I Have A Bad Attitude??!!

[LadyBugsy]

After a horrendous week full of PMS meltdowns, midnight cravings, and 2 sick days, I visit the local grocery store and run into and OOOOOOLLLLLLLLDDDDD (platonic) male friend of mine. We chop it up and fill each other in on the past 7 years and the normal questions come up...

-Are you married? me: NOPE
-Do you have any kids? me: NUH-UH
-Gotta man? me: NO SIR

Then he proceeds to say, "Yeah, I remember you had a bad attitude. Too fiesty!" and I am like (Shocked and dismayed).

So I ask him to elaborate and he just kinda shruggs and says, "You know how you are." If I knew, I wouldn't be asking!

I will admit to a VERY low tolerance of bulls**t and shenanigans. And I anm not one to fake my feelings, particularly because I am a terrible liar (which is why I don't lie and that leads people to say that I am too honest and lack tact). I have my own opinion and not everyone has to agree but I give and expect respect.

So, has anyone ever told you about your attitude? Were they correct in their observation?

 

[mallysmommy]

yes i definately get into my little funks often than not. I don't even realize it half of the time. It wasn't until i got into some serious trouble at work that made me pay more attention to how i react to unfavorable situations. My problem is that i wear my emotions on my face. If you have pissed me off or annoyed me you will definately know it by just looking at me. its a work in progress. the first step is acknowledging that there is indeed a problem. lol for the longest i just thought people were beinig to sensitive and taking things too personally.

 

[LadyBugsy]

My problem is that i wear my emotions on my face. If you have pissed me off or annoyed me you will definately know it by just looking at me. its a work in progress. the first step is acknowledging that there is indeed a problem. QUOTE]

This is me ALL.DAY.LONG! I wear my insides on the outside like my cousin says.

So, what is the first step, trying to get a good poker face? Or just acknowledging that my emotions are showing? PLEASE HELP! I do not want to become an angry, bitter, lonley BW...so not into being a statistic

 

[hopeful]

He sounds like a dope. His comment was very unnecessary.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

My problem is that i wear my emotions on my face. If you have pissed me off or annoyed me you will definately know it by just looking at me. its a work in progress. the first step is acknowledging that there is indeed a problem.

This is me ALL.DAY.LONG! I wear my insides on the outside like my cousin says.

So, what is the first step, trying to get a good poker face? Or just acknowledging that my emotions are showing? PLEASE HELP! I do not want to become an angry, bitter, lonley BW...so not into being a statistic

Lol.... Well, honestly I know some BW with horrible attitudes that are STILL married, and BW who are sweet as pie who are still single so.... Sometimes it's just up to meeting the right person at the right time in life I guess. *shrugs*

But ANYWAY...if you want some tips in order to help you come off as less "attitudy" (lol ), maybe....

1) Try PICKING and choosing your battles. Instead of responding negatively or getting flustered over every little thing, maybe try only reacting to 2 out of 5 offenses.

2) Before getting upset, ask yourself: "Could there be a DIFFERENT reason behind all of this?" Let's say for example someone cuts you off on the road and is speeding ahead of you. Could the person be chronically late? Could they be rushing to get their pregnant wife to the hospital? Maybe the person just got some really bad news and need to rush to go pick someone up.

3) Think of your blood pressure. I don't know how old you are, but the older we all get, the more and more we have to make sure that our blood pressure remains stable. I don't know if you're prone to fits of anger or anything, but negative bouts of frustration/anger, or just plain pessimism can take it's toll on an individual over time. It can definitely get the blood pressure rising.

4) Tell yourself: "This too shall pass"

5) Try smiling more and incorporating positive speak in your everyday life. Tell yourself: "NOTHING is going to ruin my great day today". You'll be surprised how much that helps!

6) Get good rest at night. You'll be surprised how a lack of sleep, daily stress, and just overall feeling fatigued and run down can make you have a short fuse and less "tolerance" for certain things.

7) Lastly, try to let things roll off your shoulder. If someone is late picking you up, or if someone said something out of character and didn't mean to be harsh....try letting it roll off your shoulder every once in a while. Everyone does/says something they shouldn't have every once in a while.


