I can't break the bad habits!!!! EVERYONE HELP!!!!

[IndianAngel22]

I've been on LHCF sense June and before lurking, and joined in July I believe, and I was reading through a post about what people did wrong before LHCF. Well, 5-6 months post, and I realize I'm still doing what I shouldn't I guess.

1. For 5-6 months I had a weave *Weave for the rest of 2008 Challenge* And I only DC'd maybe every 3-4 weeks if I felt my hair was dry, and in between, I barely EVER moisturized my hair but a few times.
2. I just switched to glue ins to give my hair a "break" from braids
3. I still, never moisturize my hair really, just my edges with bees wax or something to keep them straight and my nape, which I hot comb straight
4. I use a flat iron EVERY day to re straighten my hair because it won't stay smooth after I rap it
5. I'm using a hair rap that isn't even silk or satin, it's some weird in between wavy fabric
6. I often fall asleep without rapping my hair
7. I never wear my hair natural although my hair is curly
8. I do not co-Wash
9. I brush my hair under running water. I thought it was helping me detangle by keeping it wet
10. I've left my sew in in my hair for 4 months out of that 6 and when i detangled, I thought I was shedding, but I honestly think I may have been taking more hair out than I should have due to matting....

What makes me more upset is my friend did the same exact thing I did, but LESS than I did!. A weave for about 7 months, she took it out and redid it maybe 2-3 times. She never deep conditioned, she just washed it every week or 2 with Garnier Fructis 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner. NEVER moisturized in between, and what happend to her? Her hair flourished. Her hair is thick, healthy, and APL now. It looks gorgeous. ****CRIES****

And there is my new photo. December 2008 in my siggy. It might look like progess, but my hair is MAD thin.................. And I do all this to keep up appearances. I model, I also sing, I have continuous photo shoots and events I have to be at. It's almost like in order to take care of my hair I have to give up everything I do to "look" ok every day. Someone bang some sense into me. I'm buying products to make a regimen, and I have all these things I want to do, and somehow I've brainwashed myself to think that I've been doing things ok but in reality looking at the list of what I have been doing, it's ALL WRONG!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need baby steps. I have to start right somewhere. It could be in the way I was taking care of my sew ins, or the way they were done, or... I dunno. There's gotta be some middle ground.

Maybe I need someone to adopt me.... I have to make a change

 

[msa]

Well the first step is to admit you have a problem. Now you actually have to stop doing all of those things. Obviously it's not working for your hair so it doesn't matter what your friend was able to do. If you want healthy hair you will have to start doing your part, no excuses.

The only solution I can come up with would be wigs. Wearing a half-wig (or even a lacefront if you can afford it) would allow you to protect and take care of your hair while still looking good for your photo shoots and whatever else. I've worn half-wigs in the past that were inexpensive (20$ or less) and there are lots of styles to choose from. Hairsisters.com is a good site to look at to see different styles. I was able to cleanse/condition/moisturize my hair whenever I needed to while keeping it protected. Normally I would suggest wearing your hair in its natural state but it needs to be protected, at least for a while.

Your hair is damaged so all the glue (stop it!) and direct heat everyday is killing your hair. It is only going to get worse. You need to get on a good routine that includes protein & moisture DC's (at least once a week), a really good moisturizer (probably twice a day), protective styles, and no heat. Baby your hair or else you'll be posting a thread in the near future about not having any.

 

[IndianAngel22]

bump for daytime responses

 

[vestaluv1]

Hmm, you already know what you're doing wrong, you just have to set aside a little bit of time and change that.

It won't take long to moisturise AT LEAST once every day. If you use an oil to seal, you will be able to lock in the moisture too.

I wouldn't do the glue ins anymore if I were you, as they can damage/break the hair very easily.

You know that too much heat is probably not good for your hair.
If you really need to have straight hair every day, a wig would be a good idea. I'm not even sure if a half wig would be any good since you would need to straighten the same area every day.
A weave would also protect your hair for a while, but I wouldn't keep it in as long this time. That way, you can deep condition more regularly and you won't get matting.
Or how about rollers sets? (not sure if you're relaxed or natural).

