how do you feel about DATING MEN WITH KIDS?

[kurlybella]

do you date men with kids?

if so, do you have a max requirement? as in 1 kid max or two kids max?

what about baby mama requirements? as in 1 baby mama max?

have you had good or bad experiences with this?

how does it feel when you break up with someone who has a child you've grown close to?

i used to and do not anymore. it's JUST NOT FOR ME.

i don't think it's "selfish" to not want to date a man with kids.

unfortunately, we as black women are getting a shytty stick ladies.

70% of our kids are born into unwedded homes...meaning 70% of half of the parenthood is a black man.

to be quite honest with you, this is one of the reasons i started opening my dating pool to non-black men. not that it was ever closed, but to be honest, i've always seen myself with a black man.

my white gf, who is under 30 like me, joked with me one day and made a simple statement but it was so profound. she said she "rarely meets men with kids and that it's never really a problem for her." i thought about the contrast to children born outside of marriage in her culture. big difference, something like 30%.

i don't even do divorced dads anymore.

i've dated two divorced men and two former "young" baby daddies.

point blank, i don't have kids and would prefer a childless man. that's really not too much to ask for.

 

[DayStar]

do you date men with kids? Yes ...i do now...its inevitable as you age.

if so, do you have a max requirement? as in 1 kid max or two kids max? 1 right now is MAX.

what about baby mama requirements? as in 1 baby mama max? 1

have you had good or bad experiences with this? Only good so far.

how does it feel when you break up with someone who has a child you've grown close to? havent experienced this. I choose not to meet the children untill i know we are LEGIT and I am in a bonafied/ride or die relationship ...so far i havent met any kids, despite them wanting me too......

If you have a preference...stick by it....

 

[cocoaluv]

I dated a guy with a two kids once and that only occured because he didnt tell me about them till a little later. As soon as I found out that was the last time he heard from me...except to tell him when he kept calling and calling to stop.


I would not knowingly date a man with kids and I dont have kids. Its not selfish at all but its what I want. I have friends who tell me that I shouldnt be this way but the ish they have to deal with is not something I want to put up with EVER.

 

[Highly Favored8]

do you date men with kids?
Yes, I have once.
if so, do you have a max requirement? as in 1 kid max or two kids max?
This man has 2 daughters
what about baby mama requirements? as in 1 baby mama max?
First baby mama is very cool. The second one which is is ex-wife is a real
have you had good or bad experiences with this?
I had little bit of both good and bad.
how does it feel when you break up with someone who has a child you've grown close to? It is very hard because I have grown so close to his two daughters.

 

[MzLady78]

My preference is and always will be no kids.

However, with a age range of 30-40, you can imagine that gets more and more difficult to find.

Now I judge each case individually, but the maximum is one.

On the 2 occasions that I dated a man with kids, I had good experiences. Us not working out had nothing to do with their children.

 

[winnettag]

At this age (24) I don't want to date a man with kids. I want any kids that come into the mix to be mine, after I'm married.

I think I'm too young to deal other people's kids and I have enough going on my life right now, like finishing school, finding somewhere to live and starting a career.

But as I get older, I know I won't mind because it'll be unreasonable to expect older people to not have kids.

 

[MizzBrown]

That 70% statistic of black children born OOW is scary isnt it? And that 70% of black women are single.

do you date men with kids? Yes, the older i get, i know its inevitable as well.

if so, do you have a max requirement? as in 1 kid max or two kids max?
ONE KID MAX. I'd like them to be either really young so i can "train em" LOL or older so that I may not have to worry about them so much.

what about baby mama requirements? as in 1 baby mama max? ONE baby momma max and i hope she lives far away.

have you had good or bad experiences with this? No, never had to meet any baby mommas.

how does it feel when you break up with someone who has a child you've grown close to?
Never had the chance to get that close to the child. They were always in custody of the mother.


