I don't know what to do. Im scared to make a move.

[january noir]

OP, Sorry for your troubles. What doesn't kill ya makes you stronger.

Take your time. You don't have to make a decision right away. You are not married to him and though you are in a committed relationship, you have no obligations to stay if you see fit to leave the relationship. Talk it out, share your feelings (write him a letter if need be) and if he can't understand your feelings, then I'd say get ready to move on. I'd step back and see how it goes. You both have had a situation thrust upon you that you didn't count on. If you are still uncomfortable, bounce. It may be hard to do, but remember, it's your life and you must be happy.

Just remember that life is a series of low blows and the highest of highs. If you can't weather this storm with this man as a SO, then what in God's name will you do when something even more serious happens with him as a husband? Think about it.

 

[justicefighter1913]

His daughter's mother lives 15 minutes away from us, and she is married. The funny thing is, she had asked my boyfriend to give her the boy she always wanted, and wanted to marry my boyfriend 6 months ago, when she asked him to take a paternity test. Tell me why two weeks later, she was married to the father of her third child.

Um, this right here sounds slobouvian.... I like what Hairsnob had to say....with these new details the situation sounds like a mess waiting to blow up and get more sloppy.

 

[TayMac]

I stand by what I said. Sometimes when you find out a partner doesn't meet your ideals it will make your heart drop and sometimes you can't recover. This may be one of those times.

He may get mad and call you selfish blah blah or whatever else but it is your choice. If you want to be with someone childless you still can and not feel bad. You didn't cause the situation.

 

[Farida]

Is the mother of the child Korean?...because it would explain the resemblance, but I will assume it was not that obvious...genes are a crapshoot sometimes.

When you get married, real talk, all your problems are magnified and multiplied. If you feel this way now, what makes you think things would get any better? Chances are they will get worse. I would put money on it. Not being mean, just realistic.

There's joy but a lot of pain in marriage, and it can really suck the life out of you, so if you are not married, why put yourself in that situation? Unless you can concretely, honestly and logically find a way to deal with this which I doubt. Emotions run too strong sometimes.

As others said, the mother of his child sounds like all sorts of drama wrapped in one waiting to pop off. And she is married too. If you were my daughter, I would tell you to run for the hills.

Whatever you do, don't make a decision based on "it will get better." Marriage is to big of a gamble for that. I wish DLewis were still here to really give you her experience.

 

[MissYocairis]

Yea, he got a paternity test and the results came back that she is his child.

OK, let's think for a minute....would you want a man who would deny his own flesh and blood? This was clearly some type of fly by night one night stand with a random woman. It's not like the woman was the love of his life. You are the love of his life right? And he is yours right? So....the love of your life has a daughter. Embrace her. I understand your fears and frustrations but you wouldn't want to be with a man who wouldn't step up in a scenario like this. You said you love him...now....what are you gonna do? Continue to love him, or chuck the deuces? If you can't get past it, let him go and find someone who is cool with it and will love him for who he is. Otherwise, embrace the situation and his DD and move forward.