I don't understand open relationships....

Qualitee

Qualitee

New Member
What's the sense of being in a "relationship" with someone if you two openly see and hump other people? What is so special about you? What sets you apart from the other girl(s) or guy(s) that your "boo" is seeing? Most open relationships seem like people are doing the same thing with their other women or men that they do with their main girl or guy. Is it a promise for the future? To me its like you are hump buddies and that’s it. You are just someone they like to hump, just like the last person. “Oh, me and him or her has an understanding?” Understanding of what? To be his or her trophy in public but not good enough to satisfy most his or her needs?
 
i don't understand why people feel like they need to understand open relationships if they don't want to be in one.:ohwell:
 
With age I've come to realise I do not need to understand everything. I might think something is ok, someone else might not, and vice versa. As long as my partner doesn't try to pull that option, I'm good.:yep:
 
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I don't understand it either but I speculate that people that engage in open relationships see sex as just that....sex.....it's independent of everything else.

They are committed but they give in to their non-monogamous nature. They have decided to stop making a concious choice to be monogamous.

They have found a person that they want to spend their everything with except their bed.
 
I think those people believe that humans aren't really meant to be monogamous. And the worst part of cheating isn't the sex, it's the lying. So if you are in an open relationship you don't have to worry about the trust issues, since everyone is being upfront about their dirt.
 
The closest I can come to understanding this is those women who turn a blind eye to cheating because they view sex as not being linked to feelings.

Windsy said:
I don't understand it either but I speculate that people that engage in open relationships see sex as just that....sex.....it's independent of everything else.

They are committed but they give in to their non-monogamous nature. They have decided to stop making a concious choice to be monogamous.

They have found a person that they want to spend their everything with except their bed.
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Oasis said:
i don't understand why people feel like they need to understand open relationships if they don't want to be in one.:ohwell:
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I don't understand why people feel the need to understand why someone else needs to understand open relationships that they don't want to be in if said person doesn't want to also understand.

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Twinspired said:
I don't understand why people feel the need to understand why someone else needs to understand open relationships that they don't want to be in if said person doesn't want to also understand.

Sent from my PC36100 using PC36100
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Lol! Hold on...what...now you got me all confused.
 
yardyspice said:
The closest I can come to understanding this is those women who turn a blind eye to cheating because they view sex as not being linked to feelings.
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I think its different. In your example, she's just ignoring his indiscretions. Almost like "I won't ask, you won't tell and you better not make any outside babies."

It works for those who become who become bored with the routine of a monogamous relationship. In true open relationships, both parties have the option of seeking out "fresh meat", not just the guy. The ability to separate sex and love is the core of these relationships and most people just cannot do it. More often than not, they are not even worth the hassle. Invariably someone will catch feelings.

I don't bash it, it's just not my cup a tea.
 
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I am assuming the marriage works because nobody else would put up with that nonsense so they have an us against the world type mentality.

kestia said:
I think its different. In your example, she's just ignoring his indiscretions. Almost like "I won't ask, you won't tell and you better not make any outside babies."

It works for those who become who become bored with the routine of a monogamous relationship. In true open relationships, both parties have the option of seeking out "fresh meat", not just the guy. The ability to separate sex and love is the core of these relationships and most people just cannot do it. More often than not, they are not even worth the hassle. Invariably someone will catch feelings.

I don't bash it, it's just not my cup a tea.
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I don't get it, either. Why not be single?!?!?!? Some people act like being in a relationship or getting married is the only option. :perplexed
 
I am not in an open relationship but I am one that doesn't equate sex to love or sex to a relationship. For me sex is sex and love is love. Sometimes they go together and sometimes they don't. And it isn't something that I can explain. I just don't feel the same way that other women describe they feel. We all process things differently. Who he is having sex with isn't as important to me as if we have a good time together. I've had faithful men but they were boring. I also don't get the marriage thing. People try to explain it to me I just don't feel it or get it.

I don't think it is something that can be explained or understand. I have the same "um why" to marriage as you have to an open relationship. We just roll different.
 
i'm in an open relationship and one of the main reasons we're not together is the distance. We live in different states and its hard for us to spend time together, so without making this post super long, I'll say LDR can be great if you set guidelines, respect each other, and are honest. Since we don't see each other as often as we may like, we have no time to argue or think about anything negative.

We always have something to talk about and truly get excited being in each other's presence.
 
gabulldawg said:
I don't get it, either. Why not be single?!?!?!? Some people act like being in a relationship or getting married is the only option. :perplexed
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Actually is more about looking at the options people say are ok to pick from and then saying no thank you, I would rather do it this way. Its about making new options even if others don't agree.
 
yardyspice said:
@faithVA and @sj10460 No judgment here. I just have a bunch of questions. Are you open to answering?

Ladies NO JUDGMENT!!!!
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Sure you can ask. I don't know that it will help you but ask away :lol:

My girlfriend and I have been having these discussions for years and she isn't any closer to understanding me than I her but we just role with it.
 
At what point or age did you decide this lifestyle was for you, and was there any particular influence?


Sent from my Fancy iPhone using LHCF. Please excuse the typos.
 
