How Do You Not Get Wrapped Up in a Guy When.....

[MzLady78]

.....He's the only guy you're dating? erplexed

I know that when you're dating, it's best to date a few different guys at a time, see who you really like and could potentially start a relationship with, etc.

My problem is always that I never find more than one guy that I'm actually interested in. So naturally, I end up putting all my time/energy into that one person and next thing you know, I'm in love and want a relationship.

The guy I'm talking to now is the only man I'm seeing right now. I don't even chill with my ex that much anymore (was getting too messy and complicated) and I'm basically giving the maintenance man the boot because he's never around to perform his duties.

It's not really an issue yet, we're still very much in the "getting to know each other" stage, but I want to prevent it because I know from experience that this is how it always starts with me.

 

[caribeandiva]

Go out more. Go to parties, hang out with your friends at all the nice, classy clubs, go to sporting events. these are all ways to meet other guys. It's hard not to get wrapped up in a guy when he's the only one you're seeing but meeting new guys is a beautiful way to nip that in the bud.

 

[tarheelgurl]

Keep the space between you. Like find other things to do with friends or family during times you would normally see him. I am easy to let myself get tied up when there was just one guy around, spending Saturday and Sunday with him like I didn't have anything better to do. So, I started hiking and riding a bike and took some classes. Let that fool know that I had a life besides him.

Then he was all like...'I gotta step my game up, cause you making it hard' or something like that.

Basically, once I started exploring other things he started realizing that he could be replaced and not be missed.

And yeah, I ended it with him not long after finding other stuff to do!

 

[AmilLion]

.....He's the only guy you're dating? erplexed

I know that when you're dating, it's best to date a few different guys at a time, see who you really like and could potentially start a relationship with, etc.

My problem is always that I never find more than one guy that I'm actually interested in. So naturally, I end up putting all my time/energy into that one person and next thing you know, I'm in love and want a relationship.

The guy I'm talking to now is the only man I'm seeing right now. I don't even chill with my ex that much anymore (was getting too messy and complicated) and I'm basically giving the maintenance man the boot because he's never around to perform his duties.

It's not really an issue yet, we're still very much in the "getting to know each other" stage, but I want to prevent it because I know from experience that this is how it always starts with me.

You might want to look into yourself and question, why do you latch onto a man soo readily?

I don't agree that it's good to date many men just so that you won't spend all of your time with one man. The way I look at it, yes, I will spend time with that man, but I did/do have a life outside of things I can and will do with a man. I make an effort to spend time with family and friends. My life doesn't evolve around a man, even when we are in a relationship. It's all about balance.

 

[MzLady78]

Go out more. Go to parties, hang out with your friends at all the nice, classy clubs, go to sporting events. these are all ways to meet other guys. It's hard not to get wrapped up in a guy when he's the only one you're seeing but meeting new guys is a beautiful way to nip that in the bud.

This is the problem though. I do go out. It's just that the dating pool in Boston is VERY shallow.

I had a guy introduce himself to me as "Hot Sauce" the other day. Yes, this negro really came up to me, said his name was Hot Sauce and asked for number. Ummm, hell no.

This is just one example of the type of lame *** dudes I'm surrounded by.

 

[MzLady78]

Keep the space between you. Like find other things to do with friends or family during times you would normally see him. I am easy to let myself get tied up when there was just one guy around, spending Saturday and Sunday with him like I didn't have anything better to do. So, I started hiking and riding a bike and took some classes. Let that fool know that I had a life besides him.

Then he was all like...'I gotta step my game up, cause you making it hard' or something like that.

Basically, once I started exploring other things he started realizing that he could be replaced and not be missed.

And yeah, I ended it with him not long after finding other stuff to do!

LOL. I hear you.

I just wish there was a wider selection out here, but man, it's rough.

 

[MzLady78]

You might want to look into yourself and question, why do you latch onto a man soo readily?

I don't agree that it's good to date many men just so that you won't spend all of your time with one man. The way I look at it, yes, I will spend time with that man, but I did/do have a life outside of things I can and will do with a man. I make an effort to spend time with family and friends. My life doesn't evolve around a man, even when we are in a relationship. It's all about balance.

