I Miss My Ex

chebaby

chebaby

Well-Known Member
ive never loved anyone like I loved this guy. no one has ever understood me like he did. anyway its a long story how and why we broke up but I didn't want to experience the pain of heart break and I didn't want to cry(I almost never show emotion) so I started working non stop so I would focus on something else.

now im starting to feel. I miss my best friend. I miss everything about him. we didn't have some big blow up or even a little blow up. but I went ghost on him because he did the worst thing anyone has ever done to me.

he stopped loving me. I hate him for that but I miss him so much. I want to call him and tell him but im afraid to let him know how I feel. I never let anyone know how I feel.

part of me is like do something different, step out and tell him everything. the other half of me is like if he doesn't give you the response you are looking for you know youre gonna go ape **** like a crazy person out of anger and hurt.

im so lost
 
Is what he did something that you can get past? Is it indicative of his character? Was it a mistake? Did he lie about it? Did he try to fix it? Is it fixable? You don't have to answer.

If he did something unforgivable it's probably in your best interest to move on. If he has told you that he's not interested anymore, you need to let him go.

The only way I would even consider contacting him is if he did something I could get over and he has shown me that he's trying to repair the relationship.

If he did something really foul, I would think you are just looking at the situation with rose colored glasses and not seeing him for who he really is. I mean if the relationship was that great, he wouldn't have done whatever he did, right?
 
ChasingBliss said:
What do you mean by he stopped loving you? Did he tell you he didn't love you anymore? OR Did he stop showing you "love" in the way that made you feel loved?

Did you break up with him due to him not loving you? Or did you break up? Do you want him back? I'm sorry...so many questions.[/QUOTE]

These are the exact same questions that I would have asked her.
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ChasingBliss said:
What do you mean by he stopped loving you? Did he tell you he didn't love you anymore? OR Did he stop showing you "love" in the way that made you feel loved?

Did you break up with him due to him not loving you? Or did you break up? Do you want him back? I'm sorry...so many questions.
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he never said he stopped loving me. I just felt it. then I lashed out by going ghost. looking back it was dumb and I should have just opened my mouth and explained to him how I was feeling.

yes I want him back but I don't want to ask him lol.
 
FoxxyLocs said:
Is what he did something that you can get past? Is it indicative of his character? Was it a mistake? Did he lie about it? Did he try to fix it? Is it fixable? You don't have to answer.

If he did something unforgivable it's probably in your best interest to move on. If he has told you that he's not interested anymore, you need to let him go.

The only way I would even consider contacting him is if he did something I could get over and he has shown me that he's trying to repair the relationship.

If he did something really foul, I would think you are just looking at the situation with rose colored glasses and not seeing him for who he really is. I mean if the relationship was that great, he wouldn't have done whatever he did, right?
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I felt like he was losing interest and to keep myself from getting hurt I just went ghost. cutting off all contact. I don't even know if he tried reaching out because I blocked his number and everything. then I just started working all the time to keep my mind off of him.
 
chebaby said:
he never said he stopped loving me. I just felt it. then I lashed out by going ghost. looking back it was dumb and I should have just opened my mouth and explained to him how I was feeling.

yes I want him back but I don't want to ask him lol.
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I feel you handled that all wrong. If you are going to be in a relationship you have to learn to express your feelings and not go ghost when you "feel" something. How can he trust you if you do that? And now you want him back but don't want to ask him? You are still not ready to open up it seems. Self examine further before you reach out to him..if you plan on it. Don't attempt to return to the relationship with the same behaviors. It wont work.
 
DarkJoy said:
How long were you together? You never said.
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that's hard to say :look: our status was so blurred. he loved me before I loved him.

so we had a mutual friend in common. he and I never talked but we were always around each other. one day I started a conversation and we hit it off. we instantly became best friends. we went everywhere together and did everything together. then he fell in love with me. and I however only loved him as a friend. but I knew he would walk to the end of the earth for me. it was just like women always say, you know when a man loves you.
finally I decided to give a relationship with him a try. and everything was going well and then I just felt like he was over it. and I couldn't blame him. he had loved me for years and had to WAIT for me to love him. by the time I fell head over heels for him, by the time I got to cant live without him status, I felt like he was over it.
I was too scared of rejection to tell him how I felt so I thought if I just called him more, kissed him more, found more exciting things for us to do together he would just know. when I felt like that wasn't working I disappeared.
 
ChasingBliss said:
I feel you handled that all wrong. If you are going to be in a relationship you have to learn to express your feelings and not go ghost when you "feel" something. How can he trust you if you do that? And now you want him back but don't want to ask him? You are still not ready to open up it seems. Self examine further before you reach out to him..if you plan on it. Don't attempt to return to the relationship with the same behaviors. It wont work.
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I agree with you. further adding to my fear of talking to him. I feel like he thinks he cant trust me. he probably feels like why would it be worth going down that road again.
 
chebaby said:
that's hard to say :look: our status was so blurred. he loved me before I loved him.

so we had a mutual friend in common. he and I never talked but we were always around each other. one day I started a conversation and we hit it off. we instantly became best friends. we went everywhere together and did everything together. then he fell in love with me. and I however only loved him as a friend. but I knew he would walk to the end of the earth for me. it was just like women always say, you know when a man loves you.
finally I decided to give a relationship with him a try. and everything was going well and then I just felt like he was over it. and I couldn't blame him. he had loved me for years and had to WAIT for me to love him. by the time I fell head over heels for him, by the time I got to cant live without him status, I felt like he was over it.
I was too scared of rejection to tell him how I felt so I thought if I just called him more, kissed him more, found more exciting things for us to do together he would just know. when I felt like that wasn't working I disappeared.
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Ahh, this gives me more insight. The foundation of this relationship was a chase. When a man has to chase like that, at some point, after he realizes he finally got the girl. He is able to calm down and really think about stuff...He starts thinking about all the work he had to put in to get her to love him (depending on the type of person he is, he may over think and become resentful.) Sometimes it does not go well...sometimes it works out. Just guessing at this point. Not saying this is how it went.
 
