How to Tell If a Man is Good for the Long Haul

[w332]

Hi Ladies!

I was wondering what your thoughts are on how to tell if a man is good for the long term (children, careers, deaths, moves and other serious life circumstances). In this fast changing world we live in, it seems divorce is on the rise. Women I see in the media and in real life are getting divorced sometimes after as much as 20+ years of being married to a man, raising a family, and having grandchildren with him! (With younger couples, I have seen families and in-laws throw off the dynamic of the relationship and contribute to break ups big time).

Is there any way to tell that your man will be with you until death do you part? Or is it always risky no matter what?

What are your thoughts?

 

[beebstt]

Good question. I don't think there is a way. Try to pick the right guy who meets the moral attributes you find important. Also, flat out ask him this question once you get to that stage.

 

[metro_qt]

Always risky no matter what. People change, circumstances change.... The only thing you can control is yourself...

 

[w332]

What attributes do you think show a man is probably going to be with you for the long haul? AND still be a good spouse? Not just being with you but not caring whether you are happy.

It seems like even men who profess to be Christians AND go to church AND seem like very upstanding men still are not always dependable.

Are there things the people's family have to do or things the wife has to do to ensure she doesn't get mistreated in the end and winds up in the best possible situation (married to her husband for her entire life and being treated well and cared for).

 

[w332]

Always risky no matter what. People change, circumstances change.... The only thing you can control is yourself...

Good point. How does a woman make sure she is always in control? I just started working not long ago, and transitioning from student to employee is hard. I feel it has been challening moving to a big city by myself and trying to balance everything. Now I imagine how much harder it would have been with a husband and children. It makes me wonder how I can become a stronger woman. So when the time comes, I will be prepared (it's like learning how to live and be in control of everything- Life Class 101- skills no one taught you).

 

[C@ssandr@]

People management doesn't work the same way as careers do. Also you can't know if you'll be married 20+ years until 20+ years have gone by.

To me, it's as simple as this: pick someone you can see yourself building a life with. While getting to know someone gauge their long term goals and dreams. Look at their past achievements as a way to assess their stick-to-it-ness.

I personally don't believe in marriage as it stands though. But that's my 2 cents nonetheless.

 

[w332]

Look at their past achievements as a way to assess their stick-to-it-ness.

By this you mean look at their past relationships? Like if he's had a ton of relationships or if he's cheated on his exes, he's a big fat NO.

Or do you mean look at their achievements in general? Good idea. You'd just have to look out for men who are smart with their careers but careless with their love lives.

 

[C@ssandr@]

By this you mean look at their past relationships? Like if he's had a ton of relationships or if he's cheated on his exes, he's a big fat NO.

No, I didn't mean relationships, but yes, you should look at that too.

I have a friend who is always boo'ed up. One gf after another. I figure he's a bit clingy/insecure. We'll I don't figure, I know this.

After a certain age people will naturally have some achievements under their belt. This is why I don't believe in marrying young....you haven't been roughed up by life enough or have enough goals met to have someone gauge them.

I know there are exceptions to the rule. So at 18 what have we accomplished versus 30? There should be enough for him to say that will clue you into it.

Dating helps strengthen your radar.

 

[w332]

After a certain age people will naturally have some achievements under their belt. This is why I don't believe in marrying young....you haven't been roughed up by life enough or have enough goals met to have someone gauge them.

Dating helps strengthen your radar.

Excellent points! Thank you!