How do you know if a guy really likes you???

[JewelleNY]

I didn't guess either. All of the signs can be there....but I no longer assume. So I am not certain until he comes out and tells me...atleast once.

Would you be able to share with us how he approached and what your interest level was at that moment?

 

[JewelleNY]

i was married before divorced him now i've remarried. the current Mr. was very attentive. he would anticipate things that where wrong before i could tell him. he really got to know me and really cared. he wanted a family and stable home life also. thats how i could tell he was a good one.

that's really nice were u guys already friends or did he make his interest known immediately? did he make a first move or was it a gradual process? just let me know if I am asking too much I love to hear love stories

 

[CarLiTa]

with my very very limited experience... and with my humble opinion... I think it all depends on the guy...

I don't think one can ever be sure that a guy is interested until he actually says that he is.
I think sometimes guys seem to be expressing interest but don't make a move because it turns out that they are in a relationship, or are working things out with someone, so they might "admire you from afar" ...

But, I do think, DEPENDING ON THE GUY, that some might appreciate some indication. Sometimes it's difficult to be able to tell whether a guy is just being nice to you like he is to everyone else, or whether he has a special thing for you.

The only guy I have dated in college (i'm a junior now) told me that he appreciates the times when I made a move. Especially with my personality. I am shy and reserved, and sometimes might even appear cold

He himself told me that he would like it if I suggested that we meet up (that was after the first date though). I was reluctant to do it mostly because of what I have read on LHCF (this is where I get some of my growing-up advice).

But when one day, when I told him that I would be in his area for a specific event and whether he'd be interested in hanging out for a bit, he himself told me that he was glad that I did that.

I don't know how it will be once I get out into the real world... but I do think that smiling helps (something that I seem not to do as much as in the past).

Jewelle, has this guy ever talked to you? or does he just look? I wonder what his relationship status is. He might be interested but he's not "single" enough to make a move... which would suck.

You seem like such a sweet person. He might interpret the vibe that you give off as that of someone who is just sweet but taken... or just not open to dating. Some people just seem to naturally give off this "open" vibe that people are drawn to them in a lot of ways, but others (like myself) have to work hard at it.

I guess I am not sure what my advice is... smile, continue to look sweet, maybe initiate an innocent conversation. With that, you re-enforce that the ball is in HIS court and that he just needs to do something.

 

[CarLiTa]

that's really nice were u guys already friends or did he make his interest known immediately? did he make a first move or was it a gradual process? just let me know if I am asking too much I love to hear love stories

Maybe I can try to answer that.
This person I am dating... I made a comment about thinking that he is cute to my friend. Sadly, she made that known to him [long story]. We had only met and talked a couple of times prior to that.

Soon after, he emailed me and said thank you for the compliment, blah blah. I kind of brushed it off and said that he was welcome, etc. etc... but I really did not want to talk about it. I felt it put me at a disadvantage.

Anyway, eventually, he started initiating conversations a lot more, and we started developing a friendship, more or less. We seemed to be enjoying our conversations, and that was nice.

I saw him during this talking stage once (and ignored him) but it seemed like there was a stronger spark of interest between us.
I think about a week or so later, he attempted to ask me out on a date and I changed the subject... and then he asked again a few days later, and I was trying to come up with all these reasons and concerns... about not wanting to stay out late, how will i get back to my campus, blah blah It was funny, but he was nice and cool about it. He was like, you know, if this Friday isn't good, we could hang out next weekend, or the weekend after that

So, I said ok, and we went out the night we were supposed to. Remember, this is college... A friend gave me a can of pepper spray *just in case* because since I don't even know the road to my college (was a freshman at the time), how will I know that he's actually driving me back to my campus!

He was a total gentleman. Gave me a coat when I was cold. No forward moves. We walked along a lake in the freezing cold but that was nice. Sat somewhere and talked for a long long time about lots of things. Then, he drove me home. We hugged and that was it.

I think that was my first "real" date... and one of the best dates I've had

 

[JewelleNY]

with my very very limited experience... and with my humble opinion... I think it all depends on the guy...

I don't think one can ever be sure that a guy is interested until he actually says that he is.
I think sometimes guys seem to be expressing interest but don't make a move because it turns out that they are in a relationship, or are working things out with someone, so they might "admire you from afar" ...

But, I do think, DEPENDING ON THE GUY, that some might appreciate some indication. Sometimes it's difficult to be able to tell whether a guy is just being nice to you like he is to everyone else, or whether he has a special thing for you.

