How do you know if a guy really likes you???

[Bunny77]

actually, they were long-term relationships The guys were just really shy and I've been told I can seem uninterested at times, even when I am not feeling that way inside. The guys were very much into me and I broke off the realtionships in the end. I find that if I talk to the ones who do always approach then they are the ones that I am not that into and it shows as time goes on.

Maybe it is just an individual thing, I am not sure. I try to smile and look friendly but I am very shy too.

GO HEELS!!!!!!!

Thanks for explaining. The opposite has usually been the case for me... men who have liked me and were interested in relationships have approached me and I haven't had to spend much time wondering if they liked me or not.

While I do understand male shyness and know it exists, I've seen too many shy men find a way to show a woman his interest (and many of them are married to that woman today). I'm agreeing with Hopeful as well -- if a man is THAT shy that he can't approach a woman in some way, then he needs to deal with that and I don't need to be the one helping him along.

As for you, I know you live in NYC (even though you lived in NC), so maybe the smiley/friendly/approachable vibe that you might have went away because I know that doesn't always go over well in NYC. But if you can find a way to be slightly more open -- without having Homeless Ray Ray start thinking he can holla -- that might attract the men who are a little afraid of rejection, but not so much if they think they'll get a "yes" from you!

 

[JewelleNY]

Thanks for explaining. The opposite has usually been the case for me... men who have liked me and were interested in relationships have approached me and I haven't had to spend much time wondering if they liked me or not.

While I do understand male shyness and know it exists, I've seen too many shy men find a way to show a woman his interest (and many of them are married to that woman today). I'm agreeing with Hopeful as well -- if a man is THAT shy that he can't approach a woman in some way, then he needs to deal with that and I don't need to be the one helping him along.

As for you, I know you live in NYC (even though you lived in NC), so maybe the smiley/friendly/approachable vibe that you might have went away because I know that doesn't always go over well in NYC. But if you can find a way to be slightly more open -- without having Homeless Ray Ray start thinking he can holla -- that might attract the men who are a little afraid of rejection, but not so much if they think they'll get a "yes" from you!

Thanks Bunny and I agree with you. These people have been showing interest but I wanted to hear from other ladies what guys do to show interest. I run in black and white and just want to hear others' stories

 

[JewelleNY]

He sticks his tongue in your nose

eewwww!! Has this really happened to you

 

[JewelleNY]

I understand exactly what you mean. I think I come off the same way because in reality I am extremely shy and not sure how to act (generally happens around guys, esp ones I like :/)

Thanks! When guys do approach me I think I am giving them a kind of look and then they back off. I am so cautious It's like they are trying to feel me out but I don't know how to respond without seeming too eager or I don't want to misread the approach so I do the one eyed squinting thing

 

[1Aleeesha]

eewwww!! Has this really happened to you

No comment Yeah my hubby has done it before - like the other day lol. I was thinking yeah he really likes me lol. But I do agree with the other ladies on things they have said. You know men don't seem to hide it well lol.

 

[Mleah]

There are a quite a few eye openers. One that comes to mind is keeping in keeping in contact. If he really is in to you he'll call.. hell or high water. Oh and the sex issue. A man that is only in to occasional sex with you isn't just an evolved gentleman. Yep,you guessed it. He's not that in to you.

 

[JewelleNY]

No comment Yeah my hubby has done it before - like the other day lol. I was thinking yeah he really likes me lol. But I do agree with the other ladies on things they have said. You know men don't seem to hide it well lol.

aawwww, that is so cute!

 

[hopeful]

I'm sorry, I wasn't really very clear I am trying to not post so much TMI of myself on here. I guess I just really wanted to hear what signs guys have given other ladies when they are interested

Sorry, didn't mean to be too nosy . I hope you get the answers you are looking for.

 

[JewelleNY]

Sorry, didn't mean to be too nosy . I hope you get the answers you are looking for.

Thanks Hopeful You are not too nosy at all. I have just learned that I can't trust everyone with my personal info and this site has gotten so big I guess I would get better feedback if I did but I have learned my lesson

 

[Ms Red]

Jewelle,
I have an example for you... I have a job where I travel A LOT and I might be gone 3-4 days out of the week. Well this guy I met showed interest in me (met at a networking function, he bought me a drink and we chatted for over an hour... then he asked for my phone number and quickly after he initiated by asking for a first date...)

Back to the example-- At the time I was never home long enough to get a second date in and when he kept asking, I told him that "I'm too busy"... Well, he proceeds to ask can he drive me to the airport for my next trip and we could get Starbucks in the airport. :crazy: ... so I'm like "OKAY..."

