How do you tell your husband his weight is messing up our sex life?

[eyunka]

I didn't proof read ladies so bare with me

Ladies I need your advice on how to tell my husband his weight is affecting our sex life. Let me give you a little history on him, he is the type of peson that does not care what anyone thinks of him.

Anyway a couple months ago i started hinting he needed to started shedding some pounds for health reasons. Black male in thier 30's, that's when they are suppose to get stuff checked out. I thought if I took the health route he may do something about it. If I said I didn't like it he would be like "and".

Well we got in an arguement about two weeks ago which lead to another arguement about his weight. He said he didn't like me making comments about it. so i stopped.

Fast forward to today, tonight, 20 mins ago. I'm pretty pissed ladies. When i say his weight is an issue that't what i mean he is too heavy for me. Trying not to get too graphic keeping it "PG" There is only one position I'm able to reach my orgaism well becus hubby has put on some lbs that position allows certain body parts to go numb. This is not the first time this has happened (many times) I have tried to block out the pain. I'm laying there feeling pain and pleasure and that just does not work for me so i'm let here at the computer wide awake, frustrated, still horny while he is asleep snoring. I just want to throw some hot water on him.

LADIES LETS KEEP IT "PG" I REALLY WOULD LIKE SOME ADVICE ON HOW TO ADRESS HIM. THIS CAN BECOME A REAL PROMBLEM IF MOMMA DON'T GET SATISFIED!!!!!


Update: He has gotten sick (kidney infection) and I tried to get him to go to the doctor because this is not something you want to mess with. Well after nagging and nagging he went but told them he thought it was a strained muscle. (he didn't believe me that i was a kidney infection) Well here it is 4 days later and he is not feeling any better so now he thinks i'm right. But he still won't go....so at this point i'm pissed because he is not taking care of himself.

Last night we had a heart to heart talk...he aske me if i thought he was going some where (die) and I said honestly you are not taking care of your self..(went into the whole black males, age, high blood pressure, colon...etc), talk about the weight and how it's affecting me. From the look on his face it looked like he began to understand me so we will see what happens from here.

 

[Suerte]

Tell him that he needs to lose weight, period. Tell him that his weight is messing up your sex life and that the pressure from his body causes you pain.

If he is the type who doesn't care what people think, anyways...you prolly need to be extra blunt with him.

I always say honesty is the best policy. So instead of suffering in silence and letting this unhappiness turn into pure contempt and hatred and feelings of total disgust at him... tell him the truth. Plain and simple. Don't say anything with the intention to hurt his feelings but say it with the intention of letting him know how you feel.

 

[SeatownSista]

Tell him that he needs to lose weight, period. Tell him that his weight is messing up your sex life and that the pressure from his body causes you pain.

If he is the type who doesn't care what people think, anyways...you prolly need to be extra blunt with him.

I always say honesty is the best policy. So instead of suffering in silence and letting this unhappiness turn into pure contempt and hatred and feelings of total disgust at him... tell him the truth. Plain and simple. Don't say anything with the intention to hurt his feelings but say it with the intention of letting him know how you feel.

:werd:

I think that you should DEFINITELY address this issue with him and be completely honest about it.

 

[Allandra]

Why don't you just trying being honest with him?

 

[lexi08]

Tell him straight up..... don't beat around the bush.

 

[FeelinIt]

I didn't not proof read ladies so bare with me

Ladies I need your advice on how to tell my husband his weight is affecting our sex life. Let me give you a little history on him, he is the type of peson that does not care what anyone thinks of him.

Anyway a couple months ago i started hinting he needed to started shedding some pounds for health reasons. Black male in thier 30's, that's when they are suppose to get stuff checked out. I thought if I took the health route he may do something about it. If I said I didn't like it he would be like "and".

Well we got in an arguement about two weeks ago which lead to another arguement about his weight. He said he didn't like me making comments about it. so i stopped.

Fast forward to today, tonight, 20 mins ago. I'm pretty pissed ladies. When i say his weight is an issue that't what i mean he is too heavy for me. Trying not to get too graphic keeping it "PG" There is only one position I'm able to reach my orgaism well becus hubby has put on some lbs that position allows certain body parts to go numb. This is not the first time this has happened (many times) I have tried to block out the pain. I'm laying there feeling pain and pleasure and that just does not work for me so i'm let here at the computer wide awake, frustrated, still horny while he is asleep snoring. I just want to throw some hot water on him.