The only guy I have dated in college (i'm a junior now) told me that he appreciates the times when I made a move. Especially with my personality. I am shy and reserved, and sometimes might even appear cold

He himself told me that he would like it if I suggested that we meet up (that was after the first date though). I was reluctant to do it mostly because of what I have read on LHCF (this is where I get some of my growing-up advice).

But when one day, when I told him that I would be in his area for a specific event and whether he'd be interested in hanging out for a bit, he himself told me that he was glad that I did that.

I don't know how it will be once I get out into the real world... but I do think that smiling helps (something that I seem not to do as much as in the past).

Jewelle, has this guy ever talked to you? or does he just look? I wonder what his relationship status is. He might be interested but he's not "single" enough to make a move... which would suck.

You seem like such a sweet person. He might interpret the vibe that you give off as that of someone who is just sweet but taken... or just not open to dating. Some people just seem to naturally give off this "open" vibe that people are drawn to them in a lot of ways, but others (like myself) have to work hard at it.

I guess I am not sure what my advice is... smile, continue to look sweet, maybe initiate an innocent conversation. With that, you re-enforce that the ball is in HIS court and that he just needs to do something.

Thanks so much for your post Carlita I hope things work out with your friend, your story is so sweet
I am just going to smile and take some of the advice offerred here. It is good to know your friend appreciated some of the moves you made

 

[JewelleNY]

Maybe I can try to answer that.
This person I am dating... I made a comment about thinking that he is cute to my friend. Sadly, she made that known to him [long story]. We had only met and talked a couple of times prior to that.

Soon after, he emailed me and said thank you for the compliment, blah blah. I kind of brushed it off and said that he was welcome, etc. etc... but I really did not want to talk about it. I felt it put me at a disadvantage.

Anyway, eventually, he started initiating conversations a lot more, and we started developing a friendship, more or less. We seemed to be enjoying our conversations, and that was nice.

I saw him during this talking stage once (and ignored him) but it seemed like there was a stronger spark of interest between us.
I think about a week or so later, he attempted to ask me out on a date and I changed the subject... and then he asked again a few days later, and I was trying to come up with all these reasons and concerns... about not wanting to stay out late, how will i get back to my campus, blah blah It was funny, but he was nice and cool about it. He was like, you know, if this Friday isn't good, we could hang out next weekend, or the weekend after that

So, I said ok, and we went out the night we were supposed to. Remember, this is college... A friend gave me a can of pepper spray *just in case* because since I don't even know the road to my college (was a freshman at the time), how will I know that he's actually driving me back to my campus!

He was a total gentleman. Gave me a coat when I was cold. No forward moves. We walked along a lake in the freezing cold but that was nice. Sat somewhere and talked for a long long time about lots of things. Then, he drove me home. We hugged and that was it.

I think that was my first "real" date... and one of the best dates I've had

aawwwww!!!!!! I think I have the warm fuzzies Sooo romantic!

 

[BlackMarilyn]

If it is someone you have seen around a few times.

If he likes you his face will light up when you walks into the space he is in,maybe you are with a girlfriend you see directly that he is smiling with u and not ur friendbut that is not a gurantee he wants a relationship though.

I HATE THAT! lol.

Jewelle, thank you so much for this thread!!! i can so relate to everything in here!
i am in a similar situation with a guy at work. i know we are attracted to each other and i have never ever felt this much chemistry and electricity in the air when we're around each other. we've been out a few times and it's been really sweet but most of the time, i realise i initiate things. oddly enough, in the past i'd never feel to initiate as i didnt want to feel like i was running down a man but this is the first time ever where i actually have no problem with how i'm approaching things. i think it's because i am doing it in light, casual, friendly yet flirty sort of manner. almost like it's a "cool scene" and i wouldnt be bothered if he said no. it's like i have a "no love loss. i'll just KIM" type attitude with him but with a hint of "yes, i really really like you" thrown in .

*puts on Beyonce - "Diva"*

 

[JewelleNY]

I HATE THAT! lol.

Jewelle, thank you so much for this thread!!! i can so relate to everything in here!
i am in a similar situation with a guy at work. i know we are attracted to each other and i have never ever felt this much chemistry and electricity in the air when we're around each other. we've been out a few times and it's been really sweet but most of the time, i realise i initiate things. oddly enough, in the past i'd never feel to initiate as i didnt want to feel like i was running down a man but this is the first time ever where i actually have no problem with how i'm approaching things. i think it's because i am doing it in light, casual, friendly yet flirty sort of manner. almost like it's a "cool scene" and i wouldnt be bothered if he said no. it's like i have a "no love loss. i'll just KIM" type attitude with him but with a hint of "yes, i really really like you" thrown in .

