How many baby mamas is too many?
- Thread starter Avyn
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Girl I'm 31 and I used to say heyall no but now I'm reconsidering
. There's a guy who's been interested me with kids who I've blown off but I'm starting to feel like I'm judging him harshly but still... ex-wives and baby mamas are not a game..Speaking of which, does anyone think there's a difference between dealing with an ex-wife vs. a woman he didn't marry but had kids by?
loolalooh
Well-Known Member
Girl I'm 31 and I used to say heyall no but now I'm reconsidering
I hear ya. There was a guy I turned down because he had an ex-wife and an 8-year-old son. Instead, I went with his friend who had no kids or baby mama. Turns out the guy with the ex-wife was marriage-minded and about commitment while his friend was not so much.
The tone on this thread suggests that a type of 'drama' comes from the mother of the children. Well, unless you have seen this 'drama' first hand do not always assume it is instigated by her. Beware the man who always blames the ex for the drama - in many cases he is a nasty peice of work causing HER the misery and you could well be believing all the lies he is spinning....next thing you know, you are the next 'baby mama' or ex-wife and he telling lies about you too.
Triniwegian
New Member
I can only speak for myself. The ex was a monster. It's not always the guy who is a jerk. Good guys fall for horrible women every day.
But what you state here is the 'norm'/stereotype. I'm stating the not so obvious and giving a little food for thought.
That guy you meet with the woman causing the drama...ah poor him...well do you know what drama HE is causing on the sly?? Maybe he telling you he is paying child support when infact he isn't at all. It happens.
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Triniwegian
New Member
Bublin said:
Nobody said it was the norm, rather something to consider. If you date a guy with a kid, inevitably you will on some level have to deal with the ex, unless she abandoned the child or is dead. And in some instances the ex may be a headache. I don't think anyone will come in here and say that dealing with the mother of your man's child is a pure delight.
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Triniwegian
New Member
Bublin said:
Oh Jesus... Stop projecting!
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softblackcotton
Well-Known Member
1 baby momma is too much. I have no baggage and I don't want somebody with baggage.
-Kąditty-
Well-Known Member
I don't want to deal with any baby mamas - considering I married while young. I do feel that the older you get in age, the less likely your chance of finding a man with no children. If I ever divorced at an older age, I would not expect a man of my age group to be childless. I have a child so who would I be to demand such?
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southerncitygirl
Well-Known Member
1
i have no children i really don't want a man that has any.
i have no children i really don't want a man that has any.
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
I understand what you're saying, I just dont want to have to deal with the drama no matter who is starting it
softblackcotton
Well-Known Member
Double mint post.
-Kąditty- said:
This is what I'm thinking too. I am in my 30s and there are great guys in my age range that have children. I feel like I need to relax my standards on this. I really wanted my first child to be the first child for me and my future dh. I'm starting to think this is an unreasonable standard at my age.
Source of my post: I recently reconnected with a guy that is really nice, loves working with children/teens (I'm a teacher), volunteers with young black males, great father BUT has 4...yes...4 baby mamas! This was/is a HUGE turn off. I don't want to consider him as a potential SO bc of this. I was thinking that this such a waste of a really great guy. I might have been be all over him if he had 2 at the most, but FOUR is overwhelming. To me it says so much about what kind of person he might be after the fairy dust settles and I meet the real him. Irresponsible, doesn't think abt the future or consequences of his actions, undisciplined...For a minute I wanted to bypass that red flag because he's a nice guy (and reminds me of my dad) but came to my senses.
And if something happens to the moms of the kids, you all plan to............?
CaliiSwagg
Well-Known Member
My current SO has a child with his ex and he is actually the first person I have dated that is a "baby daddy". I used to feel the same way many of you women feel regarding "baggage" until I met him. I personally could never disqualify a man from possibly being a vital asset in my life because of an unplanned pregnancy that happened in his past. Despite him having a child he is such a amazing man and I couldn't ask for more.
The dealings he has with his bm is his business even though he does keep me posted on how his daughter is doing and what not. I personally have dealt with very little "drama" because of the situation, but I have requested that I do not desire to meet the child until we are certain that we want to be together for the long haul.
However, in regards to the OP my limit is 1. Anything more than one child and one bm is just a bit too much that I care to deal with especially since I do not have a child or anything like that.
The dealings he has with his bm is his business even though he does keep me posted on how his daughter is doing and what not. I personally have dealt with very little "drama" because of the situation, but I have requested that I do not desire to meet the child until we are certain that we want to be together for the long haul.
However, in regards to the OP my limit is 1. Anything more than one child and one bm is just a bit too much that I care to deal with especially since I do not have a child or anything like that.
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FlyyBohemian
Well-Known Member
loolalooh said:
But I think a lot of men with kids use single women without any kids as an an escape route. I've seen this a lot. Why can't they choose a woman whose also in their situation?
neonbright
Well-Known Member
Girl I have first had experience, one is enough. Other than that run girl, run!!!
greenandchic
Well-Known Member
When I think of "baby mama", I think of irresponsibility, drama, fights, an "oopsie" pregnancy, etc, not a divorced father who's taking care of his responsibly and there's a mutual understanding between two parties.
Traditional baby mama - one is too many. The latter, it depends on the situation, the age of the kid(s), etc.
Traditional baby mama - one is too many. The latter, it depends on the situation, the age of the kid(s), etc.
CandiceC
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AnKelly
New Member
You've only got 1 child though. It's one thing to date a man with 1 or 2 kids (personally, I wouldn't. I prefer my men with no kids) but you are dating a man who has 6 kids with 4 different women!Does it not bother you that he is a little promiscuous and will go around making kids with all the women he dates or has dated. You said you're looking for someone who is responsible and has brains. How is having 6 kids with 4 diff women responsible and brainy? Does that not concern you?
Well, several of my female friends have described my boyfriend's past as promiscuous, but when I look at their lives, I realize they too have had their fair share of sex partners, even though they have no children. I don't judge him because I too am no complete angel, but I wouldn't consider myself promiscuous either. His unions in which he had children were with women he'd known for years or grew up with. He was exclusive with each one which resulted in a child or children. He would have preferred marriage, but it just didn't work out that way. The women he was with didn't care about having children out of wedlock, but he knows that I'm slightly old-fashioned and won't even consider it. We both agreed upon using protection at first and now we've decided to practice celibacy. He admits to having been "stupid" in the past, but I believe his experiences and his interpretations of my views on the matter helps him see things differently. His past did concern me, but once I got a chance to meet his family and understand the ways in which he was brought up, I understand how those factors could aid in him having his children. He loves his children dearly, but he does admit, that if he could do it all over again, he'd have neither without marriage first.
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