I hope these help! I don't know if you're already doing these things or not, but I think doing some of the things on this list may help change some people's perceptions of you. Also, positivity helps YOU more than it does others really.

Keep in mind though, some people may automatically view you as having an "attitude" no matter WHAT you do or say. Just ignore people like that. But if you have noticed within yourself areas where you can improve, then look to tweak things a little bit in your personality. See if that changes how you feel inside and if it makes a difference in how people treat you.

 

[caltron]

There may be truth in what your friend is saying, but at the same time, I don't think you should try to be someone you're not. Not every man is going to want a submissive wallflower. Some men actually like a woman who is a firecracker.

Maybe you could just make tweaks here and there and learn when the times when you need to dial the volume down on your personality. If you try to make too drastic of a change, you won't be successful at it in the long run.

 

[mallysmommy]

i agree with the above two. I've learned that not every action is warranted my reaction. My motto is if it doesn't pay my bills then its not worth it. (to an extent. this motto doesn't apply all of the time lol)
Once i recognize that i am catching an attitude sometimes i will step away for a few minutes to recollect. i work in a high stressed environment, and if i need to i will retreat to the restroom or something to check myself.

I am not sure if you are a religious person but during those times that i retreat i pray and meditate or even just breathe.

Another thing that TRULY helped me was reading the book "The Four Agreements" by Miguel Ruiz...
http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreemen...4939/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323712456&sr=8-1

Its "go-figure" type of information that basically says not to take anything too personally and that its not that serious, but sometimes i think people need to be reminded of certain things that they may struggle with.

it has taken me years and i am still not where i would like to be, but with effort i know i will get there in due time.

 

[Prudent1]

@mallysmommy and LadyBugsy
Matt 12:34 and Luke 6:45 both address this very issue all of us struggle with over the course of our lives.
Matt. says-"...For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."
In Luke the passage says- 45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
So, what's the solution? Something you said already-"during those times that i retreat i pray and meditate or even just breathe."

You see, if you leave out the Godly perspective you will end up masking your problem. Applying a filter or band-aid of sorts. Band-aids don't cut it when surgery is warranted. Filters will help train you to be silent but you will still have the same feelings deep inside. Those thoughts and feelings will pop up at the most inopportune timeserplexed. Have you ever done or said something and thought 'Where did that come from?' It came from your heart. The real you. Not the one you learn to display in order to get along in life or be PC. God can and will help you to eradicate internal things that shouldn't be a part of you. You said-"it has taken me years and i am still not where i would like to be, but with effort i know i will get there in due time." You are exactly right. With Him you will get there and the changes will be permanent ones.

LadyBugsy,
Now as for the old platonic friend. I wouldn't put too much stock in what someone who hasn't seen me in 7 years thought. I'm sure you are not the same person you were 7 years ago. It is the 'hit dog that hollers' though. Sounds like you are wise enough to see you have room for improvement in this area and you are wise enough to want to do something about it. Do it b/c it's the right thing to do though cause as CrystalIce said I know a lot of ppl who are all kinds of messed up who are married (and still lonely but that's another thread altogether) in spite of their stank attitudes.
HTH,
P1

 

[barbiesocialite]

Lol.... Well, honestly I know some BW with horrible attitudes that are STILL married, and BW who are sweet as pie who are still single so.... Sometimes it's just up to meeting the right person at the right time in life I guess. *shrugs*

But ANYWAY...if you want some tips in order to help you come off as less "attitudy" (lol ), maybe....

1) Try PICKING and choosing your battles. Instead of responding negatively or getting flustered over every little thing, maybe try only reacting to 2 out of 5 offenses.

2) Before getting upset, ask yourself: "Could there be a DIFFERENT reason behind all of this?" Let's say for example someone cuts you off on the road and is speeding ahead of you. Could the person be chronically late? Could they be rushing to get their pregnant wife to the hospital? Maybe the person just got some really bad news and need to rush to go pick someone up.