Take the time to buy a silk or satin scarf/bonnet to take care of your hair at night or even invest in a satin pillowcase.


Oh, I don't co-wash either... .

 

[**SaSSy**]

Maybe you should try to incorporate new technics that you didn't do before. You should stay away from the weaves, and braids for a while because they seems not to work right for you. You should also not worry too much what works for your friends, because what works for someone else maynot work for you. I think bunning is the easiest, way to retain lenght and thickens in your hair. Just make sure you wash, condition, and moisture your hair regularly and you will rep the benefits.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

I would recommend not jumping on bandwagons because they work for other people. I tried that and it did more harm than good. I would definitely leave the weaves alone for a while. Some people do not thrive with them. I would try to find a good moisturizing shampoo (NTM works great for me) and a good conditioner. I would also deep coondition once a week so that you can try to maintain your protein/moisture balance.
Also, try to remember that this is a process and you will have setbacks...i know that sucks, but once you find what works for you and you will, you will thank yourself.

 

[mscocoface]

IndianAngel you are going to need to change your mindset and gather some patience with this. I would also recommend that you not compare your success for failure to others.

Your hair is unique and different and it grows and wants things different from other folks hair.

You are going to have to listen to what you hair wants, watch what it likes since you already know what it does not like by what you have written.

Give yourself a goal this year, write down in an electronic journal your steps you are going to take and then set up a regimine for your hair and then be consistent and persistent.

Until you tackle your mind the rest of this is going to be very difficult, trying and frustrating.

You deserve to have healthy, long hair now you just have to know that and then determine that is what you are going to do regardless of what others do or not do with their hair.

Hang in there, grab on to someone who you admire and ask them questions, ask for help and encouragement when it becomes difficult and you need to fight your hold habits. Trust me you will be fighting yourself not to take the easy route and when you do just get right back on the healthy hair journey.

Come on girl you can do this, you have others waiting and watching you and one day will be asking you what you did to make your hair healthy and long.

 

[Ivy Santolina]

IndianAngel22, thanks for sharing your bad habits with us. That's what we're here for - to provide support. You've gotten really good advice and I agree with all of it.

I understand the entertainment industry can be brutal on one's life style and I sense you have a very busy schedule. I understand you want to take baby steps to get your hair healthy again but I don't see where baby steps will be beneficial to your hair or to your emotional well-being. To restore your hair's health you need to take drastic measures. So to repeat some of what's already been posted - buy a satin scarf and pillowcase and ditch the weaves. The satin pillowcase will be your insurance in case your scarf slips off or you don't put it on and getting rid of the weave will give your hair a break. Have you heard of the Crown and Glory Technique? I know there are some women on this forum that follow it and have had good results. I suggest a C&G Technique along with msa's recommendation of wigs/half-wigs/lacefronts. Here is a link to a wig regimen on the same website: Wig Regimen The major points of this regimen are protect the hair and condition every week.

Good luck and HTH,
IvyS

 

[IndianAngel22]

IndianAngel22, thanks for sharing your bad habits with us. That's what we're here for - to provide support. You've gotten really good advice and I agree with all of it.

I understand the entertainment industry can be brutal on one's life style and I sense you have a very busy schedule. I understand you want to take baby steps to get your hair healthy again but I don't see where baby steps will be beneficial to your hair or to your emotional well-being. To restore your hair's health you need to take drastic measures. So to repeat some of what's already been posted - buy a satin scarf and pillowcase and ditch the weaves. The satin pillowcase will be your insurance in case your scarf slips off or you don't put it on and getting rid of the weave will give your hair a break. Have you heard of the Crown and Glory Technique? I know there are some women on this forum that follow it and have had good results. I suggest a C&G Technique along with msa's recommendation of wigs/half-wigs/lacefronts. Here is a link to a wig regimen on the same website: Wig Regimen The major points of this regimen are protect the hair and condition every week.

