How Can I ever learn to love these naps?

[Rocky91]

@OP, your braidout is hella cute!
I might also add that a lot of 4bs have had success with incorporating a little bit of heat into their routine. One of my siblings is 4b and blowdrying at least once a month really helps her out-kinda keeps the tangles and knots at bay.

Nonie, yea, people are more about that "textured" look these days, i.e. braidout or twistout.
My friends and family much prefer this look on me: (braid n' curl)

over this one: (wash, moisturize, and pick)

not to hijack the thread with my pics. but yea, folks much prefer the look of "curly hair" and are almost surprised when i bust that fro out and remind that yes, I shol am a "regular old" 4a/b.

 

[Geminigirl]

Yea that fro suits only certain types, like I would never rock a fro, not round, not shaped patted down, not picked out. No thanks! But I real rock a flordia evans puff. I don't like my hair in an afro unless it is pulled back from my face.

Droid typing leads to typos for me

 

[deborah11]

OP, I really feel you and thanks for your honesty. I have often felt the way the you do, whether my hair was relaxed, texlazed, or natural. Frankly, I just have a difficult hair texture. I have always had a lot of hair but it is cottony soft and appears thick because it is dense. Because it is soft, it gets puffy and frizzy if there is the least bit of moisture or humity outside and it frustrates me to no ends because it is rare for me to have a good hair day. I have just learned to live with it and to rely on a couple of hair styles in which I can feel reasonably attractive which are usually up do's or pull backs.

I personally see nothing wrong with your hair but you don't like it, AT THIS MOMENT. I think that you should continue to work with your hair and when you have a couple more inches you will be able to get a bit more creative with it. I personally think that you have the most beautiful complexion and skin. I have found that sometimes when the hair doesn't cooperate, I focus on things that I can control---skin, weight, clothes, teeth, work, contribution to community, etc.

Your hair relationship will get better once you accept it just as it is, embrace what God gave you, and figure out what it can do, instead of what it can't. A positive attitude will reverberate thru out you body and you will have a hair turnaround. I have had some HORRIBLE experiences with my hair but at some point I just decided to chill and work with what I have growing out of this head and make the best of it.

Please keep us posted. I don't come on the board too often anymore because I want to focus on other things besides hair, but I will be looking for your future posts on the hair turnaround when I do visit. By this time next year, u are gonna be fly!

 

[SuchaLady]

I just love your honesty and appreciate it greatly! It took much courage to say what you said and never let anyone make you feel bad about it. Not everyone likes their hair and for the life of me I cant understand why that is blown out of proportion here. I either hate myself or I dont appreciate how my ancestors were raped by the white man and suffered and so on and so forth I scroll right through those posts. I hope you are able to find the beauty in your hair or either something that works for you. I wish you much success with your journey

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

roxydeegee, skip the bandwagons and do what's tried and true for your hair. I think your twistout looked great. If those work for you, do those and skip wash n go's. Me, I can't do twistouts, I look ridiculous in them . But I can do wash n go puffs on the daily with no issues. Everyone's hair is different.

Keep on keepin' on this mad hair journey, and stay positive!

 

[Missigirl]

OP I just turned 45 and I think we are so use to the relaxed straight look it is just taking more time to adjust to our natural hair. I only try styling once a week. Come up with a simple do for the week so you are not having to work so hard on your hair on a daily basis. You will be suprised at how other people will love your hair before you will. I am transitioning so I am dealing with 2 textures so I have to work on it a little at a time. I am still looking for the right combo of products for my hair too it will get better.

 

[Pharmgirl247]

I am a new here. But I want to say is you will feel different when your hair is longer. My hair is short. I understand where you are coming from. Best thing to do is be honest with yourself but focus on the positives. It's ok not to love everything about your hair but say you hope to love it one day lol I would post a pic of my hair but I don't know how.

 

[Curlykale]

Imagine 3 years from now in a situation where you have moisturized and loved your hair everyday.
Then add another year.
Then imagine the hairstyles that you will be able to do, the added possibilities.
Think of the products and treatments you have liked in this journey. And for a while concentrate on them and on them only, sometimes it is good to take a rest from experimenting.

Give yourself a treat and give your hair a treat, then forget about it for a while.

Spoil it for a day and then forget about it for a day.

Look for some hair accessories that you like. And focus on one thing at a time. Is it color? Is it moisture? Is it length, is it styling, etc... Henna is natural and good but what if you prefer another way of coloring your hair that makes your life easier (i.e. demi perm).

The first moments can be bitter, because short hair is not for everyone and I know I have hated my short hair. But length comes, and it makes thing easier, it gives you more choice.

Find one easy way to love and style your hair while it is growing, no matter if you hair is not out and free, and in 2 to 3 years form now you will be glad.

There is always time to make different choices, but this specific one may be the one you were looking for.
I think the keyword is loving it, spoiling it, making your life easier and forgetting about it, this is what has worked for me on those days when I wanted to cry. And quite often, the results of your love and attention and daily work can surprise you on the long term.

 

[pookaloo83]

Ya'll don't like my fro?!

 

[EllePixie]

LOL this thread is funny. Glad everyone is keeping it civil and helping the OP out. I personally was never a fan of smallish picked out fros, they remind me of my brother's hair. When I first BC'ed I did it myself and couldn't figure out how to even the hair up, and I had combed it out and it sorta looked like Florida Evans' shape...and I went to my stylist and got it fixed ASAP because I thought I looked like someone's earthy aunt. Now, I will love all over a blown out/picked out BAA...it's the bigness of the cloud hair that is pure awesomeness. But otherwise, the style isn't my fave.

