I Hate His Family

[BrownieBrie]

Just some background info:
Me and my SO have been together for 5 years and have 2 year old DS.
His family is extremely small and extremely close. They all live on the same street and his house is the house they gather at.

Long story I just don't like his family. They are not bad people and in small doses I could handle them, but they are constantly together, literally everyday! They are very loud, drinking, card playing type of people. And they are like this everyday. I'm a little more introverted and a light drinker.

The main problem is the constant comments/criticizing about why I'm not acting like everyone else (dancing, taking shots etc.) It irritates the hell out of me. I feel like this is who I am, and I shouldn't feel uncomfortable to appease them or gain their approval.

I want to get along with them but I do not know how. HELP!

 

[Mai Tai]

Just some background info:
Me and my SO have been together for 5 years and have 2 year old DS.
His family is extremely small and extremely close. They all live on the same street and his house is the house they gather at.

Long story I just don't like his family. They are not bad people and in small doses I could handle them, but they are constantly together, literally everyday! They are very loud, drinking, card playing type of people. And they are like this everyday. I'm a little more introverted and a light drinker.

The main problem is the constant comments/criticizing about why I'm not acting like everyone else (dancing, taking shots etc.) It irritates the hell out of me. I feel like this is who I am, and I shouldn't feel uncomfortable to appease them or gain their approval.

I want to get along with them but I do not know how. HELP!

You have made it 5 years so I'm not sure where the problem lies. They are not going to change...you are not going to change. Do you, and let them be themselves.

I understand that their comments frustrate you but continue to hold your ground whenever they criticize you. Next time when they ask about your lack of shot-taking ability, kindly respond..."I'm sorry, Is my sobriety bothering you? I thought you would be happy that I'm not drinking because that means that there is more for you..."
I guess I'm just the type that would shoot right back when people criticize me for not living up to their dysfunctional definition of life.

What is important is that your SO understands what type of woman you are, and does not expect you to change to gain acceptance from his family. If he does then I suggest that you keep it moving...

 

[Dee-Licious]

ya'll plan on getting married?


If not, your son is the age where he can go visit by himself, and you don't have to see them at all if you hate being around them.

 

[MD_Lady]

Just some background info:
Me and my SO have been together for 5 years and have 2 year old DS.
His family is extremely small and extremely close. They all live on the same street and his house is the house they gather at.

Long story I just don't like his family. They are not bad people and in small doses I could handle them, but they are constantly together, literally everyday! They are very loud, drinking, card playing type of people. And they are like this everyday. I'm a little more introverted and a light drinker.

The main problem is the constant comments/criticizing about why I'm not acting like everyone else (dancing, taking shots etc.) It irritates the hell out of me. I feel like this is who I am, and I shouldn't feel uncomfortable to appease them or gain their approval.

I want to get along with them but I do not know how. HELP!

IMO, you shouldn't change a thing because you aren't doing anything wrong. Both sides should be respectful of one another (and it sounds like you are doing your part) even if they can't be "friends". What does your SO say about the situation? Hopefully, he understands that there is a fine line between playful teasing and criticism.

 

[JustKiya]

Just tell em - I'm a bad dancer, and more than one drink of liquor makes me puke. Don't nobody want puke on the floor - that a certainty. And people usually leave acknowledged light-weights alone.

 

[BrownieBrie]

ya'll plan on getting married?


If not, your son is the age where he can go visit by himself, and you don't have to see them at all if you hate being around them.

Maybe, but we aren't going over for visits. We are together everyday because we are a couple and we have a child. Sometimes he does go over with out me, but we usually all go together.
\

 

[BrownieBrie]

You have made it 5 years so I'm not sure where the problem lies. They are not going to change...you are not going to change. Do you, and let them be themselves.

I understand that their comments frustrate you but continue to hold your ground whenever they criticize you. Next time when they ask about your lack of shot-taking ability, kindly respond..."I'm sorry, Is my sobriety bothering you? I thought you would be happy that I'm not drinking because that means that there is more for you..."
I guess I'm just the type that would shoot right back when people criticize me for not living up to their dysfunctional definition of life.

What is important is that your SO understands what type of woman you are, and does not expect you to change to gain acceptance from his family. If he does then I suggest that you keep it moving...

The problem lies in the fact that it is getting progressively worse. I have not been dealing with them like that for 5 years, only since my son was born. Their actions don't really bother me, its the constant comments about why I am participating that I find irritating. Its like they can't understand that everyone isn't like them.

 

[Highly Favored8]

I know of people in your situation- who have family members like that- what did they do,they moved away and see them only on certain times of the year. All I can say is if you plan to marry this man then you are marrying him and not the family.

