How do you make guy friends

[chickle]

Whenever I am nice to a guy...they think I am interested in them. When I am mean to them, they still think I am interested. I am interested in developing platonic relationships with guys, but is it even possible?

Also, is it okay to invite them out (I don't want it to seem like a date). I do have a couple of platonic guy friends, but they have expressed interest in me, which has put a strain on our friendship b/c I said no.

I also had another platonic guy friend, but we were only friends because I was dating his brother, once the dating ended, so did the friendship lol.

 

[kismettt]

how are you meeting them?

i have guy friends that i've met through friends, work, or because i live with them. lol. half are taken or interested in someone else. a lot of my guy friends in the past have been interested in me, and i've realized i can't have a friendship with them, so i don't even try anymore.

i think inviting them out w/ a group of people or something completely un-romantic (like working together around noon on a Sunday?) may be the way to go. don't flirt and don't mention romantic relationships/interests early on (makes you seem like you are trying to find out if they are single).

some guys are tools & think everyone is interested in them. not the type of guy i'd want as a friend anyway.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Geez, talk about a rock and a hard place. No matter how you treat them, they still want you?

"Ninjas love me, I'm on my Kim K.."

Sorry OP, I don't have any advice (lol)

Sent from my VM670 using VM670

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

..........................

 

[chickle]

how are you meeting them?

i have guy friends that i've met through friends, work, or because i live with them. lol. half are taken or interested in someone else. a lot of my guy friends in the past have been interested in me, and i've realized i can't have a friendship with them, so i don't even try anymore.

i think inviting them out w/ a group of people or something completely un-romantic (like working together around noon on a Sunday?) may be the way to go. don't flirt and don't mention romantic relationships/interests early on (makes you seem like you are trying to find out if they are single).

some guys are tools & think everyone is interested in them. not the type of guy i'd want as a friend anyway.

I meet them through mutual female friends or they approach me. All of this takes place at school.

Geez, talk about a rock and a hard place. No matter how you treat them, they still want you?

"Ninjas love me, I'm on my Kim K.."

Sorry OP, I don't have any advice (lol)

Sent from my VM670 using VM670

LOL...I realize that sounds a bit like I am feeling myself, but these are not guys that you would want to date!
I guess my meanness has a playful air to it because that is my personality, but I suppose it would be easier to be nice.

I would totally invite them out with a group, but I honestly don't have a group of friends. All my friends don't know each other too well and I usually hang out with them one on one.

Another question. If I meet a guy that I want to befriend, how long should I know him before I start inviting him out places?

 

[kismettt]

I meet them through mutual female friends or they approach me. All of this takes place at school.



LOL...I realize that sounds a bit like I am feeling myself, but these are not guys that you would want to date!
I guess my meanness has a playful air to it because that is my personality, but I suppose it would be easier to be nice.

I would totally invite them out with a group, but I honestly don't have a group of friends. All my friends don't know each other too well and I usually hang out with them one on one.

Another question. If I meet a guy that I want to befriend, how long should I know him before I start inviting him out places?

ask them to study in a public place. lol. that's actually how me and my ex started and i really just wanted to be friends. a couple of weeks to a month depending on how friendly you are/how much you talk. i think if you take a class together, that's the easiest. "i'm studying for ___ tomorrow at ___, wanna join?" and then you talk while you're studying and there ya go.

 

[abcd09]

Do guy stuff with them, like drink a beer at a pub, play a video game, make them laugh. Women relate to other women differently than men. We're more open about how we feel about them. We're fun loving, but in a certain way that is completely different than with men. Sometimes women give off more sexual energy with men without knowing. We have to tone down how we dress, touch, stare, speak when we're with them so we dont send signals we don't intend to. Guys like to have "no drama" with their male friends, so try to bring that element into the relationship you want.

 

[*SkolarStar*]

Geez, talk about a rock and a hard place. No matter how you treat them, they still want you?

"Ninjas love me, I'm on my Kim K.."

Sorry OP, I don't have any advice (lol)

Sent from my VM670 using VM670

Out of the entire series, that's my favorite part!

Here's the thing op, you can't force a platonic relationship with a guy. He either starts out having feelings for you or he doesn't. If you find out that he doesn't then you can move forward.

 

[LiftedUp]

I think that having a guy friend should start off not as one having romantic feelings to the other but as an honest friendship.

The possibility of him wanting to move the friendship to a romantic relationship is possible but it's easier to remind him of the friendship and put things back into perspective rather than lead him on thinking that eventually you'll want a romantic relationship with him.

 

[SheenaVee]

This is a good question. I always wonder how women get their male friends because all the guy friends I have started off interested in me romantically but decided to give up when they realised I wasn't feeling them so just stayed friends. And I used to talk to these dudes about my relationships and they'd give me advice and stuff.

