How do you respond when someone tells you that your hair is long?

To strangers, I say Thank you:yep:. To my friends I say, girlllllll shut up:lachen:but they're my friends and still :drunk: over my hair. I tell em though, girl yall aint seen long hair, I'll show yall some long hair:grin:
 
onejamifan said:
I usually say "yeah, I don't cut my hair very often" or something like that. The one thing that irks me is when I walk into the hair salon for my touch ups and the hair stylist says "Wow, you STILL have long hair," like if I was going to miraculously show up with short hair...
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They say this because many black girls with long hair eventually have breakage and loose a lot of the hair due to bad hair practices and the stuff that stylists do to our hair. Its not uncommon for a black girl to have long hair now and have a major setback within a year.

I do think however that a lot of stylists are haters and are happily waiting for your hair to break off. When I had APL hair, you don't know how many stylists who told me that it was all going to fall off if I didn't do this major trim that they wanted me to do. Major BS.
 
I just say thanks or something like, "I'm letting it grow out." I really don't know what else to say to that. I had a situation last night where it was said, but not directly to me, so I didn't say anything.
 
I just say "yeah" or I hope it keeps growing. But no one will be commenting on my length for a while....
 
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This doesn't to me too often because I keep my hair up most of the time. But when it does happen, I don't think I ever say thank you. I'm more inclined to say something like, "You think so?" or "I cut it really short three years ago and decided I wanted to grow it back" or ...I just smile and change the subject. It really depends on who is saying it and how.

OTOH, I often comment on other people's long hair. I think I'm pretty clear that it's a good thing, though. I usually say, "Your hair is so long! You should keep it that way!"...because generally they will indicate that they are thinking of cutting it.
 
I was wondering this myself because I actually had gotten that comment a little while ago! I didn't know how to respond, so I just kinda brushed it off and acted like I didn't hear it. THEN I felt bad because I felt that i should've said SOMETHING because maybe the person WAS saying it as a complement. :ohwell:
 
Sunshine0801 said:
How can you tell?

When people tell me that, they're usually smiling and everything, but I guess I feel that since they're just stating the obvious, it isn't really a compliment.
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I think it's a matter of pragmatics. For example, you're in a room and it's cold, the window's open, and the cold air is blowing in. You're with your friend and you're the one closer to the window. Your friend says "it's cold in here". That may be stating a fact, but the intention behind the words is probably something more like "let's close the window" or "you're near the window, please close it?" So the question you have to ask yourself is why would someone come up to you and, out of the blue, state a random fact about your hair? Because they mean to compliment you. Now if they say your hair is long in some other context so that it's relevant to something else they were talking about, maybe they don't necessarily mean it as a compliment. Just like with everything else, you just have to reason out the meaning behind what they are saying at a given time.
 
Neith said:
I find that most of the time it's intended as a compliment.

On a basic level, that is what you're saying (imo)

"You have long hair" - wrong

"You have nice, long hair" - right

It's a play on words. No one is going to use proper English and complete sentences (in the real, crude, day to day world) all the time... although they MAY MEAN you have a beautiful head of long hair... it comes out as just "long hair".
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No, even on a basic level that is not what I'm saying.

Again, no one is expecting anyone to use proper English or complete sentences all the time.

I'm not saying the comment is "wrong" and using the word "nice" makes it right. I'm just saying it isn't a compliment. I agree with SherryLove that it's just an observation, nothing more, nothing less.

Nichi said:
I see your point, but think about it from a different perspective. See, youre on LHCF and clearly you've put effort into getting your ultimate goal, long hair. They might be stating the obvious, but it just shows you've achieved some aspect of your goal. Besides, how often do people mean "your hair is long' as an insult? Rare. If they said "your hair is too long", then maybe there's a tone of negativity. Saying 'Thank you" is an appropriate response. Roll with it.
Think about it alternatively, what if NO ONE ever said that your hair was long to you? The whole world went around like they didn't even notice, you'd feel some kinda way, right? I don't mean this post to be offensive, but I think it's clearly a compliment, why diss you in your face about long hair? That's why the situation's awkward because THEY feel like they're complimenting you, but you're dismissing it; so just make life easier on yourself and everyone involved and say thanks.
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Oh, inside I love hearing that people realize my hair is long, because you're right, it shows that I have achieved one of my goals. My thing is that they don't know I'm on LHCF. If someone came up to me and asked if I was Niko's cousin, and I said yes, and then they said "your hair is long!" then I would know they intended it as a compliment, because most women on here prefer long hair.

I don't think most people would mean it as an insult, but I do think it is just an observation. I don't get offended when people say it, because it's not an insult. Honestly, I think a lot of people say it because they're surprised...

mwedzi said:
I think it's a matter of pragmatics. For example, you're in a room and it's cold, the window's open, and the cold air is blowing in. You're with your friend and you're the one closer to the window. Your friend says "it's cold in here". That may be stating a fact, but the intention behind the words is probably something more like "let's close the window" or "you're near the window, please close it?" So the question you have to ask yourself is why would someone come up to you and, out of the blue, state a random fact about your hair? Because they mean to compliment you. Now if they say your hair is long in some other context so that it's relevant to something else they were talking about, maybe they don't necessarily mean it as a compliment. Just like with everything else, you just have to reason out the meaning behind what they are saying at a given time.
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I don't think your example is comparable. In your example, it is clear that the person who is cold probably hopes that the person near the window closes it, because few people would say that they are cold and get upset when someone closes a window.

