How to tell a man it's not his baby...

[jaiku]

Yall a trip. I love how some of yall have twisted the OP's words into other motives. I am a firm believer in the truth will set you free. I would not stand by and watch a friend or potential SO get bamboozled. If I care about you and someone is trying to do you wrong as far as I'm concerned it's my business. I just couldn't sit by while the ex and the real baby father spent my friend's child support. I'd tell him but he would no longer be a potential SO either.

He's either not bright enough or he is still in love with the ex and is holding on to the baby as a connection. OP I think you should state your case and move on. In the future he'll appreciate it. It will either turn out to be his kid and he can stop being the neighborhood joke or it won't and he'll have more time to get over it.

 

[WhoIAm]

Yall a trip. I love how some of yall have twisted the OP's words into other motives. I am a firm believer in the truth will set you free. I would not stand by and watch a friend or potential SO get bamboozled. If I care about you and someone is trying to do you wrong as far as I'm concerned it's my business. I just couldn't sit by while the ex and the real baby father spent my friend's child support. I'd tell him but he would no longer be a potential SO either.

He's either not bright enough or he is still in love with the ex and is holding on to the baby as a connection. OP I think you should state your case and move on. In the future he'll appreciate it. It will either turn out to be his kid and he can stop being the neighborhood joke or it won't and he'll have more time to get over it.

Nobody is saying the man doesn't have a right to know whether the child is his. The general consensus is that it is not the her (OP) place to tell him. There may be a reason why his family hasn't told him. She just needs to mind her business and let the appropriate parties do the telling.

 

[song_of_serenity]

I know I'm not the only one who ran in here thinking this was gonna be the OP's personal situation!

 

[thatscuteright]

I applaud Steve for stepping in. That's all.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Hmm while I understand that it's none of the OP business, there seems to be a vibe in here is that it's okay if the baby mama is possibly lying about who the dad is..straight up trifling f*ckery if you ask me.

 

[bludaydreamr]

If I was the SO/GF; I'd need to know, so there would be a conversation because if we decide to move together; it would matter...OP you're just dating, so right now it's not much of your concern, but the more serious this relationship becomes the bigger the issue. First figure out what intentions you have for Steve, but if you know you don't want Steve Jr. in your life; cut the ties because there is a 50/50 chance that Jr. is his, and you will have to deal with that situation and whatever comes along with it. It is also a possibility that Steve knows the baby may not be his, and still told the Andrea that he be there for the kid. Don't let his family boost you up to ask either; they are his family and will be regardless.

 

[jdvzmommy]

I'm guessing that you didn't read through the entire thread. You cant just close your eyes and pick, you have to find the post that's relevant to what I said. LOL

I quoted your post in which you say that you think the OP's claim that the baby looks like the roommate is "grasping at straws."

I said that I know the people and she isn't lying about that. Then I proceeded to state my opinion on the matter - finding out who the father is very important, but she shouldn't say anything about it.

You responded to my post saying that the baby's looks don't matter and I can vouch for her all I want but it's not her place to say anything.
Nowhere in my post did I say that the baby's looks matter. Babies can look like many different people, but that doesn't establish paternity. You assumed either assumed that I thought the baby's looks matter (and we ALL know what happens when you assume) or you only read the part where I stated that I know the people involved and you drew your own conclusions about my opinion on the matter. You think she shouldn't say anything...well guess what: I said the same thing.

I don't understand why you're trying to argue, when all I said was that she wasn't lying about something.

 

[MayaB12]

before adlock2:​

 

[*CherryPie*]

Stop responding, because evidently, you're not understanding what i'm saying..

Basically, we're saying some of the same things. I was actually the first person to say that the child can look like anyone in the family, even folks way up the generational scale.....but I still think she added that later to make herself look better in this matter.

I quoted your post in which you say that you think the OP's claim that the baby looks like the roommate is "grasping at straws."

I said that I know the people and she isn't lying about that. Then I proceeded to state my opinion on the matter - finding out who the father is very important, but she shouldn't say anything about it.

You responded to my post saying that the baby's looks don't matter and I can vouch for her all I want but it's not her place to say anything.
Nowhere in my post did I say that the baby's looks matter. Babies can look like many different people, but that doesn't establish paternity. You assumed either assumed that I thought the baby's looks matter (and we ALL know what happens when you assume) or you only read the part where I stated that I know the people involved and you drew your own conclusions about my opinion on the matter. You think she shouldn't say anything...well guess what: I said the same thing.