Long story short, he met me at the airport and while I had an hour teleconference, he drove me around Terminal A like 20 times. Afterward, he parked in short term parking and we went into Starbucks and had coffee (my flight was delayed so we spent an hour talking and it was great). He complimented me often and went out of his way to spend time with me. After that, I knew he liked me.

Hope that helped lol

 

[JewelleNY]

Jewelle,
I have an example for you... I have a job where I travel A LOT and I might be gone 3-4 days out of the week. Well this guy I met showed interest in me (met at a networking function, he bought me a drink and we chatted for over an hour... then he asked for my phone number and quickly after he initiated by asking for a first date...)

Back to the example-- At the time I was never home long enough to get a second date in and when he kept asking, I told him that "I'm too busy"... Well, he proceeds to ask can he drive me to the airport for my next trip and we could get Starbucks in the airport. :crazy: ... so I'm like "OKAY..."

Long story short, he met me at the airport and while I had an hour teleconference, he drove me around Terminal A like 20 times. Afterward, he parked in short term parking and we went into Starbucks and had coffee (my flight was delayed so we spent an hour talking and it was great). He complimented me often and went out of his way to spend time with me. After that, I knew he liked me.

Hope that helped lol

aawwww that is a really nice story Are u guys now married?

 

[Choclatcotton]

Jewelle if I were you I would just relax and let the guy take the lead and respond from there. Sometimes we can be so scared of rejection that we subconsciously send off the opposite signals and the guy walks off.

 

[biancaelyse]

Here's my $.02.

If I guy likjes you he will find reasons to seek you out and be in your presence. If you feel the same way, just be pleasant to him. Smile and be cordial. You don't have to do anything over the top or be too suggestive. When a guy really likes you he will jump at a sign of encouragement and run with it.


Sometimes when a guy kind of likes you but not that much, that is when it's confusing and you can't really tell and have to expend energy to engage him. I generally advise against dealing with a guy like this unless you want to be the one to take the lead in the entire relationship. Not my cup of tea!!
Unless you are talking about a really young guy, or a guy with zero socialization.

 

[juju]

Jewelle,
I have an example for you... I have a job where I travel A LOT and I might be gone 3-4 days out of the week. Well this guy I met showed interest in me (met at a networking function, he bought me a drink and we chatted for over an hour... then he asked for my phone number and quickly after he initiated by asking for a first date...)

Back to the example-- At the time I was never home long enough to get a second date in and when he kept asking, I told him that "I'm too busy"... Well, he proceeds to ask can he drive me to the airport for my next trip and we could get Starbucks in the airport. :crazy: ... so I'm like "OKAY..."

Long story short, he met me at the airport and while I had an hour teleconference, he drove me around Terminal A like 20 times. Afterward, he parked in short term parking and we went into Starbucks and had coffee (my flight was delayed so we spent an hour talking and it was great). He complimented me often and went out of his way to spend time with me. After that, I knew he liked me.

Hope that helped lol

Oh so sweeetttttttt ! are you dating now ?
he he goes into so much effort to show you his interest in you.

 

[JewelleNY]

Jewelle if I were you I would just relax and let the guy take the lead and respond from there. Sometimes we can be so scared of rejection that we subconsciously send off the opposite signals and the guy walks off.

Thanks! I think this is exactly my problem I am very afraid of rejection, I have always been this way. I do think I end up acting more uninterested out of fear that I will get rejected so if I do get rejected I could tell myself I was never interested, if that makes sense One time a guy said he wanted to come see me and I told him all of the things I would be doing just to seem like I wasn't waiting around for him and he told me later that it seemed I wasn't interested I do things like this which is why I always question everything, even when it is obvious to people around me that a guy likes me.

My coworker I think likes me (no attraction on my end) and he hovers and makes little comments that I have put off and my other coworkers joked with me the other day that he likes me and I'm like erplexed

I think I just have to be more confident.

 

[JFemme]

Thanks! I think this is exactly my problem I am very afraid of rejection, I have always been this way. I do think I end up acting more uninterested out of fear that I will get rejected so if I do get rejected I could tell myself I was never interested, if that makes sense One time a guy said he wanted to come see me and I told him all of the things I would be doing just to seem like I wasn't waiting around for him and he told me later that it seemed I wasn't interested I do things like this which is why I always question everything, even when it is obvious to people around me that a guy likes me.

My coworker I think likes me (no attraction on my end) and he hovers and makes little comments that I have put off and my other coworkers joked with me the other day that he likes me and I'm like erplexed

I think I just have to be more confident.

BTW: One guy did ask me out today This is after a year and a half Not too attracted but will see how it goes.

YES, hon...

Just stand.

((HUGS))

 

[JewelleNY]

Here's my $.02.