OP, while I appreciate your honesty, imo hair should never cause someone that much turmoil. I am glad that you decided to rock a style that you like, because the most important thing is that YOU are happy. Bump the natural hair community/movement, half of those chicks are FOS anyway. Ultimately, your hair is connected to YOU, so you have the last say in what happens to it and how it looks its best.

 

[runwaydream]

I understand how you feel. I've been there. I hope I'm not out of line but was wondering if maybe you would want to consider incorporating some new things in your regimen. You said that you've been growing your hair out for a year, I would think after a year it would have had a little more length so you could've done the styles that you like. I know everyone's hair is different but it's just something to consider.

And maybe you want to look at growth aides? Just a suggestion. But MN and Sui Top's Growth mix really helped my hair along. Also consuming 100g of protein a day gave my hair an extra added boost to get to where my hair is in my siggy in about a year and a half. Some ppl can quickly grow their hair out the natural way, and others need a little help. Just something to consider...

 

[me-T]

chile you had me lol'in! florida evans! broke down like a transformer! lmao! anyhoo, you say your hair is gettin softer and more pliable, that's the start. when you get that health, the length will come, and, for me, short hair absolutely sucks. work on that health, and when you get the length, those 300 days of hair liking will come! pretty eyes btw!

 

[Guitarhero]

You have beautiful eyes like the Afar in Ethiopia. Any way you wear your hair, people will notice those eyes. Florida Evans? Try this one...I think it's elegant, beautiful and stately. Maybe you need a trim to even up things? I'd go to a barber.

 

[Rei]

Napp, I beg your pardon but I always think that stuff that suits you and brings out the best in you enhances your sex appeal, hence my using the phrase "suit her". By the 'fro having more texture are you talking about it being more like the broccoli aka chunky fro instead of being smooth and completely round? And what would be a better shape if not round? Junebug has already said the box aka hi-top fade is a no-no. So what would be a good shape other than round? Pics perhaps?

Nonie I also think that completely round fros are a bit dated, especially when they're almost a bit 'too' perfect if you know what I mean. I know you've stated that you don't like the chunky "unkempt' look but I don't like when its almost 'too neat if you know what I mean
The difference between this

and this

or
and

and

Just a bit more natural and I suppose yes "more unkempt" look than the standard 'microphone' look is more appealing to me. Its not necessarily a bad thing, its just people's preference. I think the round look makes people think of the past and older women /shrug.

 

[Nonie]

Florida Evans? Try this one...I think it's elegant, beautiful and stately. Maybe you need a trim to even up things? I'd go to a barber.

@Guitarhero, I do like it^^ but the only difference I see is the texture of hair here is straighter. The shape of the do is exactly the same as the shrunken 'fro do, so if people prefer this look, then it's not so much shape but the texture of the hair--or appearance thereof. Which is kinda what I was gonna say before I saw your post.

@Rei and @Rocky91, trust me I got all you're sharing from my discussion with Junebug and Napp, but as I don't follow fashion or care about it, I don't see things the way those who do see them. Many chunky afros look (to me) the way a classic afro would look if you went to bed with head uncovered and then woke up and left the house without grooming your hair. Not saying every single one does, but I'm sure you've all also seen what Celie braids look like if you undo them and just leave them like that. And you'd be lying if you said there aren't some folks who walk about looking like that calling it a do without even trying to create some semblance of order.

The first set of images you posted @Rei are OK by me--all of them. The difference between the first one and the comparison pics, is the first is the sort of afro you get if you comb out type 4B hair. The second images show hair that has bigger coils 4A - 3C/4A and w/o the sort of shrinkage that type 4B hair has so that even if the hairs may have the same length, not only doesn't the hair pull back to get into a uniform length all through, but it also has a slight flop due to length. Trust me, it is not very easy to get a perfect round afro unless you're hair is shrunken completely or is short. Also a classic afro that might've been perfect to start with does start to look like any of those images if the afro has been out and about a while. The only afro that maintains shape all day is a type 4 one that isn't stretched but is fully shrunken like the images you posted in the second set of pics.

That the chunky afro is in fashion doesn't surprise me at all. The preamble to this lack of surprise was when I realized that this is the year to be 3C/4A. It wasn't too long ago when everyone was claiming that type, like it was in fashion or something. So it's no wonder that it is hair whose curls stand out--or any style that gives the appearance of having curls that stand out--that is CURRENT. Now, I am not saying anyone necessarily hates their nappy natural hair if they prefer the chunky 'fro. Coz trends come and go and big curls are what's in, and there are people who keep up and do what fashion says, so just prefer what's current. But I can bet my bottom dollar that there are also those who detest tightly coiled hair but have no problem with twist-outs and braid-outs simply because they give the appearance of hair with big curls.

Hair that naturally has big curls (type 3 hair) when short and combed out cannot help but form a chunky afro:

​

...while type 4B hair when combed out forms what looks like cotton with no apparent texture:

And while some folks may say it's really the perfect roundness that they don't like, I doubt any of them would approve of Don King's style or try to emulate it:

​

Yet, if we had the same^^ shape of hairdo created by a twist-out or braid-out, it'd be OK by them. And why would Don's do get no love even though it isn't round, but a similar style from a twist-out would? Because the do doesn't have that "hills and valleys" look we see in an afro made on hair with bigger curls or from a twist-/braid-out. And to further prove it's not the roundness that's a problem, the last image @Rei posted looks very round to me. In fact, it has a shape similar Florida Evans' do...but it does look like it's made with hair that has naturally big curls. