I Swear, I will never understand men!

Le Papillon

Le Papillon

Well-Known Member
Ok, I was dating this guy for about 6months. After realizing it wasn't going anywhere, I had a talk with him about it. He told me that he was not ready for a relationship so I stopped seeing him. Two weeks later, he texted me asking how am i doing. I ignored the text. Two more weeks after that, he texted me asking me to go to a movie. What the heck is up with that? I am so :confused:
 
Once he said he didn't want a relationship, then he kind of made it clear on where you stand. I would continue to ignore him.
 
He's waiting for you to give up the draws without any commitment. Go out with him, for fun, and keep it moving on the relationship front.
 
can you not be friends with him if he doesn't want to be in a relationship? I had a guy tell me basically the same thing (he's not ready, his divorce isn't final yet). Cool, we are still friendly, but he knows that I go out with other people and that I'm looking to settle down.
 
He still wants to be friends. (They don't understand that 'going out' to most girls still means 'dating'.) If you want to keep him in your life, then MAKE IT CLEAR that you're willing to be his friend, without benefits.
 
awhyley said:
He still wants to be friends. (They don't understand that 'going out' to most girls still means 'dating'.) If you want to keep him in your life, then MAKE IT CLEAR that you're willing to be his friend, without benefits.
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And this is all she wrote.

There is one key thing to realize about men in today's society and if you can just master that, you will understand men a WHOLE lot more.

Until a man directly says to you that he wants a relationship, dating doesn't really mean anything. So he can take you out to five-star restaurants, introduce you to his mama, tell all his friends about you, take you on trips and put you up in five-star hotels... and it STILL could mean nothing and at the end of the day, he doesn't necessarily want a relationship with you.

But he will keep you around as long as he can for the company and companionship that he's getting, especially if sex is in the picture.

So it makes total sense that he'd still be trying to see you, but it's all on HIS terms. These are the types of situations that can last years if a woman lets it... and the types of situations where as soon as the man decides he's ready for something more serious, he'll go for it... and usually, with someone else!
 
Bunny77 said:
And this is all she wrote.

There is one key thing to realize about men in today's society and if you can just master that, you will understand men a WHOLE lot more.

Until a man directly says to you that he wants a relationship, dating doesn't really mean anything. So he can take you out to five-star restaurants, introduce you to his mama, tell all his friends about you, take you on trips and put you up in five-star hotels... and it STILL could mean nothing and at the end of the day, he doesn't necessarily want a relationship with you.

But he will keep you around as long as he can for the company and companionship that he's getting, especially if sex is in the picture.

So it makes total sense that he'd still be trying to see you, but it's all on HIS terms. These are the types of situations that can last years if a woman lets it... and the types of situations where as soon as the man decides he's ready for something more serious, he'll go for it... and usually, with someone else!
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Preach it !!!
 
Sounds to me like all he wants to do is hang out with you as a buddy. Maybe with benefits. He told you he didnt want a relationship. He did not say he didnt want to be your friend. Maybe he thinks you would have no problem just hanging out with him. If you are not interested in hanging out, just ignore him.
 
Seeking8Rights said:
Once he said he didn't want a relationship, then he kind of made it clear on where you stand. I would continue to ignore him.
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:yep:

Kimberly said:
can you not be friends with him if he doesn't want to be in a relationship? I had a guy tell me basically the same thing (he's not ready, his divorce isn't final yet). Cool, we are still friendly, but he knows that I go out with other people and that I'm looking to settle down.
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No, you see I have feelings for him and it would be better if I didn't see him anymore knowing how he feels about me

spelmanlocks said:
I wouldn't go out with him. You leave yourself open to wanting more.
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:yep:

Bunny77 said:
And this is all she wrote.

There is one key thing to realize about men in today's society and if you can just master that, you will understand men a WHOLE lot more.

Until a man directly says to you that he wants a relationship, dating doesn't really mean anything. So he can take you out to five-star restaurants, introduce you to his mama, tell all his friends about you, take you on trips and put you up in five-star hotels... and it STILL could mean nothing and at the end of the day, he doesn't necessarily want a relationship with you.

But he will keep you around as long as he can for the company and companionship that he's getting, especially if sex is in the picture.