3) Think of your blood pressure. I don't know how old you are, but the older we all get, the more and more we have to make sure that our blood pressure remains stable. I don't know if you're prone to fits of anger or anything, but negative bouts of frustration/anger, or just plain pessimism can take it's toll on an individual over time. It can definitely get the blood pressure rising.

4) Tell yourself: "This too shall pass"

5) Try smiling more and incorporating positive speak in your everyday life. Tell yourself: "NOTHING is going to ruin my great day today". You'll be surprised how much that helps!

6) Get good rest at night. You'll be surprised how a lack of sleep, daily stress, and just overall feeling fatigued and run down can make you have a short fuse and less "tolerance" for certain things.

7) Lastly, try to let things roll off your shoulder. If someone is late picking you up, or if someone said something out of character and didn't mean to be harsh....try letting it roll off your shoulder every once in a while. Everyone does/says something they shouldn't have every once in a while.


I hope these help! I don't know if you're already doing these things or not, but I think doing some of the things on this list may help change some people's perceptions of you. Also, positivity helps YOU more than it does others really.

Keep in mind though, some people may automatically view you as having an "attitude" no matter WHAT you do or say. Just ignore people like that. But if you have noticed within yourself areas where you can improve, then look to tweak things a little bit in your personality. See if that changes how you feel inside and if it makes a difference in how people treat you.

Crystalicequeen123
ITA on both parts of the bolded.

Just speculating, but the difference may be if it's men or women that think you have a bad attitude. Men and women have different perceptions & interpretations of different traits, not only physical but emotional and character. Women are always telling me I have a bad attitude/difficult etc but men have never really said this about me. When I bring this up what women say to me to men they say "naw, you're one of the good ones. Your attitude isn't that bad." Apparently even my temper tantrums, when compared to other women they encountered, are pretty mild & tame (I've been told this twice in the past month, the last was a few hours ago) At the same time, some women that other women perceive as the nice, sweet and most angelic some men I know find them quite difficult......

but I've also been told that I switch up dispositions when men are around too So the person women get from me is not the person men get lol

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Another thing that TRULY helped me was reading the book "The Four Agreements" by Miguel Ruiz...
http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreemen...4939/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323712456&sr=8-1
.

Omg....I LOVE this book! It really is "Well DUH...you don't say??" type of information lol, but I find that even the simplest things need repeating some times.

I too find the bible's advice: "Be swift about hearing and slow about speaking" to be pretty timeless as well.

 

[Raspberry]

@Crystalicequeen123
ITA on both parts of the bolded.

Just speculating, but the difference may be if it's men or women that think you have a bad attitude. Men and women have different perceptions & interpretations of different traits, not only physical but emotional and character. Women are always telling me I have a bad attitude/difficult etc but men have never really said this about me. When I bring this up what women say to me to men they say "naw, you're one of the good ones. Your attitude isn't that bad." Apparently even my temper tantrums, when compared to other women they encountered, are pretty mild & tame (I've been told this twice in the past month, the last was a few hours ago) At the same time, some women that other women perceive as the nice, sweet and most angelic some men I know find them quite difficult......

but I've also been told that I switch up dispositions when men are around too So the person women get from me is not the person men get lol

Yea it all depends on the pros vs. cons from the male persepctive IMO. For example, I had a college roomie who was a female canine that other girls couldn't stand but she had lots of boy toys. She had a lot of sex appeal, sensual mannerisms and loved to cook, so while she would drive men crazy with her neediness and mood swings, she had their basic desires covered so they always came back for more

 

[barbiesocialite]

Yea it all depends on the pros vs. cons from the male persepctive IMO. For example, I had a college roomie who was a female canine that other girls couldn't stand but she had lots of boy toys. She had a lot of sex appeal, sensual mannerisms and loved to cook, so while she would drive men crazy with her neediness and mood swings, she had their basic desires covered so they always came back for more

your friend sounds like me, except in the past few years I stopped cooking so much lol They don't like that, I'm still hearing "you used cook for such-n-such, but you won't cook for me?!?!?!"