When someone says "your hair is long" it is not clear that they're trying to compliment you. People approach people all the time and make observations about the person's appearance without intending to give a compliment. I'm sure we can think of many examples, because it is pretty common. I don't think it's as simple as reasoning out the meaning unless you know more about the person and whether they prefer longer hair.
 
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Sunshine0801 said:
I don't think your example is comparable. In your example, it is clear that the person who is cold probably hopes that the person near the window closes it, because few people would say that they are cold and get upset when someone closes a window.

When someone says "your hair is long" it is not clear that they're trying to compliment you. People approach people all the time and make observations about the person's appearance without intending to give a compliment. I'm sure we can think of many examples, because it is pretty common. I don't think it's as simple as reasoning out the meaning unless you know more about the person and whether they prefer longer hair.
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My point in giving that example was to say that, just as in that situation, you have to figure out from context what their intentions were. Actually, I think it is pretty simple, usually. Even for my example you can imagine some situation where they don't want the window closed, but you use the surrounding context to figure it out. In fact you do this all day every day even for people you don't know very well even when you don't realize you are doing it. If you were't able to reason out things like this pretty simply, you wouldn't be functioning in society very well. Part of the context also includes their body language, their tone, etc. For example, I've never had someone come up to me, out of the blue, robot-blank stare and monotone voice, and say "your sweater is blue" and then stare at me. That would be weird. Things aren't said out of context, even if the context is their facial expression, hand gestures, and tone of voice, and being able to interpret these things is a really basic part of human interaction.

So, right, it's not always necessarily a compliment. If someone says it with disgust in their voices, rolling their eyes, and sneering their lips, sure, the interpretation should be different than if they say it with a smile and a friendly tone and a look of admiration, which would also be interpreted differently as someone just stating you have long hair to the cashier at the beauty shop so they know to charge you the long hair rate. Sure, it's an observation, but the point behind pragmatics is why state random observations? The "why" is up to the hearer to reason out.
 
I either say "Thank You", or just say "Oh, do you think so?" in a pleased tone of voice.

Usually people do mean it as a compliment. If they don't, that's often evident by thier body language. Either way, it's nice to give a person the benefit of the doubt and assume they are complimenting you.
 
mwedzi said:
My point in giving that example was to say that, just as in that situation, you have to figure out from context what their intentions were. Actually, I think it is pretty simple, usually. Even for my example you can imagine some situation where they don't want the window closed, but you use the surrounding context to figure it out. In fact you do this all day every day even for people you don't know very well even when you don't realize you are doing it. If you were't able to reason out things like this pretty simply, you wouldn't be functioning in society very well. Part of the context also includes their body language, their tone, etc. For example, I've never had someone come up to me, out of the blue, robot-blank stare and monotone voice, and say "your sweater is blue" and then stare at me. That would be weird. Things aren't said out of context, even if the context is their facial expression, hand gestures, and tone of voice, and being able to interpret these things is a really basic part of human interaction.

So, right, it's not always necessarily a compliment. If someone says it with disgust in their voices, rolling their eyes, and sneering their lips, sure, the interpretation should be different than if they say it with a smile and a friendly tone and a look of admiration, which would also be interpreted differently as someone just stating you have long hair to the cashier at the beauty shop so they know to charge you the long hair rate. Sure, it's an observation, but the point behind pragmatics is why state random observations? The "why" is up to the hearer to reason out.
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Obviously people try to figure out people's intentions by their context, but you're missing the point. The point of this thread, and my initial question, is that I don't think "you have long hair" is necessarily a compliment. Clearly there are situations where someone's intentions in making the comment are obvious, or can easily be figured out. I am not talking about those situations. If it's clear that someone is giving you a compliment, of course the proper response is "thank you." I am talking about the situations where someone just tells you "your hair is long" and it is not clear whether they're giving you a compliment, or just making an observation.

Plenty of comments are said out of context, out of the blue, and in a monotone voice. I have seen it. People's intentions are not always clear, so I think it's pretty off base to imply that if a person can't simply reason out a person's intentions in all situations, they can't function in society. That's just silly.
 
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I have to agree that I think it is usually meant as a compliment. When I was between APL and BSL, many people were always telling me, wow your hair is long. Or when I went to the hairdresser and other ladies and the stylist would comment "you got some length there'', "You got long hair", i have a friend with Butt long hair, and every black female is always commenting on how long it is.
Long hair is not very common among black women, hence it is usually a compliment. If you are a member of this board, then it is common to you, but from most people, it is really meant as a compliment. A good number of black females want longer hair and are amazed when they see it. I think it is usually a compliment. You can say thank you if you like, or just smile in response or comment about how you are still growing your hair. There are no real rules with how to answer
 
I just say, "Thank you," because from MY perspective, it is a compliment, whether the person means it that way or not. All of my life, I'm wanted long hair, so to finally achieve longer lengths, and for people to notice and comment, is such a great thing.
 
