I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relationship?
- Thread starter Mimi22
- Start date
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
Yeah, that does sound pretty non-sexy. I don't know, a lot of men are just crazy in how they approach and you just have to let it roll off your back. Who knows, some other girl probably played along with him. But definitly know that it's not a compliment.
ok
Um...lets see.
I dont think they're "smooth toned". The last guy was started a convo along the lines of:
Him:"Wow hey u work on level 7, microbiology?"
Me: yeh I do - sorry no microscope attached to my glasses (corny i know, but I'm corny sue me)
Him: funny ha! do u guys visit the wards? What do u do? I work in radiography by the way, my name is ####.
Me: yes sometimes, only per doctor's request
Him: yadad yada yada...radiography....we have a new machine...yadad yada...resonance is amazingly higher than the last L-something...(he got really technical really fast!)
Me: wow sounds kool etc etc etc
Him:would u like to sit and have coffee before u head up? We're crowding the till lol *pays for my cofee* 1.55
We sit and talk about random stuff before exchanging numbers and FB.
He didnt use a deep sexy voice. it was more geeky and rather normal. He was blunt, smiled. he never complimented me. asked if we could go out sometime and talk some more. HE WAS NORMAL
Fast forward a couple of convos - no date....sexy talk! I'm like huh? dude....no.
Um...and no i never initiated sex or asked bout past gf's. It was more like, I like ur FB photos. U love to have fun...then it got xxx!
So sad cuz he was so cute
Yeah, that does sound pretty non-sexy. I don't know, a lot of men are just crazy in how they approach and you just have to let it roll off your back. Who knows, some other girl probably played along with him. But definitly know that it's not a compliment.
msa
New Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
Slightly OT: You gave out your phone number and facebook? Why would you want a stranger all in your personal business (pictures of you, friends, etc. etc.)?
If he needed to contact you, a phone number is enough. Giving him your facebook gives him easy access to you without having to talk to you to learn anything about you. And, he could gather the wrong impression of you from pictures, who your friends are (what they look like, how they dress), and other information you have up.
Slightly OT: You gave out your phone number and facebook? Why would you want a stranger all in your personal business (pictures of you, friends, etc. etc.)?
If he needed to contact you, a phone number is enough. Giving him your facebook gives him easy access to you without having to talk to you to learn anything about you. And, he could gather the wrong impression of you from pictures, who your friends are (what they look like, how they dress), and other information you have up.
msa
New Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
No problem. I wasn't trying to say anything is wrong with you, just that you are the common denominator. If someone ends up in the same situations or with the same results but with different people, then maybe it's that person you know? At least, that's how I look at it in my own life.
I'm gonna respectfully disagree msa. But thanks.
No problem. I wasn't trying to say anything is wrong with you, just that you are the common denominator. If someone ends up in the same situations or with the same results but with different people, then maybe it's that person you know? At least, that's how I look at it in my own life.
Mimi22
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
Well ppl i give my Fb to are on limited - i.e. jus a few photos are seen and no basic info.
Nevertheless I saw it as harmless - my fault. He's deleted and I havent been in contact with him. I told him I didnt like his aggressive approach and he apologised (half heartedly). I dont know whether I'll bump into him again.
Well ppl i give my Fb to are on limited - i.e. jus a few photos are seen and no basic info.
Nevertheless I saw it as harmless - my fault. He's deleted and I havent been in contact with him. I told him I didnt like his aggressive approach and he apologised (half heartedly). I dont know whether I'll bump into him again.
tocktick
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
Tbh, I wouldn't have given my FB info to someone who is not at least a friend or harmless friend of friend. Otherwise, someone who is practically a stranger has access to photos and other personal info. No! It makes them feel closer to you (as if they "know" you) than they really are, imo. I think it makes things more casual at a quicker rate. I think that's where some men start to think they can take liberties because their sense of reality is a tad warped by how much "access" you're giving them.
Regarding the phone calls, it would be interesting to know how long you spoke on the phone for (in terms of how many days, weeks etc, not actual phone minutes) and if the calls were frequent. I ask because I'm not sure I'd give my number to a guy who didn't ask for a date, let alone take regular phone calls like that. Once again, I just feel like it "cheapens" the contact between you two and devalues you a bit.