Asking for childless man is like trying to win the lottery. I don't care to date outside my race so i know the consequences of doing so. I understand that i may be single for life with 70% of parenthood being a black man. Sucks but that's reality.

 

[MzLady78]

Asking for childless man is like trying to win the lottery. I don't care to date outside my race so i know the consequences of doing so. I understand that i may be single for life with 70% of parenthood being a black man. Sucks but that's reality.

Basically.

People are always like "oh, you still have time, it'll happen". But I've accepted the fact that it may not.

That's why I decided to look into adoption if I'm not married when I'm 35. That gives me 5 years.

 

[MizzBrown]

Basically.

People are always like "oh, you still have time, it'll happen". But I've accepted the fact that it may not.

That's why I decided to look into adoption if I'm not married in when I'm 35. That gives me 5 years.

Or when people say dont give up hope. They are out there! LOL Where?
Or some say that maybe I attract men with kids. How? After turning down man after man with kids, how much longer can u turn them down?

One shouldn't have to change their standards in a man but one shouldnt be surprised at age 45 when they still can't find one without kids.

70% !! So the other 30% is comprised of black men being married, gay or single and i dont know the breakdown in that 30% so pickings are VERY slim.

Its good u not waiting on a man to adopt/have a child. I'm not waiting on one to finally own a house or partake in things that i thought i'd want to do with my future husband. May not get a husband so i gotta do it alone.

 

[Cinda2503]

The older you get the more inevitable (but not impossible) it seems to be.....

 

[PassionFruit]

The older you get the more inevitable (but not impossible) it seems to be.....

everytime I hear a woman say this, I meet a man or am reminded of those I already know who has never been married and has no children who says he is waiting on a woman who has never been married and has no kids

 

[Cinda2503]

everytime I hear a woman say this, I meet a man or am reminded of those I already know who has never been married and has no children who says he is waiting on a woman who has never been married and has no kids

it's not impossible.....of the last 2 men I dated/dating in the past year. one was 32 (no kids - never been married)... the curent one is 39 divorced 2 kids - 2 different mothers... I always figure I have no kids and never been married so there has to be men out there like me. The older you are the possibility that others in your dating pool have been married/divorced/have children increases

 

[drasgrl]

Nope can't do it. Never dated a man with kids and I won't. I need to be number one. If they have kids they are number one not me, don't want to compete with that. No way, no how. If their kids were grown that might be a different story but no one with kids under 18.

 

[Mortons]

Not happening

 

[PassionFruit]

it's not impossible.....of the last 2 men I dated/dating in the past year. one was 32 (no kids - never been married)... the curent one is 39 divorced 2 kids - 2 different mothers... I always figure I have no kids and never been married so there has to be men out there like me. The older you are the possibility that others in your dating pool have been married/divorced/have children increases

I have a distant relative who is 40, no kids, never been married.... law school graduate about to take the bar.... until his cocky arse stops thinking he is some commodity that women should bow down & kiss his rusty toes he will remain single

 

[MizzBrown]

I have a distant relative who is 40, no kids, never been married.... law school graduate about to take the bar.... until his cocky arse stops thinking he is some commodity that women should bow down & kiss his rusty toes he will remain single

LOL They do get cocky. What pisses me off is the men WITH kids can get just as cocky as the ones without.

They should be happy someone even wants to date them and possibly entertain the idea of putting up with their child and the momma. I'd be extra nice and have all my ducks in a row if i were them.

 

[Ramya]

i don't date men with children. It's not a lot to ask honestly. I don't have children and neither should he.

 

[beautifulisaunderstatment]

Ive talked to guys with kids but I would never NEVER consider being serious with someone who has children.

 

[song_of_serenity]

I couldn't do it. I don't like ready made families or the potential (doesn't ALWAYS happen, but does sometimes) that may come from resentful children trying to break you up or the so called "baby mama drama."