 

[BrownieBrie]

I know of people in your situation- who have family members like that- what did they do,they moved away and see them only on certain times of the year. All I can say is if you plan to marry this man then you are marrying him and not the family.

That's probably what I am gonna have to do, move him off that d@mn street. I can deal with them in small doses, but 4-5 times a week is too much, I can't deal with ANYBODY that much.

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

I didn't get along with my ex's mom, and his gramdmother made me wanna puke sometimes. Small doses was the very most I could do. Try family time out somewhere, maybe the park for instance. Let your SO know you want to change up the scene sometime. As far as his family, someone else hit the nail on the head. They won't change, and neither will you - which is fine, no one should have to. What you should try changing is your attitude toward the situation since that's honestly the only thing you really have the power to change. Try talking to your SO, I don't think there's anything wrong with him telling his family to give you all some space. Moving is a stellar idea, as well, but in the meantime...

 

[brownelovely]

Just politely decline going next time. You don't have to go everyday but at least make an effort to do it sometimes. If he asks you what's up, let him know that you would like to do some other things sometimes and that the everyday visit is becoming a little routine. I know that's easier said then done but you probably resent them more now b/c you're tired of going more than if you went occasionally.

 

[LiberianGirl]

Have you made your feelings known to your SO? If so, how does he feel about the situation?

 

[chokolate miss]

I'm sorry, but they sound like my family.

We are some Blackjack playing, drinking, and loud talking mo fos and it can take some getting used to.

Everyone who is new coming around us needs to make adjustments!

I don't think they are doing it to me mean per se. They either...
1. think that you are stuck up...
2. want you to feel welcome and part of their shenanagans.

I am wondering what have you done to make yourself be a part of the family? It does not seem like you are trying too hard.

...do you know the saying, when in Rome...(you don't have to go against what you believe in, but make some effort).

 

[MissYocairis]

Just some background info:
Me and my SO have been together for 5 years and have 2 year old DS.
His family is extremely small and extremely close. They all live on the same street and his house is the house they gather at.

Long story I just don't like his family. They are not bad people and in small doses I could handle them, but they are constantly together, literally everyday! They are very loud, drinking, card playing type of people. And they are like this everyday. I'm a little more introverted and a light drinker.

The main problem is the constant comments/criticizing about why I'm not acting like everyone else (dancing, taking shots etc.) It irritates the hell out of me. I feel like this is who I am, and I shouldn't feel uncomfortable to appease them or gain their approval.

I want to get along with them but I do not know how. HELP!

I'm sorry OP. I guess, in a world where so many families feud and have life-long battles and refuse to be in the same room with each other...it's kinda sweet to hear of a family that loves each other that much that they are together daily even though they live on the same street.

They do need to leave you alone about being who you are though. I cannot stand when folks try to shame others into being carbon copies of them.

 

[MizAvalon]

What is up with the being together every single day? I realize everyone is on the same street but that is entirely too much togetherness.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

I have very few family like that but their friends and their family are seriously loud, card playing extroverts who are always over at the home where we meet for gatherings, no one bothers me..I do not bother them. I do my thing, they do theirs...thank goodness there is space enough for everyone at gatherings to find their own comfort level. The all the time over thing, I could not take that at all..Holidays are quite enough. The people need to leave you alone..smile and discuss the puke

 

[ThickHair]

He is a package deal. If he was like that before you, it is not fair that you are coming through trying to change. You are going end up on the losing end.

I say don't go with him all the time, go every other time or every third time. If everyone brings their kids, go play with the kids and have fun. You should really be happy that his family gets along.

Plus you are not the wife, maybe you shouldn't be taking on so many wifely duties. IMHO

 

[BrownieBrie]

He is a package deal. If he was like that before you, it is not fair that you are coming through trying to change. You are going end up on the losing end.

I say don't go with him all the time, go every other time or every third time. If everyone brings their kids, go play with the kids and have fun. You should really be happy that his family gets along.

Plus you are not the wife, maybe you shouldn't be taking on so many wifely duties. IMHO

I never said I wanted to change him or his family. I have know him since I was 15. He has always been loud, extroverted, outgoing. I have always been quieter and more laid back. It's never been a problem. I don't have a problem with them or their actions (as I have previous stated) I just have a problem with insistence that I join. And I haven't taken on any wifely duties, unless being in the presence of someone's family is a wifely duty.

 

[BrownieBrie]

I'm sorry, but they sound like my family.

We are some Blackjack playing, drinking, and loud talking mo fos and it can take some getting used to.

Everyone who is new coming around us needs to make adjustments!

