How To Seduce A Guy At Work

[Ipanema]

*please don't quote* I’m currently going through a dry spell. There was a guy I was dating before (rich man with a great career), but it ended because he was effed up. A guy from work has always seemed interested in me, but I didn’t see him in that way for a long time. He was just always someone pleasant to talk to. One day after a nice conversation with him at work, I decided to let things go further--tomorrow. I usually see him every day, but a few days went by, and he was MIA. It turns out that he had taken a week off. I just so happened to have a week off after his week off. Then there was time off for the holiday. It ended up being three weeks before I saw him again.

The next time I saw him, his whole attitude was different. He usually smiles, waves, and rushes to open doors for me. When I saw him after three weeks, he looked so serious and didn’t even crack a smile. I wondered if he was angry. Well, I found out that he is being transferred to work in a different department in a different building at the beginning of the year. It's far away, too. I don’t know if that had anything to do with his attitude, but I want something to happen between us before he leaves. Btw, he is single, tall, manly, and has a good career. I want him to ask me out. How do I seduce him before the new year?

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

Seduce I'm not sure. I would invite him to kick back and hangout as friends. That way you two spend sometime outside of work. I would let him make the first move romantically after that.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Seduce or date?
Seduce, just invite him over for coffee. Apparently, "coffee" is the new version of Netflix & chill (or at least it was in Luke Cage).

Dating is different. You will have to make it clear that you're interested. Maybe mention his job transfer and that you hope to spend some time with him before he's no longer local.
Then you have to wait to see if he bites.

 

[frizzy]

Seduce or date?

Very important question.

 

[Ipanema]

Definitely date.

 

[nlamr2013]

Uh don't

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Do you have his contact info? How far away will he be once he starts the new job?

 

[GetHappy2014]

I think this is an easy one.... Ask him about his transfer... If he seems disappointed or upset offer encouraging words and an upbeat spirit. Finally... The kicker.... Invite him to lunch, your treat (maybe not dinner) "before he ships off". This will give you all the opportunity to get better acquainted away from the office. I am personally, much more relaxed and funny away from the office. If he bites.... Your in. If he doesn't... KIM.

 

[Ipanema]

I think this is an easy one.... Ask him about his transfer... If he seems disappointed or upset offer encouraging words and an upbeat spirit. Finally... The kicker.... Invite him to lunch, your treat (maybe not dinner) "before he ships off". This will give you all the opportunity to get better acquainted away from the office. I am personally, much more relaxed and funny away from the office. If he bites.... Your in. If he doesn't... KIM.

I asked him about it a couple of days ago. He didn't seem excited about it, but he was looking at the bright side of things. I did not ask him to go out.

 

[Ipanema]

Do you have his contact info? How far away will he be once he starts the new job?

About 30 minutes away. I have his cell phone number for work reasons, but I have never had to call it.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I asked him about it a couple of days ago. He didn't seem excited about it, but he was looking at the bright side of things. I did not ask him to go out.

It's not too late. Offer to treat him to lunch to celebrate.

Is this a lateral move? Why do you think he's not excited about the job?

 

[Black Ambrosia]

About 30 minutes away. I have his cell phone number for work reasons, but I have never had to call it.

I know it's all relative but 30 minutes isn't that far IMO. I was envisioning a long distance relationship if you got something going. He probably won't even be moving.

Talk to him at work and offer to take him out to lunch. It sounds like you've had a cordial work relationship with him so this isn't a big ask. If he's really acting different then I'd guess it's more than the new job.

 

[Ipanema]

Wouldn't offering to treat him to lunch be a bit forward and seem desperate to a guy? I want him to ask me out and have it be his idea, even though it is my idea. He is very gentlemanly and traditional. Or is that too much for less than 2 weeks.

 

[hopeful]

Wouldn't offering to treat him to lunch be a bit forward and seem desperate to a guy? I want him to ask me out and have it be his idea, even though it is my idea. He is very gentlemanly and traditional. Or is that too much for less than 2 weeks.

I wouldn't ask him out. I would text him and say something like we will miss you being around here and I hope we keep in touch. Or let's keep in touch. Let me know how you like it there or something. IDK but I couldn't ask him out either.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Wouldn't offering to treat him to lunch be a bit forward and seem desperate to a guy? I want him to ask me out and have it be his idea, even though it is my idea. He is very gentlemanly and traditional. Or is that too much for less than 2 weeks.

No, it's called positioning.

Now, if you keep making offers or "positioning" yourself and he doesn't bite, that's when it becomes "desperate".

 

[GetHappy2014]

I understand if you are not comfortable asking him out for lunch.... However, in my mind, this is NOT a lunch date. This is a 'celebration' for his new position or ' a cheer up' type of lunch outing. I have personally asked guys out to lunch... As pay back for a work related favor, celebrate their promotion, a farewell/good luck, with no strings. I wouldn't approach it as a lunch date. I just see this as a co-worker inviting another co-worker out to celebrate. But of course, do what makes you feel comfortable.

 

[michelle81]

I couldn't ask him to lunch. I went through this once with a work guy. There had some glances and what I thought was very light flirting. He found out I was transferring. He said something about "Oh, so I won't see you anymore?"
I said I'll be around some but we should exchange numbers in case I need you for a reference. He was much more superior to me and would be an excellent reference. Of course he called that same evening inviting me to lunch.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Do what you're comfortable doing but I think you need to do more than normal since he's put himself out there before and you didn't respond. He may have accepted that it's not happening with you now that he's leaving.

Like @GetHappy2014 said, this isn't a real date. It's two colleagues going out for a meal to celebrate or commiserate. It should have none of the pressure associated with asking a guy out.

 

[michelle81]

My thing with asking a guy out, even for lunch to "celebrate" is that I would then feel the need to lead the conversation. Too much work.
I truly believe that a man will step up if he really wants. If going the route I suggested about exchanging contact info, then I would probably wait until his last week there. That will give him a chance to ask on his own as well as things not being so awkward after exchanging info.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

To each her own but I think there's something to be said about being willing to make the first move. I'm not suggesting you be the aggressor but not doing anything leaves everything up to the other person's inclinations.

I'm reminded of this quote.

 

[Ipanema]

Do what you're comfortable doing but I think you need to do more than normal since he's put himself out there before and you didn't respond. He may have accepted that it's not happening with you now that he's leaving.

I think this may be true. I bought him a Christmas gift, and I'll give it to him next week. It's something to put on his desk in his new office. I hope it cheers him up. Too bad it'll be at work because I want to be all and

I'm reminded of this quote.

Look at Abraham Lincoln talking about hustling.

jk. I know he meant it the other way.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I like the gesture. Its definitely a conversation starter. He may end up offering to take you out to lunch as a thank you.

 

[awhyley]

My thing with asking a guy out, even for lunch to "celebrate" is that I would then feel the need to lead the conversation. Too much work.
I truly believe that a man will step up if he really wants. If going the route I suggested about exchanging contact info, then I would probably wait until his last week there. That will give him a chance to ask on his own as well as things not being so awkward after exchanging info.

Well, technically, since the lunch is to celebrate his moving on, he should have quite a bit to say, esp. since he seems a bit miffed about it. (And you can bring up the positives of a new environment, etc.) Since it's only 1/2 hour away, it's not like he's moving cross-country, it isn't like you guys can't meet up at any time . Like everyone is saying, it's not a date, so there's no real pressure. If anything, you should set up a lunch date to give him the gift. How many tall, unattached, interested guys are you going to pass on?

 

[Kalani]

I'm reminded of this quote.

I so love this quote . I need to put this up somewhere because I tend to be too passive career wise meanwhile all the shameless go getters are leaving me behind in the dust.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

keep us updated OP

 

[frizzy]

I think this is an easy one.... Ask him about his transfer... If he seems disappointed or upset offer encouraging words and an upbeat spirit. Finally... The kicker.... Invite him to lunch, your treat (maybe not dinner) "before he ships off". This will give you all the opportunity to get better acquainted away from the office. I am personally, much more relaxed and funny away from the office. If he bites.... Your in. If he doesn't... KIM.

I agree. This situation is one of the few times I would ask a guy out. "Hey, we'll have to go out for lunch/brunch before you leave". Handle yourself in the way you present the offer to him, as a token of friendship for someone moving on or transitioning elsewhere, not like you are looking for a man.

If he is a keeper, he won't let you pay for a thing and the ball is in his court to make any future moves forward with a relationship and you get to observe him off the job for the first time.

 

[Ipanema]

I couldn't bring myself to do it. There's just something about him that makes me know that asking him out is a huge no. I gave him the gift, and it did cheer him up. He's been walking around like a peacock.

We exchanged some emails, and I noticed that at the bottom, he wrote some letters with a slash mark in between. I couldn't figure out what that was supposed to mean, but then later realized that he put our initials together. If he was someone that I had met online, I'd shun him.

Anyway, he has my number. He has to make the next move.

 

[awhyley]

I'm feeling this opportunity slipping away . . . If he finds someone in his new space, you'll never know what could have been

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I couldn't bring myself to do it. There's just something about him that makes me know that asking him out is a huge no. I gave him the gift, and it did cheer him up. He's been walking around like a peacock.

We exchanged some emails, and I noticed that at the bottom, he wrote some letters with a slash mark in between. I couldn't figure out what that was supposed to mean, but then later realized that he put our initials together. If he was someone that I had met online, I'd shun him.

Anyway, he has my number. He has to make the next move.

umm wth? DO IT!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I wouldn't ask him out. I would text him and say something like we will miss you being around here and I hope we keep in touch. Or let's keep in touch. Let me know how you like it there or something. IDK but I couldn't ask him out either.

Yea....I wouldn't ask him out either....not if I wanted something serious with him.... But that's just me.

I always feel it's best for the man to do the initial asking.

However, I don't see anything wrong with suggesting getting lunch or saying "let's keep in touch", or "let me know how your transfer goes!"

If you have his number, then he probably has yours as well. If he's interested, he will take more of an initiative...especially if you basically open the door. All he has to do is walk on through.

I couldn't bring myself to do it. There's just something about him that makes me know that asking him out is a huge no. I gave him the gift, and it did cheer him up. He's been walking around like a peacock.

We exchanged some emails, and I noticed that at the bottom, he wrote some letters with a slash mark in between. I couldn't figure out what that was supposed to mean, but then later realized that he put our initials together. If he was someone that I had met online, I'd shun him.

Anyway, he has my number. He has to make the next move.

Good for you on listening to your gut instinct.


If I get a sign that asking a guy out would be a no-no, then I don't do it. Sometimes you can just sense if it's the right timing or the right method to show a certain guy interest.

I agree...he has your number. If he's still interested, he'll text/call! I would definitely make a "suggestion" though, and see if he "bites".

Now if you just want a little "fun" before he leaves, then by all means go grab the bull by the horns if you have to!

But it sounds like you want something a little more serious/substantial.