I love my SO BUT I DO NOT like his daughter.

Ms. Vea

Ms. Vea

Member
Okay ladies I'm going to try to keep this as simple as possible. I love my man been with him for 2 yrs. he has one kid a girl curr 11 yrs old and I just don't like her. she got a smart mouth stank attitude and she's a spoiled brat! I may be in the wrong area for this but I need sum help. I really don't like this lil loud mouth trouble making ghetto kid. I feel bad because I used to adore her treated her like my own and now my skin crawls when she talks to me. I love him I even love his kid BUT I don't like her for nothing. Should I leave him becuz of it or try to stick it out?? One good thing is that she lives out of town however I gotta deal wit her every single summer. I forgot to mention that she is a two faced cry baby that is grown as hell. yaw I want to fight this lil girl like she a chick in the streets! Yaw pray for me cuz I'm really goin through and this stress cannot be good for the hair. lol
 
If you can't stand his daughter now, it will only get worse when you get married. So, my advice would be to move on. It doesn't matter how few times you see her, she is his daughter and she can move in forever any time.
 
u r right she could move in forever than I will either kill him or her or leave his butt n his child lol. its just easier said than done when u r in love.
 
Ms. Vea said:
Okay ladies I'm going to try to keep this as simple as possible. I love my man been with him for 2 yrs. he has one kid a girl curr 11 yrs old and I just don't like her. she got a smart mouth stank attitude and she's a spoiled brat! I may be in the wrong area for this but I need sum help. I really don't like this lil loud mouth trouble making ghetto kid. I feel bad because I used to adore her treated her like my own and now my skin crawls when she talks to me. I love him I even love his kid BUT I don't like her for nothing. Should I leave him becuz of it or try to stick it out?? One good thing is that she lives out of town however I gotta deal wit her every single summer. I forgot to mention that she is a two faced cry baby that is grown as hell. yaw I want to fight this lil girl like she a chick in the streets! Yaw pray for me cuz I'm really goin through and this stress cannot be good for the hair. lol
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Oh Ms. Vea, I wanted so much to give you some words of encouragement to stick to the relationship. Unfortunately if I did, I'd be a hypocrite. :grin:

Now going off what you typed, it reads as if you're not grown yet. That's just a sayin in these parts, meaning that you're holding back. I know you're aren't married to him, so you're not officially the "step-parent" but don't let her run over you. I'm sure it's a touchy area and ALL of your grievences about that kid has to go to her father, but stand your ground as an ADULT in the house when she goes into those tirades or fits...oh and call her bluff too. All with a smile of course. Good Luck!!!
 
Ms. Vea said:
Okay ladies I'm going to try to keep this as simple as possible. I love my man been with him for 2 yrs. he has one kid a girl curr 11 yrs old and I just don't like her. she got a smart mouth stank attitude and she's a spoiled brat! I may be in the wrong area for this but I need sum help. I really don't like this lil loud mouth trouble making ghetto kid. I feel bad because I used to adore her treated her like my own and now my skin crawls when she talks to me. I love him I even love his kid BUT I don't like her for nothing. Should I leave him becuz of it or try to stick it out?? One good thing is that she lives out of town however I gotta deal wit her every single summer. I forgot to mention that she is a two faced cry baby that is grown as hell. yaw I want to fight this lil girl like she a chick in the streets! Yaw pray for me cuz I'm really goin through and this stress cannot be good for the hair. lol
Click to expand...

How you gone get so mad that you wanna fight an 11 year old? :perplexed she's a child!

you should leave.
 
she isn't an average 11 yr old. she is grown as hell and when I say tht I mean literally. her parents and her grandparents think she can do n say no wrong she's the only child on both sides n the only grandchild on her father side.
 
DSylla said:
How you gone get so mad that you wanna fight an 11 year old? :perplexed she's a child!

you should leave.
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Believe me it's EASY!!! I used to ask this question all the time when I would here about child abuse until my little brother turned 10:wallbash:. He made me want to call CPS on myself.

Ms. Vea, I understand! Have you talked to your SO about it and maybe her mother?
 
I don't know what to tell you. But like someone else said...just know that at ANY TIME she could move to town for good. Maybe it's just a phase that she's going through?

Do you and her father live in the same house? Because if so, you all may need to establish some rules about her behavior in the household. Maybe you could mention some of the challenges (not TELL on her or complain about her) that you are having in your relationship with her and get his feedback. Make sure he knows that it's truly important to you to have a good, loving relationship with his kid.