*puts on Beyonce - "Diva"*

Hey PeoniBella I love your story! I am totally going to adopt your attitude I think we tend to over think things sometimes when we should be enjoying dating and meeting new people.

 

[angelica2u]

Well, one guy, we were all at a club and I asked him if he wanted to dance.

Another guy, I just smiled and went over to strike up a conversation.

This was all a while ago for me. The guy at work, I am not that interested in so I have not made any moves yet but he seems pretty nice, just very shy.

I was hoping the ladies here would also give some more advice about how they were able to, as you say, "be more encouraging" if you are interested

In your case, what about telling your friend to hint to him that you are interested too? My cowkorker did this with her now DH and they are quite happy together

Thanks Jewelle and everyone else for the input so far. I'll try and keep you guys posted on any progress I make / lessons i learn :wink2:

 

[scarcity21]

this may be a dumb question.....but when y'all say smile...do u smile as in smile with teeth showing or no teeth showing?
I tend to have this "do not approach me" look on my face when im in social situations without even knowing it...so i have to smile more...but i need to know how. I feel awkward walking around showing teeth, when there's nothing funny...i hope y'all understand what im tryna say

 

[BlackMarilyn]

i'd say smile, no teeth.

 

[Lovelylife]

To be honest, the men of this younger generation are quite lazy and very scared of rejection.
They need all these signs that a girl likes them before they approach her.

I guess, I'll be single for a while then, lol!

 

[Lovelylife]

Thanks! I think this is exactly my problem I am very afraid of rejection, I have always been this way. I do think I end up acting more uninterested out of fear that I will get rejected so if I do get rejected I could tell myself I was never interested, if that makes sense One time a guy said he wanted to come see me and I told him all of the things I would be doing just to seem like I wasn't waiting around for him and he told me later that it seemed I wasn't interested I do things like this which is why I always question everything, even when it is obvious to people around me that a guy likes me.

My coworker I think likes me (no attraction on my end) and he hovers and makes little comments that I have put off and my other coworkers joked with me the other day that he likes me and I'm like erplexed

I think I just have to be more confident.

Seems like we have about the same personality when it comes to relationships, I think I have more of a fear of getting hurt.

 

[scarcity21]

i'd say smile, no teeth.

but doesnt that look fake? like when yt folks give ya that fake a@% smile in passing? lol

 

[cheetarah1980]

You know when a guy likes you when he tells you, then follows through and pursues you. Everything else is just speculation.

 

[tinkat]

To be honest, the men of this younger generation are quite lazy and very scared of rejection.
They need all these signs that a girl likes them before they approach her.

I guess, I'll be single for a while then, lol!

This is so true!

 

[BlackMarilyn]

but doesnt that look fake? like when yt folks give ya that fake a@% smile in passing? lol

well it depends how u do it. there are the fake looking no teeth smiles, or the ones where half of ur smile is with your eyes. relax your eyes and give a genuine smile like u'd normally do with ur teeth showing. ->

practise it in the mirror. hahahahha.

i think showing teeth might be a bit too much for the initial attraction

 

[PeaceFlow]

Just by flirting somewhat, the way the look and talk to me. The way they treat me as compared to platonic friends yada, yada
The interest showing phase is a mutual process for me, kind of organic. I don't do the walking up to a guy and getting his number, asking guys out etc. If its a good man and I can feel the chemistry ,he might bring something up first or I might perhaps in jest but I don't partiularly care who it is.

 

[GoingNatural]

i need to read this thread again.

I recently went on a date with this guy that's been trying to get at me, low key, since August. But I was kind of dating someone else, someone he knows, and he was doing his thing so I never took him seriously. so we had a great date, great kiss, he texts me after wards saying he wishes he was still with me, goodnight etc. So we set up a time to have a date soon and I haven't heard from him since

Sigh, do men really just love the chase?!

 

[honeyflaava]

Hey Bunny

Actually they are all happily married. I only ask the married men and women for advice on relationships at work (the happily married ones that is ) Actually, I am about the only single person at work

I am not talking about a woman doing tons of pursuing but the guys I have talked to say they want some idea that a woman is interested back before going in fully. I do know that some of my girlfriends are better at being flirty and giving guys that knowing look I am not at all

For the record, I do have guys who do approach that I am not interested in. The crappy ones seems to have no problems making that move It's the shy, kind of nerdy ones that I feel need a little encouragement.

