How do you not care about what the 'rents think?

[Vinyl]

So I just spent the better half of a week in the hospital helping SO through hospitalization, surgery, etc. Everything went fine, but I kind of got the vibe that his Mom thought I was overstaying my welcome. At times she was def. grateful to have me there, and would encourage me to comfort him etc; at other times it seemed she would rather I not be there. I wasn't there the entire time, so I know she had alone time with him etc, and she doesn't dislike me so I don't think it was that.

SO was fine with it, and I didn't get in the way or anything like that. It just bugs me because I don't want to step on anyone's toes or anything, or have her dislike me or think I'm weird or something for staying too long. Has anyone else dealt with this and how do you just not care? I've seen women in much more drastic situations just go, "SO's happy, who cares about what the parents think?" but I can't seem to get there.

 

[Bmack]

I would not worry too much. She probably is used to being the #1 woman in his life. I think anyone would want to get along with the parents of their SO, but don't stress over it.

I mean what type of person would you be to be absentee when your SO had a surgery. No worries as what ur SO thinks is what counts most.

 

[Syrah]

I think a lot of one's perspective on the matter stems from their relationship with their parents.

I grew up with a grandma who resented the attention my mother got and couldn't really get it through her head that as a father and husband, my dad's focus should rightfully be on his family first (he's the oldest of 6 and she raised them all without help - you seem where I'm going with this). And admittedly, it took my dad a looooooong time (I was headed into my teens) before he was able to have the conversation with his mother and he had waited faaaaaar tooooooo long.

I'm not going to compete with his mother for attention. I shouldn't have to. And frankly, I'm not trying to. Girlfriend/wife and Mother are two separate and distinct roles. Trust...I am not trying to raise, parent or coddle a grown *** man. He has a mother for that.

Personally, If I were a mother, seeing another woman care for and support my son the way I would, especially when he's least capable of supporting and caring for himself, would be the ultimate sign that I did something right along the way. How women (mothers) can perceive this as a threat, when done appropriately (which I think you did) is beyond me.

The question is a) is he aware of it and b) is he willing to have a conversation with his mother?

 

[Vinyl]

I didn't get the vibe that she felt threatened or anything like that, just that she preferred I not spend so much time there.

 

[Syrah]

I didn't get the vibe that she felt threatened or anything like that, just that she preferred I not spend so much time there.

Point taken...I think I read the question wrong (haha...actually I know I did).

I can easily not care what his parents think if I haven't made my mind up about the relationship or him...If I've decided there's some potential there (potential that I don't want to muck up) I don't see how you can just "not care".

But again I think that stems from my relationship with my parents. What they think matters to me, so any guy I've introduced to them needs to recognize this.

 

[Vinyl]

See I'm like the opposite lol... my parents never liked anyone I dated, ever, so I learned not to care what they think... but I always care what the other person's parents think. I feel like I'd die if they disapproved of me. xD

 

[princessnad]

It's normal to want to get along with your SO's parents. It's not normal to feel like you'd die if they disapproved. Why so extreme?

 

[snillohsss]

Mom's and their boys... she is probably just having a Mommy moment. She is entitled. The fact that you recognized means more than you probably can imagine at this point. There are a lot of women who wouldn't care, and just blow off what the parents/mom thinks. You DO. In my opinion, and as a mother of a boy, that is a huge plus. Just brush it off, I think she was just having a mommy nurturing moment since her son was in the hospital.

Don't worry about it! It sounds like you are a caring individual. Not only for your SO, but of his mother's feelings. Just keep being you.