I feel inadequate compared to him.

[*SkolarStar*]

I have discussions about this topic with my friends and we never reach a conclusion.

For example, let's say I don't have a car and I live with my parents. I'm in school full time, work part time, volunteer, etc. etc. I meet a guy who basically has his career going already and he's a couple of years older than me. He graduated a couple of years ago, has a couple of cars, and a couple of places, etc. etc. From what I know, he's everything I want.

BUT (there's always a but) I feel inadequate because of this. He's interested in knowing more about me and I want to decline because of my inadequate feelings. He's bringing the ham, turkey, and stuffing while I'm bringing beverages.

Thoughts?

 

[Skyfall]

Yes I felt that way initially, but I think what it boils down to is knowing your worth and being confident in what you do have. those things are material, but I'm sure you have alot to offer in terms of personality and interpersonal relations. Look at it that they are the ones that are damn lucky to even be talking to you. If your material possessions or education level is not enough for them, let them worry about that and KIM.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Why would you feel inadequate, if you are in preparation for the future? He is older, so quite natuarally he should have accomplished more than you. Maybe he sees your ambition and drive, and is attracted to that. It sounds like you are accomplished in your own right, so for me it would not be an issue.

ETA: People bring more to relationships other than the tanglibles. What emotional, physical, mental needs, and spiritual needs?

 

[kittikat24]

Actually you have nothing to worry about I'm sure, alot of men enjoy "providing" and feeling like they're taking care of a woman. Don't feel inadequate, obviously he's made the first move, which is a great sign.
All you have to bring to the table is your respect, love and loyalty. That's enough

 

[Windsy]

You may need to be having this conversation wtih him.

I know from experiences that men don't mind being with a woman that hasn't quite achieved as much as they have; for them, they are looking for someone that won't tear down what they have built.

 

[Love Always]

You're working towards your goals so you shouldn't feel inadequate at all. Let him get to know you for who you are.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I have been there before and all I can say is

"Look at me now, Look at me now...oh...I'm getting paper" *In my Chris Brown voice*

You are here now but you won't always be. Remember this phase in your life is temporary. You'll be rolling with the big dogs in time.

You can still hold your own without all that and you gotta be confident enough and let him see that in you.

Let him fall in love with the you without the flash and the cash.

 

[aribell]

I don't think being matched in that way is likely to be important to him. You're about bettering yourself and that's good enough. But sometimes men might perceive a woman trying to match him as competition, which isn't what you want.

Sent from my LS670 using LS670

 

[tropical-punch]

I'd prefer to be with someone who was a little more on my level (success-wise). But back to the OP, just be honest with him.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I completely understand how you feel OP. I say continue to focus on pursuing your interests and don't let this sabatoge a good relationship. If he is supportive and understaning he might just help you obtain your goals. Don't worry as long as you stay focused you will get where you want to be.

 

[Twinspired]

I agree with the other comments. I don't think he would mind. If it were the other way around he might have an issue.

 

[mischka]

I think some guys prefer women to be "inadequate" compared to them, and if this guy chose you, it's probably what he wanted.

 

[qchelle]

Was the OP asking about how he felt about it? I thought she was talking about how SHE felt about it...not if he was okay with it. I mean obvi he is

Anyway, for me, it would depend on how much older he was. I'm 21. If he was...mmm say 23...and had a COUPLE of cars and a COUPLE of houses (wtf? Lol) I'd probably feel like a major loser, yes regardless of how ecstatic he was that I am a loser to take care of lol. But if he was substantially older than me, I would be fine with--great with, actually lol. But I don't date oldheads so that's a moot point for me lol.

I like the idea of being on somewhat of an equal playing field education and career wise right now. If he was all established with everything, I'd feel kind of resentful/jealous I have a guy friend who's 21 (MY AGE) and is in fu***ng grad school at Johns Hopkins in his 3rd year of his Phd program for engineering or some ****. No, I couldn't date anyone like that I guess that makes me a man by LHCF standards

Now, if he ended up making more than me later in life...you know, like if we were married/his career choice was the money maker, then that would be awesome! Lol

ETA: oh oh oh. But if you reallllly like him and he is just the bees knees, then try to get over it. I would. Try to get over it, that is lol.

Sent from my WX445 using WX445

 

[Theo]

I don't think that really matters to him. If he's really balling as you say, he's not going to be worried about your financial status too much. Guys don't factor career accomplishments the same way we do when we're looking for a partner. If you have goals, interests, etc. that's what he will care about and appreciate.

 

[ellebelle88]

It's hard not to feel inadequate, but if you really like this guy, you better at least act like you don't feel inadequate. I once dated this awesome guy. Pretty good looking, goes to MIT for graduate school, great group of friends, everyone loves his personality...but the problem was, I felt like such a loser around him. His past girlfriends were beautiful and they were all science majors and when I constantly compared myself to him, I felt like he was going to find someone who was so much better and end up leaving me.

He did end up leaving me...but because I was so insecure. I never felt like I deserved him, so instead of just being myself around him, I would always tense up around him or make a fool of myself.

My advice to you, is don't worry about being inadequate. If a guy didn't want to be with you, he definitely wouldn't spend his time trying to get to know you. You don't have to have what he has, he's probably looking for someone who he can talk to with ease and someone who makes him feel good. You probably have all that and more. He's clearly attracted to you.

 

[Whimsy]

If your worth lays in the things you have in your current station of life, then you'll always feel inadequate when comparing yourself to men you're dating who have it together.

You have 2 options.

Date down, find some loser who's got nothing going on so you'll feel better about yourself

OR

Choose to feel confident in and proud of who you are, and where you are now, when dealing with men who have more or are farther ahead with the things/station in life.


either or.

 

[Curlykale]

Value yourself for what you want to accomplish and be, and think: are we on the same wave length? That is all that will matter. Time is only a small component for achieving goals, what makes many people similar or different or compatible is very often their attitude and the direction they are facing. And still, you could have 2 cars and 5 successful jobs and have nothing interesting to bring to his table: actually, it happens quite often among people who don't value relationships enough. He is interested in you and he may be a person who has balance and self worth, if he is intelligent and non superficial the things that will matter to him are in your personality and way of seeing life and in your qualities as a Woman.

 

[gabulldawg]

I don't know. I'm from the old school, so I believe that a man SHOULD bring more to the table than a woman. So I probably wouldn't feel inadequate at all.