How do you know if you're ready for marriage?

[Fine 4s]

A spirited debate took place where I was left confused about determining if someone is ready for marriage.

The confusion is this- on one hand the person you're with should show you s/he is ready for marriage by their actions. Those "actions" vary by person. On the other hand, why should someone make a similar sacrifice for his/her partner as he would his married partner? ( Within reason given the context of the relationship of course) Is it reasonable to ask someone to make any adjustment to their lifestyle just because it makes YOU uncomfortable (such as what we talk about here like cutting off an ex, riding a motorcycle or limiting friendships with co-workers& friends etc) when you are not married? Where do those demands end? Some folks believe that when a person is married only then are they expected to make certain changes. What if you make those changes and the relationship doesn't last?

However how would you know if your marriage demands can be met without testing it? Should I believe that you'll manage your money better, you'll limit female friends, you'll be financially generous etc. when you haven't shown this prior to? It's all habit forming IMO. Btw, this is pre-engagement. For most people engagement means you're pretty much there so folks may be more agreeable to your demands.

It seems like the closer a couple gets to marriage but not quite there, the more blurry the lines get.
How do you see your pre-engaged relationship? I kinda see both sides....

 

[nlamr2013]

it shouldnt feel like youre losing something if you feel you are ready to marry a person. if I ask dude to stop speaking with his ex if this seems like a loss to him he isnt ready to marry me and I'll take that note. the financially generous thing is apparent almost from jump imo lol

 

[kaykari]

this is an interesting thread

 

[StLucianSweetie]

bump.........

 

[*CherryPie*]

When you're ready to be married, you would have already compromised on those things WAY before...while the relationship was still pre engagement.

Ain't nobody going to propose to you while in a relationship with you and you're doing things that are deal breakers to them. You can't just wait until marriage to change or see change or compromise in the relationship. That's unrealistic.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

For FH and I those things came naturally. I didn't request them he did them in effort to create more space for me in his life, and I did the same. I don't know if I would married someone who didn't do those things on his own.