i let myself go

C

chickle

Well-Known Member
i have been in a relationship for 6 months and now that i am ready to end it (found out that the dude is semi-gay), i realize that i really let myself go. i stopped coming on lhcf, my hair is the same length it was 6 months ago (maybe even shorter, but it is thicker) and i put on 6-7 lbs. The only thing that has improved is my skin and my derriere got a little bigger. Has this happened to anyone else?(I mean forgetting your looks) and how do i prevent this from happening next time?

on a side note, i have evidence that this guy is gay, but yet he keeps begging for another chance. what gives? am i his cover up, he keeps crying, saying he loves me and he only lives for me and blah blah blah. i mean i care for him, but i cant compete with chicks AND dudes.
 
:bighug:

I hope you are okay. You seem to be taking the fact that he is gay and/or cheating very lightly. I hope you get tested if you were sexually active.

Sometimes we let ourselves go in relationships but just play some Beyonce "cater to you" and you will get your sexy back when you are in your next relationship.
 
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Please leave him alone and go get tested.

The largest group of newly diagnosed HIV cases are heterosexual black women who were infected by their down low or bisexual partners. It's not worth it. Please take care yourself mentally and physically.... A real man will not put you through this.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
nikki2229 said:
:bighug:

I hope you are okay. You seem to be taking the fact that he is gay and/or cheating very lightly. I hope you get tested if you were sexually active.

Sometimes we let ourselves go in relationships but just play some Beyonce "cater to you" and you will get your sexy back when you are in your next relationship.
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trust me, ive had my share of tears, but im pretty much used to disappointment at this point in my life, so this is nothing to me. he has always claimed to be clean, but being the liar that he is, i will do the test.

im going to spend this summer becoming a better person, physically and mentally, but at this point i do not see myself dating ever again
 
MissMasala5 said:
"semi-gay"? How did you find this out?
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i got nosey, looked through his phone and internet history.

i confronted him, and he said he was just curious, but i think he is gay, he comes from a strict christian home so maybe it being a tranny instead of a man helps him sleep at night? idk
 
chickle said:
he has a thing for trannies. there were signs, but i was blinded by his looks, i guess.
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I'm sorry Wha?


:nono::nono:

Get tested hun. And then book yourself a spa day/makover etc whatever you need to start feeling better about you. Then maintain it.
 
OP, I am sorry that you are going through this. No one can tell you what to do in this situation, it's very delicate. If you don't mind dating a bisexual guy, be careful and lay out some ground rules. On the other hand, if this is not your style, then perhaps you should seriously save yourself the drama, dump him, and take some time to get yourself back together. By that I mean, build up your self-esteem (cause I'm sure the situation is taking you for a loop), get your body/hair back, and go get tested.

(((Big Hugs)))
 
omg... i am so sorry to hear. i am so tired of men ...i just...ugh. not going there. but yes i have let me self go after/during a break up. acne flare up wait gain, hair falling out the sides...the whole nine and it wasn't a good look.

i do hope you get over this hump. i am the last person to be giving any advice...but everyday above ground is another chance to make it right. good luck
 
justicefighter1913 said:
OP, I am sorry that you are going through this. No one can tell you what to do in this situation, it's very delicate. If you don't mind dating a bisexual guy, be careful and lay out some ground rules. On the other hand, if this is not your style, then perhaps you should seriously save yourself the drama, dump him, and take some time to get yourself back together. By that I mean, build up your self-esteem (cause I'm sure the situation is taking you for a loop), get your body/hair back, and go get tested.

(((Big Hugs)))
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thanks if he would be upfront about things, then maybe we could be friends, but i dont see myself with him like that, but i did consider to be my best friend. i just want him to be honest, but he is in denial about his sexuality.

i have no problem with anyones sexuality, im not judging him for being gay, im judging him for lying, being unfaithful and putting my life at risk.

thank you for understanding and kind words/advice, my self-esteem has dropped tremendously.
 
Let him and that relationship go. You deserve much better than a man who you think is gay or bisexual or whatever at this point. If I even had an inkling dude was cheating or gay I'm out for real. No justifying that situation in anyway shape or form. I find it ridicolous that anyone would condone this type of behavior especially if you are heterosexual.

We as women must do better for ourselves and with ourselves. It's better to leave and heal emotionally and spiritually and just plain be single for awhile until you get over your past situation. It's us as women that are left in a state of confusion, hurt and pain over men's lies when we see signs and don't move ourselves out of the situation. At the end of the day these men are going to be okay emotionally. It's usually the women that aren't. Get your self esteem weight up.

Confronting him usually is not the best way to proceed because it's just going to give him another chance to straight lie to you. Why do you really think he will start telling the truth once he is confronted? Typical response was It wasn't me lol.
 
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If he's still exploring his own sexuality and trying to keep you as window dressing then he's selfish and not worthy of you. You deserve a fully-grounded partner.
 