This is hilarious because about a month ago, I had just gotten a relaxer after a six month stretch and my husband and I were out with another couple and the wife says to me "you're hair is getting long" and I said "yea i know" but with the "can you believe it?!" tone, because she knows I've been working with it. Anyways, her husband says to me "you should say thank you, that's a compliment". She says to her husband "no, it's not, it's an observation. I don't expect a thank you, i just noticed." we then all proceeded to start talking about proper etiquette in this situation. Anyways the guys thought it was rather conceited not to say thank you, and us girls thought it was just an observation and if you want to say thank you, that's fine, if not, it shouldn't be mistaken for arrogance and conceit.

So as to never make anyone feel as awkward as i feel when people say this to me, I just simply make it clear that I'm complimenting them. I usually say "You have such long beautiful hair".
 
envivany said:
They say this because many black girls with long hair eventually have breakage and loose a lot of the hair due to bad hair practices and the stuff that stylists do to our hair. Its not uncommon for a black girl to have long hair now and have a major setback within a year.

I do think however that a lot of stylists are haters and are happily waiting for your hair to break off. When I had APL hair, you don't know how many stylists who told me that it was all going to fall off if I didn't do this major trim that they wanted me to do. Major BS.
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I guess the reason why the stylist thing bothers me so much is that my hair has been BSL or longer as long as I've been going to her, so she's never seen me with short hair. I guess for her it might be something of a "dang, I'm going to have to deal with this head of hair for the next 3 hours" rather than a quick 1 hour job which is what she usually gets...
 
prospurr4 said:
I just say, "Thank you," because from MY perspective, it is a compliment, whether the person means it that way or not. All of my life, I'm wanted long hair, so to finally achieve longer lengths, and for people to notice and comment, is such a great thing.
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Good job Prospurr,
Sunshine, it doesn't matter if they know you're on LHCF or not, YOU do. I think in this case, it kinda comes off as if you're being negative about something or maybe overthinking the situation. Yeah, some may be surprised that it is long, but generally, they're saying it because they're complimenting you. I feel if you go around being awkward about the situation, it's pointless because people will think you're arrogant. I don't mean any offense, but what does it hurt to say thank you? If they meant it in a negative way, that's an even better reason to say "thank you" as you sashay away. Just my 2 cents.
 
ladee_oz said:
This is hilarious because about a month ago, I had just gotten a relaxer after a six month stretch and my husband and I were out with another couple and the wife says to me "you're hair is getting long" and I said "yea i know" but with the "can you believe it?!" tone, because she knows I've been working with it. Anyways, her husband says to me "you should say thank you, that's a compliment". She says to her husband "no, it's not, it's an observation. I don't expect a thank you, i just noticed." we then all proceeded to start talking about proper etiquette in this situation. Anyways the guys thought it was rather conceited not to say thank you, and us girls thought it was just an observation and if you want to say thank you, that's fine, if not, it shouldn't be mistaken for arrogance and conceit.

So as to never make anyone feel as awkward as i feel when people say this to me, I just simply make it clear that I'm complimenting them. I usually say "You have such long beautiful hair".
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LOL! How funny! I agree that you never know how someone will interpret what you're saying when you're talking about their appearance, so it's best to make it clear that you're complimenting them. :yep:
 
Nichi said:
Good job Prospurr,
Sunshine, it doesn't matter if they know you're on LHCF or not, YOU do. I think in this case, it kinda comes off as if you're being negative about something or maybe overthinking the situation. Yeah, some may be surprised that it is long, but generally, they're saying it because they're complimenting you. I feel if you go around being awkward about the situation, it's pointless because people will think you're arrogant. I don't mean any offense, but what does it hurt to say thank you? If they meant it in a negative way, that's an even better reason to say "thank you" as you sashay away. Just my 2 cents.
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I agree that a "thank you" never hurts, but I don't think I'm being negative. I'm never rude to a person who says "your hair is long" and I doubt the other person feels awkward. I'm just saying that I don't think of it as a compliment. That's all.
 
Haha...this is a good question!

Now that my hair is getting longer again, I notice that more and more people have been commenting on its length. Personally, I don't feel like my hair is really all that "long". ESPECIALLY compared to a lot of the other ladies here on this board!

But when people say: "Your hair is long", or "girl, your hair is growing!" I just smile and say: "oh...hahah...thanks". :lol: It's so AWKWARD because I don't know what else to say!
 
Sunshine0801 said:
How can you tell?

When people tell me that, they're usually smiling and everything, but I guess I feel that since they're just stating the obvious, it isn't really a compliment.
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Its the way they say it. Like when a friend says it to me they are usually complimenting on the amount of growth I gained.
 
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