I Miss My Ex

[MzLady78]

If the situation were reversed, we'd be telling you to forget him and move on. I'm gonna say the same here. You handled the situation poorly, I would learn from it and try to do better in the future.

Even though you're saying you're gonna prepare yourself for the worst, trust me, you're gonna feel someway if you don't get the response you're hoping for. Rejection for real is way worse than rejection in your head.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Take the L and move on.

 

[moneychaser]

If I were him Id ignore you

I believe in self preservation but you took it to the extreme lol

 

[C@ssandr@]

he doesn't have social media and I no longer speak to the mutual friend either

I think I will reach out but will try to prepare myself for the worse. and I will control my anger if things doesn't go my way. he has a right to not want to bother with me.

It's more than a bit audacious to expect him to respond favorably after you disappeared on him...especially after a whole year. No offense, but this whole story seems unreal .

If anything you should be calling him for the purpose of making amends.

 

[lavaflow99]

he doesn't have social media and I no longer speak to the mutual friend either

I think I will reach out but will try to prepare myself for the worse. and I will control my anger if things doesn't go my way. he has a right to not want to bother with me.

If you do reach out, please report back and let us know how it goes.

 

[PeaceFlow]

If he was interested he would have found a way to reach you.

Text you from another phone, send a letter, contact a mutual friend, knock your door, morse code, let off a flare etc..

 

[Dposh167]

O goodness. This sounds like me . Its a terrible flaw to have. I also dont apologize .

OP if u reach out..i would just do it to apologize to him if u havent already. But dont do it thinking u are gonna possibly spark something back up. If ur like me u can get ur hopes up and get highly disappointed in the end. Make sure u also start working on ur issue of abandonment or whatever it is. Im still trying to fix myself with that flaw. It's not a healthy way to deal with relationships. I learned that the hard way when i finally met a man who wasnt gonna take that nonsense and left

 

[futurelonglocks]

OP leave that man alone.

 

[hopeful]

I don't think it was nice to go completely ghost on him BUT I must applaud you for trusting your gut and your instincts. You felt less loved because he very likely stopped loving you and perhaps may have even started seeing someone else. Maybe you knew deep down that talking would accomplish little. Perhaps he would apologize and have an excuse for his lack of attention. But then what? Is it likely that he would love you again as he did before?

I think you knew it was over and that hurt you terribly, and you just had no words, and didn't know what to do or say.

The very most I would do would apologize for going ghost but explain how you felt he disappeared from the relationship. Perhaps he didn't deserve to be ghosted but from what you wrote here it sounds to me he oh so subtly ghosted you first, slowly disappearing, showing less interest, etc. Forgive yourself for being human, for being so deeply hurt that you didn't know what to do but disappear. You also say you upped your game with no results. If it were me I'd leave him be. I don't think he will be able to give you what you want or deserve.

 

[Solila]

he never said he stopped loving me. I just felt it. then I lashed out by going ghost. looking back it was dumb and I should have just opened my mouth and explained to him how I was feeling.

yes I want him back but I don't want to ask him lol.

@chebaby What???!!! Girl, go and get your man! You are letting pride and fear get in the way of your potential happiness. Just tell him how you feel.
If that man loves you the way you say he does, you better go after him, before you lose him. Men like this are a dime in a dozen, and if you are worried about yourself, imagine what he must have gone through when you went ghost. His whole world might have collapsed. And as the other posters said, you should apologize to him and work through this. You only have one life girl. Second chances and opportunities don't come easy.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Don't take this the wrong way OP but you need to work with a counselor. Your fear of rejection and anger management issues need to be addressed.

I'm guessing there were some unhealthy patterns in the relationship that probably caused him to not seek you out. Had you done this before? I can't imagine being with someone that long and not doing more than calling if they disappeared on me. Are you unable to listen to voice messages from blocked callers? After a year they may be gone but I'd have started there rather than unblocking his number for a few days before getting angry again.

And seriously what are you so angry about? I'd expect you to be sad if your relationship was ending or changing for the worse. People tend to be angry if they've been lied to or cheated on. Are these scenarios you've got playing in your mind? Do you feel like you've been wronged if he isn't responding the way he once was? I understand feeling that way but please know it's not healthy or rational.