Dang I'm like at a lost for words. At least you found out. It doesn't matter if he owns it or not you gotta watch out for numero uno! Stay positive and take care of yourself. Don't let that liar stop you from loving and trusting again.
 
chickle said:
trust me, ive had my share of tears, but im pretty much used to disappointment at this point in my life, so this is nothing to me. he has always claimed to be clean, but being the liar that he is, i will do the test.

im going to spend this summer becoming a better person, physically and mentally, but at this point i do not see myself dating ever again
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I'm so sorry you're going through this!

I just wanted to say though, that it doesn't matter what anyone claims to be in terms of STDs ... only believe a copy of the results from a pathology lab.

Gay or not, there are a lot of infected people out there who are not diagnosed and believe they are 100% "clean." That's because they just aren't showing symptoms ... yet.
 
mallysmommy said:
omg... i am so sorry to hear. i am so tired of men ...i just...ugh. not going there. but yes i have let me self go after/during a break up. acne flare up wait gain, hair falling out the sides...the whole nine and it wasn't a good look.

i do hope you get over this hump. i am the last person to be giving any advice...but everyday above ground is another chance to make it right. good luck
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So very true...love that!

I'm sorry op...but you're making a good decision for yourself. I wish you the very best.
 
intergalacticartist said:
What were the signs that you ignored?
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he was overly sensitive and attentive, I found a profile online that said he was "looking for anything" and he was friends with a couple of trannies on there, I just figured that he was accepting. Also he had a huge, huge collection of bookmarked porn collections, and one time i was on his computer and saw that he had been looking up a lot of an*l porn and a lot of other weird stuff, but yet he claimed that he rarely watched that stuff.

Also he rarely complimented me on my looks or was excited by my appearance, (but he did when i first met him, so I figured i was getting ugly, but then i would go to the club and have a lot of attention, so i just didnt understand). I am not saying i look like a supermodel, but most guys who like me rave about my appearance, or at least complement me when i try to get dressed up. I told him to dump me if he wasn't attracted to me, but anytime i confront him with an issue, all he says is "i will change", but he doesn't.

there were also many little signs. like sometimes he would always mock me and do these high pitched girly voices, and once when i introduced him to a friend, he said "heyyy" this semi-high pitched girly voice

he wasnt a bad person, anything i wanted, i got it. he told me he loved me every chance he could, he held doors open for me, and would be there to listen to every single thing i had to say (even late at night when my thoughts became extremely weird) and he always knew how to make me laugh.

also we are both 21, yet he was always talking about marriage and babies...i just dont know.
 
Thanks for sharing. This guy was a.great opportunity for growth on your part. Consider it a blessing that u had this experience so early. He was not worthy of you so its time to keep moving. You will be over this dude in no time.
 
I Love how everyone is overlooking the gay part like this is not an emotionally traumatic situation. OP pleeeease seek some couseling. I know everyone is saying get tested but to me someone lying to you about their sexual orientation (especially if its to cover up whatever else they do) is an ultimate betrayal and I hope that you get through this without any trust issues after all is said and done.
 
SummerSolstice said:
I Love how everyone is overlooking the gay part like this is not an emotionally traumatic situation. OP pleeeease seek some couseling. I know everyone is saying get tested but to me someone lying to you about their sexual orientation (especially if its to cover up whatever else they do) is an ultimate betrayal and I hope that you get through this without any trust issues after all is said and done.
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The fact he lied and was deceitful is the catalyst.... Not gay. Gay doesn't equate evil or the like... He's a effed up man who she outed. Get tested moved on, don't project his conflict onto her, he's messed up not OP.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Gosh this sounds familiar. You made the right decision.

chickle said:
he was overly sensitive and attentive, I found a profile online that said he was "looking for anything" and he was friends with a couple of trannies on there, I just figured that he was accepting. Also he had a huge, huge collection of bookmarked porn collections, and one time i was on his computer and saw that he had been looking up a lot of an*l porn and a lot of other weird stuff, but yet he claimed that he rarely watched that stuff.

Also he rarely complimented me on my looks or was excited by my appearance, (but he did when i first met him, so I figured i was getting ugly, but then i would go to the club and have a lot of attention, so i just didnt understand). I am not saying i look like a supermodel, but most guys who like me rave about my appearance, or at least complement me when i try to get dressed up. I told him to dump me if he wasn't attracted to me, but anytime i confront him with an issue, all he says is "i will change", but he doesn't.

there were also many little signs. like sometimes he would always mock me and do these high pitched girly voices, and once when i introduced him to a friend, he said "heyyy" this semi-high pitched girly voice

he wasnt a bad person, anything i wanted, i got it. he told me he loved me every chance he could, he held doors open for me, and would be there to listen to every single thing i had to say (even late at night when my thoughts became extremely weird) and he always knew how to make me laugh.

also we are both 21, yet he was always talking about marriage and babies...i just dont know.
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