How important is the title to you?

[locabouthair]

I started getting close with a male friend. Eventualy we started spending more time with each other and feelings developed and the amount of time we spend together was like we were in a rlp. He said he wasn't ready for a rlp. So I knew I couldn't let things keep going the way they were. I wasnt gonna keep spending time with him like we were together when he didnt want to take to the next level. So I said let's just be friends. I am glad I didnt settle. The old me would have stuck around but acting like a couple when he didnt want to be one really didnt sit well me at all. Bottom line I want someone who WANTS to be with me. I felt I deserved that.

Now I heard someone say that she doesnt need a title. She knows she doesnt wanna deal with anyone else, he's the only man for her she has everything she needs so doesn't see the need for the title. And this had me like They have been dealing with each other for a year.

I really can't fathom spending time with a man, sleeping with him, making plans for the future and NOT getting a title.

If you want something enough, you'll claim it. If you want something bad enough, would you not want to say ok this is mine??

What are your thoughts?

 

[Ms Red]

Not settling was the best thing you could have done in your situation, IMO.

A man who could treat me as his girlfriend, spend time with me, talk about the future with me... will WANT to claim me as his gf. He doesn't want another guy to come along and take his place.

And if we become serious, he takes that next step and we get engaged. Then married. I'm finding that this is how real men who want real relationships operate. They follow through.

I started getting close with a male friend. Eventualy we started spending more time with each other and feelings developed and the amount of time we spend together was like we were in a rlp. He said he wasn't ready for a rlp. So I knew I couldn't let things keep going the way they were. I wasnt gonna keep spending time with him like we were together when he didnt want to take to the next level. So I said let's just be friends. I am glad I didnt settle. The old me would have stuck around but acting like a couple when he didnt want to be one really didnt sit well me at all. Bottom line I want someone who WANTS to be with me. I felt I deserved that.

Now I heard someone say that she doesnt need a title. She knows she doesnt wanna deal with anyone else, he's the only man for her she has everything she needs so doesn't see the need for the title. And this had me like They have been dealing with each other for a year.

I really can't fathom spending time with a man, sleeping with him, making plans for the future and NOT getting a title.

If you want something enough, you'll claim it. If you want something bad enough, would you not want to say ok this is mine??

What are your thoughts?

 

[harrison]

If you really feel that you want to be in a relationship where the boundaries are established, then by all means do not settle for anything less.

I knew I wanted the title. It was too frustrating dealing with flighty characters that felt like dealing with you today, but tomorrow was a different story. You have to be true to yourself. Don't settle.

 

[Bunny77]

A man won't get girlfriend-level interaction with me unless he gives me the title of girlfriend and he accepts the title of boyfriend.

A man won't get wife-level treatment from me unless he marries me and makes me his wife and he becomes my husband.

Titles are mandatory with me, and there will be no debate or discussion about the matter.

 

[locabouthair]

A man won't get girlfriend-level interaction with me unless he gives me the title of girlfriend and he accepts the title of boyfriend.

A man won't get wife-level treatment from me unless he marries me and makes me his wife and he becomes my husband.

Titles are mandatory with me, and there will be no debate or discussion about the matter.

I agree.

What things do you consider wife level treatment?

 

[Bunny77]

I agree.

What things do you consider wife level treatment?

Things like cooking/cleaning/laundry/mixing finances/sharing major responsibilities


I have no problem inviting a boyfriend over my place for a home-cooked meal off and on, but there will be no regular cooking, cleaning or other domestic work for a man who is not my husband.

Also, I will not be spotting a boyfriend money for major purchases or get a checking account with him (I knew a couple that did this... :wtf or buy a home with a man who is not my husband.

There's more that's harder to explain (emotional connection, etc.), but those are the basics.

 

[MD_Lady]

I started getting close with a male friend. Eventualy we started spending more time with each other and feelings developed and the amount of time we spend together was like we were in a rlp. He said he wasn't ready for a rlp. So I knew I couldn't let things keep going the way they were. I wasnt gonna keep spending time with him like we were together when he didnt want to take to the next level. So I said let's just be friends. I am glad I didnt settle. The old me would have stuck around but acting like a couple when he didnt want to be one really didnt sit well me at all. Bottom line I want someone who WANTS to be with me. I felt I deserved that.

First things first, I have to give you for the bolded.

Now I heard someone say that she doesnt need a title. She knows she doesnt wanna deal with anyone else, he's the only man for her she has everything she needs so doesn't see the need for the title. And this had me like They have been dealing with each other for a year.

