My friends fiancé is 50 and this is the first time he’s been in a relationship with a black woman. She recently found this information out and she doesn’t know if she wants to continue with the relationship but I think she should he’s been a wonderful man to her. He is also black and this would be his first marriage.
How would you feel?
- Thread starter tibb1908
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Reinventing21
Spreading my wings
If he is truly a wonderful man who loves, respects and protects her...then who he dated in the past should stay in the past. Why should she let a good man go and miss out on happiness because of who he USED to date. He could have outgrown the thing that led him to non Black women in the past.
Many people's tastes change over time...
If he has shown in every way that he is a good man to her and she loves him, then go for it. Life is too short to miss out on a good relationship for something like that.
Many people's tastes change over time...
If he has shown in every way that he is a good man to her and she loves him, then go for it. Life is too short to miss out on a good relationship for something like that.
I agree unless there’s something that she didn’t tell me.
Lylddlebit
Well-Known Member
I think some of the points made around race in the https://longhaircareforum.com/threads/i-found-out-recently-that-my-fiance-ex-fiance-is-white.851201/
thread can apply here.
Also, it's a losing hand to speak on how wonderful another woman's man is to her even if you are around them and see him do wonderful things with and for her. I say this because I don't date men who aren't decent and prove to treat me extremely well to secure a relationship with me. Not while young. Not while dumb. Not ever. I mention that because I know, from experience, how easy it is for women to place men on pedestals based on evidence of the bare minimum or grand gestures that are displayed that may not reveal the full picture of being in a romantic relationship with that man. Many times women who compare what they idealize to a counterfeit version of what they assume another women is experiencing(See the reactions to the Derrick Jaxon mess) don't know the difference between an actual good man and one who presents well. Even men who are good men will have nuances and flaws that make them human. So, it's important to be genuine with yourself and that man on how compatible you two are despite those nuances and practice healthy ways to navigate through the nuances. Knowing what a good man really is will help you see the con of one who simply presents well that many woman who haven't had a good man before, or only see what is presented, may be fooled by. If he is a good man and his preference history is the only thing that gives a woman pause then, yeah, it's not a big deal. However if his historical preference brings context to experiences that have gaslit her or caused issues in their relationship that those outside of the relationship may not see, then that is an extremely important factor that many may never know about. So it really depends on what the quality of the relationship is that experienced between those actually in it behind closed doors. Her being the first black woman he is with could really be of no consequence or an advantage to her but it can also be an epiphany that gives context to a slew of her personal experiences. Being sure of how good another woman's man is to her is extremely difficult to be sure of. I would not end good a relationship simply based on history that doesn't concern me. However, I also know how to gauge when a topic need to be dismissed or addressed based on present impact.
thread can apply here.
Also, it's a losing hand to speak on how wonderful another woman's man is to her even if you are around them and see him do wonderful things with and for her. I say this because I don't date men who aren't decent and prove to treat me extremely well to secure a relationship with me. Not while young. Not while dumb. Not ever. I mention that because I know, from experience, how easy it is for women to place men on pedestals based on evidence of the bare minimum or grand gestures that are displayed that may not reveal the full picture of being in a romantic relationship with that man. Many times women who compare what they idealize to a counterfeit version of what they assume another women is experiencing(See the reactions to the Derrick Jaxon mess) don't know the difference between an actual good man and one who presents well. Even men who are good men will have nuances and flaws that make them human. So, it's important to be genuine with yourself and that man on how compatible you two are despite those nuances and practice healthy ways to navigate through the nuances. Knowing what a good man really is will help you see the con of one who simply presents well that many woman who haven't had a good man before, or only see what is presented, may be fooled by. If he is a good man and his preference history is the only thing that gives a woman pause then, yeah, it's not a big deal. However if his historical preference brings context to experiences that have gaslit her or caused issues in their relationship that those outside of the relationship may not see, then that is an extremely important factor that many may never know about. So it really depends on what the quality of the relationship is that experienced between those actually in it behind closed doors. Her being the first black woman he is with could really be of no consequence or an advantage to her but it can also be an epiphany that gives context to a slew of her personal experiences. Being sure of how good another woman's man is to her is extremely difficult to be sure of. I would not end good a relationship simply based on history that doesn't concern me. However, I also know how to gauge when a topic need to be dismissed or addressed based on present impact.