I've never had a shortage of male prospects and proposals, but I have commitment issues which is another thread all in itself

ETA: LMAO @ female canine

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I saw an old friend from college about a year ago and she said you still got that temper
I was shocked and my feelings were a little hurt, I don't think I do but as a bw I feel like nobody is going to look out for me so I have to stick up for myself

 

[PinkyPromise]

After a horrendous week full of PMS meltdowns, midnight cravings, and 2 sick days, I visit the local grocery store and run into and OOOOOOLLLLLLLLDDDDD (platonic) male friend of mine. We chop it up and fill each other in on the past 7 years and the normal questions come up...

-Are you married? me: NOPE
-Do you have any kids? me: NUH-UH
-Gotta man? me: NO SIR

Then he proceeds to say, "Yeah, I remember you had a bad attitude. Too fiesty!" and I am like (Shocked and dismayed).

So I ask him to elaborate and he just kinda shruggs and says, "You know how you are." If I knew, I wouldn't be asking!

I will admit to a VERY low tolerance of bulls**t and shenanigans. And I anm not one to fake my feelings, particularly because I am a terrible liar (which is why I don't lie and that leads people to say that I am too honest and lack tact). I have my own opinion and not everyone has to agree but I give and expect respect.

So, has anyone ever told you about your attitude? Were they correct in their observation?

That's why my ex so called left me. It's not my fault men don't know how to handle me and are SCARED.

 

[Evolving78]

i'm going to be a friend and be very blunt. you sound like you got a lot of mouth on you and it comes off as a big turn off. check what you say and how you say it to people. you don't have to give your opinion on everything regardless of if it is BS, or not that is coming your way.

 

[barbiesocialite]

i'm going to be a friend and be very blunt. you sound like you got a lot of mouth on you and it comes off as a big turn off. check what you say and how you say it to people. you don't have to give your opinion on everything regardless of if it is BS, or not that is coming your way.

I agree.

 

[itismehmmkay]

'a little attitude problem's all good; it'll make the ish last...'

 

[LadyBugsy]

Ladies, thanks so much for the responses - you have given me a lot to think about.

I looked up the definition of "feisty" and while i can say that I possess some of those qualities, i would have never thought someone would describe that way. I don't want to be viewed as quarrelsome but i am so tires of people attempting to play me. I feel the need to protect myself at all times. However, I have posed this question to a different clique of friends and got a totally different response. They said that feisty is better that 'b!!ch' because a feisty woman has discretion while a 'b!!ch' does not.

I will admit to being opinionated and outspoken. And I can accept that it is something I need to work on. Today, I felt the need to remind myself that "It is not as bad as it seems. I may have missed the small blessings because I have been looking for a (large scale) miracle."

I VOW TO WORK ON THIS IN 2012! Anyone that wants to join me, add tips or share experiences; please feel free to use this thread as a tool. I will try and update as I can. Thanks again ladies! I will give more detailed thanks soon!

 

[Theo]

omg that's so rude!

Feisty is not a bad thing, he may not like it, but there are a lot of men out there who will appreciate it.

 

[Evolving78]

i love this! this was honest! things are going to go so well for you the coming year!

Ladies, thanks so much for the responses - you have given me a lot to think about.

I looked up the definition of "feisty" and while i can say that I possess some of those qualities, i would have never thought someone would describe that way. I don't want to be viewed as quarrelsome but i am so tires of people attempting to play me. I feel the need to protect myself at all times. However, I have posed this question to a different clique of friends and got a totally different response. They said that feisty is better that 'b!!ch' because a feisty woman has discretion while a 'b!!ch' does not.

I will admit to being opinionated and outspoken. And I can accept that it is something I need to work on. Today, I felt the need to remind myself that "It is not as bad as it seems. I may have missed the small blessings because I have been looking for a (large scale) miracle."

I VOW TO WORK ON THIS IN 2012! Anyone that wants to join me, add tips or share experiences; please feel free to use this thread as a tool. I will try and update as I can. Thanks again ladies! I will give more detailed thanks soon!