hair at all....and that opens up an abundance of products to you. I go straight to my beloved aussie moist conditioner, get some trader joe's nourishspa for $3, some 3 minute miracle and bam....I have the products I use on my hair 90% of the time:yep: I wanna try that Garnier Fructis next. Its all about technique and how you use it.
 
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I totally get what the OP is saying and agree. Doesn't even have to be 3C...., I drool over those 4-something heads that can get beautiful defined curls with minimal products, and effort. The best hair experience I have ever had all these years was when I used to do brazilian treatment; I had the best curls ever! It was soft, manageable and daily wash&go was the coolest thing. At that time I used to wonder why would anyone want to relax with this hair type when they can get straight hair easily by rollersetting or passing the flat iron one time. Unfortunately, my curly days didn't last too long since the BTK damaged and thinned my hair out. Having wash-&-go curls at the time with minimal effort was truly AWESOME. I sometimes wish I had 4s curly hair that grew out of my scalp, lol.
 
Ya'll keep sayin ya'll jealous of the fros....what kinda fros do you mean? Cause I've never been able to get my hair into a fro and I'm type 4. So is my mother and the only way she can get a fro is after braiding and curling the ends. I used to think it was my length but my brothers hair was just as long as mine and he had a HUGE fro.

What counts as a fro these days? This: http://www.naturallycurly.com/curly-photos/view/beautiful-length-5905

or this
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curly-photos/view/monique-coleman-4808
 
Yeah. That's the first thing I figured out from being around here. It's not the texture of the hair, it's how you learn to manage it. This forum is living proof that texture/curl isn't the biggest factor in having beautiful hair.

Mystic said:
I totally get what the OP is saying and agree. Doesn't even have to be 3C...., I drool over those 4-something heads that can get beautiful defined curls with minimal products, and effort. The best hair experience I have ever had all these years was when I used to do brazilian treatment; I had the best curls ever! It was soft, manageable and daily wash&go was the coolest thing. At that time I used to wonder why would anyone want to relax with this hair type when they can get straight hair easily by rollersetting or passing the flat iron one time. Unfortunately, my curly days didn't last too long since the BTK damaged and thinned my hair out. Having wash-&-go curls at the time with minimal effort was truly AWESOME. I sometimes wish I had 4s curly hair that grew out of my scalp, lol.
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Some people have never seen their natural hair. My mother relaxed my hair with Vigorol when I was 5. I asked her why, and she said "Cuz you got nappy hair". If Mom says I got nappy hair, I got nappy hair. Simple as that. Was my hair hard to comb? Not at all, so I still don't really know why she felt that way.

Not until my 20's did I realize that Black people who don't want to wear an afro or half-fro (that's what I call mine because it parts in the center, too) every day don't HAVE to get a relaxer or a press and curl every two weeks.

BTW, many Jewish people and Italians STAY relaxed - and they have what we call "good hair" - but they don't know what to do with their natural hair, either. Their Momma prolly told them they had nappy hair, too!

ETA: By the way, the first time I stopped relaxing my Mom said "You always did have good hair". WHAT? Now that it's natural again, it's "good", but when I was 5 it was "bad"? What kind of sense does that make? Lemme go to bed before I get mad all over again...
 
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I've asked my mother why she relaxes. She's been relaxed my whole life, but I've seen pictures of her with her natural hair and she looked to be a 3a/3b and I have heard her tales of how hard she had to work to achieve her afro back on the day. Bottom line: she likes straighter look.

I have envied the "ease" of hair and wished I could slick my hair back with just a moisturizer and have it lay down. (Yes, she can do that when she's in between relaxres. And yes, I am jealous.) As much as I envy her though, I have seen her struggles with her hair. She often tells me she wishes she could wear a twist out like I do, but her hair won't hold a style for nothin' because her hair is so soft.

If I had my mother's hair I probably wouldn't relax, but I'd probably be looking at some glorious head of 4 hair wishing I could rock the big 'fro. :perplexed
 
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