 

[larry3344]

Taking notes.. I cant give advice I am learning myself

 

[FemmeFatale]

OP as many have pointed out, you handled the situation poorly but I understand that it comes from the fear of abandonment.

One thing I wanted to point out that @DarkJoy touched upon is that in a relationship, part of being a good partner is being a caring friend to your lover where you both genuinely check in and open up about what's going on in your lives, whether it's work, family, friends, health issues, financial issues, spiritual issues, emotional issues, etc. You said you felt him getting distant and but never bothered to ask him how he was doing and if everything was ok with himself, family, etc?

Being in a relationship is deeper than chilvarous acts, sex and compliments, the stuff we all like. It's about connecting and building that intimate bond.

 

[Sosa]

It took a year for you to want him back?
Was there another man in the picture until now?

I can't imagine why he didn't just show up at your door if y'all we're together for 5 years and you just went ghost. Even just to check on you.

 

[FlowerHair]

Please leave him alone. If he wanted to be in touch he would have found a way.

There are many more men out there, you're going to find someone who will call you out on your flaws and help you reach new levels of intimacy. This man is not that person.

 

[chebaby]

It took a year for you to want him back?
Was there another man in the picture until now?

I can't imagine why he didn't just show up at your door if y'all we're together for 5 years and you just went ghost. Even just to check on you.

it took me a year to realize I need to deal with my feelings and stop burying them. when something bothers me I typically ignore it and act like it never existed. I tried doing this with him but....

 

[Black Ambrosia]

it took me a year to realize I need to deal with my feelings and stop burying them. when something bothers me I typically ignore it and act like it never existed. I tried doing this with him but....

Did you contact him? If so, what happened?

 

[chebaby]

Did you contact him? If so, what happened?

not yet.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Please leave him alone. If he wanted to be in touch he would have found a way.

There are many more men out there, you're going to find someone who will call you out on your flaws and help you reach new levels of intimacy. This man is not that person.

I love this...because it is (ultimately) the truth.

 

[JustifiablyMe]

If he was interested he would have found a way to reach you.

Text you from another phone, send a letter, contact a mutual friend, knock your door, morse code, let off a flare etc..

There are so many texting apps now that I can tell you from personal experience blocking a number doesn't work if said person really wants to contact you so that's really not an excuse anymore. Just a temporary setback lol.

Please leave him alone. If he wanted to be in touch he would have found a way.

There are many more men out there, you're going to find someone who will call you out on your flaws and help you reach new levels of intimacy. This man is not that person.

 

[FemmeFatale]

So why is this becoming one sided to where the guy is being villainized
for moving on from the poor treatment? Simply put, relationships are a two way street and you have to mindful of how you treat your partner and the same goes for him. It's not easy and no one is perfect.

This used to be a more balanced space where there was more constructive feedback (not in a beat you over the head type of way) just ideas on how to be a better partner, a better communicator, etc in addition to tips on how guard your heart from bad men. But it's shifted to just "he wasn't ish" and not every scenario is a case of bad men and all the teachable moments just get lost.

 

[DarkJoy]

Heeeeeyyyy now! I think there was some balance in this thread. A little if everything but once folks got more details (like pulling teeth, it was!) it became more balanced on how OP may have mistreated dude and maybe she's learned for next time yadda yadda...

So why is this becoming one sided to where the guy is being villainized
for moving on from the poor treatment? Simply put, relationships are a two way street and you have to mindful of how you treat your partner and the same goes for him. It's not easy and no one is perfect.

This used to be a more balanced space where there was more constructive feedback (not in a beat you over the head type of way) just ideas on how to be a better partner, a better communicator, etc in addition to tips on how guard your heart from bad men. But it's shifted to just "he wasn't ish" and not every scenario is a case of bad men and all the teachable moments just get lost.

 

[chebaby]

i want to thank everyone for their opinions and advice. I will be reaching out to him this weekend and I am aware that there are things I need to work on.