I don't think they are doing it to me mean per se. They either...
1. think that you are stuck up...
2. want you to feel welcome and part of their shenanagans.

I am wondering what have you done to make yourself be a part of the family? It does not seem like you are trying too hard.

...do you know the saying, when in Rome...(you don't have to go against what you believe in, but make some effort).

I talk to them, go shopping with and when we get the kids together we always have fun. I get along with everyone. I just don't like playing spades and taking shots of Jack Daniels, for some reason that's they part they can't get over.

I know the saying, I also know the saying "Live and Let Live" If I'm not being rude or disrespectful and I'm having a good time in my own way, I don't think I should have to act like them.

 

[swirl]

sounds like they just want you to loosen up a little bit and be a part of their family. personally, i would be a little concerned if they acted like i wasn't there.

 

[darlingdiva]

I agree w/ JustKiya. Just let them know that you're not loud & you're a light drinker. Being an introvert, I understand where you're coming from.

 

[chokolate miss]

I talk to them, go shopping with and when we get the kids together we always have fun. I get along with everyone. I just don't like playing spades and taking shots of Jack Daniels, for some reason that's they part they can't get over.

I know the saying, I also know the saying "Live and Let Live" If I'm not being rude or disrespectful and I'm having a good time in my own way, I don't think I should have to act like them.

ITA, I even said in my post that I was not suggesting dowing bottles of Jack and Jose.

I just find it odd that you said "I Hate His Family", but now you're saying that you get along with everyone and you always have fun that's all. Hate is a very strong emotion and I am just trying to understand what is going on.

You sound confused...in your OP you bashed them...saying that they talk about you and this and that. I dunno

 

[chokolate miss]

What is up with the being together every single day? I realize everyone is on the same street but that is entirely too much togetherness.

I am always surprised when I am on this board and I read about how people are with thier families.

I am not directly speaking to you MizAvalon. But I get the notion that a lot of the women on here see family as husband and kids-period and not the extended brood. What is wrong with a close knit clan that loves one another and wants to be around each other? Maybe at 24 I'm old school.

I will go to battle for my family. They are my strongest supporters and best friends. I'm sorry to get off track, but that was bothering me a bit. No, I am not married, but the man that I do marry will have to understand that family is important. I am speaking of the one we will create together and the one that created me...

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

I never said I wanted to change him or his family. I have know him since I was 15. He has always been loud, extroverted, outgoing. I have always been quieter and more laid back. It's never been a problem. I don't have a problem with them or their actions (as I have previous stated) I just have a problem with insistence that I join. And I haven't taken on any wifely duties, unless being in the presence of someone's family is a wifely duty.

This is what I want to know.

Someone clarify this.

Because IMO the "stop taking on wifely duties" insinuation is a snide way to harp on the fact that you all are unmarried with a child.

I could be wrong and I hope that I am.

 

[BrownieBrie]

ITA, I even said in my post that I was not suggesting dowing bottles of Jack and Jose.

I just find it odd that you said "I Hate His Family", but now you're saying that you get along with everyone and you always have fun that's all. Hate is a very strong emotion and I am just trying to understand what is going on.

You sound confused...in your OP you bashed them...saying that they talk about you and this and that. I dunno

IA, I shoudn't have uses the word "Hate". I like them under normal circumstances, and they have never been anything but nice to me. It's just when they wanna party/celebrate (which is often) and they can't let me enjoy the festivities in my own way and constantly comment and prod me to do what they are doing. They don't talk about me (that I know of) any other time.

 

[chokolate miss]

Aww, sorry about that. >>>>hugs<<<<
I hope things work out for the best.
No matter what others say, you have a child with your SO-therefore his family is your family. Everyone should feel comfortable being around family...

 

[MizAvalon]

I am always surprised when I am on this board and I read about how people are with thier families.

I am not directly speaking to you MizAvalon. But I get the notion that a lot of the women on here see family as husband and kids-period and not the extended brood. What is wrong with a close knit clan that loves one another and wants to be around each other? Maybe at 24 I'm old school.

I will go to battle for my family. They are my strongest supporters and best friends. I'm sorry to get off track, but that was bothering me a bit. No, I am not married, but the man that I do marry will have to understand that family is important. I am speaking of the one we will create together and the one that created me...

I understand that. We are a close knit bunch too. But together every single day? Not to mention there is an extra layer of unique-ness because everyone lives on the same street. I'm all for accepting the entire family when you marry into it but I do believe that there is such a thing as too much togetherness. I don't think it's healthy to spend freakishly excessive amounts of time with anyone. Even spouses need alone time. Even parents need breaks from their children.

This wasn't really directed towards anyone in particular, just kind of a general comment about my feelings.