Ultimately, if all fails I'm afraid you have no choice but move on to another relationship. I know that would be so hard to do...but it works out like that sometimes.
 
Well if you and your SO were married, I would tell your husband to "man up" and set some rules. Since you're the step-parent and not the "parent" you're kind of out of line to do that. As a step-child myself, I know that whatever rule that my step-mother tried to give, I automatically broke them. My step-mom is not my mom and I wished that she would have stopped trying. You're not her mother-- you're not a disciplinarian, That's your man's job and he's doing a horrible job of it. :nono:

But since you're just a girlfriend, you better leave. You're on LHCF talking about how you feel like you want to beat a child! It's actually grounds for a felony and who wants to go to jail over a child that hasn't been taught manners?

You need to leave, Sweetheart.

(now I wonder if she will take LHCF's great advice...)
 
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Ms. Vea said:
she isn't an average 11 yr old. she is grown as hell and when I say tht I mean literally. her parents and her grandparents think she can do n say no wrong she's the only child on both sides n the only grandchild on her father side.
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If the girl's grandparents and parents are going along with her bad behavior, then you are fighting a lost cause. Time to kick rocks!
 
Sis, I feel for you. I would have had a discussion with him about her a while ago. It is time to talk to him. If there is no change in her behavior, and he continues to neglect to the situation.... B O U N C E!

How he is handling this situation speak volumes as to how he is going to handle a lot of other sticky situations..... Talk to him sis.... stat!
 
Well, I can tell how much you don't like her...and she probably can too. :ohwell:

If it's that deep for you, you need to leave. 'Cause she's his daughter, and you already know she's not going anywhere.
 
If you loved this man i find it quite impossible to understand how you could not like his Daughter ...who is a child.

I am sorry but all you need to do is sit down have words with her and try to understand what she is going through.

Its her flesh and blood after all and i am sure at times she wishes that you were not around..after all you aint her mummy.:rolleyes:
 
I couldn't do it. I'm married now and we don't have kids yet, but when I was dating my first question was always "do you have any kids". If the answer was yes I was honest and told them I couldn't even exchange #'s. :nono::nono:
 
OP, you need to let it go..... you are not ready. If you can let a child make you that upset, you are not ready for life with her dad, because she is gonna be in it! She is testing you to see you go off so she can tell her dad and whoever else will listen.....been there, done that, got the t-shirt :yep: I am a step parent, been one for 22 years....it will get worse before it gets better. She is just 11, if you can't handle her now.... you really don't want none at 13, 14, 15, you get my drift? Let it go.
 
you have a real problem if you want to fight her like a grown woman :look:. it that tells me that you're clearly at breaking point. you need to have a talk with your SO and then sit down with the girl and her father to talk . also, think about how you're reacting to her; countering hostility with more hostility will get you no where. i'm reluctant to think that the girl is acting demonic and you're doing nothing wrong based on your OP.

the fact of the matter is that the child will be part of your man's life for the rest of his life. if he's a good father, he'll put his little girl before you. if you can't handle the child then move on to someone who is child-free.
 
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DSylla said:
How you gone get so mad that you wanna fight an 11 year old? :perplexed she's a child!

you should leave.
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I feel what you are saying Dsylla (I am a mom) but some teen age girls these days are an absolute mess :nono: grown aint in the word for it. These lil chicks will try to curse you out if you don't stand your ground.
 
donna894 said:
If the girl's grandparents and parents are going along with her bad behavior, then you are fighting a lost cause. Time to kick rocks!
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This is true. If they are all supporting the behavior there is really nothing else you can do :ohwell:
 
Ms. Vea said:
Okay ladies I'm going to try to keep this as simple as possible. I love my man been with him for 2 yrs. he has one kid a girl curr 11 yrs old and I just don't like her. she got a smart mouth stank attitude and she's a spoiled brat! I may be in the wrong area for this but I need sum help. I really don't like this lil loud mouth trouble making ghetto kid. I feel bad because I used to adore her treated her like my own and now my skin crawls when she talks to me. I love him I even love his kid BUT I don't like her for nothing. Should I leave him becuz of it or try to stick it out?? One good thing is that she lives out of town however I gotta deal wit her every single summer. I forgot to mention that she is a two faced cry baby that is grown as hell. yaw I want to fight this lil girl like she a chick in the streets! Yaw pray for me cuz I'm really goin through and this stress cannot be good for the hair. lol
Click to expand...