 

[ChasingBliss]

i want to thank everyone for their opinions and advice. I will be reaching out to him this weekend and I am aware that there are things I need to work on.

Great. Good for you. We all at some point had to learn about ourselves through mistakes made in relationships. Not sure how old you guys are but this is a learning experience for him too I'm sure. I think relationships teach us more about ourselves than any other type of experience because we are usually the most open and exposed. Hence the meaning of soul-mate in which we can have more than one.

 

[LiftedUp]

@chebaby What???!!! Girl, go and get your man! You are letting pride and fear get in the way of your potential happiness. Just tell him how you feel.
If that man loves you the way you say he does, you better go after him, before you lose him. Men like this are a dime in a dozen, and if you are worried about yourself, imagine what he must have gone through when you went ghost. His whole world might have collapsed. And as the other posters said, you should apologize to him and work through this. You only have one life girl. Second chances and opportunities don't come easy.

I agree and even if she doesn't get the response she desires she'll get some closure. Step out of your comfort zone a little

 

[LiftedUp]

Since I'm here I'll share a personal story. I had a similar situation happen to me a couple of years ago. I swore I was in love the minute he stopped pursuing me - these things usually happen when I come across an alpha guy. Anyway I bit the bullet and sent him a text outlining how I felt and why his actions were now hurting me. This was after my friends tried to slap.some sense into me but it wasn't working. This was totally out of my comfort zone. Anyway he called me immediately after and poured his heart out to me. After that that the spell broke and that was that. All the love and infatuation I felt just melted away. Can't say the same for him... to this day he's still trying to make fetch happen

 

[chebaby]

Since I'm here I'll share a personal story. I had a similar situation happen to me a couple of years ago. I swore I was in love the minute he stopped pursuing me - these things usually happen when I come across an alpha guy. Anyway I bit the bullet and sent him a text outlining how I felt and why his actions were now hurting me. This was after my friends tried to slap.some sense into me but it wasn't working. This was totally out of my comfort zone. Anyway he called me immediately after and poured his heart out to me. After that that the spell broke and that was that. All the love and infatuation I felt just melted away. Can't say the same for him... to this day he's still trying to make fetch happen

youre a savage

 

[ChasingBliss]

Since I'm here I'll share a personal story. I had a similar situation happen to me a couple of years ago. I swore I was in love the minute he stopped pursuing me - these things usually happen when I come across an alpha guy. Anyway I bit the bullet and sent him a text outlining how I felt and why his actions were now hurting me. This was after my friends tried to slap.some sense into me but it wasn't working. This was totally out of my comfort zone. Anyway he called me immediately after and poured his heart out to me. After that that the spell broke and that was that. All the love and infatuation I felt just melted away. Can't say the same for him... to this day he's still trying to make fetch happen

LOL .....I'm not sure he was an alpha tho. They don't chase a woman for years that don't want them. I call them alpha wannabes cus the true beta comes out as soon as they get in their feelings.

 

[Layluh]

Shoot. Some of this is advice I need. I recently ghosted someone but only for a week and a half, not no damb 365 days cause he wasn't spending enough money. He left VMs though in the mean time. When I was ready to talk again? I just sent him a video of me singing karaoke with a caption that read "I love this new app!"

Then it was on like donkey kong again

 

[LovinLea]

for a year. I would block his number for months then randomly unblock it just to see if he would call or text. no call for 3 days, id get pissed and block his number again
writing this out makes me seem bat ish cray.

Giiiiiiirrrllllllllllllll I do the same thing. Block him then randomly unblock and expect something, like he should've been calling a blocked number everyday for months. I, too, don't want to give a person a chance to hurt me. The father of my child disappeared multiple times throughout the pregnancy and then one day I blocked him, so they he wouldn't have the opportunity to reappear just to disappear once again. My issues have issues.

My opinion: Call him and leave the number UNBLOCKED. Do it just to get it off your chest.I couldn't live wondering what if??? You've already faced your fear which was not hearing from him. However I do think that you were feeling disconnected from him so long for a reason and you were just the first person to say goodbye.