"I hope you don't just run off with the first guy who looks at you funny."

[Glib Gurl]

This is what my friend's father always warns her about when it comes to men and relationships.

While I can see the logic - don't get swept away just because no one has ever done anything nice for you - is it really so bad to end up staying with your first boyfriend forever? I am sure some ladies on here have . . . .

 

[phynestone]

I understand the logic, I really do. But what happens if that person decides to leave the first person they seriously dated to see what else is out there and they realize they threw away the best thing they ever had? Ever think about that?

I think the father is trying to warn his daughter not to get caught up and find herself in an unfortunate situation.

 

[YankeeCandle]

This is such an important thread, Glib.

I think it applies to a lot of people with varying backgrounds: shy people; late bloomers; less social people; very religious people; people with strict upbringings; people with trust issues...the list goes on of people who either don't date a lot or who do but have never had a serious relationship until later in life than most (by Western standards, that is).

I understand the logic, I really do. But what happens if that person decides to leave the first person they seriously dated to see what else is out there and they realize they threw away the best thing they ever had? Ever think about that?.

I think about this a lot. And really, this goes beyond Glib's original question. This is a broader topic that ties into the whole "settling" themes that American women are told to be consumed with. What I mean is this: suppose you casually date someone and find out they are an excellent emotional mate for you but for 2 or 3 characteristics (NOT internal character issues! just external ideals) that you always wanted in a life partner.

What are you supposed to when you "fall into" a marvelous relationship them---put it on hold so you can keep searching for someone who has all of those excellent "internal" characteristics plus the externals you've been hoping for, too? Seems risky and a bit foolish if you're really happy with a really good person.

I think a whole lot of women deal with this in life and don't know what to do because of the conflicting messages: society and family telling them NOT to "settle" for bread when sliced bread could be available around the corner, but then these dreadful magazine articles droning about "the man shortage" and trying to instill panic...and then the dreadful movies and TV ads that urge women to "get that ring!" above all else, without regards to her own internal compass.


ohwell:

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I think what is implied in the warning is "don't try and hold on to the first dude on the strength of him being the first if he really is Mr. Wrong."

A lot of women get caught up in trying to make a bad situation work because it's a scarier alternative for them to start from scratch looking for a new man.

 

[awhyley]

While I can see the logic - don't get swept away just because no one has ever done anything nice for you - is it really so bad to end up staying with your first boyfriend forever? I am sure some ladies on here have . . . .

If he's the one, then being and staying with him is a no brainer, but it's good to date around, just to make sure regardless. (If don't want to say the, if it's meant to be, you'll wind up together but who knows.)

This is such an important thread, Glib.

I think it applies to a lot of people with varying backgrounds: shy people; late bloomers; less social people; very religious people; people with strict upbringings; people with trust issues...the list goes on of people who either don't date a lot or who do but have never had a serious relationship until later in life than most (by Western standards, that is).

Oh boy, that's pretty much me, all of the above, not to mention quiet. I feel that for some reason, less scrupulous people prey on these types, which is why it doesn't hurt to be extra careful, esp. when entering new relationships. I'm not about the motive, (which in itself is sad, couldn't he like me for me?)

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

My mother tells me this too. She keeps saying that I haven't be smitten yet and when I am, don't just automatically run with him.

 

[Glib Gurl]

My mother tells me this too. She keeps saying that I haven't be smitten yet and when I am, don't just automatically run with him.

My grandmother always said to me, "Don't fall in love!"

 

[dlewis]

I didn't end up like that but my boss' daughter married her first boyfriend and she was his first girlfriend.