He got comfortable through all the phone calls & the FB access, imo. Maybe he wrongly thought you didn't expect a date since you were entertaining him anyway. Thus the lewd comments, he thought you'd just be down for sex (imo!). I think if he got a: "i only give my number out to serious contenders" vibe from you, then maybe he wouldn't have started with the tomfoolery.
The chat in the canteen or wherever didn't count for date. Furthermore, if you didn't exchange numbers and told him why (serious men only), if he really was into, he come correct the next time. If you felt speaking on the phone/FB was the way to know him more, I disagree because you work in the same place.
Just my theories, obviously. I know men can start mess at any point but I think if you begin with the right steps, you're more likely to get the desired outcome or closer to it.
ok
Him:"Wow hey u work on level 7, microbiology?"
Him:
Fast forward a couple of convos - no date....sexy talk! I'm like huh? dude....no.
It was more like, I like ur FB photos. U love to have fun...then it got xxx!
Tbh, I wouldn't have given my FB info to someone who is not at least a friend or harmless friend of friend. Otherwise, someone who is practically a stranger has access to photos and other personal info. No! It makes them feel closer to you (as if they "know" you) than they really are, imo. I think it makes things more casual at a quicker rate. I think that's where some men start to think they can take liberties because their sense of reality is a tad warped by how much "access" you're giving them.
Regarding the phone calls, it would be interesting to know how long you spoke on the phone for (in terms of how many days, weeks etc, not actual phone minutes) and if the calls were frequent. I ask because I'm not sure I'd give my number to a guy who didn't ask for a date, let alone take regular phone calls like that. Once again, I just feel like it "cheapens" the contact between you two and devalues you a bit.
He got comfortable through all the phone calls & the FB access, imo. Maybe he wrongly thought you didn't expect a date since you were entertaining him anyway. Thus the lewd comments, he thought you'd just be down for sex (imo!). I think if he got a: "i only give my number out to serious contenders" vibe from you, then maybe he wouldn't have started with the tomfoolery.
The chat in the canteen or wherever didn't count for date. Furthermore, if you didn't exchange numbers and told him why (serious men only), if he really was into, he come correct the next time. If you felt speaking on the phone/FB was the way to know him more, I disagree because you work in the same place.
Just my theories, obviously. I know men can start mess at any point but I think if you begin with the right steps, you're more likely to get the desired outcome or closer to it.
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
Yep! Its all in the standard that you present...In (MY) situations, there is certain tone in my voice that does not allow the convo to go off base.
We really do have the power. We just havn't figured it out yet.
Yep! Its all in the standard that you present...In (MY) situations, there is certain tone in my voice that does not allow the convo to go off base.
We really do have the power. We just havn't figured it out yet.
Bunny77
New Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
^^^Now see, I don't give out FB info, but a lot of guys find me and if they request an add, I'll do it. I don't take FB all that seriously, but my FB page doesn't have a ton of info about me or pictures either.
I also didn't see anything wrong with Mimi giving out her phone number after having coffee with the dude. I just think that once numbers are exchanged, the amount of phone calling/FB messaging/AIMing/texting should be kept to a minimum if he hasn't asked for a date.
I also think that it's so easy to be "forward" when you are sitting on the phone or behind a computer screen. This is why face-to-face dates are so important, because it forces men to show some respect (at least that's the idea) and act like they have some home training and some sense in public.
^^^Now see, I don't give out FB info, but a lot of guys find me and if they request an add, I'll do it. I don't take FB all that seriously, but my FB page doesn't have a ton of info about me or pictures either.
I also didn't see anything wrong with Mimi giving out her phone number after having coffee with the dude. I just think that once numbers are exchanged, the amount of phone calling/FB messaging/AIMing/texting should be kept to a minimum if he hasn't asked for a date.
I also think that it's so easy to be "forward" when you are sitting on the phone or behind a computer screen. This is why face-to-face dates are so important, because it forces men to show some respect (at least that's the idea) and act like they have some home training and some sense in public.
Mimi22
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
He had asked me out. but things never came together. i was either working or him working etc etc....
