LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
So...How long do you usually wait before getting back on the market?
How long after a breakup do you start dating again?
- Thread starter LunadeMiel
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Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
You don't wait. You just go whenever the opportunity presents itself & wherever you feel like going. Whomever you feel like going with. You don't need a uniformed increment of approval to do your thing. IMO the sooner the better. Helps get your mind off of the ex and keeps you from sulking in the house by yourself on a Friday night. It's just dating. Keep it light.
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
Great Post.
I just broke up with my ex/fh 7-5-08
So it is now 5 months since the split
6-12 months for me to heal and to take time for me.
I just broke up with my ex/fh 7-5-08
So it is now 5 months since the split
6-12 months for me to heal and to take time for me.
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
Thanks.
I'm just saying...when do you ever hear a guy saying "How soon should I go out and have a good time? We just broke up 5 months ago".
No - they're out with their boys, playin video games, drinkin beer and flirting with new chicks no sooner than END is pressed on his cell. If they're hurt and all of that, they think about that later when they don't have anything else to do. Why can't we do the same?
LiqueXX
New Member
I agree with the baggage comment, and this is why I wait awhile before jumping back into the dating game.
Although, I do agree that you shouldn't be sitting at home sulking, there are other things to do (going out with the girls, shopping, reading a good book, etc.).
Again with the baggage issue, I have had many friends jump into another relationship and they end up cheating (with the ex or another man). Men do this as well. They are not over the ex and they still think about them and may even try contacting (and cheating) with that person they never really took the time to get over.
MissMeWithThatIsh
New Member
... almost immediately, though I won't get serious... lmao.
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
I'm talking about dating, not relationships. I'll be darned if I pass on a Knicks game with a dude who could possibly be interested in me some time down the road; all because I'm reflecting on a relationship that shouldn't matter to me anymore, simply because it no longer exists. Exes get way too much air time, way after the fact IMO.
Keen
Well-Known Member
You and your boyfriend broke up?
I think its a good thing to spend some time alone after the break-up of a serious relationship. (or divorce but I'm not sure if this is included) However, I don't think there's a set time frame
The time alone should be used for evaluation. What went wrong, what did/didn't I like about that person, what do I need to work on etc.
That time should also be used to heal, if necessary. No sense in bringing your bs into another situation. Or using someone else to get over your ex.
Also, you don't have to sulk at home. There are plenty of things to do besides date.
Also the excuse that men do it doesn't justify why anyone else should do it. In fact I always wondered why men just jump from one "relationship" to the next. Never thought it was wise.
But hey, we all have different ways of living life.
The time alone should be used for evaluation. What went wrong, what did/didn't I like about that person, what do I need to work on etc.
That time should also be used to heal, if necessary. No sense in bringing your bs into another situation. Or using someone else to get over your ex.
Also, you don't have to sulk at home. There are plenty of things to do besides date.
Also the excuse that men do it doesn't justify why anyone else should do it. In fact I always wondered why men just jump from one "relationship" to the next. Never thought it was wise.
But hey, we all have different ways of living life.
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LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
sunshinelady
New Member
I've always heard it takes half as long as the relationship was to truly get over the past relationship and be ready to move on.
So, 1 year=6 mos.
So, 1 year=6 mos.
LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
envybeauty
New Member
Soooooooooo agree with Browndilocks.
Move on to bigger and better ASAP. No need in dwelling on a dude who was not worth your time, treated you like ish, and/or did not respect/love you enough to work on his relationship with you.
Why stress over him when another man can care for you, court you and just love you.
Life is short.....don't waste it dwelling on dude when a gentleman is waiting.
Move on to bigger and better ASAP. No need in dwelling on a dude who was not worth your time, treated you like ish, and/or did not respect/love you enough to work on his relationship with you.
Why stress over him when another man can care for you, court you and just love you.
Life is short.....don't waste it dwelling on dude when a gentleman is waiting.
MissMeWithThatIsh
New Member
Dating for me means getting to know and meet as many potentials as I can. When I am dating exclusively, it's called a relationship.
With that said, when I sit around and sulk and think, I'm giving too much thought to someone who in 6 months I will laugh at being attached to... I need to dilute his emotional and mental presence with as many men as possible and think about how much fun I was missing while wallowing over his dank behind.
