Hubby's getting deployed in June or July ;(

[ghanja]

We both knew it was going to happen we just didn't think so soon after he joined the Army. Our daughter is 2 and he already missed most of this year with her due to basic and and AIT and now hes got only 6 months then another year away. Hes usually laid back or cheerful but hes been a straight up a**hole since he found out, which I completely understand...but still.
For example, I told him with the economy and our finances we should have a smaller Christmast just one or two gifts each. Then he said whatever its not like I will be here next Christmas anyways...then I asked him if he knows if hes going to Iraq or Afghanistan then he remarked "does it really matter" but in the rudest voice possible...lol, Im only laughing cause its so uncharactoristic of his behind. As I said before I dont blame him for his attitude, its to be expected since hes going to war soon enough. So I told him we just dont have to talk till he decides to talk to me with more respect. He apologized and made breakfast to make up for it, but I told him Id rather deal with his attitude then him closing up, but he said he didnt want to lie and most likely he will start to close up because all of his fellow married soldiers told him thats the easiest way to deal with things before they head out to the middle east ;(
So now what the **** do I do? Ever since my daughter was born Ive had help of family, but I refuse to move back in with my folks when he gets deployed in 6 months because they are beyond conservative and I am beyond libertarian so we dont get along if I am staying with them. They pretend as though I am still a teenager and try "try" to control when I come and go, and to tell me how a proper wife should act and all that, and beyond all that they try to out mother me with my daughter.
Our lease is up with our current house off base around the time that he gets deployed and I have NO desire to stay in a 3 bedroom house all by myself with my daughter in a new town where I know no one. Im trying to be strong because thats what I got to do. I cant worry hubby with my issues cause whatever they may be they are not as big as him being in a war zone...I just wish I could sleep for a year and wake up when his deployment is over, but that isnt realistic. ;(
I was considering joining up myself so I figure this would be a good time to do it if ever. I told my daughter though that I wouldnt leave her...shes 2 so I know it was more of a statement to myself but that is something that no one can ever guarantee is it? I mean in order to actually provide for your family you got to go sometimes...

On a positive note atleast I can surprise him with 1 year of hair growth

 

[VettaVetta]

Sorry to hear of the news. Hang in there be strong for your husband and daughter. Sometimes things are done and you can never understand why until years later that is the way that I look at things that happen in my life. God never gives you more then you can handle.

 

[Lady Esquire]

Be strong. May God keep him safe.

 

[PinkAngel]

You have to be strong and stay praryerful. My DH deployed 4 weeks after my daughter was born and was gone the first full year of her life. I lived in a state far, far away from any family. What got me through was prayer & other military wives. Be sure to join the Family Support Group at his unit and interact w/ other military wives. At the time I lived on Camp Pendleton where I enrolled my daughter in "mommy & me" classes, spent my Friday nights at Pampered Chef, Cookie Lee, Tupperware and any other parties you can think of. I also flew home (midwest) every couple of months and stayed for weeks at a time. During the summer I stayed 3 months.

Joining a book club is also a good idea b/c you can spend several hours a day reading then looking forward to the book meetings. If you're not already involved in a church, start there as well. There's always something going on there to use up your time. Have you thought about going back to school, even online classes would be good? Of course you'll have the hair board to keep you busy and trying new things for your hair.

If you need to talk PM me, it won't be easy but you can do it.

Also try to think about the extra money (combat pay, family separation, etc.) he'll be getting, you can save as much as possible and pay off as many bills as possible. THen when he returns home in a year you'll already have the money waiting to take a well deserved vacation.

Good luck to you!

 

[styllpyt42]

I understand how you are feeling, this will be my husband third time deployed to Iraq. Join a family support group as soon as possible, they will help you though this diffcult time. You are not alone in this, you have your lhcf to support you. Stay strong and I will keep you and your family in my prayers

 

[Loves Harmony]

Im sorry to hear that! I understand what your going through. My husband is in the army and has been deployed to Iraq for an year back in Sept 2006-Sept 2007. Everything will be okay... I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[Loves Harmony]

If you every need someone to talk to you can always write me....

 

[tiffers]

Oh man, that sucks Try to stay strong, and be there for that little cutie of yours. Everything will be alright

 

[audacity.]

I have been EXACTLY where you are. My husband was deployed for 18 months and when he left my oldest was 3 and my youngest was 1 - when he got back my oldest was starting kindergarten and my younges was potty trained, walking and talking back We are not an active duty family so the support throught he military was not much if at all...

The most important thing is not to be too proud to accept help. You have to stay strong for not only your child, but yourself. If I can do it ANYONE can do it!

We don't have any family here. My advice would be to find a good church home as you will be richly blessed not only b/c you will have help, but God is just SOOO good!!!

