How important is cooking in your relationship?

[Kinkyhairlady]

I'm not much of a cook but I'm trying to do better. Last night I cooked a meal and FH was not too pleased. He ate it but basically said the rice was not presentable and the turkey was not made with enough sauce. Then went on to say he's ok but if we have guest over once we are married he wants me to present the meals better than I have. Then he comments on how I never
cook and if I don't practice I'll never be as good as I want to be. Honestly I want to become a better cook but I just don't have time to practice all the time. He says it's ok but it's like he is longing for some bomb food from me and I've yet to produce. Lol. Funny thing is he can cook really well and has taught me some tricks but I can do it well one day and the next it's a flop. Smh

 

[SophieDulce]

Very important. My dh's love language is acts of service he'd rather me cook him a big meal and give him a back rub than buy him anything. Honestly for me cooking depends on how much responsibility I have in the home as well. I enjoy cooking and my dh pretty much does all the working outside the home so I don't feel overwhelmed cooking everyday. If I had to work a full time job ad cook I'd probably wouldn't feel like it.

I'd start off with listing your favorite dishes and ask him what are his. Call his mom and ask her how she prepares them and ask her to show you. When your out eating and you find a dish you love ask the chef what he used. Try taking a cooking class. The more you cook the better you'll get.

My cooking has improved 10x better than 2 years ago because i do it everyday and I'm always trying things and techniques. Also I would help if you have a simple go to dishes you Can whip up easily. Sometimes when my dh comes from a game home I'll make him a gourmet grill cheese and some lemonade with mint leaves and he acts like i just threw down lol

 

[Layluh]

SophieDulce has your husband ever criticized your cooking? Or has he always been appreciative?

 

[CaraWalker]

i love men who can cook. every guy ive been interested the last few years has been a fantastic cook. like, extremely delicious food fantastic cook. i think at this point its a requirement/need for me in relationships

 

[TopShelf]

OP Are you using cookbooks or cooking from scratch?

 

[SmileyNY]

Even though I've become a much better cook over the years... I still consider myself a work-in-progress. I guess since I consider my Mom to be 50 levels ahead of me, I'll never give myself the true cook status lol.

Since I view myself as a developing cook... I appreciate honesty with my meals. Every time I cook for anyone (SO, family, or friends), I ask them to be 100% honest with me. That's how I've learned to improve.

I've created a few pretty delicious signature dishes just from combining notes that I gathered from people.

Once you find out what works for certain meals, you put your own twits on it and it eventually becomes a staple. Your very own special recipe!! I love when that happens.

I think tone is everything... if your DH takes on a helpful and not condemning tone, then he is just trying to help. Since he can cook... you should absorb all you can like a sponge... and then practice so that you beat him at his own game

 

[SophieDulce]

SophieDulce has your husband ever criticized your cooking? Or has he always been appreciative?

He's usually appreciative but Yes he has and I told him to go fck himself, and I'd never make him anything again. I can tell if he doesn't like something he won't really finish it. Or I'll ask him while his eating if he likes it or what could make it better ya know. Like something he doesn't like just because he didn't grow up eating them and his taste buds haven't adapted yet. I don't mind feed back, but don't be rude.

 

[SophieDulce]

Op also don't be afraid to try new things, sometimes you can get stuck in a rut if you don't expand. I love watching chopped on food network it gives me so many good ideas.

 

[Gin&Tonic]

I am an excellent cook, however cooking is not important in our relationship at all. I cook occasionally and have shown off my skills for his friends and on holidays.

We go out a lot or have catering or cook together. When I do cook, it's something easy and quick like grilled fish and vegetables or soup.

Maybe it's a phase , but DH seems to prefer me dressed pretty and looking at him, than slaving over a hot stove . Also we are not big eaters and into healthy foods and working out.

For those with cooking challenges, get a good cookbook and follow those directions exactly. It should get you by as you learn your own style.

.

 

[LiftedUp]

Wow, that was brutally honest.

It's not a factor in my relationship and wouldn't be until I am married. The samples he may get will be limited to baked goods probably.

Anyway, my cooking is pretty good. I hardly cook, but when I do, the reviews are really good. I also plan on taking formal cooking, baking, specialty cooking and hosting classes before marriage. This is to provide me with "proper" methods and a more professional take and presentation.

Now, my aunt's food tastes horrible (she thinks that she can cook), and when her husband's colleagues are invited for lunch/dinner, my father goes over and prepare their meals beforehand. It didn't break her relationship. Her husband accepted what he couldn't change.

Imo, cooking is more than a good recipe but a knack.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

OP Are you using cookbooks or cooking from scratch?