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Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
How old is your friend?
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
He’s getting older and needs someone to partner assets with and take care of him. She needs to find out about his health and what he has going on for retirement..
Black Ambrosia
Well-Known Member
How long have they been together and how did she find out?
Foxglove
A drop of golden sun
Actually now that you mention it probably these WW aren’t willing to be a free live in 24/7 nurse/maid to an aging man so now he’s running to the one he knows will put you with his ish
Jmartjrmd
Well-Known Member
Something made her say yes to marriage. If this is the only reason she doesn't want to continue the relationship I think that is sad and she probably should let go of this relationship because it will always bother her.
My current husband dated a white chick or two but ultimately his first wife was black and I'm black. There is not a single reason I'd pass this man up over someone he dated long before I knew him. I tease him about it now but have no resentment towards him over that issue.
I had a ton of personal issues when I met him. Recently widowed, a recent heart failure diagnosis, depression and anxiety. I dont know what made him stay and take on all that but now we are married with a baby. I'm glad despite nothing about me being perfect that one man still found me worthy of being loved.
greight
Well-Known Member
On a personal note, I’m so happy for you @Jmartjrmd
I haven’t kept up much with the board, but this is wonderful to hear
No for him and she does.
They’ve been dating for 2 years and one of his sisters mentioned it in a casual conversation as if she already knew.
This guy is a retired athlete and he seems like he takes care of himself.
Congratulations!
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Jmartjrmd
Well-Known Member
Thank you. It was a long road to get to today!!
Jmartjrmd
Well-Known Member
Thanks!!
Ohhhh, de white women left him alone first with that fixed income money.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
I assume he's living in a city like NY or Los Angeles, correct? This would be why he's in this age group and waited to marry. Am I right?
The other stuff has to be assessed on an individual basis.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Oh.
Interesting.
Black Ambrosia
Well-Known Member
Athlete with a white woman is so cliché.
I think she needs to talk more to the sister. Sounds like she’d reveal a lot without realizing it. Now I’m wondering what they were talking about for it to randomly come up in conversation. Was she pointing out how different she is from the others? Or how he’s changed over the years?
I think she needs to talk more to the sister. Sounds like she’d reveal a lot without realizing it. Now I’m wondering what they were talking about for it to randomly come up in conversation. Was she pointing out how different she is from the others? Or how he’s changed over the years?
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
Well then he is definitely looking for a partner caregiver IMO. Is your friend financially stable? Is she a nurse or a clinical professional in the healthcare community? Does she do a lot in a friendship or relationship? Does she go overboard with trying to win people over, or being extra nice? I keep saying women need to be honest about men, marriage, and motives. Men pick and go after women according to their level of what they can accommodate. This man could have been married a long time ago, and now he wants to settle down with a BW? I suggest premarital counseling. If her gut is telling her something is off, she and nobody else should be dismissive of it.
She didn’t tell me all the details|.
He lives in the DFW area in Texas.
He’s well off and she‘s successful but she isn’t in the healthcare field. It’s my understanding that they have great communication but it’s the fact that he never mentioned it to her so now she’s wondering if he’s hiding other things from her.
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
I don't think it would bother me. Especially if he's good to her and she feels secure and happy. I don't have a tendency to discuss my exes with current SO's unless it comes up in casual conversation so I can see why she may not have known. It's stupid to make some random becky make you feel insecure when your man ain't making you feel insecure. Why give any white person that kind of power? Russel dated white women all the time until he found Ciara. IJS
greight
Well-Known Member
This. Those other women (including white) are irrelevant