LADIES LETS KEEP IT "PG" I REALLY WOULD LIKE SOME ADVICE ON HOW TO ADRESS HIM. THIS CAN BECOME A REAL PROMBLEM IF MOMMA DON'T GET SATISFIED!!!!!

DANG....keep it PG....alright.......





hmmmmmm......






YOU FAT.......SO WE AIN"T @!#$!$%!#$.....LOSE WEIGHT.....

I belive in the band aid method. REAL HARD AND QUICK!!!! RIP IT OFF!!!

 

[eyunka]

Thanks to all your responses. Honesty it is. Well see if that works. I will keep y'all updated.

 

[dlewis]

I don't know what you should do. But you should be careful and not completely honest out of fear that you could hurt his feelings. I mean really, who wants to hear, you're so fat that I can't have the big O.

There has to be a better way.

 

[Finesse]

I agree with everyone else....just be honest. It can get really ugly if you don't go at it right..speaking from experience Dont bring the subject up when y'all are getting ready to "engage"....bring it up when y'all are just chillin' and speak calmly. Don't yell or accuse , that will get you shut down with the quickness. Men don't like to be told that their performance is not top notch for any reason, male ego is a big **** But if you present your case to him stating that it is because you love him and are concerned for his health...I am sure he will listen and try to make changes. Good Luck!

 

[Windsy]

Honesty is not always the best policy when it comes to the weight issue. I would try and talk to another male before approaching my husband; you don't have to necessairly let the other male know that it is you that is having this problem but I would difinetly get a male input first. I am not married but speaking from someone who struggles with their weight, that conversation can be painful. Also men take things different from us; you may be saying weight is the issue but he may be hearing that he is the issue. I would be very cautious with this one. Just my opinion.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

well regardless of her sex life being an issue, Im pretty sure she wants her hubby around for the next 30 years or so, so instead of bringing up sex as the ONLY issue for wanting him to loose weight, mention his overall health as well. You dont want to be a widow at an only age. Even if its hard for one to loose weight they should still get a health evaluation or whatnot to make sure there are no illnessess etc. If I had a DH and he was not concerned about his physical well being, and could care less how I felt about it, I smell divorce papers

 

[Connie]

I didn't proof read ladies so bare with me

Fast forward to today, tonight, 20 mins ago. I'm pretty pissed ladies. When i say his weight is an issue that't what i mean he is too heavy for me. Trying not to get too graphic keeping it "PG" There is only one position I'm able to reach my orgaism well becus hubby has put on some lbs that position allows certain body parts to go numb. This is not the first time this has happened (many times) I have tried to block out the pain. I'm laying there feeling pain and pleasure and that just does not work for me so i'm let here at the computer wide awake, frustrated, still horny while he is asleep snoring. I just want to throw some hot water on him.

LADIES LETS KEEP IT "PG" I REALLY WOULD LIKE SOME ADVICE ON HOW TO ADRESS HIM. THIS CAN BECOME A REAL PROMBLEM IF MOMMA DON'T GET SATISFIED!!!!!

You're going to have to be honest and tell your hubby the exact same thing you just posted for all the world to see in bolded print. Perhaps the fact that he's literally crushing his poor wife during intimacy may shock him into 'lightening the load'.

 

[Summer_Rain]

Honesty is not always the best policy when it comes to the weight issue. I would try and talk to another male before approaching my husband; you don't have to necessairly let the other male know that it is you that is having this problem but I would difinetly get a male input first. I am not married but speaking from someone who struggles with their weight, that conversation can be painful. Also men take things different from us; you may be saying weight is the issue but he may be hearing that he is the issue. I would be very cautious with this one. Just my opinion.

I was thinking the same thing. I'd ask a man his opinion before I go approaching DH on some bluntness. Think about it from a womans perspective...."babe, your too fat - you're crushing my lungs when we do it that way". A man may not be AS sensitive about his weight as a woman would be, but they are probably MORE sensitive about their bedroom performance.

I'd ask a man. If you feel it's too private to talk about, I've got a message board full of men that I could pose the question to.

 

[dlewis]

Honesty is not always the best policy when it comes to the weight issue. I would try and talk to another male before approaching my husband; you don't have to necessairly let the other male know that it is you that is having this problem but I would difinetly get a male input first. I am not married but speaking from someone who struggles with their weight, that conversation can be painful. Also men take things different from us; you may be saying weight is the issue but he may be hearing that he is the issue. I would be very cautious with this one. Just my opinion.

