How to Take Things Slowly

[Curlybeauty]

I have never been able to do this consistently with all of the males that I have persued relationships with. The last guy that I was seriously interested in, there was no action for 6 months if not more. I mean not even a kiss on the cheek. But with this one....it's almost as if I'm tumbling down hill .

So any advice on how to pace ones self, take things slow, etc?

Secretly waiting on Bunny's response....

 

[Bunny77]

Did I hear a bat signal?

Okay, so before I answer, I have to ask... what's going on with this guy that makes you feel that you're moving too fast?

 

[LStreeter]

Great question! A lot of us need to learn how to do this...sadly

 

[Curlybeauty]

Did I hear a bat signal?

Okay, so before I answer, I have to ask... what's going on with this guy that makes you feel that you're moving too fast?

LOL Bunny to the rescue

And I don't know how to describe it other than I just feel like i'm wayyy to into him, for my comfort level. For example, if he doesn't call me back or something of that nature, I cop an attitude . I just feel like I shouldn't care after two weeks . Yeah I said it...two weeks.

 

[Bunny77]

For example, if he doesn't call me back or something of that nature, I cop an attitude .

Is he saying that he's going to call you, but then doesn't? That's not a good thing if he's not keeping his word.

I just feel like I shouldn't care after two weeks . Yeah I said it...two weeks.

How were you able to feel this attached to him in two weeks that you're feeling like this? How frequently have you been seeing each other?

 

[Curlybeauty]

Is he saying that he's going to call you, but then doesn't? That's not a good thing if he's not keeping his word.



How were you able to feel this attached to him in two weeks that you're feeling like this? How frequently have you been seeing each other?

Its kind of like I'm dissapointed when he says he has to call me back. For one reason, I hate talking on the phone . I just don't like it. But I really like talking to him on the phone. We actually have things to talk about and make jokes, and all that good stuff . And I have only spent some one on one time with him once. And we will be going to the movies this weekend.

And I don't know if I feel attached. If things went the wrong way, I'm pretty sure that I would be able to KIM without a problem.

But maybe I am attached *shrug* I will let you diagnose me on that one. I just wish he didn't fit so well into my daily life. (talking, texting, etc.) Its as if we always did these things together, and my day would be jacked up if his good morning text didn't come, or if he didn't text me throughout the day so I could survive working with my crazy boss, etc.

I wasn't even looking for anybody. At all. But he is such a sweetheart, gentleman, I could talk about him all day lol. I just want to make sure I pace myself, for the sake of my sanity, feelings, and the health of this potential relationship.

I don't even know how it got to this point honestly, and this post is all over the place .

 

[Curlybeauty]

deleted.....

 

[Skyfall]

awwww hunny its ok take a deep breath and relax, sometimes it's actually fighting the feelings that is driving us crazy. trust in yourself, for that seems to be what is lacking, just trust in yourself, provided that you have your best interests at heart and everything will be as it should

 

[Curlybeauty]

awwww hunny its ok take a deep breath and relax, sometimes it's actually fighting the feelings that is driving us crazy. trust in yourself, for that seems to be what is lacking, just trust in yourself, provided that you have your best interests at heart and everything will be as it should

Thank you for your kind words

I'm trying to keep it together here. I just want to enjoy his company without worrying about the time frame thing should fall in.

And for some odd reason people always get comfortable with me really fast. Not sexually, but they just feel like they have known me forever.

 

[Bunny77]

Okay, it sounds like you have a crush (which is okay!), but your mind is running away from reality. That can be hard to control sometimes... when you're feeling a man, you can sometimes get caught up thinking about the future, your future together, your last name with his and all that stuff.

I don't know of a woman (myself included) that hasn't gone through that.

However... I think what you probably should do to slow things down is not talk to him as much by phone. That was a mistake I made with a few men in the past... we would talk for like, six hours, and the men got comfortable with me really fast too. Maybe because I meet a lot of men who work in the sports industry, and they are so used to being around men that they like letting their guard down with me.

The problem is, the more comfortable you get (and often times, they tell you about personal problems), the more attached YOU begin to get. Then it's possible that they might not even be feeling you like that or if they did originally, they changed their mind in Month 2 or something like that.

Then you're left feeling stupid.

So, limit the phone conversations and text messages. Also, it sounds like he's telling you he needs a break too if he's frequently telling you that he has to go and he'll call you back later. So YOU end the phone calls first and set a time limit in your head about how long you'll speak to him.

He sounds like he's a nice guy and this could turn into something great. But right now, you're acting like a girlfriend when you're not. Have no expectations of him, scale back on the communication and sit back a little while you let HIM show you his intentions toward you.