If I guy likjes you he will find reasons to seek you out and be in your presence. If you feel the same way, just be pleasant to him. Smile and be cordial. You don't have to do anything over the top or be too suggestive. When a guy really likes you he will jump at a sign of encouragement and run with it.


Sometimes when a guy kind of likes you but not that much, that is when it's confusing and you can't really tell and have to expend energy to engage him. I generally advise against dealing with a guy like this unless you want to be the one to take the lead in the entire relationship. Not my cup of tea!!
Unless you are talking about a really young guy, or a guy with zero socialization.

Thanks Biancaelyse

I am going to work on the smiling and being cordial, I tend to hide in a shell and sun for the hills I don't want to stress out about any of it too much but I don't want to pass up on a guy that may be a little shy too quickly but I understand what you ladies are saying

 

[JewelleNY]

YES, hon...

Just stand.

((HUGS))

Thanks JFemme! It's getting better, I think I had a really confident period in my early 20's and then it was shot to he** I'm getting it back though

 

[JewelleNY]

............

 

[Ms Red]

No, we've been dating for a few months. So far, so good though

aawwww that is a really nice story Are u guys now married?

 

[angelica2u]

Sometimes I think this but in the past guys have hovered around and hinted at my friends until I did something. I found out that they thought I would have rejected them and were afraid to say anything.

Guys are strange

JewelleNY, when you say "...until i did something", what are some of the things u did? I'm asking because i am in a similar situation with a co worker i.e. he hovers around, keeps looking at me and has been telling one of my friends how he thinks i'm so hot and wants to know my age and asked her to put in a good word for him, etc. But i'm not sure what i can do to "facilitate" his approaching me / asking me out. Usually, i just wouldnt bother trying anything because i dont want to make the first move / ask him out. In this case, however, i've been single for a while and want to start dating so if there are little things i could do to "encourage" him to approach me (instead of constantly talking abt me to my female friend) without "asking him out" or making the first move, i'd be open to trying it.

Also, if anyone else has any ideas / questions regarding this, please let me now. Thanks.

 

[prettyFine]

i was married before divorced him now i've remarried. the current Mr. was very attentive. he would anticipate things that where wrong before i could tell him. he really got to know me and really cared. he wanted a family and stable home life also. thats how i could tell he was a good one.

 

[JewelleNY]

JewelleNY, when you say "...until i did something", what are some of the things u did? I'm asking because i am in a similar situation with a co worker i.e. he hovers around, keeps looking at me and has been telling one of my friends how he thinks i'm so hot and wants to know my age and asked her to put in a good word for him, etc. But i'm not sure what i can do to "facilitate" his approaching me / asking me out. Usually, i just wouldnt bother trying anything because i dont want to make the first move / ask him out. In this case, however, i've been single for a while and want to start dating so if there are little things i could do to "encourage" him to approach me (instead of constantly talking abt me to my female friend) without "asking him out" or making the first move, i'd be open to trying it.

Also, if anyone else has any ideas / questions regarding this, please let me now. Thanks.

Well, one guy, we were all at a club and I asked him if he wanted to dance.

Another guy, I just smiled and went over to strike up a conversation.

This was all a while ago for me. The guy at work, I am not that interested in so I have not made any moves yet but he seems pretty nice, just very shy.

I was hoping the ladies here would also give some more advice about how they were able to, as you say, "be more encouraging" if you are interested

In your case, what about telling your friend to hint to him that you are interested too? My cowkorker did this with her now DH and they are quite happy together

 

[JewelleNY]

Also, I just wanted to report back that I talked to a few guys and they said that as they get older they get tired of having to make the first move and find it refreshing when the woman does. They said they get tired of always having to be the ones to risk rejection. I also hear that they are also tired of having to live up to tough gender roles that say that a man should do this a woman should do that.

Again, I will be finished school in May and ready to get back in the social dating scene so any more tips from you ladies would be greatly appreciated

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

I didn't guess either. All of the signs can be there....but I no longer assume. So I am not certain until he comes out and tells me...atleast once.

 

[Bunny77]

Also, I just wanted to report back that I talked to a few guys and they said that as they get older they get tired of having to make the first move and find it refreshing when the woman does. They said they get tired of always having to be the ones to risk rejection. I also hear that they are also tired of having to live up to tough gender roles that say that a man should do this a woman should do that.

Again, I will be finished school in May and ready to get back in the social dating scene so any more tips from you ladies would be greatly appreciated

Men say that alll the time and it goes in one ear and out the other for me.

Are these men happily married or involved in serious relationships? I find that men say a lot about hating rejection, but if they're still single and talking about hating making the first move, I think that negates their advice, honestly. Why are they older and still out here in the game? Shouldn't they be settled by now?

Are they not going to want to live up to gender roles of being a protector and a provider next? Please, give me a break.