Some people do, though, and that's fine, too. Just not something I'd want to deal with. If I had a child and a guy said he didn't want to be with me because of the same reasons, I wouldn't breath fire and get in a hissy. I'd keep it moving until I find a nice guy who would accept me AND mine.
~*Janelle~*

 

[prettypuff1]

He can have as many kids as i have. I have one, you may have one too..

We must have similar circumstances: active in our kids lives, no drama, he must pay his c/s on time and in full and do above that.

If we get serious, i would wanna meet the mother of the kid to discuss woman to woman the role she wants me to play in the childs life, her parenting style the rules at her house.


I doubt that would exist so, i guess no men with kids for me.

 

[prettypuff1]

I dated a guy with a two kids once and that only occured because he didnt tell me about them till a little later. As soon as I found out that was the last time he heard from me...except to tell him when he kept calling and calling to stop.


I would not knowingly date a man with kids and I dont have kids. Its not selfish at all but its what I want. I have friends who tell me that I shouldnt be this way but the ish they have to deal with is not something I want to put up with EVER.

I dont see anything selfish about the bolded statement at all...

If i didnt have kids, I wouldnt want my man to have them either... Plain and simple.. Equally yoked is all i am saying

 

[TayMac]

I will date a man with one child and no more than that b/c that is what I have. I don't have drama and I don't expect any. But actually most men that I've dated recently don't have any kids and they are 25-28. So these men do exist! I've had good and bad experience with dating a father.

 

[alwayzalady22]

i won't right now. when i get to the other side of 25, i'll consider it.

 

[MizAvalon]

I don't do it. Granted, I have gone out on some dates with men that have children but I would never get serious with anyone that has children.

There are many reasons why but the number one reason is that I want to be first in my man's life. Me and our relationship needs to be the priority. That's not possible when there are children and I'm not interested in that.

Vain and selfish? Probably but just being honest.

 

[MizAvalon]

Nope can't do it. Never dated a man with kids and I won't. I need to be number one. If they have kids they are number one not me, don't want to compete with that. No way, no how. If their kids were grown that might be a different story but no one with kids under 18.

Even this can be tricky. Grown kids come with their own set of problems.

 

[MizAvalon]

LOL They do get cocky. What pisses me off is the men WITH kids can get just as cocky as the ones without.

They should be happy someone even wants to date them and possibly entertain the idea of putting up with their child and the momma. I'd be extra nice and have all my ducks in a row if i were them.

Now ain't that some mess? Even the less than desirable ones know that black woman are single and in many cases desperate, and they prey on that.

 

[holland]

If I can help it. My ex-BF had kids and it was very difficult.

 

[NYCQT16]

I haven't and I really don't want to but it seems that I may have to as I get older...erplexed

 

[janiebaby]

do you date men with kids?
No

if so, do you have a max requirement? as in 1 kid max or two kids max?
If I did, it would have to be 1 or twins, triplets, etc.

what about baby mama requirements? as in 1 baby mama max?
If I did, 1 max.

have you had good or bad experiences with this?
N/A

how does it feel when you break up with someone who has a child you've grown close to?
N/A

Answers in bold above.

 

[Britt]

My preference is and always will be no kids.

However, with a age range of 30-40, you can imagine that gets more and more difficult to find.

Now I judge each case individually, but the maximum is one.

I was just talking about this with my close gf over dinner on Sat.
Now that I am single, the chances of me finding someone 27+ w/o kids is going to be difficult. This is something I feel I will have to expect. I've never dated anyone with kids, but then again, I was in a relationship for 3 yrs, and prior to that everyone was my age, so it was a little different, now at 26... it's hard to even come across females w/no children.

Anyway, with that said, I think my max would have to be 1 kid... and the child cannot be a baby ... no child younger than 4 yrs old. Given that I don't have experience with men w/children, I'd really have to wait and see what the situation is like..
I'd have to see what his situation with the child's mother is like, his relationship with his child, how much time he has for me.

My preference would be someone w/o kids, but I def. would not turn down someone that's a good guy that I'm interested in b/c he has a child... I'd have to see the circumstances...