We spoke on and off for about 3 weeks maybe? It was nice and light hearted for the most part. Never longer than half an hour. I'm too tired to talk for longer than that after work
His sexual advances came outta the blue in the latest convo-which had me annoyed
it was on the phone-I was like "WHAT! um...no. dont ask me that! thats out of order!" he said sorry. and then kinda got awkward (lol).
anyhoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Thanks ladies, u've been great- thanks for the feedback!
He had asked me out. but things never came together. i was either working or him working etc etc....
We spoke on and off for about 3 weeks maybe? It was nice and light hearted for the most part. Never longer than half an hour. I'm too tired to talk for longer than that after work
His sexual advances came outta the blue in the latest convo-which had me annoyed
it was on the phone-I was like "WHAT! um...no. dont ask me that! thats out of order!" he said sorry. and then kinda got awkward (lol).
anyhoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Thanks ladies, u've been great- thanks for the feedback!
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tocktick
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
I agree with the bold. That's partially why I'm not into the FB thing because it's oh so easy for someone to say something scandalous over the net, whether they're anonymous or not! It's better/"safer" if the FB has low-key info on it like yours but I'm thinking of many people I know who have tooons of pics and info up there. I've even been tagged in bad photos where it looks like I'm showing too much skin even if I'm not (quickly de-tagged!) - it's just the angle of the camera but it will receive stupid comments anyway and it gives off a "party-girl" vibe. False. It's not something I would want a potential date etc to see at an early stage.
Like you said though, most men on official dates tend to be behave better. I've had negative experiences with giving out my number without securing a date first, so I think my comments stem from that!
Tbh, I think 3 weeks (even on/off) is probably a bit much, especially because you work at the same place and the date never materialised (something I think is a bit suspicious if you'd been in contact for 3 weeks, tbh but idk). I probably would have let him know I'd downgraded him to "friend"/"acquaintance" status as opposed to potential date/bf about a week earlier. I would have moved on instead of doing the on/off thing.
With all that said, there is only so much one can do in order to try and give off a better vibe. At the end of the day, if you're dealing with an undercover douchebag, he will soon reveal his true colours if he's not really about anything. The best you can hope to do is limit your chances of coming across one and weeding out the fools.
I agree with the bold. That's partially why I'm not into the FB thing because it's oh so easy for someone to say something scandalous over the net, whether they're anonymous or not! It's better/"safer" if the FB has low-key info on it like yours but I'm thinking of many people I know who have tooons of pics and info up there. I've even been tagged in bad photos where it looks like I'm showing too much skin even if I'm not (quickly de-tagged!) - it's just the angle of the camera but it will receive stupid comments anyway and it gives off a "party-girl" vibe. False. It's not something I would want a potential date etc to see at an early stage.
Like you said though, most men on official dates tend to be behave better. I've had negative experiences with giving out my number without securing a date first, so I think my comments stem from that!
He had asked me out. but things never came together. i was either working or him working etc etc....
We spoke on and off for about 3 weeks maybe? It was nice and light hearted for the most part. Never longer than half an hour. I'm too tired to talk for longer than that after work
His sexual advances came outta the blue in the latest convo-which had me annoyed
Tbh, I think 3 weeks (even on/off) is probably a bit much, especially because you work at the same place and the date never materialised (something I think is a bit suspicious if you'd been in contact for 3 weeks, tbh but idk). I probably would have let him know I'd downgraded him to "friend"/"acquaintance" status as opposed to potential date/bf about a week earlier. I would have moved on instead of doing the on/off thing.
With all that said, there is only so much one can do in order to try and give off a better vibe. At the end of the day, if you're dealing with an undercover douchebag, he will soon reveal his true colours if he's not really about anything. The best you can hope to do is limit your chances of coming across one and weeding out the fools.
Mimi22
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
He's been more than downgraded luv
He's been more than downgraded luv
Bunny77
New Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
Gotcha on the FB thing... we have to go with what's worked and has not worked for us, so I understand your reluctance at giving out that info. For me, it's no big deal, but I see how it can be for others, definitely!
Agreed. I know folks are busy, but there was no way he could have made time for even a lunch in that three weeks? I'd be a bit suspicious too.
Exactly. You'll still meet some of these fools even if you do everything perfectly or pretty darn close to it... just try to find ways (which you're doing now) to minimize the frequency of running into them if it seems to be happening so often!