That's actually not what I was saying at all.

 

[caribeandiva]

This is the problem though. I do go out. It's just that the dating pool in Boston is VERY shallow.

I had a guy introduce himself to me as "Hot Sauce" the other day. Yes, this negro really came up to me, said his name was Hot Sauce and asked for number. Ummm, hell no.

This is just one example of the type of lame *** dudes I'm surrounded by.

hot sauce! oh i wasn't expecting that. I'm happy to hear you're already going out. Like the other ladies said then all you need are some hobbies then. Take up painting, dancing, mountainbiking, just pick something you like and throw your all into it. Your hobbies will keep you busy so you won't focus on him so much. Good luck!

 

[MzLady78]

hot sauce! oh i wasn't expecting that. I'm happy to hear you're already going out. Like the other ladies said then all you need are some hobbies then. Take up painting, dancing, mountainbiking, just pick something you like and throw your all into it. Your hobbies will keep you busy so you won't focus on him so much. Good luck!

Girl, yes!

I was like "what, did you say your name was Hot Sauce"? He was like "yeah, Hot Sauce- so what's up with a number or something"? I just walked away SMDH.

 

[dlewis]

What wrong with getting wrapped up in a guy?

 

[cocoberry10]

This is the problem though. I do go out. It's just that the dating pool in Boston is VERY shallow.

I had a guy introduce himself to me as "Hot Sauce" the other day. Yes, this negro really came up to me, said his name was Hot Sauce and asked for number. Ummm, hell no.

This is just one example of the type of lame *** dudes I'm surrounded by.

I would extend my dating pool to NY, maybe even Philly if I were you. NY is not much of a commute, and if you really hit it off with a guy, who knows, you might be singing “NY, NY” or he might be shouting “Go Red Sox” (Hopefully he’s not a die hard Yankees fan, you know how that rivalry can go).

OT: Is it true that the Red Sox is trying to get A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez a NY Yankee player)? A little birdy told me this!

 

[Bunny77]

hot sauce! oh i wasn't expecting that. I'm happy to hear you're already going out. Like the other ladies said then all you need are some hobbies then. Take up painting, dancing, mountainbiking, just pick something you like and throw your all into it. Your hobbies will keep you busy so you won't focus on him so much. Good luck!

See here's the thing though... I had this problem earlier this summer. I have a decent amount of hobbies, so I got extra involved and then went on vacation for about two weeks and had a friend come to visit....

AND I WAS STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS FOOL!!!

When your mind is really focused on someone, all the hobbies/work/etc. in the world won't distract you... it's hard.

The only thing I can think to say is to "attempt" to take a step back and slightly keep your guard up... just make sure he's acting right and that he's pulling his weight (calling on a regular basis, planning stuff with you, etc.), and only after you've gotten some assurance that this is going to end up being something can you let your guard down.

Dang, I hate stating that, because I don't like being guarded... but the way fools are these days, I feel like I have no choice! Don't be pessimistic, but don't be over-optimistic either. Just try to be chill, I guess. erplexed

 

[simplertimes]

See here's the thing though... I had this problem earlier this summer. I have a decent amount of hobbies, so I got extra involved and then went on vacation for about two weeks and had a friend come to visit....

AND I WAS STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS FOOL!!!

When your mind is really focused on someone, all the hobbies/work/etc. in the world won't distract you... it's hard.

The only thing I can think to say is to "attempt" to take a step back and slightly keep your guard up... just make sure he's acting right and that he's pulling his weight (calling on a regular basis, planning stuff with you, etc.), and only after you've gotten some assurance that this is going to end up being something can you let your guard down.

Dang, I hate stating that, because I don't like being guarded... but the way fools are these days, I feel like I have no choice! Don't be pessimistic, but don't be over-optimistic either. Just try to be chill, I guess. erplexed

I think that's how everyone is when they are interested in someone. That's why I delete the number of any guy who says he has no time. I've dated an i banker who definitely had no time, and he called me 10 times a day. So no excuses!

