I think I'm in a love triangle :(

[Slave4Hair]

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years, and I love him to death. Lately he has been talking about marriage and getting engaged ALOT. He just took a job in Florida about 4 months ago so we're currently long distance. I think he is perfect for me, he's handsome, REALLY smart, has a good job. We're pretty much bff's. We share everything. I just don't think I'm ready to be engaged. He is 28 and I'm 23. I have been dating him since I was about 19, honestly he's the only boyfriend I've ever had and since I met this other guy I've been really confused.

I met someone else 2 months ago. He's about 25, an engineer, really handsome and tall, and we hit it off really well. I told him I was just looking to be friends, but we have been grown extremely close. Friday we ended up kissing. I feel really bad and guilty about this. I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend, stop seeing this guy, or stop seeing my boyfriend. I love my bf so much but he is the only real bf I've ever had, meanwhile he has had several girlfriends. This is no excuse for what I did, but I just don't know If I need to start dating other people or just keep moving forward with my current SO. Ever since he has been talking about marriage I have been freaking out and don't know if I'm ready to fully commit.

Any advice? Please don't judge to harshly, I know i'm dead wrong

 

[Mai Tai]

So...um...yeah...you are definitely in a love triangle...but my question for you is does this new guy know that you already have a man?

 

[oooop2]

Sounds to me like you need to put a halt on any wedding plans.

 

[bahamababe242]

Be honest with bf about how you truly feel, it isn't fair to have him hanging on if you don't want to go further in the relationship. Its a bit of bad karma to start seeing this new guy without breaking things off though. Good luck OP, whatever you decide!

 

[Slave4Hair]

So...um...yeah...you are definitely in a love triangle...but my question for you is does this new guy know that you already have a man?

No . That makes me feel even worse that I never told him...I don't know how he'd react if he found out.

 

[Slave4Hair]

Be honest with bf about how you truly feel, it isn't fair to have him hanging on if you don't want to go further in the relationship. Its a bit of bad karma to start seeing this new guy without breaking things off though. Good luck OP, whatever you decide!

:::sigh::: That's what I'm afraid of because I know he'll stop speaking to me. I really feel torn between them both, can't believe I put myself in this position.

 

[jdvzmommy]

I agree with bahamababe. You need to let your bf know what's going on. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to become.

Do you honestly believe that this other guy is worth your relationship?

 

[Slave4Hair]

I agree with bahamababe. You need to let your bf know what's going on. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to become.

Do you honestly believe that this other guy is worth your relationship?

Not really,I just like being around him. We have fun together. We are both really into fitness so we go to the gym together alot, we play tennis alot, in the mornings we run together.

I think I like that this relationship is new. My boyfriend and I know each other too well. When we fight I know what he's going to do or say, when we go out I know what he's going to want to do, when we order out I know what he's going to want to eat. It's always the same ole, same ole. I like that me and this new guy have so much to learn about each other and I like being in his company. He makes me feel really pretty, not that my boyfriend doesn't, but after awhile his compliments are like my mom's (you feel they are supposed to say it).

Is it bad to only date one person and marry them? This question isn't specifically directed at you but everybody. I mean, how do you know when you've found "the one"?

 

[bahamababe242]

Its not exactly one over the other persay....... the bf wants to progress to another level, so even if you had not met someone else, you stated you still were not ready to get engaged and married.

So, if you decide to break up I wouldn't exactly state that I met someone as the main reason. Lay all the reasons out because its obvious that there was something substantial there for yall to have been together for four years. Boy this will be difficult either way.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Hmm...well IMO you already know what you have with your current bf. With this new guy hes basically an X or unknown.

Consider the possibility that you may be throwing away something stable and good for that which you know not. Do you really want to settle down? If not, dont get engaged and you need to tell you bf so he wont be spinning his heels and you can do what you will with a clear conscious.