So it makes total sense that he'd still be trying to see you, but it's all on HIS terms. These are the types of situations that can last years if a woman lets it... and the types of situations where as soon as the man decides he's ready for something more serious, he'll go for it... and usually, with someone else!
Click to expand...

I've learned that now!

Lkaysgirl said:
Sounds to me like all he wants to do is hang out with you as a buddy. Maybe with benefits. He told you he didnt want a relationship. He did not say he didnt want to be your friend. Maybe he thinks you would have no problem just hanging out with him. If you are not interested in hanging out, just ignore him.
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You're right and I will continue ignoring him.

Thanks Ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
^^:(^^ Lol... I pretty much got the answer I was looking for and I am part of that club. I recently cut off this guy that had me going around in circles (2 years) although he specifically told me that he was not looking to be in a relationship. What confused the mess out of me is how he was always pampering me and telling me how much he missed me when we went a week without speaking and how he miss hearing my voice... ahhhh.. lol. So he pretty much stayed around as long as I allowed him to.

I sent him an email and told him that if he wants to contact me he can do so via email and I will no longer accept phone calls from him. Emails are less personable and I felt that this way there won't be as much as a connection as there was when we spoke over the phone. Anyhow... it's going on a month now and I gotta keep reminding myself that I decided to let him go and talk myself out of giving him a call.

Bottom line... I deserve better and homeboy was just a waste of time, energy and minutes.
 
He has a challenge on his hands now, if he is up to it, he will up the stakes to "wear you down" and have his way, OR just give up and leave you alone altogether because "easy pannies" are a dime a dozen elsewhere.
 
mimi1980 said:
Ok, I was dating this guy for about 6months. After realizing it wasn't going anywhere, I had a talk with him about it. He told me that he was not ready for a relationship so I stopped seeing him. Two weeks later, he texted me asking how am i doing. I ignored the text. Two more weeks after that, he texted me asking me to go to a movie. What the heck is up with that? I am so :confused:
Click to expand...

It's not that complicated.

If he had changed his mind and was now interested in having a relationship, he would not have texted you. He would have called you. Texting is so casual. Like someone else said, he is just trying to wear you down in the hope that YOU will change your mind and still provide him with sex without commitment.
 
Bunny77 said:
...
Until a man directly says to you that he wants a relationship, dating doesn't really mean anything. So he can take you out to five-star restaurants, introduce you to his mama, tell all his friends about you, take you on trips and put you up in five-star hotels... and it STILL could mean nothing and at the end of the day, he doesn't necessarily want a relationship with you
...
Click to expand...

Nowadays men are a trip. I did not realize men did this until recently. I know this guy who does this, takes women to the nicest restaurants, away on long weekends to nice little towns etc. And it means nothing at all. He is with a different woman every time. I mean I have never seen him with the same woman twice, ever. I wish I would go away for a weekend with a dude who was not my bf/so/fh/something. I would look at dude like he was crazy, for real.
 
Bunny77 said:
And this is all she wrote.

There is one key thing to realize about men in today's society and if you can just master that, you will understand men a WHOLE lot more.

Until a man directly says to you that he wants a relationship, dating doesn't really mean anything. So he can take you out to five-star restaurants, introduce you to his mama, tell all his friends about you, take you on trips and put you up in five-star hotels... and it STILL could mean nothing and at the end of the day, he doesn't necessarily want a relationship with you.

But he will keep you around as long as he can for the company and companionship that he's getting, especially if sex is in the picture.

So it makes total sense that he'd still be trying to see you, but it's all on HIS terms. These are the types of situations that can last years if a woman lets it... and the types of situations where as soon as the man decides he's ready for something more serious, he'll go for it... and usually, with someone else!
Click to expand...

OT: but what about a man that says he wants a relationship but 7 months down the line states bcos his ex broke his heart he made a promise to himself never to fully give his heart to another woman ever again???:rolleyes:
 
hopeful said:
Nowadays men are a trip. I did not realize men did this until recently. I know this guy who does this, takes women to the nicest restaurants, away on long weekends to nice little towns etc. And it means nothing at all. He is with a different woman every time. I mean I have never seen him with the same woman twice, ever. I wish I would go away for a weekend with a dude who was not my bf/so/fh/something. I would look at dude like he was crazy, for real.
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This is what probably messed up relationships for me in the early part of my 20s. I simply didn't understand this either. I mean, I knew how to avoid men who ONLY wanted sex and I knew about booty calls and all of that, but no one told me that there would be men out there who would give you the world and treat you like a queen but NOT want a relationship. I just assumed back then that if they acted like this, they were looking for a serious relationship and the "talk" just hadn't taken place yet.