Ain't that the truth!! That's exactly what I'm dealing with now!

 

[JewelleNY]

Just an update. Thanks to all of the ladies for your input I have been much more relaxed and just trying to let go and have fun and not worrying so much. It is working out much better for me I think we all know when a guy likes us and if you like him back than go for it If it doesn't work out, than at least you had a little fun and you just move on to the next one!

 

[scarcity21]

well it depends how u do it. there are the fake looking no teeth smiles, or the ones where half of ur smile is with your eyes. relax your eyes and give a genuine smile like u'd normally do with ur teeth showing. ->

practise it in the mirror. hahahahha.

i think showing teeth might be a bit too much for the initial attraction

lol.....Thats what I thought....Ok thanks

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thanks for explaining. The opposite has usually been the case for me... men who have liked me and were interested in relationships have approached me and I haven't had to spend much time wondering if they liked me or not.

I have to agree with this.

My experience has been the same. Whenever a guy was REALLY interested in me, and actually AVAILABLE (read: single) to do something about his attraction, I NEVER really "wondered" whether he liked me or not. I just knew! You get the "vibe". Plus, you can usually tell in a guy's ACTIONS. Not so much his words, but his ACTIONS.

So yeah, I usually have no problem being able to tell when a guy is REALLY interested in me. He'll WANT you to know in a way...especially if you're nice and approachable. It's only when I've liked the guy too or he's been interested but not necessarily single/able to do anything about his attraction that I've been "confused" and wondering.

But honestly, most guys won't keep you wondering or "confused" for long if they really like you and are ready for a relationship. They won't want you to be frustrated or confused to the point where you forget about them completely, so you'll eventually find out through friends, family, his actions, or SOME way, some how.

To tell you the truth, the ones who are ready for an actual relationship (The ones that don't keep you guessing) are the only real guys you should pay attention to if you're ready for a relationship yourself. The "guess who" guys will only leave you constantly wondering, frustrated, anxious, and wanting to pursue HIM! Trust me, I've wasted my time on guys like these.

MY only problem now is finding a guy that likes me that I'm actually attracted to myself!! *sigh*

 

[JewelleNY]

I have to agree with this.

My experience has been the same. Whenever a guy was REALLY interested in me, and actually AVAILABLE (read: single) to do something about his attraction, I NEVER really "wondered" whether he liked me or not. I just knew! You get the "vibe". Plus, you can usually tell in a guy's ACTIONS. Not so much his words, but his ACTIONS.

So yeah, I usually have no problem being able to tell when a guy is REALLY interested in me. He'll WANT you to know in a way...especially if you're nice and approachable. It's only when I've liked the guy too or he's been interested but not necessarily single/able to do anything about his attraction that I've been "confused" and wondering.

But honestly, most guys won't keep you wondering or "confused" for long if they really like you and are ready for a relationship. They won't want you to be frustrated or confused to the point where you forget about them completely, so you'll eventually find out through friends, family, his actions, or SOME way, some how.

To tell you the truth, the ones who are ready for an actual relationship (The ones that don't keep you guessing) are the only real guys you should pay attention to if you're ready for a relationship yourself. The "guess who" guys will only leave you constantly wondering, frustrated, anxious, and wanting to pursue HIM! Trust me, I've wasted my time on guys like these.

MY only problem now is finding a guy that likes me that I'm actually attracted to myself!! *sigh*

Thanks CIQ! I'm starting to get the hang of it Been out of the game too long

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

I think if a guy likes you, he'll show it in the things that he does for you in terms of trying to see you/spend time with you and the way that he treats you. To be honest, I don't so much think its the holding hands, kissing, that shows that he's into you.

I've dated guys that were EXTREMELY touchy feely, saying I love you or I'm sooo into you and all of that, and they turned out to be the biggest jerks/freaks.

My current guy isn't a big PDA guy - he'll do it, but he won't go overboard. This freaked me out at first because I thought maybe he didn't like me, but the more that I got to know about him in terms of dating, I realized that he liked me based on the things he did for me to make me happy, to see me, spend time with me, etc.

For example, one night we were both at work, and he told me that he was going to go out with some friends after he got off of work. I got home and he texted me telling me "Don't go to sleep too early, I want to text you while I'm at the bar." I was like "If you wanna talk, call me. I'm not staying awake waiting for a damn text message."