Personally if it were me, if my current man is all I want in a man I would just stick with him. GL!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

What you're feeling is normal. I think it comes down to 80/20. That other guy is the 20. You need to think long and hard about this before you give up the 80.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

"Stick with the devil you know". I've gotten this advice in the past. What it means is that, you know your current SO and you two love (?) and tolerate one another well.
This new guy is just a curiosity. He's brand new, and shiny like that Easy Bake Oven you got back in the day. Eventually you'll get to know him too. You'll know what he likes to eat, how he likes to #X@#, what ticks him off, etc.

Once you get over the honeymoon period you'll start being able to fairly and accurately compare him to your current SO. You might find that you f-ed up a good thing with your current SO, for a mediocre engineer that isn't so shiny and new.

It's a risk. You just have to be honest with yourself about whether or not you want to take that risk. Regardless of who you choose, stop cheating on your boyfriend.

 

[miss stress]

I know this may b the unpopular opinion, but I think u should date them both. Why Not? Your're young and I honestly dont believe people should not put all of their eggs in one basket so to speak. I really believe its ok to date as many people as u can hande (until marriage of couse) Not suggesting u should sleep with em all(unless u feel comfy with tht) But it definately doesnt hurt to have new expirences with new people till u kno for sure what u want. Little known fact, I had a bf whn I got married and didnt break up with him till the day b4 I said," I DO" and I'm happy that I didnt limit myself because I went into my marriage absolutly sure there was noone else in the world for me. and I got married at 22 so.............. do ya thang!

 

[jwhitley6]

I know this may b the unpopular opinion, but I think u should date them both. Why Not? Your're young and I honestly dont believe people should not put all of their eggs in one basket so to speak. I really believe its ok to date as many people as u can hande (until marriage of couse) Not suggesting u should sleep with em all(unless u feel comfy with tht) But it definately doesnt hurt to have new expirences with new people till u kno for sure what u want. Little known fact, I had a bf whn I got married and didnt break up with him till the day b4 I said," I DO" and I'm happy that I didnt limit myself because I went into my marriage absolutly sure there was noone else in the world for me. and I got married at 22 so.............. do ya thang!

Wow...I'm sorry but that sounds incredibly selfish. I would never do that to anyone. Honesty is the best policy.

 

[lesedi]

I know this may b the unpopular opinion, but I think u should date them both. Why Not? Your're young and I honestly dont believe people should not put all of their eggs in one basket so to speak. I really believe its ok to date as many people as u can hande (until marriage of couse) Not suggesting u should sleep with em all(unless u feel comfy with tht) But it definately doesnt hurt to have new expirences with new people till u kno for sure what u want. Little known fact, I had a bf whn I got married and didnt break up with him till the day b4 I said," I DO" and I'm happy that I didnt limit myself because I went into my marriage absolutly sure there was noone else in the world for me. and I got married at 22 so.............. do ya thang!

I don't get the concept that you can't 'cheat' until marriage I reckon if you are going to do that, you might a well label it an 'open relationship' and be done with it. It's fair and everyone knows where they stand.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I know this may b the unpopular opinion, but I think u should date them both. Why Not? Your're young and I honestly dont believe people should not put all of their eggs in one basket so to speak. I really believe its ok to date as many people as u can hande (until marriage of couse) Not suggesting u should sleep with em all(unless u feel comfy with tht) But it definately doesnt hurt to have new expirences with new people till u kno for sure what u want. Little known fact, I had a bf whn I got married and didnt break up with him till the day b4 I said," I DO" and I'm happy that I didnt limit myself because I went into my marriage absolutly sure there was noone else in the world for me. and I got married at 22 so.............. do ya thang!

Would you be okay if your husband had done the same "thang" ?

 

[jwhitley6]

Would you be okay if your husband had done the same "thang" ?

I kinda hope he did just to make things even.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I kinda hope he did just to make things even.

Yes, and they both would just be in a hot sloppy mess.

I must be old fashioned or something because the things I hear people say/see them do these days...Feel like i might as well be sitting in a rocking chair sipping on a cup of lemonade saying 'Oh lawdy' !

 

[jwhitley6]

Yes, and they both would just be in a hot sloppy mess.