I really can't fathom spending time with a man, sleeping with him, making plans for the future and NOT getting a title.

If you want something enough, you'll claim it. If you want something bad enough, would you not want to say ok this is mine??

What are your thoughts?

Well, it's good that she knows where she stands, but what about him? It's all fun and games until he doesn't have the same expections of monogamy she does. IME, a lot of guys feel that until you say you're exclusive, you're not. Now, if two people have agreed to live like they have the title, but don't want to say that actual words... *shrug*

 

[Caramela]

How important is it to me? Very. If you can't claim me, then you can't have me.

 

[locabouthair]

First things first, I have to give you for the bolded.

Well, it's good that she knows where she stands, but what about him? It's all fun and games until he doesn't have the same expections of monogamy she does. IME, a lot of guys feel that until you say you're exclusive, you're not. Now, if two people have agreed to live like they have the title, but don't want to say that actual words... *shrug*

That's exactly what it is. But if she's happy with it then ok. But it couldn't be me

 

[Bunny77]

^^^I have no problem with people choosing differently from what I accept for my life as long as BOTH people are cool with it.

So if your girl is cool with the non-relationship relationship, then fine for her. BUT... my question in such situations is how these women (cause it's usually the women) would feel if dude up and jumped into a titled relationship with another woman pretty quickly after breaking it off with them.

Would they then feel okay with the fact that they didn't get a title, but another woman did?

Too often, these women aren't being honest with themselves about what they want, so they settle for less, thinking it's better than nothing.

 

[locabouthair]

^^^I have no problem with people choosing differently from what I accept for my life as long as BOTH people are cool with it.

So if your girl is cool with the non-relationship relationship, then fine for her. BUT... my question in such situations is how these women (cause it's usually the women) would feel if dude up and jumped into a titled relationship with another woman pretty quickly after breaking it off with them.

Would they then feel okay with the fact that they didn't get a title, but another woman did?

Too often, these women aren't being honest with themselves about what they want, so they settle for less, thinking it's better than nothing.

Exactly.

If she's cool with it then thats all that matters.

But to be sleeping with a dude, spending almost all your time with him, spending weeks together, you might as well have the title, IMO. But everyone's different..

 

[heyfranz]

I don't do one night stands or jump offs, so it's mandatory for me. Not just the title, but the behavior i expect to go along with the title.

 

[Nayna]

That's weird, I was just reading Steve Harvey's book and its actually pretty good, and he was saying something about men needing to put a title on things.
I just think it would be interesting to get her reaction when this man introduces her to people because what would he then call her? And how ok would that be with her?

 

[kismettt]

i remember in high school/early college i was always telling guys 'why do we have to put a label on this??' (but they were always asking after like...a week, lol) but then the guy i refused to 'label', found someone else with a quickness. never pulled that line again (for a guy i actually wanted to be with )

 

[TayMac]

The title is important especially in these times when guys are just wanting to "go with the flow" and think they can get any and everything from you without a commitment. With no title, they can make a clean break and feel like their should be no hurt feelings b/c hey..you weren't his girlfriend.

 

[locabouthair]

The title is important especially in these times when guys are just wanting to "go with the flow" and think they can get any and everything from you without a commitment. With no title, they can make a clean break and feel like their should be no hurt feelings b/c hey..you weren't his girlfriend.

EXACTLY.

.............

 

[locabouthair]

That's weird, I was just reading Steve Harvey's book and its actually pretty good, and he was saying something about men needing to put a title on things.
I just think it would be interesting to get her reaction when this man introduces her to people because what would he then call her? And how ok would that be with her?

That's a good question. I have no idea..

 

[hopeful]

You most certainly do deserve a title. Why would a guy want to spend that much time with you and not call you his girlfriend? I find it all very confusing, selfish and a little sleezy. You sound like such a sweet person, I can't believe he was willing to lose you over this. The right guy girl will be trying to hold you down quickly, all ready to put a title on it and you are going to be the one saying wait a minute I gotta think about it lol, that's how it's supposed to be.

 

[locabouthair]

You most certainly do deserve a title. Why would a guy want to spend that much time with you and not call you his girlfriend? I find it all very confusing, selfish and a little sleezy. You sound like such a sweet person, I can't believe he was willing to lose you over this. The right guy girl will be trying to hold you down quickly, all ready to put a title on it and you are going to be the one saying wait a minute I gotta think about it lol, that's how it's supposed to be.

Thanks Hopeful

 

[Essensual]

1. Women who don't settle..
2. Men with FOLLOW THROUGH.

(in my Julie Andrews voice)....these are a few of my favorite things.


