I Need Your Help Ladies

[SmileyNY]

That part we don't have an issue with. We get along fine. We are cordial. We even send each other text every now and then. The fact that we "keep up appearances" probably make him think I like her more than I really do. Like I said, we do holidays, birthdays and other celebrations together so I compromise quite often. I'm just trying to set the standard for MY birthday and possibly Mother's Day.

Good. Definitely keep that up. Because once mother-in-law starts feeling you don't like her, things start to get more stressful for all.

I don't think it's too much to ask to be separately honored on mothers day and your birthday. Be honest with your daughter about it and let her deal with compromising with her husband. I dont think it would be a big deal at all. And, like you said, i'm sure the other mom would like her own day on Mothers day just like you. And she probably feels obligated to celebrate your birthday once her son invites her. She probably figured you'd be offended if she doesn't go. If you two really don't have much in common personality-wise... I'm sure she's not 100% comfortable around you either and is keeping up appearances, over compensating, and feigning enthusiasm as well.

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

Good. Definitely keep that up. Because once mother-in-law starts feeling you don't like her, things start to get more stressful for all.

I don't think it's too much to ask to be separately honored on mothers day and your birthday. Be honest with your daughter about it and let her deal with compromising with her husband. I dont think it would be a big deal at all. And, like you said, i'm sure the other mom would like her own day on Mothers day just like you. And she probably feels obligated to celebrate your birthday once her son invites her. She probably figured you'd be offended if she doesn't go. If you two really don't have opposite personalities... i'm sure she's not 100% comfortable around you either and is keeping up appearances, over compensating, and feigning enthusiasm as well.

Mother day is hard to do separately . Especially if everyone is local

 

[SmileyNY]

Mother day is hard to do separately . Especially if everyone is local

It shouldn't be that hard. I think people make things more difficult than they need to be. Each spouse sends the mother-in-law a gift and spends the day with their birth mom.

Plus, if the mother has other children with spouses, everyone is not going to be able to get all those mothers together like a big ole family reunion. If they can and want to do that, great, but that's just not realistic.

 

[SmileyNY]

My mother-in-law isn't the easiest to get along with and neither is my mom But, luckily, everyone has been considerate enough to play nice and compromise when needed. And thank God for that!

Coincidentally, my mother-in-law JUST tagged my Mom in a FB friendship anniversary post and my mom gave it the heart reaction. These two

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

It shouldn't be that hard. I think people make things more difficult than they need to be. Each spouse sends the mother-in-law a gift and spends the day with their birth mom.

Plus, if the mother has other children with spouses, everyone is not going to be able to get all those mothers together like a big ole family reunion. If they can and want to do that, great, but that's just not realistic.

and who gets the grandchildren? lol

our siblings didn't live locally at the time so we didn't have the complications of sibings spouses in laws

 

[SmileyNY]

and who gets the grandchildren? lol

our siblings didn't live locally at the time so we didn't have the complications of sibings spouses in laws

I would say the dad. Because Moms need a break. The kiddos make mommy breakfast and give her flowers and whatnot... then Dad can take them to do something with his mom.

 

[flowinlocks]

Thanks for the advice ladies. Basically he sent my dd a text while he was at the gym asking her again about my Bday because he wanted to invite mom. I told her to straight up tell him the truth.

She told him that I would hang with him and her but I didn't want mom coming along. If he felt like the third wheel he can stay home also. He didn't respond back. When he got home he didn't mention it to my dd and she said he didn't appear to have an attitude. As a matter of fact he's out Christmas shopping. He may be salty with me but so far he hasn't said anything. If he wants to talk about it I'll just reiterate what dd said. I can't deal with faking the funk. I'd rather have him salty for few days and get over it vs him feeling like he needs to invite her to everything.

 

[flowinlocks]

Just imagine. My MIL and I share the same birthday. Fabulous.

Wow. I cant even imagine.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Thanks for the advice ladies. Basically he sent my dd a text while he was at the gym asking her again about my Bday because he wanted to invite mom. I told her to straight up tell him the truth.

She told him that I would hang with him and her but I didn't want mom coming along. If he felt like the third wheel he can stay home also. He didn't respond back. When he got home he didn't mention it to my dd and she said he didn't appear to have an attitude. As a matter of fact he's out Christmas shopping. He may be salty with me but so far he hasn't said anything. If he wants to talk about it I'll just reiterate what dd said. I can't deal with faking the funk. I'd rather have him salty for few days and get over it vs him feeling like he needs to invite her to everything.

Just be careful. This is his mother and what you say you can't take back. Instead of saying you loathe her and her happy go lucky ways maybe perhaps just stating that you want some alone time with your daughter on your birthday (which you want to celebrate your way) and mothers day is great. Other holidays you are happy to include others but those days you have to insist are specifically for you to decide to celebrate in the way you see fit and that is ideally alone and/or with your daughter only.

 

[Evolving78]

Lol I'm trying hard to play nice. Really I don't care who's offended or if I'm liked.

Yeah, you should be honest, so everybody knows where they stand with you and don’t invite you, or include you in anything else, since you don’t care either way. It doesn’t make since for you to be fake and “play nice”, since you act like a stand off anyway. That’s bring negative energy in the circle. So tell them all how you really feel and who you wanna spend your birthday with. Case closed.
Edit
I see you came out with the truth, so I hope it all works out for you and the couple to be.