How Long Do You Talk On The Phone With Your So On A Daily Basis?

[ZapMami]

I've been talking to this guy, things are going pretty well. We work different schedules so we haven't been able to get together much, but he does call me alot throughout the week. Okay, usually I think its a good sign that a guy really wants to talk and get into my head, but okay here's the deal- he wants to talk on the phone all day every day.

He has the kind of job where he can talk on the phone while he is working. I work in an office and I do not hold personal conversations while I'm at work. I work 10 hour days so when I get home, there is very little time for me do unwind and just a have some time for myself. He calls on my lunch break and then he calls when I get home. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking period when I get home.

Today is my day off of work. I called earlier and spoke with him for almost a whole hour. I called back a little later and we talked for another half an hour, then I wanted to get off the phone so I could watch a little TV. I can't watch TV while I'm on the phone with him, because he expects my full attention. He was upset that I wanted to get off the phone with him.

He expects me to stay on the phone 3-4 hours a day keeping him company while he is at work. But on days when both of us are off of work, he doesn't make much of an effort to meet me in person. I'd rather spend time in person rather than talking on the phone for hours on end.

Am I crazy for feeling this way?

 

[Xavier]

One word... boundaries. You've already set the tone that you were okay with his call frequency so he thinks its okay. Just be honest and tell him that you cant really be on the phone with him for long periods of time and reassure him in other ways that you are into him.

 

[LostInAdream]

I've been talking to this guy, things are going pretty well. We work different schedules so we haven't been able to get together much, but he does call me alot throughout the week. Okay, usually I think its a good sign that a guy really wants to talk and get into my head, but okay here's the deal- he wants to talk on the phone all day every day.

He has the kind of job where he can talk on the phone while he is working. I work in an office and I do not hold personal conversations while I'm at work. I work 10 hour days so when I get home, there is very little time for me do unwind and just a have some time for myself. He calls on my lunch break and then he calls when I get home. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking period when I get home.

Today is my day off of work. I called earlier and spoke with him for almost a whole hour. I called back a little later and we talked for another half an hour, then I wanted to get off the phone so I could watch a little TV. I can't watch TV while I'm on the phone with him, because he expects my full attention. He was upset that I wanted to get off the phone with him.

He expects me to stay on the phone 3-4 hours a day keeping him company while he is at work. But on days when both of us are off of work, he doesn't make much of an effort to meet me in person. I'd rather spend time in person rather than talking on the phone for hours on end.

Am I crazy for feeling this way?

You are not crazy!! This(bolded) is a cause for concern. How long have y'all been dating? How many actual dates have y'all been on?

 

[MzLady78]

He expects me to stay on the phone 3-4 hours a day keeping him company while he is at work. But on days when both of us are off of work, he doesn't make much of an effort to meet me in person.

How much do you talk when he's not at work?

 

[ZapMami]

I think it is a little suspect too. We don't talk nearly as much when he is off of work. He has a young child so I'm starting to wonder if things are really over with him and the mother.

Just got of the phone with him again- another 1 and a half hour. This time I brought it up and I don't think he was too happy. We have been seeing each other for 6 months. Talk on the phone all dang day but we can only seem to find time to actually go out twice a month if even that. I have a problem with that. He expects me to be available when ever he decides to fit me in his schedule. He just tried to put it all on me saying that it's next to impossible to link up with me on the days we are both off. That I might mention that I want to hang out, but then he doesn't hear from me until 5 or 6 in the evening. IDK how to respond to that. If I don't have any solid plans on my days off, I'm usually running errands and catching up on other things. I can't put my life on hold waiting for him to decide he wants to give me some time....and he gets upset when I suggest planning things in advance. Well he definitely gave me some things to think about. Maybe I am part of the problem. I need some time to really think about it.

 

[ladysaraii]

I think it is a little suspect too. We don't talk nearly as much when he is off of work. He has a young child so I'm starting to wonder if things are really over with him and the mother.

Just got of the phone with him again- another 1 and a half hour. This time I brought it up and I don't think he was too happy. We have been seeing each other for 6 months. Talk on the phone all dang day but we can only seem to find time to actually go out twice a month if even that. I have a problem with that. He expects me to be available when ever he decides to fit me in his schedule. He just tried to put it all on me saying that it's next to impossible to link up with me on the days we are both off. That I might mention that I want to hang out, but then he doesn't hear from me until 5 or 6 in the evening. IDK how to respond to that. If I don't have any solid plans on my days off, I'm usually running errands and catching up on other things. I can't put my life on hold waiting for him to decide he wants to give me some time....and he gets upset when I suggest planning things in advance. Well he definitely gave me some things to think about. Maybe I am part of the problem. I need some time to really think about it.