Gotcha on the FB thing... we have to go with what's worked and has not worked for us, so I understand your reluctance at giving out that info. For me, it's no big deal, but I see how it can be for others, definitely!
Agreed. I know folks are busy, but there was no way he could have made time for even a lunch in that three weeks? I'd be a bit suspicious too.
Exactly. You'll still meet some of these fools even if you do everything perfectly or pretty darn close to it... just try to find ways (which you're doing now) to minimize the frequency of running into them if it seems to be happening so often!
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
I agree and I speak from experience... You can't afford to be passive nowadays or worry about hurt feelings. You have to be blunt and nip foolishness in the bud right away to get these sleazey dudes to fall back. I'm the type who is laid back and would prefer the subtle approach but a lot of these men aren't tryin to hear it.
It's true, a lot of women respond to overtly sexual banter these days - it's like the first few convos are supposed to be foreplay and sex is always the main event. These men think they are really bein deep and alluring on the I like a sensual female, let me wax poetic about my wenis tip
Ugh.
I agree and I speak from experience... You can't afford to be passive nowadays or worry about hurt feelings. You have to be blunt and nip foolishness in the bud right away to get these sleazey dudes to fall back. I'm the type who is laid back and would prefer the subtle approach but a lot of these men aren't tryin to hear it.
It's true, a lot of women respond to overtly sexual banter these days - it's like the first few convos are supposed to be foreplay and sex is always the main event. These men think they are really bein deep and alluring on the I like a sensual female, let me wax poetic about my wenis tip
Ugh.
kayte
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
re-edting my post
like a nun? no.. but at least meet OP where's she's at
Did she refer to her body that way
yes..indeed...sorry to say..it was offensive..to me.
but we all define behavior in our own ways..clearly this thread is an
example...but if someone said that to you
I'd be as outraged and as protective and as outspoken
you know I could have expressed my feelings
and said what I needed to.....in a more sensitive manner
and so I really do apologize..
:Rose:
I'm really truly sorry,Gigi-07
and I am also sorry some guy said something awful to you
and you felt like trash...
thank God feelings are NOT FACTS....
you are clearly an intelligent strong powered caring woman and
he was the trash
I hope you realize that now
HE WAS THE TRASH...
not you...
re-edting my post
like a nun? no.. but at least meet OP where's she's at
Did she refer to her body that way
yes..indeed...sorry to say..it was offensive..to me.
but we all define behavior in our own ways..clearly this thread is an
example...but if someone said that to you
I'd be as outraged and as protective and as outspoken
you know I could have expressed my feelings
and said what I needed to.....in a more sensitive manner
and so I really do apologize..
:Rose:
I'm really truly sorry,Gigi-07
and I am also sorry some guy said something awful to you
and you felt like trash...
thank God feelings are NOT FACTS....
you are clearly an intelligent strong powered caring woman and
he was the trash
I hope you realize that now
HE WAS THE TRASH...
not you...
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Mimi22
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
positive reinforcement is very much welcomed!
Thanks Kayte!
this is not fair..... suggestive clothing contributes
but with a man that offers that kind of dialogue
usually does not care..what a woman is wearing
by the way..check out your language
completely disrespectful and totally uncalled for
the OP asked for advice...not filth
how dare you......
objectify her
NOT TRUE..don't fool yourself
it's men that are loose
that kind of energy of disresepcting a woman in this way
is angry.... not only lust
and victimizes.... innocent women..
I dress down....wear glasses...cover everything and STILL get hit on ..
forget about wearing my hair down
OP....it's not always or often the woman's fault
all my lovely friends who have great guys had to weed out the pigs
disguised as princes...we all have had to do that ..and still do
it just happens as you get older...you brush those off automatically
those who would exploit and they get by the way,more sophisticated at it,too
but you brush them off like you would a fly... OP you'll learn how to do that too and redirect focus..to the princes that will begin to show up..instead of worrying about the creepy guys
really it's more about ...focus on what you want and keep focused on that
instead of what crops up in the meantime
sometimes when you clean a glass the dirt rises to the top
before the clean water emerges
but you do know how,lovely!