I must be old fashioned or something because the things I hear people say/see them do these days...Feel like i might as well be sitting in a rocking chair sipping on a cup of lemonade saying 'Oh lawdy' !

Girl, I feel that same way...I'm always like, "wth"? erplexed I've learned over the years that life just works better when you do things right, live with integrity. Nobody's perfect but some folks don't even try.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Girl, I feel that same way...I'm always like, "wth"? erplexed I've learned over the years that life just works better when you do things right, live with integrity. Nobody's perfect but some folks don't even try.

A woman after my own heart!

Sometimes I see things/hear things that are begging me to comment, but I'm trying to criticize less, and let folks come to their own understanding...With some people, advice seems to go in one ear and out the other.

 

[miss stress]

Would you be okay if your husband had done the same "thang" ?

I try really hrd not to b hipocritical so I cant hate him for doing wht I did but I wouldnt love it either. For all I know he very well could have. If thats the case, he hasnt spoken on it and he shouldnt because I never will. We got married young as hell, and unlike most of the marriages of people I know in real life, I have never once questioned if there was anyone else in the world for me beacuse I've had my expierences and so I know better. Just saying that the op should not limit herself, OR give away the opportunity at true love if indeed her bf is truly the one for her. Selfish- a little bit but, humans r selfish by nature so I dont c the problem with tht.

 

[miss stress]

I don't get the concept that you can't 'cheat' until marriage I reckon if you are going to do that, you might a well label it an 'open relationship' and be done with it. It's fair and everyone knows where they stand.

they way I c it, She should date around b4 she gets married if she wants to because after ure married its too late to decide u dont want to b monogamous (sp) cause there is too much at stake. At that point u have joined your finances, have properties, a few kids ect. The point of doing it b4 hand is so that ure sure going into your marriage that a marriage is wht u want. As far as labeling anything an open relationship, with me, it would never happen. People kill me with putting titles on everything, there is no reason tht u should tell everyone everything abt u, just let them b happy believeing whatever they want. So in the end the u hold all the cards and can decide whatever u want. Thats how u navigate the dating world. Worked for me anyway

 

[miss stress]

I kinda hope he did just to make things even.

@ "make things even" life and love is not a power struggle- nobody is going to war over here. And from my expierences, people who look at love like that tend to b the most unlucky at it

I knew my opinion was gonna b unpopular so I just wanna appoligize to the op since now everyone wants to tlk abt ME instead of helping HER

one more thing- I really cant c any guy ever cheating on me so maybe thats y that was so funny

 

[lesedi]

they way I c it, She should date around b4 she gets married if she wants to because after ure married its too late to decide u dont want to b monogamous (sp) cause there is too much at stake. At that point u have joined your finances, have properties, a few kids ect. The point of doing it b4 hand is so that ure sure going into your marriage that a marriage is wht u want. As far as labeling anything an open relationship, with me, it would never happen. People kill me with putting titles on everything, there is no reason tht u should tell everyone everything abt u, just let them b happy believeing whatever they want. So in the end the u hold all the cards and can decide whatever u want. Thats how u navigate the dating world. Worked for me anyway

Date around by all means but don't you think when you enter into an exclusive relationship, that the guidelines should change? You don't need to tell everyone everything about you, but your partner isn't just anyone. Telling him that you are still looking for greener pastures afftects him....greatly.I think a partner deserves to know whether he is on a shortlist or if he made the cut.Also if sex is involved, his safety could be at risk.
I hope none of this offends you, just was curious...wanted to know more

 

[Kurlee]

Not really,I just like being around him. We have fun together. We are both really into fitness so we go to the gym together alot, we play tennis alot, in the mornings we run together.

I think I like that this relationship is new. My boyfriend and I know each other too well. When we fight I know what he's going to do or say, when we go out I know what he's going to want to do, when we order out I know what he's going to want to eat. It's always the same ole, same ole. I like that me and this new guy have so much to learn about each other and I like being in his company. He makes me feel really pretty, not that my boyfriend doesn't, but after awhile his compliments are like my mom's (you feel they are supposed to say it).

