How d I survive my divorce and breakup?(long)

[Brinasia]

I have been seperated for my husband for 2 years. We tried to reconcile last summer but he was still a jerk. Shortly after, I met this guy wh isnt normally my type < kinda thug like>. It turned out I really, really liked him. He was funny, wild spontaneous we skae together , biked together. He works nights. We talked on the phone everynight when we werent together, for hours. He gave without me having to asked. Fixed my cars, saving me tons of money,thoughtful..the works. Well within the last 3 mnths things changed..He started lying about where he was and other lies so I started to doubt everything he said the trust was gone.

Last Friday he rushed out of my house saying he was leaving to wash his car before he went to work. Fast forward... Saturday morning the car wasnt clean and he slipped up and said he didnt go to work Friday. Mind you I called him Friday night and he didnt answer his phone when he finally called me back he said he had dropped his phone in a forklift at work.

He then denied that he said he didnt work Friday.. I miss heard him. So I called him job pretending to be him and was like.." Im calling to see how many sick hours I have left?" The lady was like , "well all you have is 10 because I applied 8 for Friday,. Well he was at my house waiting for me to get home from work to have dinner with me before he went to work. I told him that was it , I was done he lied about Friday and other stuff. He never addressed the Friday thing. Said he didnt want it to be over and grabbed me and tried to kiss me. He then proceeded to tear up pictures I had around the house of us.

Also my husband was served his divorce papers Friday and now wants to work things out. Saying he was going to talk to me but he thought I had someone.

Im so sad and depressed right now. This guy was supposed to be my rock through my divorce. I am missing him so much...I feel so weak and alone now... How do I get over this guy and deal with this divorce...He keeps calling me......

 

[EMJazzy]

Is your marriage really beyond repair?

 

[lady lina]

I'm pretty new to this site so forgive me if I sound too blunt. It seems to me that you may need a little "me" time. Time to heal from your old love and time to heal from the man you thought could be your rock. I've been through something similar, no marriage just a 7 year relationship down the drain. I took the time to date. I went to the movies by myself, I sat in starbucks by myself, I went out with my girl friends. Mostly traveled alot. To make a long story short I did for "ME". In order to find myself. Hope this helps.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

You say you wanted the other guy to be your "rock".
It sounds like you were looking for a replacement, someone to help keep your mind off the pain you are going through with the divorce.
Now with the lying, it sounds like he's moving on. Just let him go, you have more important things to handle right now.

Brinasia, it's time for you to be your own rock. The only person you can really depend on is yourself. Be strong girl, you can do it.

 

[harrison]

ITA

I'm pretty new to this site so forgive me if I sound too blunt. It seems to me that you may need a little "me" time. Time to heal from your old love and time to heal from the man you thought could be your rock. I've been through something similar, no marriage just a 7 year relationship down the drain. I took the time to date. I went to the movies by myself, I sat in starbucks by myself, I went out with my girl friends. Mostly traveled alot. To make a long story short I did for "ME". In order to find myself. Hope this helps.

 

[CandiceC]

I agree with the other ladies about spending time with yourself.

When people use replacements to distract themselves it only makes them hurt more when it doesn't work out. It's a double blow. I've been there.

 

[Brinasia]

Yeah, I know I need me time. Its just so hard to do, I see. I could never understand when I would see other women looking for a man and feeling alone. I thought they were oh so weak. I tend to think I am a strong dynamic woman. But I stopped and took a good look at myself and was like dayum...your one of those women. I met my husband at 18..Im 37 ...then met this guy...Ive never had ME time......I know I need to be alone.....I just need to help figure out how to do it....I just want to go towork come home and go to sleep.

Yeah, the marriage is done ..he was a playa , who didnt like paying bills. We have a business he would work consistantly so I was always bailing us out with the bills. We I left the last time I told him to let me knw when he was ready to do this right. well I never got the call until a year later when he got the divorce papers.

 

[lejardinier]

A new guy isn't the answer. You need to spend time by yourself. You were with your husband for a very long time. You never had time to experience anything on your own if you've been with him since you were 18 and now you're 37! Sure it's scary out there but immersing yourself in another relationship when you're still married to your husband is not the answer.
Maybe you need to speak to a counselor or therapist to voice some of your fears. Don't worry about making mistakes; you're still young! Take it easy on yourself and enjoy your wonderful life!

 

[EMJazzy]

Yeah, I know I need me time. Its just so hard to do, I see. I could never understand when I would see other women looking for a man and feeling alone. I thought they were oh so weak. I tend to think I am a strong dynamic woman. But I stopped and took a good look at myself and was like dayum...your one of those women. I met my husband at 18..Im 37 ...then met this guy...Ive never had ME time......I know I need to be alone.....I just need to help figure out how to do it....I just want to go towork come home and go to sleep.

Yeah, the marriage is done ..he was a playa , who didnt like paying bills. We have a business he would work consistantly so I was always bailing us out with the bills. We I left the last time I told him to let me knw when he was ready to do this right. well I never got the call until a year later when he got the divorce papers.

Not to beat a dead horse but some men need the shock of divorce papers or even the threat of divorce then they start thinking "oh sh!t she's serious" before they get their act together. Women who have been married for 30, 40 or even 50 years didn't make it there without some type of drama or crisis.

 

[fletgee]

I'm pretty new to this site so forgive me if I sound too blunt. It seems to me that you may need a little "me" time. Time to heal from your old love and time to heal from the man you thought could be your rock. I've been through something similar, no marriage just a 7 year relationship down the drain. I took the time to date. I went to the movies by myself, I sat in starbucks by myself, I went out with my girl friends. Mostly traveled alot. To make a long story short I did for "ME". In order to find myself. Hope this helps.

Hi lady lina,

And welcome aboard. That's some very sound reasoning you just passed along. That "me" time, either within or outside of a relationship, is very important.

As a woman, I believe if we spend a little more time on ourselves, maybe we would be better equipped to cope with the possible ups and downs of "we".

So many women are too wrapped up in their relationships. Then when their relationships end, they're left standing there like a deer in headlights. Instead of thinking they need to latch onto another man to ease the pain, they need to look to the person who will be there for them...themselves.