Are you two exclusive? I would start falling back. Keep the calls short and at a time convenient to you. Start dating other people and let him catch up to you.

How old is the child?

 

[hopeful]

View attachment 407277

How much do you talk when he's not at work?

Right? Huge red flag and you said,
"But on days when both of us are off of work, he doesn't make much of an effort to meet me in person."

Real talk. I wouldn't spend one more second of my life talking to this man. He sounds controlling and entitled. He's having his needs met and you aren't. You will need to set firmer boundaries with him if you continue the relationship and moving forward with other men as well. Don't let people pressure you like that. You deserve a kinder, more respectful guy who will want to see you in person and take you out. He's wasting your time. You should only have to say once that you can't talk while at work and that you need time to unwind after work. And honestly I personally wouldn't tell someone I need to be taken out. I would ghost him.

 

[LdyKamz]

I think it is a little suspect too. We don't talk nearly as much when he is off of work. He has a young child so I'm starting to wonder if things are really over with him and the mother.

Just got of the phone with him again- another 1 and a half hour. This time I brought it up and I don't think he was too happy. We have been seeing each other for 6 months. Talk on the phone all dang day but we can only seem to find time to actually go out twice a month if even that. I have a problem with that. He expects me to be available when ever he decides to fit me in his schedule. He just tried to put it all on me saying that it's next to impossible to link up with me on the days we are both off. That I might mention that I want to hang out, but then he doesn't hear from me until 5 or 6 in the evening. IDK how to respond to that. If I don't have any solid plans on my days off, I'm usually running errands and catching up on other things. I can't put my life on hold waiting for him to decide he wants to give me some time....and he gets upset when I suggest planning things in advance. Well he definitely gave me some things to think about. Maybe I am part of the problem. I need some time to really think about it.

You are NOT the problem. Don't start making excuses for him and letting him talk you into blaming yourself for the lack of progression your relationship has made. There is nothing else to think about. He doesn't have to wait to hear from you. If he wants to go out he will make it happen. He doesn't get to call you and waste your time when he's got nothing better to do. You are not a place holder. Ghost this dude.

 

[MzLady78]

Yeah, he either has something else going on or he's really not that interested in you. He gets upset because what you want requires him to step up in a way he's not really trying to do.

And getting mad because you wanted to get off the phone after talking for 2 1/2 freakin hours? GTFOH. What a child.

I don't consider this "going well" at all. You can do better.

 

[LostInAdream]

I think it is a little suspect too. We don't talk nearly as much when he is off of work. He has a young child so I'm starting to wonder if things are really over with him and the mother.

Just got of the phone with him again- another 1 and a half hour. This time I brought it up and I don't think he was too happy. We have been seeing each other for 6 months. Talk on the phone all dang day but we can only seem to find time to actually go out twice a month if even that. I have a problem with that. He expects me to be available when ever he decides to fit me in his schedule. He just tried to put it all on me saying that it's next to impossible to link up with me on the days we are both off. That I might mention that I want to hang out, but then he doesn't hear from me until 5 or 6 in the evening. IDK how to respond to that. If I don't have any solid plans on my days off, I'm usually running errands and catching up on other things. I can't put my life on hold waiting for him to decide he wants to give me some time....and he gets upset when I suggest planning things in advance. Well he definitely gave me some things to think about. Maybe I am part of the problem. I need some time to really think about it.

Don't allow him to reverse this on you. He should be making the plans to see you as much as he wants to talk to you. He has the small child and knows his schedule. A simple "Are you available this day to do this" would suffice.

He could possibly still be entertaining the child's mother or at least trying to stay available for her. Do you know why they are no longer together and the extent of their relationship?

 

[hopeful]

And you said, "he gets upset when I suggest planning things in advance."

Control control control.

 

[awhyley]

He expects me to stay on the phone 3-4 hours a day keeping him company while he is at work. But on days when both of us are off of work, he doesn't make much of an effort to meet me in person. I'd rather spend time in person rather than talking on the phone for hours on end.

This is UNREALISTIC. That is all.