Is it bad to only date one person and marry them? This question isn't specifically directed at you but everybody. I mean, how do you know when you've found "the one"?

This post, shows that you are not ready to be as "tied up" as you are. If you tell your SO what you did the relationship will probably never be the same. I think you should let your boyfriend go. He is ready for much more at 28, than you are at 23. It's not fair to him to drag him along, all while he is thinking that he is in a monogamous relationship. Any time, you bring someone else into your relationship, you are going to create an unintentional distance between you and your SO. Do not deceive him if you love him. It shouldn't be either or, it should just be about doing the right thing.

 

[miss stress]

Date around by all means but don't you think when you enter into an exclusive relationship, that the guidelines should change? You don't need to tell everyone everything about you, but your partner isn't just anyone. Telling him that you are still looking for greener pastures afftects him....greatly.I think a partner deserves to know whether he is on a shortlist or if he made the cut.Also if sex is involved, his safety could be at risk.
I hope none of this offends you, just was curious...wanted to know more

Well I said I wasnt telling her to sleep around...............As a matter of fact, I was celibate for more than half of the 3 yrs we were dating b4 we got married. So not only was he not getting any, neither was anyone else of all the people I dated back then, and honestly there were quite a few. I really dont think me looking for other suitors really affects him like tht. If a guy is happy with me then y depress him by telling him wht I do whn were not together.And since I have never asked a guy to b exclusive with me (not my style) odds r it really will just b conterproductive especially if I like him too and am just unsure abt the direction our relationship is gonna go. If it aint broke............. cause wht guy is smart enough to really stick around thinking abt wht u may or may not b doing with someone else. U gotta give guys more credit than tht.

As far as the op is concerned, I think it would b smarter for her to stay in a relationship with her bf and get to seriously know other guys ,if she wants, to than to end her relationship for something that may turn out to b nothing. Its all abt buying yourself some time to figure things out

 

[TayMac]

Either you want your current bf or you don't. Don't string him along and try to get the best of both worlds. Think of how you would feel if he did that to you.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

I know this may b the unpopular opinion, but I think u should date them both. Why Not? Your're young and I honestly dont believe people should not put all of their eggs in one basket so to speak. I really believe its ok to date as many people as u can hande (until marriage of couse) Not suggesting u should sleep with em all(unless u feel comfy with tht) But it definately doesnt hurt to have new expirences with new people till u kno for sure what u want. Little known fact, I had a bf whn I got married and didnt break up with him till the day b4 I said," I DO" and I'm happy that I didnt limit myself because I went into my marriage absolutly sure there was noone else in the world for me. and I got married at 22 so.............. do ya thang!

Men have been and continue to do just this and women cry out about it. I dont think its right for wither men or women to do this kind of thing.

 

[Arcadian]

You said you're in a LDR, so appears to me that you're lonely and looking for someone to fill the void that your boyfriend left.

Listen, LDR's are hard. I've been there and very luckily successfully made mine work. But you're the only person that can decide that you want to stay with your boyfriend or take up with the new man.

Does the new man know he's basically a filler for your boyfriend? Does he even KNOW you have a boyfriend?

Does your boyfriend know about this 'friend'?

Dating LD means you have to have a lot of trust in your mate, and they have to have it in you.

You say your boyfriend is a good man, well, you should treat him like he's one. A good man who isn't cheating on you shouldn't have to put up you cheating on him.

You can take your chances and come clean, or you can kick the side guy to the curb and keep rolling, thats up to you. but don't be so selfish to think you can keep both without somebody finding out what you're doing.


-A

 

[HoneyA]

If all you like about this new guy is that he is new, then I think you should just keep him as a friend and at arm's length.

You said that you really love your BF, if that is so, then what's the problem? You say you love him to death and that he is perfect for you, then what's the problem?

I'm not sure I would tell my BF anything right now, just sort your feelings out first AWAY from the new guy.

ETA: wait, you didn't tell the new guy you had a man? 2 months and he doesn't know. You sure you love your BF the way you say you do?