Good luck and HTH,
IvyS

That's EXACTLY what's so frustrating. It's like being in the industry is making it impossible for me to take care of my hair properly. I'm afraid of lace fronts because I don't want my hair to look like a fake wig, I'm not familiar with any good half wigs because I wear side bangs and I can't get them without weave in my bangs sense my real bangs aren't very long or thick at all. In order to keep up the image I'm supposed to have for my career it seems my hair has to pretty much DIE............I thought weaves would help me grow out, and they did, but I've lost thickness! IT doesn't seem to be helping

 

[msa]

That's EXACTLY what's so frustrating. It's like being in the industry is making it impossible for me to take care of my hair properly. I'm afraid of lace fronts because I don't want my hair to look like a fake wig, I'm not familiar with any good half wigs because I wear side bangs and I can't get them without weave in my bangs sense my real bangs aren't very long or thick at all. In order to keep up the image I'm supposed to have for my career it seems my hair has to pretty much DIE............I thought weaves would help me grow out, and they did, but I've lost thickness! IT doesn't seem to be helping

Lace fronts (and wigs in general) can look real, it just depends on the quality. Even my cheapest half-wigs looked really good because they were human hair and not shiny. They're an inexpensive way to figure out if that would be a good protective style. And they're pretty cheap so you can change up styles every day if you want.

Also, lots of entertainers wear lacefronts because they need to keep up an image. You can still take care of your hair underneath. You don't even have to use glue or tape to stick them on, you can just use bobby pins. Search this forum and blackhairmedia.com (they have a whole lacefront forum) for more information.

About the bang...I know there's a clip on bang in existence...I think it's made by freetress equal. You can just add that to a half wig. I've seen people do it before and it looked good on them and not unnatural.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

Is there a way you hide some of these things, so they won't be a temptation? Everybody above is giving good advice. You might just want to keep the flat iron and bees wax out of sight until you get on track.

As far as wearing a wrap, maybe you can give yourself reminders like leaving stickies on your bed or setting an alarm on your phone that'll let you know it's time to put your wrap on.

If you have too much problem remembering it, try satin pillowcases.

 

[gissellr78]

Well you know what you are doing wrong so thats a step...

Check out ateyaas lace front wig...she has a tutorial..

Maybe that can help you mantain your hair.

 

[kriolagirl]

That's EXACTLY what's so frustrating. It's like being in the industry is making it impossible for me to take care of my hair properly. I'm afraid of lace fronts because I don't want my hair to look like a fake wig, I'm not familiar with any good half wigs because I wear side bangs and I can't get them without weave in my bangs sense my real bangs aren't very long or thick at all. In order to keep up the image I'm supposed to have for my career it seems my hair has to pretty much DIE............I thought weaves would help me grow out, and they did, but I've lost thickness! IT doesn't seem to be helping

OP...i understand the need to be "on" when you're an artist. i'm also a performer(singer/actress/model/etc), but my hair has been able to flourish throughout all of the rigors of the biz...and most of this was when i was relaxed. i know days can be long and schedules hectic, but your hair's survival is up to you. try investing in an array of hair options. i rotate between sew-ins, clip-ins, wigs, half-wigs, ponytails, and lacefronts(but only intermittently for those). if there is a dominican salon in your area then they are a cost effective option for getting weekly wash n sets when wearing a sew-in. for photoshoots wigs are a great option because they are fast and allow you to switch set-ups quickly. take advantage of being an artist and push the envelope with your look...take small steps and you can definitely nurse your hair back. i have alot of my diff looks in my fotki and feel free to PM me for anymore info. good luck!

 

[fivetimestwo]

Well the first step is to admit you have a problem. Now you actually have to stop doing all of those things. Obviously it's not working for your hair so it doesn't matter what your friend was able to do. If you want healthy hair you will have to start doing your part, no excuses.