I guess my parents/older mentors weren't aware that this practice was so common either, because no one warned me about this and my family members were shocked after they would meet one of these guys and then I'd have to tell them two months later that he just disappeared.

Oh well... if I can warn others, that's what I'll do!
 
scarcity21 said:
OT: but what about a man that says he wants a relationship but 7 months down the line states bcos his ex broke his heart he made a promise to himself never to fully give his heart to another woman ever again???:rolleyes:
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Okay, so wait... he asked for a relationship and you all were in one for seven months and then he made that statement out of the blue?

(My opinion on that statement is that he's full of **** and that you need to keep it moving. Whatever to that... :rolleyes: Say "homie bye" (thanks LaurynDoll) and let him keep his promise to himself!)
 
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mimi1980 said:
Ok, I was dating this guy for about 6months. After realizing it wasn't going anywhere, I had a talk with him about it. He told me that he was not ready for a relationship so I stopped seeing him. Two weeks later, he texted me asking how am i doing. I ignored the text. Two more weeks after that, he texted me asking me to go to a movie. What the heck is up with that? I am so :confused:
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I think that he wants to get in your pants without the commitment. And then later on down the line when you want less friends with benefits and more relationship, he'll say, "I told you in the beginning that I didn't want a relationship, so why are you asking me for one now?"
 
Bunny77 said:
Oh well... if I can warn others, that's what I'll do!
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Yes girl, please put out the warning because that is a mess and the guys that do this will likely be what women consider to be the "catches" becuz they have the cash to do this stuff so they will be the doctors, the lawyers, etc. Sweeping women off their feet just to drop them:nono:.
 
DragonPearl said:
It's not that complicated.

If he had changed his mind and was now interested in having a relationship, he would not have texted you. He would have called you. Texting is so casual. Like someone else said, he is just trying to wear you down in the hope that YOU will change your mind and still provide him with sex without commitment.
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ITA!!! I say this all the time, and my friends think that I'm being boogey when I say it. I always say that you call your potential SO, but you text your potential booty call.
 
Bunny77 said:
And this is all she wrote.

There is one key thing to realize about men in today's society and if you can just master that, you will understand men a WHOLE lot more.

Until a man directly says to you that he wants a relationship, dating doesn't really mean anything. So he can take you out to five-star restaurants, introduce you to his mama, tell all his friends about you, take you on trips and put you up in five-star hotels... and it STILL could mean nothing and at the end of the day, he doesn't necessarily want a relationship with you.

But he will keep you around as long as he can for the company and companionship that he's getting, especially if sex is in the picture.

So it makes total sense that he'd still be trying to see you, but it's all on HIS terms. These are the types of situations that can last years if a woman lets it... and the types of situations where as soon as the man decides he's ready for something more serious, he'll go for it... and usually, with someone else!
Click to expand...


You summed this up VERY nicely! Can I steal this whole post for my blog? :grin:
 
He told you he didn't want a commitment...BELIEVE him and keep it moving.
He'll call/text you just to have you around on HIS terms. In the end, you'll be falling for him if you stick around and he'll tell you he didn't want a commitment in the first place. :rolleyes: It's happened to me before. Ignore him.
 
DragonPearl said:
It's not that complicated.

If he had changed his mind and was now interested in having a relationship, he would not have texted you. He would have called you. Texting is so casual. Like someone else said, he is just trying to wear you down in the hope that YOU will change your mind and still provide him with sex without commitment.
Click to expand...


Not necessarily, I was in this same scenerio, and he started calling me everyday. He would be talking about committing but seemed to be very if-e or on the verge of wanting to say lets be exclusive. I stopped answering. Heck make up your mind. . . THERE PLENTY MORE FISH IN THE SEA AND ANOTHER BUS COMING.:grin:
 
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