Twinspired said:
I don't understand why people feel the need to understand why someone else needs to understand open relationships that they don't want to be in if said person doesn't want to also understand.

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Bc the only reason to frame the question that way is to be judgmental and condescending, and people can keep that. People get off on looking down on other people. It's lame.
 
winterinatl said:
At what point or age did you decide this lifestyle was for you, and was there any particular influence?


Sent from my Fancy iPhone using LHCF. Please excuse the typos.
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yardyspice said:
How did you have the conversation about seeing other people?
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First, every relationship is not an open relationship. So each person I date is different. Most people, even most men can not handle even the idea. So I don't want to give the impression that it just works this way.

I knew in college that I didn't care about the who is with who, when my partner would say I slept with xyz, and I would say so why are you telling me. And after talking with other women I realized that my reaction was not common.

By now I know how to feel people out to see how they feel about relationships, marriage, etc. So I know whether they are traditional or not. If they are traditional in dating, I stay traditional. If they are non-traditional the conversation is easy and direct. People tell you where they are and if you listen you know whether you can bring it up.

However, I usually keep guys at an arm distance for a while because may of them attach easily.

If I was in a different state, like sj10460, I certainly wouldn't have an issue with it. I'm doing what I do, do what you do. I don't have time to babysit you. We have our ground rules about my time is my time and we are good.
 
Have you ever gotten attached?

faithVA said:
First, every relationship is not an open relationship. So each person I date is different. Most people, even most men can not handle even the idea. So I don't want to give the impression that it just works this way.

I knew in college that I didn't care about the who is with who, when my partner would say I slept with xyz, and I would say so why are you telling me. And after talking with other women I realized that my reaction was not common.

By now I know how to feel people out to see how they feel about relationships, marriage, etc. So I know whether they are traditional or not. If they are traditional in dating, I stay traditional. If they are non-traditional the conversation is easy and direct. People tell you where they are and if you listen you know whether you can bring it up.

However, I usually keep guys at an arm distance for a while because may of them attach easily.

If I was in a different state, like sj10460, I certainly wouldn't have an issue with it. I'm doing what I do, do what you do. I don't have time to babysit you. We have our ground rules about my time is my time and we are good.
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mischka said:
Bc the only reason to frame the question that way is to be judgmental and condescending, and people can keep that. People get off on looking down on other people. It's lame.
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When I was in my twenties, I used to say I don't understand blah, blah, blah. And fortunately life gave me the opportunity to have a personal experience that helped me to understand. And after the second time I got the message. So I have stopped saying that. :lol: The experiences weren't funny though. I personally have tried to give up understanding. But I do see how it can be hard for others.

But I have my areas. Man, work showed that to me today. They were driving me crazy. :lol:
 
yardyspice said:
Have you ever gotten attached?
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Oh yeah, when I love, I love hard. When I was younger I wanted to have people to myself more. As I get older, not so much. I like the time we spend together and the time we spend apart. It probably works for me because I want some of their time but not a lot.
 
As I'm talking about it, it's not like they show on tv, where I'm with 1 person and sleeping with all these people. :lol: That's funny, I never thought of that. No, I'm with 1 person and I'm free to see anyone I want and so are they. But I still tend to stick with the 1 person. Mostly, becaues guys seem to easily attach to me and I don't like to go through that piece.

I'm sure there are people in open relationships that just sleep around a lot. But that is a lot of work.
 
Windsy said:
I don't understand it either but I speculate that people that engage in open relationships see sex as just that....sex.....it's independent of everything else.

They are committed but they give in to their non-monogamous nature. They have decided to stop making a concious choice to be monogamous.

They have found a person that they want to spend their everything with except their bed.
Click to expand...

Windsy You did a really good job summing it up :yep: Thanx.
 
winterinatl said:
At what point or age did you decide this lifestyle was for you, and was there any particular influence?
There was never an age, it was just circumstance that made me open to this. I don't have an open relationship with everyone i date, just the opposite. It was a particular SO.

Sent from my Fancy iPhone using LHCF. Please excuse the typos.
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yardyspice said:
How did you have the conversation about seeing other people?
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We've known each other for over 7 years. I met him my jr yr of hs and we were together up until I started college. I was going to college across country at the time, he didn't want a LDR and didn't want the pressure of one to affect me, (he already finished undergrad) so we talked about it, and it was 'i'll see you when I see you', type of things.

Eventually, I ended up in college on the east coast but we were still 5 hours away. We remained friends but somehow lost contact. We found each other on fb last year and super excited. We exchanged number, emails, etc. He wants me to move to NY but I have things I haven't finished in DC. Both of our family and friends are in NY along with his work and children.

Oh, to answer your question:lol: It kinda went like this:
Him: Move back to NY so we can get married
Me: What? Get What?
Him: Do you love me?
Me: Silence
Him: Let's do it right this time.
Me: I can't leave now and you know that.
Him: So what you want me to do?
Me: Silence
Him: what, you got one of your lil bf's there, you can't talk
Me: I know how you feel and you know how I feel so-
Him: How do I feel?
Me: I know what time it is. Just make sure your friends do too.
Him: So we good?
 
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