The only solution I can come up with would be wigs. Wearing a half-wig (or even a lacefront if you can afford it) would allow you to protect and take care of your hair while still looking good for your photo shoots and whatever else. I've worn half-wigs in the past that were inexpensive (20$ or less) and there are lots of styles to choose from. Hairsisters.com is a good site to look at to see different styles. I was able to cleanse/condition/moisturize my hair whenever I needed to while keeping it protected. Normally I would suggest wearing your hair in its natural state but it needs to be protected, at least for a while.

Your hair is damaged so all the glue (stop it!) and direct heat everyday is killing your hair. It is only going to get worse. You need to get on a good routine that includes protein & moisture DC's (at least once a week), a really good moisturizer (probably twice a day), protective styles, and no heat. Baby your hair or else you'll be posting a thread in the near future about not having any.

This is exactly what I was going to say. Wigs allow you to do what you have to do when you have to "appear" a certain way, but when you get home you can take that bad boy off and do what needs to be done for your hair. There are so many options when it comes to wigs and half-wigs, you are bound to find at least a few things to help you along while you nurse your hair back to health.

 

[IndianAngel22]

OP...i understand the need to be "on" when you're an artist. i'm also a performer(singer/actress/model/etc), but my hair has been able to flourish throughout all of the rigors of the biz...and most of this was when i was relaxed. i know days can be long and schedules hectic, but your hair's survival is up to you. try investing in an array of hair options. i rotate between sew-ins, clip-ins, wigs, half-wigs, ponytails, and lacefronts(but only intermittently for those). if there is a dominican salon in your area then they are a cost effective option for getting weekly wash n sets when wearing a sew-in. for photoshoots wigs are a great option because they are fast and allow you to switch set-ups quickly. take advantage of being an artist and push the envelope with your look...take small steps and you can definitely nurse your hair back. i have alot of my diff looks in my fotki and feel free to PM me for anymore info. good luck!

Could you tell me about the clip ins that you use? I just bought about 10 packs of "snap clips" from sally's to make my own clip in extensions because I heard of this. I also don't know any lace fronts that look natural. Maybe you could help me out!

 

[kriolagirl]

hey op! the clip-ins i use are a brand called apex...i've had them for over a year and have used them to death and they are still great. the hair is remy so i don't have a problem w/ shedding or tangles. you can get them online at www.sunnyshair.com
another option is to make your own....just buy hair you like and use the clips you got from sally's to make your own. i liked having the pre-made pack first to get used to them(i'm also lazy lol) but i have made clip-ins for friends of mine before. i know a few of the girls here have posted videos on youtube of how to make them---very similar to sewing on a button.

for the lace wigs to look more natural you have to get them cut, styled, etc. they come pretty raw but once you get them thinned out and styled they look very realistic. you can even make it have a bang so there isn't the whole fake hairline issue.

 

[IndianAngel22]

hey op! the clip-ins i use are a brand called apex...i've had them for over a year and have used them to death and they are still great. the hair is remy so i don't have a problem w/ shedding or tangles. you can get them online at www.sunnyshair.com
another option is to make your own....just buy hair you like and use the clips you got from sally's to make your own. i liked having the pre-made pack first to get used to them(i'm also lazy lol) but i have made clip-ins for friends of mine before. i know a few of the girls here have posted videos on youtube of how to make them---very similar to sewing on a button.

for the lace wigs to look more natural you have to get them cut, styled, etc. they come pretty raw but once you get them thinned out and styled they look very realistic. you can even make it have a bang so there isn't the whole fake hairline issue.

my hair is really itching like crazy right now, I want to take out my glue in and do this clip in thing but I was scared they wouldn't look good. Can you show me some pictures of your clip in hair styles? How many do you use? Or, the ones you buy from the site how many did you buy? Do you tease your hair or hairspray it where you put your clips in?

 

[Angelicus]

We are here to support you!

I personally think that you need to leave your hair alone. I recommend that you get pencil-width individual braids and do the Crown and Glory Method to give your hair time to breathe. If you want more info you can find info about it in one of the "Sticky: Regimens" Thread.

If you want longer hair, you will have to be patient and baby your hair each day. It can happen!