You did the right thing, Sis.

 

[blasianbeauty]

Not having the title just leaves open room for drama. Pretty much, he can have the benefits of a girlfriend but if he chooses to date or sleep with other women then he could do so (without catching flack from you).

 

[Imani]

.................

 

[locabouthair]

I agree with all the other ladies on this one. I speak from experience. I have had so many dudes be on the "no title" "lets Just be friends" "go with the flow" "lets take it slow" etc. And then as soon as we stop talking magically he has a girlfriend or fiancee who he doesn't hesitate to give a title to.

I refuse to stick around and play that role of girlfriend or wife with out the title. I am not the dumb girl I was in my early twenties. I won't be cooking for you, doing your laundry, driving you around, loaning you money, providing you emotional support, coloring with you daily, just so I can be casually introduced to people as your "friend" or you "homegirl". I call it a glorified F#@$ buddy. I mean, lets call a spade a spade. If you are coloring for an extensive period of time w/no title, thats essentially what you are. You can convince yourself that Oh I've met some of his friends and we go out and have good conversation so it must be more than that. No, really its not.

I'm older and wiser and don't have a problem promptly vetoing a ninja if they are trying to put me on permanent glorified F#$% buddy status til they find that chic they want to give the title to. No sir, not me.

I feel the same way.

I refuse to be one of those women who has to wait years for a man to propose to her and/or make her his SO. It's ridiculous to me.

All the time I'm spending with a guy who doesn't want to claim me, I can be with someone who will want to call me his girlfriend.

 

[Ediese]

That's how I felt with my ex. He said that he had problems committing because of his past, and that because of traveling so much for work, we couldn't be 'boyfriend/girlfriend'.

The funny thing is that we were just that, but just didn't have the title. None of us were seeing anyone else. I let this go on for a year, and it eventually changed. He committed at the end and said he loved me, but it was too late. I wasn't tired of waiting, and decided to move on. When we talk now and I mention that we weren't committed for the first part of our relationship, he says that he never felt that way. For him, he always believed that we were even though he never said it. Men! Ughh!

 

[sky_blu]

I think you did the right thing. Guys always say they're not ready for a relationship but want to do play like a couple. Good for you!

 

[aribell]

There are so many different ways of saying it, but it seems like there just needs to be a universally understood rule that if someone wants to have sex with you but doesn't want to commit to you, it's time to exit; without making it complicated or trying to understand, just let it go.

The title isn't just a label. It signifies the commitment.

 

[aribell]

A man won't get girlfriend-level interaction with me unless he gives me the title of girlfriend and he accepts the title of boyfriend.

A man won't get wife-level treatment from me unless he marries me and makes me his wife and he becomes my husband.

Titles are mandatory with me, and there will be no debate or discussion about the matter.

What do you consider girlfriend-level interaction?

 

[Bunny77]

What do you consider girlfriend-level interaction?

Well, speaking on a secular level, I would say that sexual activity would be girlfriend-level interaction. It seems that so many of these murky situations happen when people are dating and then on a certain date, the man kisses the woman and one thing leads to another and then they're involved sexually.

And then it's AFTER the fact that many of these women start asking about a relationship, and then the dude says he doesn't want one. I say those things need to be discussed way before getting intimate with a man that way, if you are not deliberately waiting until marriage.


Otherwise, I'd say that girlfriend-level interaction would be getting very close to a man emotionally. If you all are seeing each other/communicating by phone for a period of time on a daily basis or every other day basis, then you should be a girlfriend. I'm not giving all of that emotional attention and that much of my time to a man who's not my boyfriend.

 

[Makenzie]

Good for you OP.

 

[Naturelle]

When I first met my SO on our 3rd date I knew I wanted to be with him...I told him I needed a relationship...I was apprehensive about it and I was prepared for him to look at me with WTH? but he agreed...that was almost 2 years ago and we're still going strong...

It's important for me to know how things are defined...if it's just friends then it's just friends, if it's a relationship then that's what it is....I think a title whatever it is going to be should be clear with those involved...you can't blame no one but yourself if you don't define what's going on and get your feelings hurt...as a woman and as a man just be honest so that hey if it doesnt suit what you're looking for whatever it is y'all are doing, then bounce and move on to the next...

He doesn't want a relationship but you do, you let him know and keep him in the friend zone so he understands that his place in your life...the moment you start allowing him to creep over that friendship line w/o defining what y'all are, that will start to blur the friendship and even maybe ruin the possible chance of a relationship