I agree............if my husband had told me that my weight was an issue in our sex life I would have been heart broken. But what he did was when and lost a little weight he commented that he able to............................ which let me know that less weight is better.

I just REALLY think this honest approach everyone is talking about is not that good. And could do more harm than good.

 

[naijaGal]

I also think you need to look at what u're doing to encourage him to lose weight. Have his meals changed, maybe you could both start going on really long walks, get him to increase his water, fruit & veg intake. If you do the cooking you can encourage this without it being too obvious, etc.

It's one thing asking him to go lose weight but he needs to know he has your full support. I agree you need to tell him straight up but I think for everyone, weight is a sensitive issue.

 

[eyunka]

In the beginning that is the route i took....concerned for his health. I told him loved him and wanted to keep him in this world as long as i can so please lose some weight. What i didn't realize that i was also every now and then when he would lay on me i would tell him "baby you too heavy, get up." or i would tell him he sometimes hurt my ribs when he would lay with me side ways his arm was just too heavy.

Stuff like that he took as wise cracks and they weren't i was serious that mess hurt. So now this is a sensitive subject and i have to figure out a creative way to make him think about it.

I agree with everyone else....just be honest. It can get really ugly if you don't go at it right..speaking from experience Dont bring the subject up when y'all are getting ready to "engage"....bring it up when y'all are just chillin' and speak calmly. Don't yell or accuse , that will get you shut down with the quickness. Men don't like to be told that their performance is not top notch for any reason, male ego is a big **** But if you present your case to him stating that it is because you love him and are concerned for his health...I am sure he will listen and try to make changes. Good Luck!

 

[eyunka]

I hear you loud and clear. I'm still attracted to my hubby big belly and all. I just wished he would....IDK take this seriously. Take everything in to consideration not just looks but health wise to...I'm selfish heck i need him as far as long as i can....that's my hubby i luv him

Honesty is not always the best policy when it comes to the weight issue. I would try and talk to another male before approaching my husband; you don't have to necessairly let the other male know that it is you that is having this problem but I would difinetly get a male input first. I am not married but speaking from someone who struggles with their weight, that conversation can be painful. Also men take things different from us; you may be saying weight is the issue but he may be hearing that he is the issue. I would be very cautious with this one. Just my opinion.

 

[eyunka]

His response to that would be for me find another position. or man up i need to build my ab muscle which i don't understand what my ab muscle have to do with him being too heavy.

You're going to have to be honest and tell your hubby the exact same thing you just posted for all the world to see in bolded print. Perhaps the fact that he's literally crushing his poor wife during intimacy may shock him into 'lightening the load'.

 

[eyunka]

As them and see what they say if you don't mind...just pm and let me know what they say

I was thinking the same thing. I'd ask a man his opinion before I go approaching DH on some bluntness. Think about it from a womans perspective...."babe, your too fat - you're crushing my lungs when we do it that way". A man may not be AS sensitive about his weight as a woman would be, but they are probably MORE sensitive about their bedroom performance.

I'd ask a man. If you feel it's too private to talk about, I've got a message board full of men that I could pose the question to.

 

[tatiana]

I am not married so you can ignore my comments if you want.

If talking to him, don't work. Tell him that you two need to do more physical but non-sexual things together such both of you all go to the gym or both of you start taking karate lessons together. This is a good way to bond and ensure he is trying to lose weight. My sister and her husband join some bootcamp thing that they go together and both have been losing weight.

Also, take a good look at what he is eating. I am assuming you do the cooking. How are you contributing to the weight problem? Are you two eating out a lot? Are you frying things instead of baking? Do you buy potato chips and other bad stuff from the store? Does he drink beer and the like alot? You can start cooking him healthy low-fat breakfasts and lunches for work.

 

[Windsy]

I hear you too


Make him loose weight. If you are the one that cooks and do the grocery then you have some control there. Suggest evening walks to get him moving; your favorite song comes on grab him to dance - heck, play it every day if he will get up and dance. I think if he doesn't care then you have to trick him; maybe easier said than done but, you know your DH and you know how to trick him so just start thinking out of the box. Good luck and make sure you provide updates, I am interested in knowing how this turns out.