She will grow out of it (hopefully by the time she's 18, lol). Kids this age go through 'moods.' They can be really sweet one day and then stank the next, b/c of all the hormones/increased responsibility involved in becoming an adult. I wouldn't leave if I were you. If you love your man, you have to deal with the good and the bad. Yes, she's bad right now, but I think it's kinda a punk move to let a kid intimidate you into leaving a relationship.
 
I'll just say that she's at that age and eventually her attitude will calm down. In my family when the girl turns 12 it's the start of a rough year:look:. I had to tell my now 14 year old sister that she couldn't talk to me until she turned 13 cuz her attitude was driving me up the wall.

This too shall pass...
 
Ms. Vea said:
Okay ladies I'm going to try to keep this as simple as possible. I love my man been with him for 2 yrs. he has one kid a girl curr 11 yrs old and I just don't like her. she got a smart mouth stank attitude and she's a spoiled brat! I may be in the wrong area for this but I need sum help. I really don't like this lil loud mouth trouble making ghetto kid. I feel bad because I used to adore her treated her like my own and now my skin crawls when she talks to me. I love him I even love his kid BUT I don't like her for nothing. Should I leave him becuz of it or try to stick it out?? One good thing is that she lives out of town however I gotta deal wit her every single summer. I forgot to mention that she is a two faced cry baby that is grown as hell. yaw I want to fight this lil girl like she a chick in the streets! Yaw pray for me cuz I'm really goin through and this stress cannot be good for the hair. lol
Click to expand...


I know it is so much easier to say leave than it is to actually do. I have been in your shoes before. My ex-husband had 2 daughters and let me tell you...these heffas were the spawn of satan. At 11 and 13 years old they were disrespectful, slept around with boys. Rumors of them giving oral sex for money! You name it and they have probably done it. Plus they were in and out of juvenile hall...yes! Then their mother was a nut too...it was pure hell, I chased them and their mother out of my house countless times. But when I left that ass I felt so free and relieved. I no longer had to deal with him or his mad kids and baby's mother. Thank God I was able to move on to a much healthier relationship. So with that said, honey you should stand your ground and let this young lady know who's the woman of the house, if that don't work you know what to do.
 
I have a huge problem with your characterization of this 11 year-old child.

Does your man know that you feel this way about his daughter?
 
Well, if you all get married, you will be the stepmother. I say try and implement some discipline and respect techniques now. Now, if those don't work out, that'll be your cue to leave. She's a preteen now so that's why she's changed.
 
Okay I agree the daughter may have issues but she is the child and she may be going through something by not being with her father or anything because sometimes kids act out in different ways that we may not understand especially as an outsider. But on the other hand, if I was the father and read this post you would be so outta here. You are the adult and speaking of her in this tone and manner. You maybe stressing out because of the issues but find some time for you and take a breather. Hope you make a good decision for the three of you.

Meredith
 
Main reason I don't date men with kids... too much drama :nono:

If it were me, I would leave him alone and let him know why. It would be up to him to figure out if the relationship was worth it after he got his child in order, of course.
 
Finesse said:
OP, you need to let it go..... you are not ready. If you can let a child make you that upset, you are not ready for life with her dad, because she is gonna be in it! She is testing you to see you go off so she can tell her dad and whoever else will listen.....been there, done that, got the t-shirt :yep: I am a step parent, been one for 22 years....it will get worse before it gets better. She is just 11, if you can't handle her now.... you really don't want none at 13, 14, 15, you get my drift? Let it go.
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I hate to say it, but this is the TRUTH. As an 11-year old, that was definitely my goal when my mom married that man of hers. My brother and I made it our teenage mission to make his life impossible so that we could have our mother back. He tried to discipline us and we taunted him. We pushed every button we could, and we brought up his past and other grown stuff that we had no business talking about to his face. My brother pushed him to the point one day where he actually lost his cool and ended up punching my 14 year old brother in the face-- like a man. Gave him a black eye. Needless to say, no one cared how bratty we were to him-- all they saw was a grown man losing his cool and letting kids get to him. My mom is still married to him til this day-- but the family lost respect for her for remaining with someone who reacted that way toward her kids. :ohwell:

We were wrong, but have since grown up and learned to actually like him over the years (never thought that'd happen, but hey!) Unfortunately, he never really recovered from that loss of composure in the rest of our family's eyes.
 
donna894 said:
If the girl's grandparents and parents are going along with her bad behavior, then you are fighting a lost cause. Time to kick rocks!
Click to expand...

I'd agree. If you're the only one who thinks her behavior is a problem, you'll be sorry if you stay in this relationship. Unless you want to join the adoring gang, time to cut your losses and save yourself from having heart attacks.
 
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