I don't understand why you're trying to argue, when all I said was that she wasn't lying about something.

 

[jdvzmommy]

Stop responding, because evidently, you're not understanding what i'm saying..

You're funny. You think you have some sort of ability to tell me what to do on a site where we both paid the same amount of money to comment. Girl, bye.

Basically, we're saying some of the same things. I was actually the first person to say that the child can look like anyone in the family, even folks way up the generational scale.....but I still think she added that later to make herself look better in this matter.

And this is what I was responding to in my first post in this thread. I know the people involved and she isn't trying to make herself look better. Who does she have to look better for? A bunch of women who she'll most likely never meet, many of whom have already formed opinions about her?

I said that she wasn't lying and that was the only thing in my post directed at you.
You were the one who started going on talking about "Did you hear me say blah blah blah whatever whatever."

And if you don't want me to respond to you, don't quote me or direct any of your comments to me.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

OP.... do whatever is on your hear (nothing worse than holding secrets from the one you love)....
if you guys are in love... in a relationship, be honest with him about whatever feelings No love? just turn away
you have to be honest.... or you're doomed anyway

your feelings are your feelings, and if he finds it offensive (anything you say) then you guys work it out or move on

i don't believe in wasting my time in a relationship with absolutely anyone that I can't share everything with

girl so many people (not just your SO) claim kids that aren't biologically theirs
some men of course have been lied to.... others (well the women really assumed it was "him & not him"

I'm sure we all know kids who are calling the wrong person Daddy (sadly).... yet not at all uncommon
especially back in the day! (prior to the ease of paternity testing)

do what's in your heart....

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Hmm while I understand that it's none of the OP business, there seems to be a vibe in here is that it's okay if the baby mama is possibly lying about who the dad is..straight up trifling f*ckery if you ask me.

bam!!!!

I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish allllllllll of us had mandatory paternal testing at birth
less hurt and confusion later in life maybe?

 

[*CherryPie*]

WHO CARES?!? I'm tired of you now..............

You're funny. You think you have some sort of ability to tell me what to do on a site where we both paid the same amount of money to comment. Girl, bye.


And this is what I was responding to in my first post in this thread. I know the people involved and she isn't trying to make herself look better. Who does she have to look better for? A bunch of women who she'll most likely never meet, many of whom have already formed opinions about her?

I said that she wasn't lying and that was the only thing in my post directed at you.
You were the one who started going on talking about "Did you hear me say blah blah blah whatever whatever."

And if you don't want me to respond to you, don't quote me or direct any of your comments to me.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

man.... I can't believe some of these comments......speechless!

 

[jdvzmommy]

WHO CARES?!? I'm tired of you now..............

And that's the expected response.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving.

 

[WhoIAm]

Hmm while I understand that it's none of the OP business, there seems to be a vibe in here is that it's okay if the baby mama is possibly lying about who the dad is..straight up trifling f*ckery if you ask me.

The title of the thread is "How to tell a man it's not his baby..." with everything else given as background to the situation. If the thread title was "She cheated and he thinks the baby is his...", the answers would be different and the skank (baby mama) would have been roasted appropriately. People are just answering the question she posed.

 

[FemmeFatale]

The title of the thread is "How to tell a man it's not his baby..." with everything else given as background to the situation. If the thread title was "She cheated and he thinks the baby is his...", the answers would be different and the skank (baby mama) would have been roasted appropriately. People are just answering the question she posed.

Apparently you missed alot of the "Either way I'm glad he's stepping up" and the "Who cares/So what if it's not his". I'm big on context clues and reading in between the lines so this is what I've picked up on not to mention the extra defensiveness which makes me wonder but whatever. Paternity fraud is f'd up and as a woman I find it utterly disgusting

 

[WhoIAm]

Apparently you missed alot of the "Either way I'm glad he's stepping up" and the "Who cares/So what if it's not his". I'm big on context clues and reading in between the lines so this is what I've picked up on not to mention the extra defensiveness which makes me wonder but whatever. Paternity fraud is f'd up and as a woman I find it utterly disgusting

1. That came along with folks believing that the guy may already know or be in denial.
2. I agree.

 

[FemmeFatale]

1. That came along with folks believing that the guy may already know or be in denial.
2. I agree.

Idk, the defensiveness makes me wonder otherwise.