(BTW, the examples you gave of "doing something" were just being friendly to me. I think those things are fine... I just don't plan on asking a man out on a date or anything.)

 

[JewelleNY]

Men say that alll the time and it goes in one ear and out the other for me.

Are these men happily married or involved in serious relationships? I find that men say a lot about hating rejection, but if they're still single and talking about hating making the first move, I think that negates their advice, honestly. Why are they older and still out here in the game? Shouldn't they be settled by now?

Are they not going to want to live up to gender roles of being a protector and a provider next? Please, give me a break.

(BTW, the examples you gave of "doing something" were just being friendly to me. I think those things are fine... I just don't plan on asking a man out on a date or anything.)

Hey Bunny

Actually they are all happily married. I only ask the married men and women for advice on relationships at work (the happily married ones that is ) Actually, I am about the only single person at work

I am not talking about a woman doing tons of pursuing but the guys I have talked to say they want some idea that a woman is interested back before going in fully. I do know that some of my girlfriends are better at being flirty and giving guys that knowing look I am not at all

For the record, I do have guys who do approach that I am not interested in. The crappy ones seems to have no problems making that move It's the shy, kind of nerdy ones that I feel need a little encouragement.

 

[JewelleNY]

Also, I am not into the whole gender roles thing either so I wouldn't want a guy like that anyway. I am a bit eccentric and have always attracted that type and it does nothing for me. Being on this board has made me think twice about who I am and what I want, it seems gender roles are encouraged here and that is fine but not every woman wants the same thing. I am a free spirit so those types of guy don't appeal to me. I have tried wanting to be different but it is not who I am. I could have been easily married to one of these guys but it never would have worked.

Hopefully that will explain a little of where I am coming from and why I see what some of you ladies are saying but why that is not me

 

[Bunny77]

Hey Bunny

Actually they are all happily married. I only ask the married men and women for advice on relationships at work (the happily married ones that is ) Actually, I am about the only single person at work

I am not talking about a woman doing tons of pursuing but the guys I have talked to say they want some idea that a woman is interested back before going in fully. I do know that some of my girlfriends are better at being flirty and giving guys that knowing look I am not at all

For the record, I do have guys who do approach that I am not interested in. The crappy ones seems to have no problems making that move It's the shy, kind of nerdy ones that I feel need a little encouragement.

Okay, thanks!

I bet though that the happily married guys did approach their future wives in some way and risked rejection because they were just that interested. I've gotten that same advice from happily married men and then I ask them, "Well, what did YOU do?" and they all admit that they approached their wives, even if they were shy at first.

She was worth it to them.

I do agree though in giving men an opening. I mentioned that in another thread... if I'm totally ignoring a dude and not smiling and all of that, then I don't blame him for not being willing to approach.

I just know that sometimes I do the smiling, encouraging and more... and they have a clear green light... and they just sit there at the light while folks are honking at them to go through! They miss about 4-5 green lights just sitting there... then I realize that they either don't want a relationship with ME or are just serial playas that like to flirt.

 

[JewelleNY]

Okay, thanks!

I bet though that the happily married guys did approach their future wives in some way and risked rejection because they were just that interested. I've gotten that same advice from happily married men and then I ask them, "Well, what did YOU do?" and they all admit that they approached their wives, even if they were shy at first.

She was worth it to them.

I do agree though in giving men an opening. I mentioned that in another thread... if I'm totally ignoring a dude and not smiling and all of that, then I don't blame him for not being willing to approach.

I just know that sometimes I do the smiling, encouraging and more... and they have a clear green light... and they just sit there at the light while folks are honking at them to go through! They miss about 4-5 green lights just sitting there... then I realize that they either don't want a relationship with ME or are just serial playas that like to flirt.

I totally see what you are saying. And I agree. Me, I used to look down at the floor, look mad, distracted, uninterested because of how shy and insecure I felt. Just want to try something new If the guy is giving no signs than I agree to keep it moving

One guy, the main guy I talked to, is in his second marriage. He said he pursued his first. The second time, was more mutual and they are like best friends. I will have to ask who made the first move

My female coworker who is married said that there was a mutual attraction (they were coworkers). She told their mutual friend that she like him, the mutual friend than approached him, they ended up talking and exchanging numbers. She said no one really made the "first move" so to speak. Another male coworker who is in a great relationship said she made the first move. This guy is the best, he is in his late 40's, and great dedicated worker, and very shy and quiet. I was actually attracted to him when I started working but found out he was in a relationship. He was married prior to this relationship. They live together. I just think it is different strokes for different folks

I am not wanting to make the first "asking out" move but wanted to know how to show some interest if you like a guy and he is showing interest. How to not look uninterested which is what I am so used to doing