With that said, when I sit around and sulk and think, I'm giving too much thought to someone who in 6 months I will laugh at being attached to... I need to dilute his emotional and mental presence with as many men as possible and think about how much fun I was missing while wallowing over his dank behind.
But not all relationships end because someone screwed you over.
These responses have me wondering whether or not people have issues with being without a man.
tiara76
New Member
Im rollin with you mama
to each his own....but I do think some people think spending time with yourself means wallowing and simmering in pain and being lonely, when its really more for reflecting and processing and healing and making yourself stronger.....to go out and try to forget the pain and hurt by taking up time with others....casual dating or not unless u want to talk about ur issues.....hanging out with friends and not talking about your feelings but trying to forget ur issues...is all just ways to delay the healing process
of course thats impo...
Ive done that and found that trying to "Forget" does nothing but delay, for other men hurt them and make me have to deal with even more things than I had to before when I was just tellin myself Im over this..with no inner processing or alone time to figure out what is really going on
so I feel where you are comin from
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Keen
Well-Known Member
Yes...
Awww. Sorry to hear that. Hope it was for the best. As you can see I don't have any advice. I guess it would depend on the person and the reason for the break up.
envybeauty
New Member
i didn't say it was all about a man screwing you over. it could that the person is wasting your time and standing in the way of the one you are meant to be with.
a person does not have to have long dry spells in order to be comfortable by herself. the point is that she should not purposely prevent herself from pursuing another relationship if one just ended. IMO let things happen naturally adn the cards fall where they may should she meet another man teh next day.
Envy, we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one.
I think people should be more purposeful/conscious about their actions. Especially if they are clearly not ready to date. But, I'm not saying wait months and years if its not necessary.
But again, and I'm not being facetious when I say this, I understand that people have differing opinions and I respect yours even if I don't agree.
tiara76
New Member
i also think it depends on the magnitude of the relationship.....when i was younger i was in and out of them.....experiencing and learning pretty quickly.....
nope not what i want
next
nope not u either
next
and sometimes was in another one before previous one was over
all different experiences and circumstances.....
my few serious ones.....i tried to move on fast and it didnt work, and ended up with me hurting other people and myself while i was not dealing with unresolved feelings
so i would say it depends on how long it takes to resolve feelings involved..and I don't think its any given time frame...and some of us have resolved feelings before its even over knowing we want out of it and we are done so we may have disconnected and processed awhile before... so its easier to move on
l
nope not what i want
next
nope not u either
next
and sometimes was in another one before previous one was over
all different experiences and circumstances.....
my few serious ones.....i tried to move on fast and it didnt work, and ended up with me hurting other people and myself while i was not dealing with unresolved feelings
so i would say it depends on how long it takes to resolve feelings involved..and I don't think its any given time frame...and some of us have resolved feelings before its even over knowing we want out of it and we are done so we may have disconnected and processed awhile before... so its easier to move on
l
OP I'm sorry that you guys split...
I agree with some of the ladies that you should take some time to yourself after the end of a serious relationship...not to sulk, but to get to know yourself again. A lot of people tend to lose a bit of themselves when they're in a long term relationship.
For me I know I'm ready when I can think about my ex without:
A) wanting to kiss/be intimate with him
B) wanting to kill him
C) breaking down and crying
I agree with some of the ladies that you should take some time to yourself after the end of a serious relationship...not to sulk, but to get to know yourself again. A lot of people tend to lose a bit of themselves when they're in a long term relationship.
For me I know I'm ready when I can think about my ex without:
A) wanting to kiss/be intimate with him
B) wanting to kill him
C) breaking down and crying
LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
This is where I am at this point...
This is where I am at this point...
Then I say go for it. Seems like you're ready to start dating.
Spongie Bloom
New Member
break ups are not fun whatever the reason and i think as an individual you need time to process your feelings you are hurt maybe even angry, disappointed and its OK to feel that way and also after being in a relationship you need some time by yourself not to stew but to learn to be YOU again instead of WE sometimes you can suffer from delayed reaction you think you are fine but 2 months from now you find yourself feeling like you broke up yesterday, love takes time to heal
People date differently as well so just go with what feels good to you
People date differently as well so just go with what feels good to you
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