I think my ex-husband is bugging my house!

[LorraineCC]

Hi Ladies. Is there a way you can find out if someone is bugging your house? I know that I'm not paranoid. My husband and I have been separated for almost two years and we have two kids together. He has taken good care of our kids since he left. I have two entrances to my house and each door has two locks on them. I let him have one key to one of the locks on the back door so that he could come in. I take the kids to school and he picks them up and brings them back to my house. He'll stay until about 8:00 every night. We still get along pretty well, but I am not interested in getting back together although he is. I have dated on and off since we split, but haven't been seeing anyone over the past two weeks.

There have been numerous occasions when he has done something that made me think that he must be listening in on me. I think last night took the cake. Late last night I was sitting on the couch looking out the window and my youngest son came downstairs to say goodnight. He asked me why I haven't been taking them to school in the morning. I told him because his Dad is on vacation for two weeks and wanted to take them. He said that his Dad is always over here even when he isn't supposed to be and he wants me to take him and his brother to school. When he comes over in the morning to help out, he is usually there by 6:30. This morning he didn't even bother to show up or call. There have been too many coincedences like this that make me think that he has something in my house. I'm sick to my stomach and don't even want to go back to my house.

 

[JamericanGurl]

You may want to call the police and ask them. Ol' CreepyMcCreepster

All jokes aside I'm worried!

 

[Xavier]

That does sound creepy. Do you have any idea why he would do such a thing?

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I'm so very sorry you are going through this. To feel unsafe in one's home is the pits.

I fear that calling the police may not be the best choice right away. That's because (speaking as a former law enforcement officer) 90% of the time if a person calls the cops saying somebody is bugging thier home, that person actually has a severe mental disorder like bipolar I, schizophrenia etc. So the cops will not take you seriously, in all likelihood. They will treat you like a nutjob. Now, I know you aren't crazy, but the cops don't.

My first step would be to start calling private investigators in the area. Now, not all of them will have the equipment needed to sweep for bugs. BUT- they will know who does, how much it will cost, and what the state law says about the issue.

If he has permission to be in the home, then he may be considered a person with a legal right to put those bugs there. Like how a parent is allowed to put a nannycam in thier own home. It's something you'll want to consult with a professional on.

So AFTER you get the house swept and find the bugs, THEN and only then do you contact the police, and your divorce attorney. Otherwise you will only get frustrated.

Best of luck

 

[coconow2007]

Hi Ladies. Is there a way you can find out if someone is bugging your house? I know that I'm not paranoid. My husband and I have been separated for almost two years and we have two kids together. He has taken good care of our kids since he left. I have two entrances to my house and each door has two locks on them. I let him have one key to one of the locks on the back door so that he could come in. I take the kids to school and he picks them up and brings them back to my house. He'll stay until about 8:00 every night. We still get along pretty well, but I am not interested in getting back together although he is. I have dated on and off since we split, but haven't been seeing anyone over the past two weeks.

There have been numerous occasions when he has done something that made me think that he must be listening in on me. I think last night took the cake. Late last night I was sitting on the couch looking out the window and my youngest son came downstairs to say goodnight. He asked me why I haven't been taking them to school in the morning. I told him because his Dad is on vacation for two weeks and wanted to take them. He said that his Dad is always over here even when he isn't supposed to be and he wants me to take him and his brother to school. When he comes over in the morning to help out, he is usually there by 6:30. This morning he didn't even bother to show up or call. There have been too many coincedences like this that make me think that he has something in my house. I'm sick to my stomach and don't even want to go back to my house.

This is a concern and u should be alarmed. Change your locks and do not give ex a key. If he is watching the kids, etc. let them be at his place not yours especially when you are not there. Set boundaries right now because this could get out of hand.

I always trust my gut even if things seem far fetched if you have a feeling ur ex is up to something he shouldn't be don't try to reason it away take action that will make u feel better.

 

[honeybadgirl]

i think you should get the key back. i always say, if you dont live here, you dont need a key!! actually thats what my dad said a looong time ago and it stuck with me. he has waaay too much access to you home and yes there all kinds of bugging that the common joe can do. i would look into it to have peace of mind.
to be absolutely sure, if you're not already, say something and see if he responds to it soon after, like "plant" something specific to say and if he responds to in any way(verbally, actions, whatever) then he is definitely spying!!!
best of luck to you, stay on it.