I was using taste of Haiti cookbook but the food is not turning out the way he or my mom
makes it. He loves my moms cooking. Another thing he lives Maggie bouillon in his dishes and I do not use that. I've lectured him of the health risk but he claims food needs it. I need an alternative.

 

[LiftedUp]

he lives Maggie bouillon in his dishes and I do not use that. I've lectured him of the health risk but he claims food needs it. I need an alternative.

That's the "issue" I think. There is no alternative to Maggie. Maybe drown it in fresh seasonings? Ensure that the seasonings are fresh, or at least dried (by you). Those powdered garlic etc. doesn't give the same effect imo.

 

[MamitaLolita]

My last SO loved my cooking. I didn't know how to cook before I met him. I always asked my mom for recipes and he would eat it all up. He never once complained about presentation but I make things like lasagne and enchiladas and other ethnic foods that aren't clean cut. I think it's important but on days that I was too tired to cook he would never complain. He'd either take us out or we would get fast food - bad I know but he could care less.

I'm not married so I will let that be my caveat. But your fiancé sounds ungrateful and pushy. And rude. I would have smacked him with the frying pan had he said that to me.

 

[Lucie]

Not very. My SO loves good food but he's more of a go-out-to-eat sort of man. Last night we went to a Haitian restaurant and Brooklyn and he had the red snapper (our favorite) and I had the conch. He is a very, very good cook so my lack of cooking hasn't made him love me any less. I do cook more than I ever have and am getting to enjoy it more.

 

[SophieDulce]

That's the "issue" I think. There is no alternative to Maggie. Maybe drown it in fresh seasonings? Ensure that the seasonings are fresh, or at least dried (by you). Those powdered garlic etc. doesn't give the same effect imo.

I found the way to get over the flavor enhancing drugs lol is to get everything fresh and marinate as much a possible. I don't even really use Goya either, i make all my own spices. Op I think you should try to learn from your mom as well, are you Haitian to ??

 

[coolsista-paris]

I was using taste of Haiti cookbook but the food is not turning out the way he or my mom makes it. He loves my moms cooking. Another thing he lives Maggie bouillon in his dishes and I do not use that. I've lectured him of the health risk but he claims food needs it. I need an alternative.

i also read that (hubby found the information). i am now going to avoid it. i did liked cooking with it but im just not gonna play around with my health ,the kids and hubby.
i will just use salut and maybe sometimes other type of bouillon (if my research se show me there is no risk).

just uSe different spices instead of Maggie cube.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I found the way to get over the flavor enhancing drugs lol is to get everything fresh and marinate as much a possible. I don't even really use Goya either, i make all my own spices. Op I think you should try to learn from your mom as well, are you Haitian to ??

My thing is Haitians don't measure anything. I cannot cook that way or learn. My mom can't tell me how much she puts in anything. I promised him I'll start cooking more and hopefully I'll get better. He does not like eating out but I do cause I don't like cooking.

 

[SophieDulce]

My thing is Haitians don't measure anything. I cannot cook that way or learn. My mom can't tell me how much she puts in anything. I promised him I'll start cooking more and hopefully I'll get better. He does not like eating out but I do cause I don't like cooking.

My personal opinion is that's the best way to learn, unless your baking I don't think one really needs measurements. it will force you to get used to taste, you will naturally learn how to layer your flavors and add surprise ingredients. Like seriously be up in your moms kitchen with her while she's talking throw on some music have some wine and just immerse yourself and practice !! I truly believe everyone can cook men and women.

 

[LiftedUp]

I found the way to get over the flavor enhancing drugs lol is to get everything fresh and marinate as much a possible. I don't even really use Goya either, i make all my own spices. Op I think you should try to learn from your mom as well, are you Haitian to ??

When I studied abroad I learned the hard lesson that Maggie and "golden ray" isn't sold everywhere .

 

[emada]

Kinkyhairlady The alternative I've found for Maggie cubes is Better than Bouillon chicken base. Maggie is just a ton of salt and MSG even though it's supposed to be chicken flavored, so this stuff will give it a much better because it has all natural flavors.'

DH and I cook everyday so we've both gotten 10x better than we were a few years ago. Ethnic dishes are definitely hard to cook people don't really write recipes for it. If you search you may find a Haitian food blog with some recipes. I also search Pinterest for ideas. Just start simple and once you get more comfortable you can experiment more.

 

[Holla]

Depends on the man....to a limit. One guy I dated for years and I never even so much as boiled water because we ALWAYS ate out at nice restaurants. He was a quality time type of guy who would rather I spend as much time talking with him than being distracted by cooking, etc. Another guy...liked my cooking and wanted me to do more of it. He was the complete opposite of the first and I got tired of him.