 

[eyunka]

Yes i have done that too...asked him to walk with me, go swimming with me, and to our gym with me....nothing. I do cook pretty healthy, it's just that he eats maybe one or two meal a day so he is slowing his metablism(sp) down. I tried to explain that to him and he said he knew and would try to change that. what more can i do

I also think you need to look at what u're doing to encourage him to lose weight. Have his meals changed, maybe you could both start going on really long walks, get him to increase his water, fruit & veg intake. If you do the cooking you can encourage this without it being too obvious, etc.

It's one thing asking him to go lose weight but he needs to know he has your full support. I agree you need to tell him straight up but I think for everyone, weight is a sensitive issue.

 

[eyunka]

He works second shift so the only time i get to try and do things with me is on the weekend. I work 1st shift so we don't really see that much of each other.

I hear you too


Make him loose weight. If you are the one that cooks and do the grocery then you have some control there. Suggest evening walks to get him moving; your favorite song comes on grab him to dance - heck, play it every day if he will get up and dance. I think if he doesn't care then you have to trick him; maybe easier said than done but, you know your DH and you know how to trick him so just start thinking out of the box. Good luck and make sure you provide updates, I am interested in knowing how this turns out.

 

[eyunka]

Those are all good suggestions and I have tried them as well but he just blows me off with walking, swimming and going to our gym

I am not married so you can ignore my comments if you want.

If talking to him, don't work. Tell him that you two need to do more physical but non-sexual things together such both of you all go to the gym or both of you start taking karate lessons together. This is a good way to bond and ensure he is trying to lose weight. My sister and her husband join some bootcamp thing that they go together and both have been losing weight.

Also, take a good look at what he is eating. I am assuming you do the cooking. How are you contributing to the weight problem? Are you two eating out a lot? Are you frying things instead of baking? Do you buy potato chips and other bad stuff from the store? Does he drink beer and the like alot? You can start cooking him healthy low-fat breakfasts and lunches for work.

 

[Windsy]

Eyunka,

does he have any friends that you are close with? I am thinking if maybe one of his friends could have that conversation with him about his weight and health if that might make a difference?

I say that because I would give my ex suggestions and it would appear that I was telling him what to do but when one of his friends told him the same thing a light bulb went off in his head - never understood it.

 

[eyunka]

Ya know you just gave me an idea. His high school friend (best friend) got him to try out to be a fireman and he passed the written and physical test...he had to run and something else.

He just got that letter last week and his friend called to ask what it said. His friend told him in about three weeks they were going to send another letter asking him if he wanted to accept the job.

I guess i could get with the friend and ask him to talk to him about his weight and how the it might be in his best interest to start losing now

Eyunka,

does he have any friends that you are close with? I am thinking if maybe one of his friends could have that conversation with him about his weight and health if that might make a difference?

I say that because I would give my ex suggestions and it would appear that I was telling him what to do but when one of his friends told him the same thing a light bulb went off in his head - never understood it.

 

[Caramela]

Be kind and merciful. Put yourself in his shoes as you chose your words. Since he is a part of you, suggest that you both start making healthier choices and do things to become more attractive to eachother. If you attack him with it, you'll get opposite results than the ones you're hoping for.
Good luck!

 

[klb120475]

Eyunka,
I'm going to take the back door approach on this issue. I'm going to pray God reveals to your DH how his weight is effecting the love of his life (that would be you) and therefore, he'll make a conscious effort to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle so all will be good in the bedroom.

Amen

 

[eyunka]

Thanks klb i need all the help i can get.

Eyunka,
I'm going to take the back door approach on this issue. I'm going to pray God reveals to your DH how his weight is effecting the love of his life (that would be you) and therefore, he'll make a conscious effort to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle so all will be good in the bedroom.

Amen

 

[Country gal]

Tell him that he needs to lose weight, period. Tell him that his weight is messing up your sex life and that the pressure from his body causes you pain.

If he is the type who doesn't care what people think, anyways...you prolly need to be extra blunt with him.

I always say honesty is the best policy. So instead of suffering in silence and letting this unhappiness turn into pure contempt and hatred and feelings of total disgust at him... tell him the truth. Plain and simple. Don't say anything with the intention to hurt his feelings but say it with the intention of letting him know how you feel.

good advice. Sex should be pleasing for both partners. Women tend to be less upfront with their feelings. I know I haven't always been truthful. Too many black men are dying at alarming rates because of obesity related issues.