 

[LorraineCC]

He is sneaky like that. I remember when we first broke up, I asked him for the keys to the house. He gave me the keys and during the weekend we took the kids to the movies together. We drove separate cars and he was going to take the kids home and wait for me outside while I stopped by the store to pick up some aluminum foil. I insisted that I go to the house first to let him in, but he kept telling me that its okay and that he'll wait. I swear that women's intuition crept up on me and told me to go home first. I went through the front door and went to the back door to open it for him. When I got to the door something told me to wait. Why did I hear a key and see the knob turning? When he WALKED in my house with the kids he was shocked. He could tell I was upset and he did what he normally does. Tried to divert attention from him being caught lieing to me and making a copy of the keys to my house by immediately saying "You act like I'm a thief". I immediately had the locks changed and a couple months later I gave him that one key.

 

[Evolving78]

He is sneaky like that. I remember when we first broke up, I asked him for the keys to the house. He gave me the keys and during the weekend we took the kids to the movies together. We drove separate cars and he was going to take the kids home and wait for me outside while I stopped by the store to pick up some aluminum foil. I insisted that I go to the house first to let him in, but he kept telling me that its okay and that he'll wait. I swear that women's intuition crept up on me and told me to go home first. I went through the front door and went to the back door to open it for him. When I got to the door something told me to wait. Why did I hear a key and see the knob turning? When he WALKED in my house with the kids he was shocked. He could tell I was upset and he did what he normally does. Tried to divert attention from him being caught lieing to me and making a copy of the keys to my house by immediately saying "You act like I'm a thief". I immediately had the locks changed and a couple months later I gave him that one key.

Maybe he isn't bugging your house, but I would change the locks. I know how you feel. He might be going through your things when your are not there, asking the kids all kinds of questions. change your voice mail passcode too if you have one. I had to do all of these things before. don't ever give him a key again. He sounds like he isn't ready to ley you go.

 

[lexi08]

He is sneaky like that. I remember when we first broke up, I asked him for the keys to the house. He gave me the keys and during the weekend we took the kids to the movies together. We drove separate cars and he was going to take the kids home and wait for me outside while I stopped by the store to pick up some aluminum foil. I insisted that I go to the house first to let him in, but he kept telling me that its okay and that he'll wait. I swear that women's intuition crept up on me and told me to go home first. I went through the front door and went to the back door to open it for him. When I got to the door something told me to wait. Why did I hear a key and see the knob turning? When he WALKED in my house with the kids he was shocked. He could tell I was upset and he did what he normally does. Tried to divert attention from him being caught lieing to me and making a copy of the keys to my house by immediately saying "You act like I'm a thief". I immediately had the locks changed and a couple months later I gave him that one key.

Have the locks changed again, don't give him a key and if at all possible have the property swept for bugs. Also, is it possible for him to take the kids to his house after school? I realize that this may be a convenience issue, but he has way too much access to your house when you are not there, that is a nono IMO. Good luck girl, I know exactly what is to have to deal with a sneaky arse ex-husband.

 

[honeybadgirl]

just sounds really strange. it doesnt matter if i think you're a thief or not, the point is you dont live here and this is MY house! (i'm assuming). he has no right to come and go as he pleases, if he pleases. he may not have a bug going on but may be just sitting by the window while you're in the house.
way too creepy for my tolerance level!

 

[LorraineCC]

I'm actually putting the house up for sale this week so that I can start over. I thought that it was a good arrangement when it came to the kids. I guess its time to cut the strings and have him on a "regular" vistation schedule.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I'm actually putting the house up for sale this week so that I can start over. I thought that it was a good arrangement when it came to the kids. I guess its time to cut the strings and have him on a "regular" vistation schedule.

Have you checked your bedroom and bathroom for cameras? If not, I would suggest checking when all the lights are off.

 

[calm_delight]

I'm so very sorry you are going through this. To feel unsafe in one's home is the pits.

I fear that calling the police may not be the best choice right away. That's because (speaking as a former law enforcement officer) 90% of the time if a person calls the cops saying somebody is bugging thier home, that person actually has a severe mental disorder like bipolar I, schizophrenia etc. So the cops will not take you seriously, in all likelihood. They will treat you like a nutjob. Now, I know you aren't crazy, but the cops don't.

My first step would be to start calling private investigators in the area. Now, not all of them will have the equipment needed to sweep for bugs. BUT- they will know who does, how much it will cost, and what the state law says about the issue.

If he has permission to be in the home, then he may be considered a person with a legal right to put those bugs there. Like how a parent is allowed to put a nannycam in thier own home. It's something you'll want to consult with a professional on.

So AFTER you get the house swept and find the bugs, THEN and only then do you contact the police, and your divorce attorney. Otherwise you will only get frustrated.

Best of luck

This is EXCELLENT advice!

 

[calliope]

Change your locks again and don't give him a key. Also, make sure that if your kids have a key that he can't get a hold of it to make copies.