 

[MzLady78]

I would extend my dating pool to NY, maybe even Philly if I were you. NY is not much of a commute, and if you really hit it off with a guy, who knows, you might be singing “NY, NY” or he might be shouting “Go Red Sox” (Hopefully he’s not a die hard Yankees fan, you know how that rivalry can go).

OT: Is it true that the Red Sox is trying to get A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez a NY Yankee player)? A little birdy told me this!

I was NOT impressed when we were in NY for the meet up AT ALL!!!

But I hear what you're saying though.

OT: I haven't heard this but didn't we already try that once, LOL.

 

[simplertimes]

This is the problem though. I do go out. It's just that the dating pool in Boston is VERY shallow.

I had a guy introduce himself to me as "Hot Sauce" the other day. Yes, this negro really came up to me, said his name was Hot Sauce and asked for number. Ummm, hell no.

This is just one example of the type of lame *** dudes I'm surrounded by.

Oh heck no! Hot sauce??????????? Does he work at the rib shack too??? Uh, maybe you should try other areas of Boston to hang out in....maybe Cambridge??????? I saw a few cuties out there

 

[MzLady78]

See here's the thing though... I had this problem earlier this summer. I have a decent amount of hobbies, so I got extra involved and then went on vacation for about two weeks and had a friend come to visit....

AND I WAS STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS FOOL!!!

When your mind is really focused on someone, all the hobbies/work/etc. in the world won't distract you... it's hard.

The only thing I can think to say is to "attempt" to take a step back and slightly keep your guard up... just make sure he's acting right and that he's pulling his weight (calling on a regular basis, planning stuff with you, etc.), and only after you've gotten some assurance that this is going to end up being something can you let your guard down.

Dang, I hate stating that, because I don't like being guarded... but the way fools are these days, I feel like I have no choice! Don't be pessimistic, but don't be over-optimistic either. Just try to be chill, I guess. erplexed

LOL.

It is hard.I think I'm still pretty guarded but not overly so.Letting it down too soon has definitely cause me a lot of grief in the past.

 

[MzLady78]

I think that's how everyone is when they are interested in someone. That's why I delete the number of any guy who says he has no time. I've dated an i banker who definitely had no time, and he called me 10 times a day. So no excuses!

I know that's right!

 

[MzLady78]

Oh heck no! Hot sauce??????????? Does he work at the rib shack too??? Uh, maybe you should try other areas of Boston to hang out in....maybe Cambridge??????? I saw a few cuties out there

Yeah. I'm on the hunt for some new spots cause the ones I go to right now are not hitting on anything, LOL.

 

[MzLady78]

What wrong with getting wrapped up in a guy?

How did I miss this?

I mean, it's not a bad thing if you guys are on the same page and you know you want the same thing from each other but we're still in that early "honeymoon" phase, you know? When you're kind of on your best behavior cause you don't wanna scare each other off, LOL. We haven't spent a whole lot of time together (and probably won't for a few days as he has strep throat right now). But we just have such a great vibe. It's weird.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

See here's the thing though... I had this problem earlier this summer. I have a decent amount of hobbies, so I got extra involved and then went on vacation for about two weeks and had a friend come to visit....

AND I WAS STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS FOOL!!!

When your mind is really focused on someone, all the hobbies/work/etc. in the world won't distract you... it's hard.

The only thing I can think to say is to "attempt" to take a step back and slightly keep your guard up... just make sure he's acting right and that he's pulling his weight (calling on a regular basis, planning stuff with you, etc.), and only after you've gotten some assurance that this is going to end up being something can you let your guard down.

Dang, I hate stating that, because I don't like being guarded... but the way fools are these days, I feel like I have no choice! Don't be pessimistic, but don't be over-optimistic either. Just try to be chill, I guess. erplexed

Good advice! I agree.

It is hard to keep your guard up and keep your life busy when you're really "sprung" by a guy. But honestly...that's the BEST way to do it these days. I've learned my lesson.

