How many baby mamas is too many?

A

Avyn

Well-Known Member
I have, oddly enough, never dated a baby daddy seriously. How many baby mamas would be too many? How many would keep you from looking at a guy as a person you'd seriously date? How many would keep you from considering someone as a potential mate? I have never had to deal with one but I'm thinking that more than 1 would be a little too much but since I haven't had to deal with this situation idk. What kind of drama, if any, have you experienced with baby mamas? Has your SO been attentive to your struggles with their exes?
 
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So I'm thinking that the pitfalls wld be financial obligations, time obligations, possibility of the thirsty ex (I know a few and they be puttin out fresh sheets, perfume and cute lingerie on pick up days), making major life decisions with another woman's demands in mind. Those are big to me. What else? I know there are some moms on here. What kinds of things have you asked of your children's fathers? Have you had drama with your exes' girlfriends related to the care of your child?
 
One. It does depend on the situation though. If you meet a nice 45 year old man there is plenty of opp for him to have 2 baby mamas but for me I wouldn't want to be with someone who irresponsibly made babies with a whole bunch of different women.
 
One. It doesn't even depend, I don't want somebody's half eaten steak dinner.

I've had ex gf drama that was so terrible I couldn't even imagine what baby mama drama would be like. I have a sis in that situation who leaves a trail of baby daddies scattered in her wake so that's enough for me to be completely turned off by the idea.
 
Like everyone else says, one.

Having to deal with another woman all up in your mans pocket and time is for the birds. DO NOT DO IT!!!!

Also, you are the last one to come into the equation, so whatever arrangements or deal has been set happened before you. If you get involved with a man who has kids, your needs will likely come last because the kids were there first, granted he is a good dad.

Also, depending on the relationship he has with baby mama, the whole situation could be a nightmare or at best very annoying.
 
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My most recent ex had 2 baby mamas. His kids were 3 years apart and he had tried to work it out with the last one, but she broke up with him to finish school. There was no drama between me and them.

Moving forward, I probably would not date a man with any kids because I'll be dating for marriage and I don't want any children.
 
One is too many.

Didnt mind before because I was dating and having fun knowing & didnt care.

When you get older and start dating for marriage, its a strong NO. Its too much to deal with. I'd rather be single. Cause thats how you gonna feel anyway..coming LAST after the rest of the them.
 
In my 20s. One.

Soon I'll be 30. Two is now too many. I wouldn't hold anything against a 35-year-old, successful, respectable man who had a baby at 25 and things just didn't work out with the mama. (I just hope he doesn't have several children with the one baby mama. That's another topic.)
 
I date a man who has 4 exes and 6 children. He is 6 years older than me. At first I thought there would be a problem with the exes but there are none. He doesn't chit chat with them to tell them anything about me, where I live, or who I am. I have one son and he is comfortable with the fact that I do not want anymore children. He understands that I will graduate soon and want to pursue a career, so the idea or notion of moving in his children is not an option. They aren't problem children either. They are mostly boys and they have his quiet demeaner. The daughter is not pesty either. They youngest one is and she is questionable which is why she is getting a DNA test but she's not all that bad.
 
AnKelly said:
I date a man who has 4 exes and 6 children. He is 6 years older than me. At first I thought there would be a problem with the exes but there are none. He doesn't chit chat with them to tell them anything about me, where I live, or who I am. I have one son and he is comfortable with the fact that I do not want anymore children. He understands that I will graduate soon and want to pursue a career, so the idea or notion of moving in his children is not an option. They aren't problem children either. They are mostly boys and they have his quiet demeaner. The daughter is not pesty either. They youngest one is and she is questionable which is why she is getting a DNA test but she's not all that bad.
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That is exceptional. I hope that this peace and tranquility lasts for a lifetime.
 
If you don't have any kids but plan on becoming a mother one babymomma is too many imo. Why should your first be somebodies second, third or otherwise?

I had a one babymomma limit and it better had happened in his youth:look:
 
1 for me too.

I dont want kids and that includes steps. Also if I had my own kids, i want it to be a first for both of us. Plus, i want to come first in my relationship and I dont want to have to share or think about anyone else (aside from my SO)
 
Each of the adult relationships I had there was a bm in sight. The first one had major issues with the father so I was caught in the crossfire. I never really had direct issues with her except she told her daughter she didn't like me and other lil' things. The second relationship, the daughter is older (teenager) and the mother is cool with me so far.

I agree with the poster who brought up age in the equation. It's perfectly reasonable that a 40-something-year-old man would have a child or two. However, spreading your seed around with no plans on actually BEING with the mother is not a good look IMO. Then again, how would I REALLY know the reason behind them not being together...*shrug*
 
firecracker said:
If you don't have any kids but plan on becoming a mother one babymomma is too many imo. Why should your first be somebodies second, third or otherwise?

I had a one babymomma limit and it better had happened in his youth:look:
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Your are so right. One is one too many if you plan on having a baby with that man.

For a friend, I wouldn't encourage her to date someone who has more than one-two kids with one-two women. It's not for me though.

At this age, if my SO and I ever broke up, I would prefer dating someone who has grown children or none at all.

I only dated one man who had a child, but that child was in southern Africa.
 
Dunno..as a divorced 40 year old with a 5 year old daughter..I've always assumed that I would connect best someone who matches my situation..divorced with a child that is actively in his life.

My daughter is my priority..so I have no issues with a man whose children are his..I just need to be sure the guy and I are on the same page (I probably don't want to birth any more kids..and am undecided on wanting to remarry)....we can just be friends and see each other casually. But things aren't always that cut and dry.
 
I think it depends on the ages of the kids too. I'd be more forgiving of someone who had two baby mamas when they were young(er), but now is older and wiser. But if they have 13 year old and say a 2 year old, I'd be more inclined to give them the side eye.
 
I would much prefer him to have a "ex-wife" who is the mother of his child then any "baby mamas"....so I guess one is too much for me :/

An Ex-Wife is not a baby mama is my opionion.
 
I can understand where some of the ladies in this thread are coming from. When I was single and didn't have any children, I did not date men with children. I didn't have to and didn't want to, so that is totally okay. But now that I'm single from a divorce and have one son, I'm more forgiving and my thoughts have changed because I'm a little older and have a little baggage of my own now;) I still have the right to date a man with no children, but that's not so important for me now. After being married to a tyrant and have dated some "not so stable but have no children men", I'm more focused on his character and personality. I'm looking for beauty, brains, niceness, and compatible companionship. If he treats me right and is responsible, I don't really care about how many children he has. Sometimes, if you meet a man who is a good, responsible, loving, involved dad, that could even be a plus on my list of check-offs:) It's a woman's right to date whomever she chooses. Be true to yourself and the type of future life mate you envision yourself with. You'll be a better person for it. Love you all!
 
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