And have fun on the date!

 

[paragon1day]

^^^^^ I don't have any advice, except having no expectations (and acting like you don't have any) really works. It takes the pressure off you and you can think clearly and carefully about the situation.

Best of luck and have fun on the date!!!!

 

[Curlybeauty]

^^^^^ I don't have any advice, except having no expectations (and acting like you don't have any) really works. It takes the pressure off you and you can think clearly and carefully about the situation.

Best of luck and have fun on the date!!!!

Thank you, I like your advice. I think I will just have to chant little pick me up lines throughout the day, to keep my mind from diving too deep into lala land

Okay, it sounds like you have a crush (which is okay!), but your mind is running away from reality. That can be hard to control sometimes... when you're feeling a man, you can sometimes get caught up thinking about the future, your future together, your last name with his and all that stuff.

I don't know of a woman (myself included) that hasn't gone through that.

However... I think what you probably should do to slow things down is not talk to him as much by phone. That was a mistake I made with a few men in the past... we would talk for like, six hours, and the men got comfortable with me really fast too. Maybe because I meet a lot of men who work in the sports industry, and they are so used to being around men that they like letting their guard down with me.

The problem is, the more comfortable you get (and often times, they tell you about personal problems), the more attached YOU begin to get. Then it's possible that they might not even be feeling you like that or if they did originally, they changed their mind in Month 2 or something like that.

Then you're left feeling stupid.

So, limit the phone conversations and text messages. Also, it sounds like he's telling you he needs a break too if he's frequently telling you that he has to go and he'll call you back later. So YOU end the phone calls first and set a time limit in your head about how long you'll speak to him.

He sounds like he's a nice guy and this could turn into something great. But right now, you're acting like a girlfriend when you're not. Have no expectations of him, scale back on the communication and sit back a little while you let HIM show you his intentions toward you.

And have fun on the date!

You know what's funny about the bolded, I think he caught himself getting too wound up one day. It was so funny. He had been texting me all this stuff, mind you I had called him earlier. So, thinking of you Bunny darling I just ignored him.

And Bunny...let me tell you, he called me so darn quick and was half way upset that I hadn't responded . And I told him that I was busy (even if I was laying in my bed staring at the ceiling ) and we hung up. I think he was embarrassed that he sounded the way he did. And he only talked to me via text for the rest of the night. Only to say goodnight of course, but I just thought that was too funny. Had to share!

 

[paragon1day]

That's what I had to do, LOL. Serioiusly, if I was mad, I would prep myself before I talked to him so I wouldn't sound mad and would be cool. It worked. He told me I was the easiest woman to deal with. I like that b/c some stuff was dumb, LOL.

So, prep yourself! Don't answer when he calls, so you can take the big smile off your face, LOL. And call back all smooth-like.

 

[Bunny77]

Thank you, I like your advice. I think I will just have to chant little pick me up lines throughout the day, to keep my mind from diving too deep into lala land

You know what's funny about the bolded, I think he caught himself getting too wound up one day. It was so funny. He had been texting me all this stuff, mind you I had called him earlier. So, thinking of you Bunny darling I just ignored him.

And Bunny...let me tell you, he called me so darn quick and was half way upset that I hadn't responded . And I told him that I was busy (even if I was laying in my bed staring at the ceiling ) and we hung up. I think he was embarrassed that he sounded the way he did. And he only talked to me via text for the rest of the night. Only to say goodnight of course, but I just thought that was too funny. Had to share!

See, men are so simple!

Suddenly you back off on the attention, and he starts sweating you even more!

Did the date happen yet?

 

[Curlybeauty]

See, men are so simple!

Suddenly you back off on the attention, and he starts sweating you even more!

Did the date happen yet?

Oh the date ...

We went to the movies to see twilight, and the movie was great! Definitely want to see the other ones and look forward to seeing the next one. But he was pretty disappointing. For one thing, he was kind of tipsy from a cookout that he went to before I got there, and he was kind of just doing too much for my liking.

Will I hold this against him..eh..maybe. He said it himself, basically the way he acted was how you act around somebody that you have already gotten to know, and gotten comfy with. I still like him but I'm definitely no longer in the "crush" stage with him. I can't say that I am eager to go on another date with him, but I hope on our next one that he kinda redeems himself.

There wont be too many other chances for him to do so, seeing that I wasn't really looking for anything when I met him..I just needed some company while I was home for summer. But the moral of the story is that I was happy to see him again, and I got it out of my system.