 

[rabs77]

He's bored at work and using you to stay distracted, outside of work he's got other things keeping him engaged. I agree with the ladies - Huge Red Flag!
I hate talking on the phone by the way so you post had me cringing

 

[fula97]

He sounds married

 

[C@ssandr@]

At the end of the day, do whatever is comfortable for you. I think its ok to soften boundaries after you have an established relationship and not a minute before.

My issue is that he is not respecting that you don't want to be on the phone so often. He's being demanding but has not earned it. You've already stated your piece so follow through.

Date others.

Oan. I've dated someone who literally did not have time for me. He wasn't married nor was he seeing others. He worked over 60 hours a week and was a single dad. I saw him twice a month. Honestly, if that is not enough for you, then move on. A man doesn't have to be a "bad guy" in order for you decide that you want something better. A difference in time and values is enough.

 

[lesedi]

I would die! I can text all day but I stay making up excuses to get off the phone. I think you should talk to him about the fact that he would rather chat on the phone instead of meeting up, that is suspect.

 

[MzLady78]

At the end of the day, do whatever is comfortable for you. I think its ok to soften boundaries after you have an established relationship and not a minute before.

My issue is that he is not respecting that you don't want to be on the phone so often. He's being demanding but has not earned it. You've already stated your piece so follow through.

Date others.

Oan. I've dated someone who literally did not have time for me. He wasn't married nor was he seeing others. He worked over 60 hours a week and was a single dad. I saw him twice a month. Honestly, if that is not enough for you, then move on. A man doesn't have to be a "bad guy" in order for you decide that you want something better. A difference in time and values is enough.

You're absolutely right, but I'm getting jerk/trying to be slick vibes from this one.

A "nice guy" who just doesn't have the time because of other priorities but is really interested would be apologetic, and trying to find other ways to make it up to you. And that doesn't mean talking on the phone for hours when it's only convenient for him. This one is coping attitude and not respecting OP's time or her wishes.

 

[LovelyRo]

He sounds involved.

On average, SO and I talk on the phone ever other day for about an hour. We text all day everyday though. Neither of us have personal phone conversations during work hrs. I've had convos where I talked on the phone for 3/4 hours with other guys... they were friend zoned though.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

He's using you to pass the time at work.

 

[ClassyJSP]

OP, I had something like this happen to me before.

He would talk to me all day while we were at work or if I was off but I wouldn't really hear from him on the weekends or after work. Come to find out he was living with a girl and was still involved with her and had more kids than he initially told me.

 

[MissNina]

Eh. He may be bored on the job or likes to pass the time talking. My male BFF & I had months where we talked pretty much all day everyday bc he runs his own business & I work from home. We'd get off the phone for a couple hours & every now and then to handle other things, but we'd call right back. So I wouldn't say that is cause for concern unless he's stalkerish.

The only thing that makes me question him is the whole not going out on a lot of dates things. If you want to talk to me that much, you should SURELY want to spend as much time with me in person when possible. That's questionable, but the phone by itself is not.

 

[biznesswmn]

30-45 min tops unless theres a problem that needs solving

Dude gotta find some balance

 

[CoilyFields]

SUSPECT...not wanting to see you often is a red flag. He's hiding something. If that were not the case, I would say just tell him that you need less phone time and more face time.

When I was dating I established communication routines with all of the guys so we fell into agreeable patterns. They picked up on my boundaries (i.e. I don't chat when I'm with my kid), and I picked up on theirs.
Each morning I woke to their "good morning" texts. I did not respond to them until I got to my desk at work. But I would call my #1 each morning after I'd dropped my kid off on my way to work (20 min)...then we texted during the day. I texted and spoke every couple of days with my #2, then when he moved up to my #1.5, we video chatted on my ride home everyday. Everyone else would get in where they fit in.

I was on the phone much longer with my #1 & #2 then others. Sometimes we had really good conversations that stretched past an hour. One time I talked to my #1 while I was stuck in an airport for 4 hours.

But these were guys I was dating, not an exclusive bf.

 

[C@ssandr@]

You're absolutely right, but I'm getting jerk/trying to be slick vibes from this one.

A "nice guy" who just doesn't have the time because of other priorities but is really interested would be apologetic, and trying to find other ways to make it up to you. And that doesn't mean talking on the phone for hours when it's only convenient for him. This one is coping attitude and not respecting OP's time or her wishes.

