How would you feel if your man finds out he has a 7 year old daughter?

[petiteNunique]

If you were 23 with no children and had been dating someone for two years to find out that your boy friend recently finds out he has a 7 year old daughter. What would you do? Would it matter to you that the child's mother is a white woman. I say this because he once told me how his mother wanted him to be with a white woman so that his kids would come out mixed looking. So i think, is she going to favor his child over my future children. I just don't know what to do.

 

[diadall]

As long as he was honest with me about not knowing I think it would be okay in the long run. My sister married a man who had a 2 year old bi-racial daughter. My sister has since adopted the little girl and although she is half black/half white, she looks a lot like our family.

I don't think it would be awkward unless he made it awkward for you.

But be prepared to take a backseat as he tries to establish a relationship with his daughter and become her father, if that is what he wants to do.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I'd that's what I'd do.

1. He could be lying about not knowing. MANY men do this.

2. Why would a woman go that long without telling him? My guess is b/c he isn't worth the powder to blow him to kingdom come, that's why.

3. He will likely start sexing with the baby mama again. Again, many men do this.

4. The whole situation is just messy. A girl 23 with no kids should be just graduating college, or still in undergrad, taking trips around the world to be wined and dined by marriageable men, not babysitting some dude's elementary school aged child.

eta: just how old is this man anyway?

 

[Bunny77]

The white woman would be the least of my concerns. The race of the mother shouldn't even be relevant in this situation -- there are much bigger issues than the fact that he had a baby by a white woman. erplexed

 

[lea86111]

hmm i dunno if it would be weird per se, BUT i wouldn't like it one bit...i'd start wondering if he maybe knew already but waited til i was in love to drop the news, but YOU know him best so by now you should kinda know what he is or is not capable of doing. Also i would think long and hard on if i wanted to stay, cause i'm very adamant about wanting a guy who has NO kids, i wanna share the birth of a child WITH my husband and i want it to be BOTH of our FIRST time experiencing that...shooo if he has to love someone more than me then it better be MY child NOT somebody else's

 

[lea86111]

also i agree that the race of the other woman wouldn't even start to bug me as the part about having a child at all is a bigger issue.

 

[Whimsy]

I would likely leave.
Don't need that in my 23 year old life.
Who cares if the mom is white? wtf!

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Is your boyfriend older than 23? And what is his plans now that he has a daughter?

 

[Goombay_Summer]

I would be more concerned about what else lay hidden in pandora's box.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Is he sure that's his kid?

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

Call Maury.

 

[ladysaraii]

I'll be honest, I would be bothered by all of it.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

When a man tells you he has one kid, it's really two
When a man tells you he has two kids....it's really four.

That's all I'm saying.....

 

[Xavier]

OP I am not sure if this is about you but...

At 23 I would leave. I would not want to deal with a 7 year old at that age. Especially since this man is just now getting to know his daughter for the first time.

Also I agree that the race of the mother is irrelevant.

Finally if I was for some crazy reason, so in love with this man that I could not just walk away, one of the terms of us continuing our relationship would be for him to get a paternity test.

 

[TayMac]

My heart would truly sink. The race is TOTALLY unimportant. It doesn't add to or lessen the shock in anyway.

I HOPE I would be wise to move on and avoid any possible drama. I already had a child by 23 but I still don't want any drama because I have none.

 

[miss cosmic]

When a man tells you he has one kid, it's really two
When a man tells you he has two kids....it's really four.

That's all I'm saying.....

Yep!
I dated a guy who claimed he had one kid. Since I was a single mother I didn't mind, and 'thought' I knew him, and all about his past. A year in, he told me he actually had two kids with the woman and she was his ex-wife and not ex-gf as I'd been led to believe. I was mad at him but like a fool I stayed, only to discover a third and older child! That's when I walked.
My point? Make sure you know all there is to know before committing.
At 23 and childless are you really ready to be a step-mom to a seven year-old?

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Yep!
I dated a guy who claimed he had one kid. Since I was a single mother I didn't mind, and 'thought' I knew him, and all about his past. A year in, he told me he actually had two kids with the woman and she was his ex-wife and not ex-gf as I'd been led to believe. I was mad at him but like a fool I stayed, only to discover a third and older child! That's when I walked.
My point? Make sure you know all there is to know before committing.
At 23 and childless are you really ready to be a step-mom to a seven year-old?

This happened to my sister. She was dating a 40 year old man. He still lived with his momma, didn't have a job. Eventually got a good job as a in state truck driver. Dumb arse lost his first pay check (800 bucks) at the casino. Sister had to loan him money. Then got demoted because he crashed his truck into a building.....

He tells her he has two kids. Ok cool to her. My sis has one. Then he says, "oh actually I have four. Four different mothers. One lives in London with his mom, another lives in another state, another lives in another state, and he has the youngest." The eldest was 18.

 

[Bunny77]

^^^I hope your sister isn't still with him.

Of course, I would have been out long before the revelation of the extra kids...

 

[MzLady78]

When a man tells you he has one kid, it's really two
When a man tells you he has two kids....it's really four.

That's all I'm saying.....

This is a huge (and quite silly, IMO) generalization. I have yet to meet a man who had more kids that what he told me and I come across men with kids quite often.

 

[caltron]

I don't think it's necessarily a deal breaker provided you can trust the man. I think the real question is are you o.k. with being a stepparent at 23. You're at an age where you can reasonably expect to find a man with no kids if that's what you want.

 

[jem_mcmillan]

The race of his child's mother would not even factor in my feelings. I would be more concerned about him having a 7 year old. You have been together for 2 years and he couldn't be honest about his past. Do you really want to be with a man who kept this from you? I would hold off getting married or having kids with this man.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

^^^I hope your sister isn't still with him.

Of course, I would have been out long before the revelation of the extra kids...

No thank goodness she isn't. She was off and on with him, though. She just needed some peen at the time. And she said he didn't even do that well, lol. But, it was there.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

No thanks. At 23 with no children of my own the last thing that I would do is continue to date a man with a child.

Maybe at 33 I'd consider it but at 23, I'd find a new boyfriend.

If you were 23 with no children and had been dating someone for two years to find out that your boy friend recently finds out he has a 7 year old daughter. What would you do? Would it matter to you that the child's mother is a white woman. I say this because he once told me how his mother wanted him to be with a white woman so that his kids would come out mixed looking. So i think, is she going to favor his child over my future children. I just don't know what to do.