Fast forward, and at 4:15am I received a knock on my door... This man got off of work at 11:30pm at night in Maryland, and drove straight to NYC the ENTIRE time (he was never at the bar) just because he missed me and wanted to say goodnight in person. Turns out he asked me to stay awake so that he wouldn't come all the way here and be left out on the doorstep

I thought that that was extremely sweet and it showed me that he really was into me.

I could go on with more nice things that he does but I think I'd be here for awhile.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

And to coincide with what I just said up there ^^^^

I met a guy a few weekends ago at a club. He was the bartender, and by the end of the night he was pursuing me out on the dance floor, giving me free drinks, asked me for my phone number, flirting and all of that. At two points in the night, homeboy LEFT THE BAR and waded through tons of people just to find me to talk to me.

We exchanged numbers, but get this... We've only spoken once on the phone, and the other 3 times or so that we've spoken is through text message. He will NOT call, instead he'll text, or say things like "I'm gonna call you Monday." and then he wont do it.

He's SO sexy, and I think he wants me to chase him [actually, I know he does], but because I don't, I think he doesn't know what to do. The last time he texted me I asked "Who is this?" because I deleted his phone # after he said he would call and he didn't.

My point is, sometimes I think its the ones that make it overlyobvious that they're attracted to you, that play games.

 

[JewelleNY]

I think if a guy likes you, he'll show it in the things that he does for you in terms of trying to see you/spend time with you and the way that he treats you. To be honest, I don't so much think its the holding hands, kissing, that shows that he's into you.

I've dated guys that were EXTREMELY touchy feely, saying I love you or I'm sooo into you and all of that, and they turned out to be the biggest jerks/freaks.

My current guy isn't a big PDA guy - he'll do it, but he won't go overboard. This freaked me out at first because I thought maybe he didn't like me, but the more that I got to know about him in terms of dating, I realized that he liked me based on the things he did for me to make me happy, to see me, spend time with me, etc.

For example, one night we were both at work, and he told me that he was going to go out with some friends after he got off of work. I got home and he texted me telling me "Don't go to sleep too early, I want to text you while I'm at the bar." I was like "If you wanna talk, call me. I'm not staying awake waiting for a damn text message."

Fast forward, and at 4:15am I received a knock on my door... This man got off of work at 11:30pm at night in Maryland, and drove straight to NYC the ENTIRE time (he was never at the bar) just because he missed me and wanted to say goodnight in person. Turns out he asked me to stay awake so that he wouldn't come all the way here and be left out on the doorstep

I thought that that was extremely sweet and it showed me that he really was into me.

I could go on with more nice things that he does but I think I'd be here for awhile.

aawww, that is such a sweet story and I totally agree with you I think we have to treat guys like individuals instead of lumping them all togther (we hate when they do that to us

Your guy is a sweetheart

 

[JewelleNY]

And to coincide with what I just said up there ^^^^

I met a guy a few weekends ago at a club. He was the bartender, and by the end of the night he was pursuing me out on the dance floor, giving me free drinks, asked me for my phone number, flirting and all of that. At two points in the night, homeboy LEFT THE BAR and waded through tons of people just to find me to talk to me.

We exchanged numbers, but get this... We've only spoken once on the phone, and the other 3 times or so that we've spoken is through text message. He will NOT call, instead he'll text, or say things like "I'm gonna call you Monday." and then he wont do it.

He's SO sexy, and I think he wants me to chase him [actually, I know he does], but because I don't, I think he doesn't know what to do. The last time he texted me I asked "Who is this?" because I deleted his phone # after he said he would call and he didn't.

My point is, sometimes I think its the ones that make it overlyobvious that they're attracted to you, that play games.

ITA!

 

[PerplexingComplex]

And to coincide with what I just said up there ^^^^

I met a guy a few weekends ago at a club. He was the bartender, and by the end of the night he was pursuing me out on the dance floor, giving me free drinks, asked me for my phone number, flirting and all of that. At two points in the night, homeboy LEFT THE BAR and waded through tons of people just to find me to talk to me.

We exchanged numbers, but get this... We've only spoken once on the phone, and the other 3 times or so that we've spoken is through text message. He will NOT call, instead he'll text, or say things like "I'm gonna call you Monday." and then he wont do it.

He's SO sexy, and I think he wants me to chase him [actually, I know he does], but because I don't, I think he doesn't know what to do. The last time he texted me I asked "Who is this?" because I deleted his phone # after he said he would call and he didn't.

My point is, sometimes I think its the ones that make it overlyobvious that they're attracted to you, that play games.

For some reason these are the main ones I seem to attract. Too bad, for them, I don't like games.