Now days I have about 3 guys who are interested in me, and YES... I do things with all 3 of them. Nothing is serious yet with anyone...but see I like it that way. Can you imagine if I were fixated on just ONE guy?? Oh my goodness! I'd probably be a basket-case! Having to juggle 2, 3, or more guys at a time helps you to stay busy, active, and not "pressed" for either one of them. I know it may sound harsh, but trust me...before guys get serious with one girl, they usually have another girl (or GIRLS) on the side! Why should women be any different?? Plus, I know how it feels to only have one guy that you're REALLY interested in. It stinks because if you don't hear from him, then all of a sudden you freak out....or if things aren't going well with you and him, then you're down. You monitor his every move, his actions really affect you, etc. Of course, I'm exaggerating just a bit, but if you had more than one guy to focus your attention on, then you wouldn't be so pressed about either guy #1, #2, or #3. Plus, the guys would all probably naturally see you as a challenge, and hence pursue you more.

I know this sounds like playing games, but it's not really playing games unless one of the guys that's interested in you is really ready for more commitment and wants to be exclusive with you, but you continue to see other guys besides him. Then that's when it's bad. But if you two are just dating (ie. getting to know each other), and he hasn't actually said anything about the two of you being exclusive or taking your relationship to the "next level", I'd say continue to live your life, go out, meet new people (guys), and be open to any other worthy guys who show you some attention.

I forgot where I learned this "technique" from, but I think it's in this book I picked up called: "Date Like a Man" or something like that.

 

[Britt]

.....He's the only guy you're dating? erplexed

I know that when you're dating, it's best to date a few different guys at a time, see who you really like and could potentially start a relationship with, etc.

My problem is always that I never find more than one guy that I'm actually interested in. So naturally, I end up putting all my time/energy into that one person and next thing you know, I'm in love and want a relationship.

The guy I'm talking to now is the only man I'm seeing right now. I don't even chill with my ex that much anymore (was getting too messy and complicated) and I'm basically giving the maintenance man the boot because he's never around to perform his duties.

It's not really an issue yet, we're still very much in the "getting to know each other" stage, but I want to prevent it because I know from experience that this is how it always starts with me.

This has described me to a tee...
I think I would not be like this if I came across more guys that I was attracted too.. but my relationships seem to start off like this... Or... The guy is really nice, but I end up not being physically attracted to him at all..
I'm a mess ...

 

[MzLady78]

Good advice! I agree.

It is hard to keep your guard up and keep your life busy when you're really "sprung" by a guy. But honestly...that's the BEST way to do it these days. I've learned my lesson.

Now days I have about 3 guys who are interested in me, and YES... I do things with all 3 of them. Nothing is serious yet with anyone...but see I like it that way. Can you imagine if I were fixated on just ONE guy?? Oh my goodness! I'd probably be a basket-case! Having to juggle 2, 3, or more guys at a time helps you to stay busy, active, and not "pressed" for either one of them. I know it may sound harsh, but trust me...before guys get serious with one girl, they usually have another girl (or GIRLS) on the side! Why should women be any different?? Plus, I know how it feels to only have one guy that you're REALLY interested in. It stinks because if you don't hear from him, then all of a sudden you freak out....or if things aren't going well with you and him, then you're down. You monitor his every move, his actions really affect you, etc. Of course, I'm exaggerating just a bit, but if you had more than one guy to focus your attention on, then you wouldn't be so pressed about either guy #1, #2, or #3. Plus, the guys would all probably naturally see you as a challenge, and hence pursue you more.

I know this sounds like playing games, but it's not really playing games unless one of the guys that's interested in you is really ready for more commitment and wants to be exclusive with you, but you continue to see other guys besides him. Then that's when it's bad. But if you two are just dating (ie. getting to know each other), and he hasn't actually said anything about the two of you being exclusive or taking your relationship to the "next level", I'd say continue to live your life, go out, meet new people (guys), and be open to any other worthy guys who show you some attention.

Thanks!

I'm definitely open to meeting other people, no doubt about that. I'd have no problem going out with someone else if the opportunity presented itself.

I don't see it as playing games at all. I think that's the best way to go about it.

 

[MzLady78]

This has described me to a tee...
I think I would not be like this if I came across more guys that I was attracted too.. but my relationships seem to start off like this... Or... The guy is really nice, but I end up not being physically attracted to him at all..
I'm a mess ...

LOL.

You're not a mess.