Keep yourself busy and that year of deployment will go by faster than you think! Your daughter is so young she won't even really understand what is going on (and that is a good thing if you ask me...)

Good luck!

 

[Keedah]

My SO and I dated for 3 years before he was deployed this September. He was the opposite. The sweetest person ever right before he left and now he's acting like an a**hole which is understandable considering where he is and what hes going through. I moved into his house right before he left. Now Im thinking if I made the wrong decision cause he's gonna need his space when he gets back and Ill be set in my own routine in his house which he wont be used to.

Im no expert but the only advice I can give is to take it one day at a time. Deal with what you have to deal with now and try not to stress too much about the future cause things can always change (for better or for worse)

 

[ghanja]

Thx ladies ;( normally Im more talkative but right now writing anymore is just too much...Im sure yall can relate. Right now Im dealing with more of hubby's attittude. Hes mad at me for him being in briefings all day WTF!!!!! so thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. Im about to go off on his *** though

 

[1QTPie]

You sure you don't want to just stay with that folks for a little while? Maybe save some money, have help with your little one and so you won't be alone. I understand it's hard (all of my friends are in the military or married to it, I'm an army brat that seems to only be able to attract soldiers), I completely understand what you are going through.

Don't react to his venting. I don't mean to accept his rudeness, but don't reflect it back on him, it's only going to make it worse. Hopefully he'll adjust his attitude before he deploys.

Keep your friends near by, you will need them.

 

[apollo]

Be strong you will get through this. I am in the Army and it's hard when you have a family. I am stationed at Macdill AFB in Fl. If you need help with anything, just let me know I will try my best to help.

 

[ghanja]

Well, hubby and I made up THANK YOU GUYS AGAIN . We had a pcs family orientation today and hubby acted good. It has been stressful though on both of us I think we let tempers flare up a little too much. Anyhow I took your advice and wanted to comment on some things that you brought up. We went to Church for the first time pretty much ever in our relationship last week, we went to a catholic service...were going to a contemporary one this sunday and something else next Sunday till we find a service that speaks to us and isnt too boring. Although right after Church the cashier at the commisary made me cuss at her so it kind of ended the Godly feeling that I had going on. She refused to give me 2 dollars in change because it was hubby who showed her the ID card and his hands were full of groceries so I stuck mine out. She said in a snooty voice I cant give you the change because it was the "soldier" who gave it to me...like I was some military hussy or something. I said thats complete "bull-schnaps" and I said Ive been to 2 other commisaries now, at Ft Benning and at Ft Jackson and I never heard or had to deal with that. Then more drama then we left... Anyhow, back today. They told us about all the benefits of military life such as.... I GET TO GO BACK TO COLLEGE FOR FREE at Savannah Tech. I had to stop going to college 2 years ago cause of getting preggars I never thought I would have the opportunity to go back because of the debt accumlated there of, but today I found out its free I can go and get my LPN and become a nurse in 2 years once I finish off paying on my federal student loans. That will be around mid next year or so. Or we could just save up and stuff. So Im back in good spirits although we went to get a general power of attorney and the jag people were kind of rude. They kept asking my hub if he was sure he wanted to do it, then they asked him again...umm ok. First of all, If your too worried to give your spouse a p.o.a then why be spouses??

Those of you that have been through multiple deployments...GOD BLESS wow I cant even begin to imagine a third deployment...Also to keedah Ive been thinking about that too, the infamous mood change of the returning soldier from war. I wish I had something to say that would be helpful but your ahead of me in the process so all I can do is pray for you as it seems everyone that has posted is praying for eachother.

sooo thx and God Bless all


p.s. umm staying with the folks is like staying in prison, they are good people I love them a whole lot and all but they are Christian Baptist conservatives and while I am not passing judgment on that they pass a little too judgment on things themselves sooo no way, but were going to go visit them on thanksgiving. Again, distance makes the heart grow fonder I deeply believe . It is funny that my father was the first one that started to grow his hair out naturally almost 7 years ago. He has no routine though. Just puts blue magic in clumps in his hair and plaits it up, then replaits far too much

 

[Monique502]

Sorry to hear about everything your going through. You just have to be very supportive of him right now. I am going through something similiar my husband is a marine and is deploying on Jan 5th to afghanistan. This will be his third tour 2 to Iraq. We have two sons ages 16 and 14 and a 18 month old daughter that is a daddy's girl. My oldest son is, as the old folks say smelling himself right now, so he is giving me major attitude and my husband has had to whip him back in to shape. This will be one of the hardest deployments for us because of how my son is acting. I really think it is affecting him alot more and he is rebelling. If you need a support system or ever need to talk just PM me anytime. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.