I am a very good cook though. The key for me is to make sure that all parts of my dish taste as good as the whole dish. For example.....if I am making a pasta dish, my noodles have to taste good...as does my sauce...and my meat. Independent of each other. So I cook the noodles in a slightly salted broth with a bit of garlic. I taste the noodles to make sure it tastes good enough that I would eat it by itself without needing to add sauce, etc. Cook the sauce and season it with herbs and spices. Season the meat and cook it to taste. Then I combine all three knowing that the final dish MUST taste good because each component is good on its own (e.g. lasagna, angel hair ragu, pasta salad, etc.).

When starting out with a new dish, follow the directions of GOOD recipes. Not every recipe is good and not everyone cooks to your liking. Look at recipes from the Food Network. There are certain chefs that I know have good recipes because I have had food from their restaurant or I tried a prior recipe and I liked it. I like Ina Garten (Barefoot Contessa), Emeril, and yes even Paula Deen's recipes when I want to make something tasty and rich. I'm not going to follow recipes from the Neelys, Rachel Ray, etc.

Cooking will not dominate my relationship any more than cleaning, fixing pipes, etc. It will complement it because the reality for me is that I am a working woman and if it matters that much.....he can always pay for catering, dining out, take out, etc. No one will go hungry.

 

[IslandMummy]

Check out the manje manje thread in the cooking forum

 

[caltron]

In our relationship it's not very important but that's not to say that my hubby does not LOVE getting a homecooked meal. It doesn't even have to be a made from scratch meal. He loves it even when I just stick in a microwave dinner and serve it to him on a plate.

He knows I hate to cook so he doesn't demand it of me, but I wish I were more of a cook because of how happy it makes him.

 

[FlowerHair]

Food is one of the main themes in our relationship lol!

I love to cook and we cook at home every single day. I'm the main chef, but SO can cook a little too. SO loves my cooking. I think that's one of the things he loves the most about me.

It's just about practise and being interested.

 

[Oasis]

i'm no cook. i'll make alfredo like once a month, if that. he cooks 99% of the time. i've gotten so used to it, i will never date another man who doesn't cook. the funny thing is i actually like cooking but i'm lazy and he's just so much better at it than me.

he complains about my lack of cooking but when i do take the initiative he will hover over me the whole time "add this, mix this, turn the stove down, do this, do that " and eventually completely takes over.

 

[sky_blu]

Not important to me I guess a little important to him. I told him when we meet that I didn't like to cook (mostly because I work a full time job and hate the clean up) which he was fine with initially...Now not so much.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

Cooking isn't really an 'interest' of mine, but I can put a lil' something something together. It ain't gourmet, it ain't mama's cooking, but it works, lol. He, on the other hand, isn't interested in cooking at all and views it as "woman's work."

He is also a very old school, Southern country boy, and expects cooking 'like mama.' Throwing down like it's Sunday dinner on a Wednesday evening, gravy smothered, fried everything, macaroni and cheese on the side, and the list goes on.

We've had our fair share of 'discussions' about cooking. At this point, I feel like I've heard everything:

Him: "What's for dinner?"
Me: Leftovers.
Him: Again?
Me: Unless YOU wanna cook tonight.

Him: "We've been eating out a lot lately."
ME: Yeah, I'm tired (after working a long day). I'm not feeling like being in that kitchen.

Him (after I made a pretty big meal for him): "What? No gravy?"
Me:

[When I'm trying to eat/cook healthy]
Him: "I guess since you're on a diet, I'm on one too."
Me:

I take all of this in stride, but lawd, he works my nerves sometimes! I mostly just roll my eyes and keep on doing what I'm doing. I do try to compromise and cook something special for him every now and then. And he's gonna compromise and learn to cook something every now and then too... or else

I never imagined having so many discussions about cooking when my younger self thought about getting married.

 

[AJellyCake]

Not very. My SO loves good food but he's more of a go-out-to-eat sort of man. Last night we went to a Haitian restaurant and Brooklyn and he had the red snapper (our favorite) and I had the conch. He is a very, very good cook so my lack of cooking hasn't made him love me any less. I do cook more than I ever have and am getting to enjoy it more.

Lucie, What is the name of the restaurant? I've never had Haitian food . TIA!

 

[DayStar]

Dh is greedy. He can cook his butt off. His mother is Jamaican and his father Ghanaian so the food he makes is bomb!!!

I can cook too. Im Guyanese. He loves Guyanese food. Dh wouldnt marry me if I couldn't cook...he loves his belly.

Its very important I make cultural dishes cause he likes to eat a lot of West Indian food.

He makes an amazing oaxtail with rice and peas. And I clap roti and make curry like no other.

OP watch your mom in the kitchen. Thats how I learned.

 

[MizAvalon]

Not at all. FH does all of the cooking.

After we get married I'm going to try to become a better cook though.