I mean, I think it's natural to develop an attachment to somebody you spend a lot of time with or talk to everyday. I'm not there with this dude yet, I'm just trying to prevent it in the future, LOL.

I just know I would have LESS time if I could find other decent guys to date.

But these dude suck. For real.

 

[MissJ]

This is a great question!

 

[Britt]

LOL.

You're not a mess.

I mean, I think it's natural to develop an attachment to somebody you spend a lot of time with or talk to everyday. I'm not there with this dude yet, I'm just trying to prevent it in the future, LOL.

I just know I would have LESS time if I could find other decent guys to date.

But these dude suck. For real.

Awww, thanks MzLady..
I'm in the process of a breakup right now... and a few wknds ago I briefly met a guy who keeps running across my mind. I don't know him or anything, but part of me is excited to talk to him and get to know him just off the vibe I've got from him and what i've heard. This almost never happens to me, so I guess I feel a little anxious. It's my friends SO's friend.. and he's def. a guy that looks good on paper .

 

[Syrah]

.....He's the only guy you're dating? erplexed

I know that when you're dating, it's best to date a few different guys at a time, see who you really like and could potentially start a relationship with, etc.

My problem is always that I never find more than one guy that I'm actually interested in. So naturally, I end up putting all my time/energy into that one person and next thing you know, I'm in love and want a relationship.

The guy I'm talking to now is the only man I'm seeing right now. I don't even chill with my ex that much anymore (was getting too messy and complicated) and I'm basically giving the maintenance man the boot because he's never around to perform his duties.

It's not really an issue yet, we're still very much in the "getting to know each other" stage, but I want to prevent it because I know from experience that this is how it always starts with me.

What else do you do besides date?

And I don't mean that sarcastically - that's how you don't get wrapped in a guy...you do other things.

Take up a new sport/gym activity.
Get involved in some things you've always wanted to do but never did.
Spend more time with friends/family.
Read a new book.
Travel.
Scuba Dive.
Save the World.

There's more to life than men - and the funny part is, men want us more when they realize that we KNOW there's more to life than men.

It's when they realize that we're all wrapped up that they start doing silly sh*t just because they know they can.

 

[caribeandiva]

See here's the thing though... I had this problem earlier this summer. I have a decent amount of hobbies, so I got extra involved and then went on vacation for about two weeks and had a friend come to visit....

AND I WAS STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS FOOL!!!

When your mind is really focused on someone, all the hobbies/work/etc. in the world won't distract you... it's hard.

The only thing I can think to say is to "attempt" to take a step back and slightly keep your guard up... just make sure he's acting right and that he's pulling his weight (calling on a regular basis, planning stuff with you, etc.), and only after you've gotten some assurance that this is going to end up being something can you let your guard down.

Dang, I hate stating that, because I don't like being guarded... but the way fools are these days, I feel like I have no choice! Don't be pessimistic, but don't be over-optimistic either. Just try to be chill, I guess. erplexed

I agree with everything you said. Just cause you're busy doesn't mean you won't think about him, it just means you won't spend ALL of your time with him. Definetely keep your guard up.

 

[caribeandiva]

There's more to life than men - and the funny part is, men want us more when they realize that we KNOW there's more to life than men.

It's when they realize that we're all wrapped up that they start doing silly sh*t just because they know they can.

AMEN! Preach on sistah girl, preach on!

 

[firecracker]

This is the problem though. I do go out. It's just that the dating pool in Boston is VERY shallow.

I had a guy introduce himself to me as "Hot Sauce" the other day. Yes, this negro really came up to me, said his name was Hot Sauce and asked for number. Ummm, hell no.

This is just one example of the type of lame *** dudes I'm surrounded by.

You shoulda said "well damn where da helz is Poke Chop"! I cannot believe that fool. I agree its all about balance but I still think having a stable is the way to go

 

[CarLiTa]

Oh Boston

I've had three guys introduce themselves to me as such: Swizzy, Beanz, and E

I'm like um, what's your real name? They're like such and such, which I clearly don't remember now, but my friends call me (insert ridiculous name here).
Uh, I would think a guy who is genuinely interested in getting to know a woman would give his respectable name..