However, I do sometimes feel that they still have a bit of a thing for me and that if I became single again and encouraged them they would try making a move again. My boyfriend doesn't like them coz he thinks they want to do just that and that's the only reason why they're staying friends with me.

 

[LoveLongLocks]

My Mother warned me my entire life that men/women cannot be just friends. I have always related to males most (only girl out of 3 boys), however feelings were always there. Or my "friend" would eventually ask me out, this has led to some being somewhat bitter - fall outs, ect. So, as an adult I must agree. I think that the friendship is limited - not impossible. Someone will catch feelings.
-so, to answer your question. For me the few "guy friends" that I have had are ones that I grew up with, that I consider like family - or ones that I have completely shot down the prospects of a "romance" with, and formed a friendship.

 

[Kimgirl50]

Sports
COD and LFD video games
Relax

that's it.

ETA: most of my closest friends are male just cause my hobbies are pretty much male dominated.

Never had an issue most likely because most of them grew up with SO

 

[choctaw]

Guys like to have "no drama" with their male friends, so try to bring that element into the relationship you want.

I like to fish and made a few male friends that way. Most guys just want to fish when they are on the water.

 

[Sosoothing]

I made my guy friends through Craigslist. Yep. I put up an ad, stating my interests and preferences. And even though I stated explicitly that I was only interested in a sincere platonic friendship, I got many responses from married men, men in relationships and those that were looking for a friend with benefits arrangement. Out of the maybe 60 responses I received over the course of about 3 weeks, I made 2 guy friends. They are good men and I'm glad I met them. Almost two years later we are still going strong.

I am a person that believes that true friends are hard to make and you are blessed if you have even just 1. So my two guy friends are more than enough for me.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Wow...wish I had THIS problem!

Forget about making a "guy friend"....I don't need anymore of those. What do I need another guy friend for? What I need is a BOYfriend! Seems that's harder to come by for me....

Anyway OP....I don't know how old you are, but a lot of times when men and women reach a "certain age", it is almost near impossible to make a truly platonic male friend unless there is SOME reason why the two of you haven't had an interest in the past (ie. you guys are like "siblings", he's taken, he's married, etc) and even THEN that doesn't automatically rule out the fact that some men will still want to keep a woman on the "side". It's just hard when you get older to have a truly PLATONIC male friend because usually somewhere down the line, romantic feelings on either end will get in the way.

Have you seen the movie "When Harry Met Sally"?? lol!

Anyway, if you're just really needing to find advice on how to make a guy friend, here are some things that have worked for many women (including myself). For one thing, you have to realize that men can't be strictly "just friends" w/a woman that they find attractive OR are attracted to. They just can't do it! Somewhere in the back of their heads they will always be wondering.... So...with that said.......

First off:
-Make yourself as LEAST attractive to the opposite sex as possible when you're around him. In other words, no "cute tops" and fitted jeans. Wear sweats, baggy clothes, or just real "chill" outfits. Don't wear any makeup, perfume, etc.
-Act real tomboyish and BUTCH around him. There's nothing more that will repel a man away from thinking about you romantically than a butch woman lol.
-Talk mainly about guy-oriented things. Don't talk about relationships, feelings, or anything that you would talk to your girl friends about.

Bottom Line though OP: You can do all of that stuff listed above, and even THEN it won't gaurantee you 100% that some guy won't still end up having feelings for you (hey...some men actually LIKE tomboyish women who wear no makeup and dress in baggy sweats! ).

Personally, I think it's pretty much a lose-lose situation. It's harder to make strictly platonic male friends unless maybe you grew up with them all of your life lol.

May I ask...what is your goal in making male friends?

 

[babyu21]

Having to many guy friends has backfired on me when it comes to dating. I am used to greeting and treating my male friends a certain way I tend to act the exact same way around men I am romantically interested in, which is not a good thing.

Most of my male friends started out with them being interested in more. You have to remain consistent that you are not feeling them that way. Once they get it and you all actually have fun together then you will be more likely to be friends. Granted it will be harder for you to make male friends at this age, most of my friends I have known for years. It also helps when they have a girlfriend or wife so they are getting sex from somewhere else.

Platonic relationship are possible but the older you get the harder they are to come by. That is unless you find yourself a few gay friends, which is always great because they love to shop with you. I find it hard to get my homies to come to the mall with me.

 

[chickle]

Wow...wish I had THIS problem!

Forget about making a "guy friend"....I don't need anymore of those. What do I need another guy friend for? What I need is a BOYfriend! Seems that's harder to come by for me....

Anyway OP....I don't know how old you are, but a lot of times when men and women reach a "certain age", it is almost near impossible to make a truly platonic male friend unless there is SOME reason why the two of you haven't had an interest in the past (ie. you guys are like "siblings", he's taken, he's married, etc) and even THEN that doesn't automatically rule out the fact that some men will still want to keep a woman on the "side". It's just hard when you get older to have a truly PLATONIC male friend because usually somewhere down the line, romantic feelings on either end will get in the way.