OP.....keep brushing them off...keep the emphasis that friends are hip!
lol... "friends/hip" and not "relations/hip".
its how relationship evolves..anyways...by being trusted friends first
keep the energy on being friends first...men who are invested in you & your welfare
will want to be your friend and romance is..the icing
define your bottom line and stick to it....the universe will reward you
then carry on & remember.. inflow ..out flow!
the good ones do show up..maybe expand your pool..in terms of prospecting?
maybe work is not the best place anyways..for many reasons
positive reinforcement is very much welcomed! Thanks Kayte!
AnnDriena_
New Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
nothing is wrong with you. Just wade through the BS quickly. Kick em' out of your life and move on. There are good ones out there. I also council black women to expand there dating pool in terms of race. No it's not a catch all but it helps. You may even meet the man of your dreams through a non-black man. He may have a black friend or whatever. But I've never had the problem you describe to the degree you have and I am a pretty little thing if I do say so myself. I just wad through the dirt and keep going. You'll be fine.
Just enjoy being by yourself for a little while. Go to the places you'd like a man to take you so you can meet the type of man you'd like and he should be interested in the same things as you if he's at the same type of place.
Just step away from the men and take a deep breathe.
And just for the hell of it. Refuse to give out your number a couple of times. Get the feel of it. Make them WORK for it. If they ask for your number early on tell him you'll see him around or he can give you his number and you'll call hime WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT.
nothing is wrong with you. Just wade through the BS quickly. Kick em' out of your life and move on. There are good ones out there. I also council black women to expand there dating pool in terms of race. No it's not a catch all but it helps. You may even meet the man of your dreams through a non-black man. He may have a black friend or whatever. But I've never had the problem you describe to the degree you have and I am a pretty little thing if I do say so myself. I just wad through the dirt and keep going. You'll be fine.
Just enjoy being by yourself for a little while. Go to the places you'd like a man to take you so you can meet the type of man you'd like and he should be interested in the same things as you if he's at the same type of place.
Just step away from the men and take a deep breathe.
And just for the hell of it. Refuse to give out your number a couple of times. Get the feel of it. Make them WORK for it. If they ask for your number early on tell him you'll see him around or he can give you his number and you'll call hime WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT.
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
There goal was one thing and one thing ONLY!! and it wasnt to flatter you. Sorry but its the truth.. Guys like that make me SICK!!
I use to talk to this guy, He was my 'dream' guy, very successful ex-football player and manager of a bank. The 2nd week of talking he was asking me to send nekkid pictures and was trying to have explicit convo's with me... I hung up the phone and never spoke to him. I hate
There goal was one thing and one thing ONLY!! and it wasnt to flatter you. Sorry but its the truth.. Guys like that make me SICK!!
I use to talk to this guy, He was my 'dream' guy, very successful ex-football player and manager of a bank. The 2nd week of talking he was asking me to send nekkid pictures and was trying to have explicit convo's with me... I hung up the phone and never spoke to him. I hate
kayte
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
THANK YOU! great advice..Awesome post..I'm taking notes
Ntozake Shange once said an unhealthy man is not worth the amount of time it takes to forget a bad idea
sometimes a cigar is just a cigar
don't overanalyze this
he was a creep(s)! enuf said. use the magic N word
NEXT!
THANK YOU! great advice..Awesome post..I'm taking notes
Ntozake Shange once said an unhealthy man is not worth the amount of time it takes to forget a bad idea
sometimes a cigar is just a cigar
don't overanalyze this
he was a creep(s)! enuf said. use the magic N word
NEXT!
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~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
You know it's done for laughs only, some of the tags can be so ridiculous that it's really funny.
y'all know y'all wrong with the "octomom" tag!
You know it's done for laughs only, some of the tags can be so ridiculous that it's really funny.
Theo
New Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
I used to have the same problem. I didn't find it flattering, it was actually really hurtful to me, because I knew that I had a lot to offer besides sex.
It didn't happen with every guy I dated, more like half. And I don't think the problem was with me. I was pretty much a good girl and pretty nerdy. I still had mad people approach me on the sexual tip though. I don't think it was because they didn't recognize everything I had to offer (because the many guys did), its just that they had no respect for it.
Things have really changed as of late. I think its cuz I started grad school... the guys are more mature here, understand the benefits of delayed gratification, etc. My romantic life is much better.