 

[Guitarhero]

Steve and Andrea already broke up.
.

I know. But he's not that far detached from her that he's willing to girlfreng the OP. Delusional is what they call it. It's quite common.

 

[TayMac]

Blood transfusions are matched by blood type not DNA...... But, um yeah if he's not worried about it and he knows she slept around maybe he doesn't care.

Our blood type is determined by genetics.
If Steve and the baby mama are type O and the baby is a type B...well that just can't happen and would be an automatic "you not the daddy" sign. No clue how often that sort of thing happens though.

 

[frida1980]

Seven pages? Wow...

First of all, you don't tell him. This isn't your husband or your son. You may care about him, but it is not your place to tell him.

I think you should let this go. You can obsessive over this and it will end this relationship. You are talking about breaking up a father with his child. You haven't been involved that long, so why would he trust you? Why would he listen? And no matter the result, you will be the loser.

If you want a relationship with this man, focus on the relationship. Get close. Get to know him. But this is not your problem. And it is not your place to break up a family, real or not. Only his family has the right to confront him over his ex's lies.

Don't focus on this. Let it go. If you can't. Let him go. It's going to happen anyway if you can't put this to the side.

 

[janda]

I'd tell him what I thought. Paternity fraud is rampant. IMO, any unmarried man who signs paternity papers without a DNA test is a fool.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I think OP needs to leave him alone. It's obvious that you can't handle dating men with kids, that's the real issue. Just be real with yourself, KIM and date men with no children.

 

[Lenee925]

Free post........

 

[HairBarbie]

Yall a trip. I love how some of yall have twisted the OP's words into other motives. I am a firm believer in the truth will set you free. I would not stand by and watch a friend or potential SO get bamboozled. If I care about you and someone is trying to do you wrong as far as I'm concerned it's my business. I just couldn't sit by while the ex and the real baby father spent my friend's child support. I'd tell him but he would no longer be a potential SO either.

He's either not bright enough or he is still in love with the ex and is holding on to the baby as a connection. OP I think you should state your case and move on. In the future he'll appreciate it. It will either turn out to be his kid and he can stop being the neighborhood joke or it won't and he'll have more time to get over it.

My responses would be different if the op knew 100% that the child was not his, but she doesn't, she's judging based on looks and the fact that the girl cheated on him. And the man is not blind he knows what his child looks like and second the guy knows that the girl cheated on him. They both know the same information and she already tried to tell him that the child may not be his in a round about way but he didn't go for it.

Anyways, I don't think its right to lie about the paternity of a child's father, but in this case they're judging based on looks. Which is not a DNA test.

 

[Evolving78]

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

I have my personal theory about her reason but I'm just going to sit back and see what she says.

i am going to put it out there and i say this out of love, I smell malice in your concern OP..... please keep your concerns about that child to yourself. you don't sound like you are coming from a place of sincerity. and you maybe right about that baby not being his, but please leave it alone.

 

[maxineshaw]

I have an overactive imagination, but while reading this thread I kept imagining conducting a secret DNA test myself: wipe up the baby's spit on a cottonball...steal some hair from his fade brush...cart off stolen DNA to some lab and pay for the test myself.

I'm just kidding. But seriously, even if I actually did that and found out the child wasn't his I still wouldn't tell him. It's not my place (well...YOUR place). He does not strike me as an ignorant man. I obviously don't know him, but I'm quite sure these thoughts have already crossed his mind.

My advice: leave it alone.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Well, you're a smart cookie!

And that's the expected response.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving.

 

[meecee]

I know I'm late to this thread but, please tred lightly. A friend went through this a few years ago. Her boyfriend had a baby when they met. Both he and his family accepted the child and he was there for the birth, name on the certificate, etc. My friend decided that the baby didn't look like him and thought it wasn't his child. She kept pressing the issue until her boyfriend agreed to get a paternity test. Long story short.....the baby wasn't his. She was right. Fast foward a few years, she's pregnant, and he's acting funny. He took forever to tell his mom about her pregnancy, and still hasn't told the rest of his family. I find her situation to be mighty ironic lol.