You are doing a lot of projecting of how you feel he might be responding. Lots of "I feel like," "I knew/know," statements. Also projecting how you'd respond as opposed to his responses (which you don't explain here).

could it have been something else going on in his mind such as major events in his life recently? Or did his actions more than words give you some indication he was moving away? Sometimes that feeling is men settling in to a relationship and getting into that comfortable groove. the butterflies and adrenaline rushes only last but so long.

You also decided the end of a relationship without consulting him first as result of your projections and fears if abandonment which is blaringly obvious in your posts.

It's strange you cant approximate the length of time you were together. I mean at some point you went on a first date and lay down with that man.

Anyway, I think you should call him.
 
chebaby said:
I felt like he was losing interest and to keep myself from getting hurt I just went ghost. cutting off all contact. I don't even know if he tried reaching out because I blocked his number and everything. then I just started working all the time to keep my mind off of him.
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Does he know where you live? If he hasn't come banging down your door wanting to know why you ghosted him, he probably isn't bothered by it. Or he's offended and guys don't go chasing down rejection. Welp, maybe you'll learn from this experience and open up the channels of communication before ghosting the next guy. As you can tell, your current choice didn't really spare your heart.
 
DarkJoy said:
You are doing a lot of projecting of how you feel he might be responding. Lots of "I feel like," "I knew/know," statements. Also projecting how you'd respond as opposed to his responses (which you don't explain here).

could it have been something else going on in his mind such as major events in his life recently? Or did his actions more than words give you some indication he was moving away? Sometimes that feeling is men settling in to a relationship and getting into that comfortable groove. the butterflies and adrenaline rushes only last but so long.

You also decided the end of a relationship without consulting him first as result of your projections and fears if abandonment which is blaringly obvious in your posts.

It's strange you cant approximate the length of time you were together. I mean at some point you went on a first date and lay down with that man.

Anyway, I think you should call him.
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youre right. im doing a ton of projecting. and I know its wrong and logically I should stop. but its my first line of defense. I think im stopping people from hurting me but im causing hurt.

it was 5 years. the reason I said its blurry is because we were doing couple things before it was official. and then once I felt like he was pulling away we were still around each other for the better part of a year before I went ghost. I guess typing it out it seems like this happened quickly but this went on for a few years.
 
IronButterfly said:
Does he know where you live? If he hasn't come banging down your door wanting to know why you ghosted him, he probably isn't bothered by it. Or he's offended and guys don't go chasing down rejection. Welp, maybe you'll learn from this experience and open up the channels of communication before ghosting the next guy. As you can tell, your current choice didn't really spare your heart.
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lol yes he does.
and I agree with your post.
 
chebaby said:
for a year. I would block his number for months then randomly unblock it just to see if he would call or text. no call for 3 days, id get pissed and block his number again :lol:
writing this out makes me seem bat ish cray.
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A year? Well I think he moved on. You ghosted him after a 5 year relationship, when he didn't did you wrong (at least nothing major). That was cold! Now I think you should work on that "rejecting people before they can hurt you" before seeking another relationship. Good luck
 
I say reach out but don't have any expectations. Like you said in the beginning, if your suspicions are accurate you'll be hurt but at least you'll be able to stop wondering what if. Also be prepared to open up about how you're really feeling. Nothing wrong with being vulnerable especially since you've known him for so long and still love him. You're human and are allowed to feel. Reading your post you sound just like me. I run at the first sign of rejection or what I think is potential rejection. I've been called out on that and have been wrong at times. I also have a hard time opening up to people especially men.

My question is you said you have mutual friends, do you not know what his current situation is? Have you ever looked him up on social media?
 
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I too think you should reach out for your own benefit. It will help you move on and learn for future relationships.
I don't meant to sound negative but if he is a normal average man, chances are high he might not take you back.
Imagine if you came here and said a man was reaching out to you after disappeared a year ago after a significant time of friendship and dating when you had no idea what you did wrong. I would tell you not to even waste your time with him. But we really can't say how he will react. You have nothing to lose by reaching out, whether he has moved on or not. Especially since you sound troubled by how you ended things.
 
Xavier said:
I say reach out but don't have any expectations. Like you said in the beginning, if your suspicions are accurate you'll be hurt but at least you'll be able to stop wondering what if. Also be prepared to open up about how you're really feeling. Nothing wrong with being vulnerable especially since you've known him for so long and still love him. You're human and are allowed to feel. Reading your post you sound just like me. I run at the first sign of rejection or what I think is potential rejection. I've been called out on that and have been wrong at times. I also have a hard time opening up to people especially men.

My question is you said you have mutual friends, do you not know what his current situation is? Have you ever looked him up on social media?
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he doesn't have social media and I no longer speak to the mutual friend either :look:

I think I will reach out but will try to prepare myself for the worse. and I will control my anger if things doesn't go my way. he has a right to not want to bother with me.
 
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