I used to have the same problem. I didn't find it flattering, it was actually really hurtful to me, because I knew that I had a lot to offer besides sex.
It didn't happen with every guy I dated, more like half. And I don't think the problem was with me. I was pretty much a good girl and pretty nerdy. I still had mad people approach me on the sexual tip though. I don't think it was because they didn't recognize everything I had to offer (because the many guys did), its just that they had no respect for it.
Things have really changed as of late. I think its cuz I started grad school... the guys are more mature here, understand the benefits of delayed gratification, etc. My romantic life is much better.
1QTPie
Elder Sim
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
They all do that. You gotta set your boundaries. I don't know ONE man that doesn't talk like a freak to me. They think it's cute, they want to see how you will respond.
I mean, is it in the way I walk? Talk? Erm....Smell?
Most of the guys I've been chatting with soon become lil sexual deviantserplexed
The conversation could be going swell (yes I said swell dammit), and all of a sudden "Ur a sexy lil thang; damn those lips, I can imgaine them doing
And before you know it....I'm back to square one --> singledom!
I mean we talk of politics, science, relationships, history, music blah blah blah...then BAM! I'm slapped with a sexual proposition ! Apparently I give off that "vibe", which is great, but I mean is it ALL the TIME?! Can I get a "I really like u; can we take this to relationship status?" I mean damn....WHY NOT!!!
I mean I shouldnt be complaining cuz its flattering?But can a sista catch a durn break?
Sorry needed to vent. Throw stones if yuh like!
They all do that. You gotta set your boundaries. I don't know ONE man that doesn't talk like a freak to me. They think it's cute, they want to see how you will respond.
ebonylocs
New Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
He also thought pretending to holler at a woman in a short skirt was a funny way to get my attention (When my face expressed my disgust, he said "Finally I got you to react!" As if my reaction was jealousy, rather than just annoyance.) In both cases I just moved on. I don't put up with stupidity and I need a man to behave like he has some sense.
I've been thinking about this lately, about how some men appear to need women to keep them in check. My man has to have his own internal self monitor and I'm not going to be there playing mamma and rapping knuckles. So no matter if a guy apologises and is supposedly contrite, if the only reason he's sorry is because I'm pissed off, but he personally didn't see anything wrong with what he said/did, then he's not the one for me.
You are so right. It's like men have lost any sense of propriety. A few months ago I had one send me a text at 1 am saying "I want to make love to you" days after he had been supposed to call to arrange our first date. Another on the first date imitated a woman having an orgasm (supposedly me, because according to him I was lying to him about how long I'd been single and celibate.) He thought it was cute and he was "just making a joke" that "another woman might have responded differently to". "Some women would be happy to have a man who comes up with little jokes like that."It's true, a lot of women respond to overtly sexual banter these days - it's like the first few convos are supposed to be foreplay and sex is always the main event. These men think they are really bein deep and alluring on the I like a sensual female, let me wax poetic about my wenis tip
He also thought pretending to holler at a woman in a short skirt was a funny way to get my attention (When my face expressed my disgust, he said "Finally I got you to react!" As if my reaction was jealousy, rather than just annoyance.) In both cases I just moved on. I don't put up with stupidity and I need a man to behave like he has some sense.I've been thinking about this lately, about how some men appear to need women to keep them in check. My man has to have his own internal self monitor and I'm not going to be there playing mamma and rapping knuckles. So no matter if a guy apologises and is supposedly contrite, if the only reason he's sorry is because I'm pissed off, but he personally didn't see anything wrong with what he said/did, then he's not the one for me.
skatergurljubulee
New Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
Like someone said, they could have a nurse fetish.
But in your case they could think because you're a microbiologist (that's so cool!!!!) that you're into all kinds of weird stuff? *sigh* Men.
Anyway, they could also assume because you're smart (read: nerdy or something) that you don't meet a lot of men so they think you'll give "it" out readily.
I don't know why they'd think you're so desperate. I don't think you are.
Maybe you should try another type of guy? That might be it. *shrugs* I'm sorry you have this problem!!! Keep holding out and a better guy will show!
Like someone said, they could have a nurse fetish.
But in your case they could think because you're a microbiologist (that's so cool!!!!) that you're into all kinds of weird stuff? *sigh* Men.