I was giving her advice based on what we "know". Also, it doesn't matter what he's doing with his free time. If he's not respecting her wishes or shares the same values, then what does it matter why? The relationship won't get off the ground regardless...which is why I posted my story. He could be a good guy or a bad guy, the issue remains the same.

 

[syze6]

I'm married and I don't talk to hubby while I'm at work. We catch up when I get home, because they are so strict about calls at work. They monitor everything and if it's not an emergency, I don't feel the need to risk going against the rules.

Funny how he is free to talk during work hours. What does it matter if you guys link up at 5 or 6, there are no curfews. I believe this man probably lives with his child's mother. If not, he'd be more available outside of work.

 

[syze6]

And you said, "he gets upset when I suggest planning things in advance."

Control control control.

Can't plan things in advance if he already has a relationship, which it sounds like he does. My cousin had a live in and majority of his phone calls took place at work or out with his guys. The women he talked to knew it had to be one of those situations seeing he had a girlfriend at home.

 

[LdyKamz]

Eh. He may be bored on the job or likes to pass the time talking. My male BFF & I had months where we talked pretty much all day everyday bc he runs his own business & I work from home. We'd get off the phone for a couple hours & every now and then to handle other things, but we'd call right back. So I wouldn't say that is cause for concern unless he's stalkerish.

The only thing that makes me question him is the whole not going out on a lot of dates things. If you want to talk to me that much, you should SURELY want to spend as much time with me in person when possible. That's questionable, but the phone by itself is not.

But your BFF is not your man or someone you are trying to date. Talking on the phone to a guy you are dating ONLY during work hours (even if you have gone on some dates) is suspect as hell. We're dating and the only time the 2 of us talk is when we're both on the clock? That's strange. And why does he disappear on the weekends when both of them should have more time to chat? That's even stranger.

I dated a guy wayyyy back when people still paid for text messages per minute. ( He was the reason I got the unlimited plan when people weren't really texting like that. In one month we had over 8,000 text messages) Anyway, we would text all day, he would call me on my lunch hour and maybe I would get a call while he was driving home from work. We saw each other about 1-2x a week. Found out he was living his long term gf who must have been 3 months pregnant when we got together. The only reason I found out was because he came clean when his girl was about to give birth saying he was going to be even more unavailable and I would have known something was up. After it was over I realized I had never really talked to this guy outside of business hours. lol It didn't seem like a big deal at the time because it felt like so much contact but when I was going back over everything wondering how I missed it, it all made more sense. Things that seemed not a big deal should have been major red flags to me. I dated that man for exactly 6 months before finding out.

 

[MissNina]

But your BFF is not your man or someone you are trying to date. Talking on the phone to a guy you are dating ONLY during work hours (even if you have gone on some dates) is suspect as hell. We're dating and the only time the 2 of us talk is when we're both on the clock? That's strange. And why does he disappear on the weekends when both of them should have more time to chat? That's even stranger.

I dated a guy wayyyy back when people still paid for text messages per minute. ( He was the reason I got the unlimited plan when people weren't really texting like that. In one month we had over 8,000 text messages) Anyway, we would text all day, he would call me on my lunch hour and maybe I would get a call while he was driving home from work. We saw each other about 1-2x a week. Found out he was living his long term gf who must have been 3 months pregnant when we got together. The only reason I found out was because he came clean when his girl was about to give birth saying he was going to be even more unavailable and I would have known something was up. After it was over I realized I had never really talked to this guy outside of business hours. lol It didn't seem like a big deal at the time because it felt like so much contact but when I was going back over everything wondering how I missed it, it all made more sense. Things that seemed not a big deal should have been major red flags to me. I dated that man for exactly 6 months before finding out.

She didn't say it was ONLY during work hours, she said it's not nearly as much after. Big difference. This forum has a tendency to red flag everything, but the only thing that is uber questionable here IMO is them not spending time together. That's always BS in one way or another.

IJS there are reasons why someone can like to talk all day while at work that don't include a double life.

ETA: FYI, my bff & I were talking when the long day calls started. We ended up falling into BFFland for multiple reasons later

 

[LovinLea]

Different people have different needs. So if you need to do something else than be on the phone with him, and he gets mad at you, that is an issue. He can't confine you to the phone.

My ex did this. By the time he got a new job that didn't allow him to be on the phone, I had gotten so used to constant communication, that when it stopped I had an issue. And he didn't care about that not at all. He needs to listen to a podcast or an audiobook to help pass the time at work instead.