Have you seen the movie "When Harry Met Sally"?? lol!

Anyway, if you're just really needing to find advice on how to make a guy friend, here are some things that have worked for many women (including myself). For one thing, you have to realize that men can't be strictly "just friends" w/a woman that they find attractive OR are attracted to. They just can't do it! Somewhere in the back of their heads they will always be wondering.... So...with that said.......

First off:
-Make yourself as LEAST attractive to the opposite sex as possible when you're around him. In other words, no "cute tops" and fitted jeans. Wear sweats, baggy clothes, or just real "chill" outfits. Don't wear any makeup, perfume, etc.
-Act real tomboyish and BUTCH around him. There's nothing more that will repel a man away from thinking about you romantically than a butch woman lol.
-Talk mainly about guy-oriented things. Don't talk about relationships, feelings, or anything that you would talk to your girl friends about.

Bottom Line though OP: You can do all of that stuff listed above, and even THEN it won't gaurantee you 100% that some guy won't still end up having feelings for you (hey...some men actually LIKE tomboyish women who wear no makeup and dress in baggy sweats! ).

Personally, I think it's pretty much a lose-lose situation. It's harder to make strictly platonic male friends unless maybe you grew up with them all of your life lol.

May I ask...what is your goal in making male friends?

LOL, there is no way I could do all that stuff, it just aint in my blood to be butch...no offense to the butch ladies out there!

My goal in making guy friends is to diversify the type of people I interact with. All my friends are female and all I hear is drama all day or gossip(which i'm not a fan of).

I actually need new friends in general, but I would like to throw guy friends into the mix since they are supposedly chill and drama free. But now that I think about it, even if I had guy friends there is no way I would feel comfortable hanging out with them without the fear that I would be tried sexually.

I have tried to have guy friends before, but then they all of a sudden want me to "watch a movie", then when I get to their place, their TV is all of a sudden not working, so then they want to just sit on the couch and talk...but no wait...they want to talk while cuddling because cuddling is their hobby, then I just have to leave at that point because I already know where this is going.

I am somewhat girly/casual, but I like to chill play video games and listen to music and play sports and none of my female friends like to do this, so its like i have to suppress this side of me.

 

[Katherina]

I'm not the one to give advice on keeping him from liking you but...

Re: Drama and Gossip

It's probably the types of women you're friends with. My girlfriends do not have drama. Everyone gossips, but men may not allow ladies to hear theirs because it's often quite crass.

Re: Video Games and Sports

My best friend is hardcore about her sports teams and I could not care less. There are women out there who share your interests.

 

[chickle]

I'm not the one to give advice on keeping him from liking you but...

Re: Drama and Gossip

It's probably the types of women you're friends with. My girlfriends do not have drama. Everyone gossips, but men may not allow ladies to hear theirs because it's often quite crass.

Re: Video Games and Sports

My best friend is hardcore about her sports teams and I could not care less. There are women out there who share your interests.

That's true, I know it is the people I surround myself with. I don't really like to get close to people so the people that end up being around me are superficial b/c I fit the look of who they want around them, but they don't really know the true me...but they are not bad ppl, I actually do care about them as friends, but I just wish I could diversify my crew, but its hard for my quiet self.

 

[MissMasala5]

IME, the key to making true friendships with guys rests solely on their personal attitudes about women, and clues to that can be found in how they relate to the women in their lives, especially in their families. My close male friends have a closeness with their moms, sisters and aunts that includes spending time with them not just in terms of family events. They will go out with their female relatives, to dinner, movies, shows, etc. Stuff that other guys would only do with a date with whom they had romantic interests in.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

Is it that guys just fall for you? Or is it that they think you're constantly 'coming on to them?' From my experience, that usually means you're super cute! though!

I always watch football and play videogames with my more platonic friends and I 'fist-bump' them...I've heard that's the most platonic thing you can do to a guy

 

[chickle]

Is it that guys just fall for you? Or is it that they think you're constantly 'coming on to them?' From my experience, that usually means you're super cute! though!

I always watch football and play videogames with my more platonic friends and I 'fist-bump' them...I've heard that's the most platonic thing you can do to a guy

LOL, actually I think the problem is that I never approach anyone or initiate conversation (I'm a shy girl, but I am working on it) so the guys who approach me or speak to me usually have the intentions of dating (or a lil something something else) especially since I can appear to have a cold disposition when I initially talk to someone. I probably turn off all the nice guys who simply wanted conversation and turn on all the ones seeking a challenge. It is hard to be nice to guys because since I have not had much guy friends, guys have always seemed more of specimen for romantic interest only, so it is hard to distinguish the two.

I am going to just be nice to them, bump all the guys who think I am interested lol, that is their problem for assuming