Anyway, they could also assume because you're smart (read: nerdy or something) that you don't meet a lot of men so they think you'll give "it" out readily.
I don't know why they'd think you're so desperate. I don't think you are.
Maybe you should try another type of guy? That might be it. *shrugs* I'm sorry you have this problem!!! Keep holding out and a better guy will show!
TayMac
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
Men do what works on women. No it doesn't work on all women (that's how men are dumb) but it will work on enough to convince them and they just want to try everybody in hopes of getting lucky.
Keep brushing off the duds and a good one will be there.
Men do what works on women. No it doesn't work on all women (that's how men are dumb) but it will work on enough to convince them and they just want to try everybody in hopes of getting lucky.
Keep brushing off the duds and a good one will be there.
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Ms_Delikate
Well-Known Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
This post is soooo on point to me... I know a girl that does just that..."brings up her personal info in normal conversations", always talking about how sexy she is, just pretty much acting as though she has NO boundaries, etc. etc. Then acts shocked and appalled when the guys proposition her... I really want to tell her sometimes "it's what you put out there" but I just don't say anything because I don't think my advice will be well received...I just make a note not to bring her around any of my guy friends/family.
This post is soooo on point to me... I know a girl that does just that..."brings up her personal info in normal conversations", always talking about how sexy she is, just pretty much acting as though she has NO boundaries, etc. etc. Then acts shocked and appalled when the guys proposition her... I really want to tell her sometimes "it's what you put out there" but I just don't say anything because I don't think my advice will be well received...I just make a note not to bring her around any of my guy friends/family
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Honi
There is no board.
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
There is nothing flattering about this but to put this into a simple perspective.....men ALWAYS think about sex when talking to women and even when not talking to women. This one was just more vocal about it and for some reason thought that you would think it was cute, flattering and would turn you on.
I know they are so stupid right?
The way you dress may have a part BUT if you don't walk around with all your goodies hanging out, men will still fantasize about what is under there.
Quick point....my best friend who is muslim and wore hijabs was told flat out by a man that he knew that she had a "booty under that sheet"
There is nothing flattering about this but to put this into a simple perspective.....men ALWAYS think about sex when talking to women and even when not talking to women. This one was just more vocal about it and for some reason thought that you would think it was cute, flattering and would turn you on.
I know they are so stupid right?The way you dress may have a part BUT if you don't walk around with all your goodies hanging out, men will still fantasize about what is under there.
Quick point....my best friend who is muslim and wore hijabs was told flat out by a man that he knew that she had a "booty under that sheet"
1Aleeesha
New Member
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
YUP
There is nothing flattering about this but to put this into a simple perspective.....men ALWAYS think about sex when talking to women and even when not talking to women. This one was just more vocal about it and for some reason thought that you would think it was cute, flattering and would turn you on.
The way you dress may have a part BUT if you don't walk around with all your goodies hanging out, men will still fantasize about what is under there.
Quick point....my best friend who is muslim and wore hijabs was told flat out by a man that he knew that she had a "booty under that sheet"
YUP
Re: I know I should be flattered but- Why do I get offered sex instead of a relations
Mimi there is nothing wrong with you.
We need to stop placing blame on women when it's the actions of a man who cause a situation to get out of control. If she stops dealing with theses guys after they become overly sexual, then she is obviously not welcoming it or accepting these crass "compliments" as self-esteem boosters.
Some of these males are too forward, tactless, raunchy, and completely foul. Maybe it's regional, maybe it's related to socio-economic level, but one thing for sure
respect seems to be lost among people in my generation (Y) for whatever reason. I see this in some older males as, well, but with younger males it seems to be much worse.
Mimi there is nothing wrong with you.
We need to stop placing blame on women when it's the actions of a man who cause a situation to get out of control. If she stops dealing with theses guys after they become overly sexual, then she is obviously not welcoming it or accepting these crass "compliments" as self-esteem boosters.
Some of these males are too forward, tactless, raunchy, and completely foul. Maybe it's regional, maybe it's related to socio-economic level, but one thing for sure
respect seems to be lost among people in my generation (Y) for whatever reason. I see this in some older males as, well, but with younger males it seems to be much worse.
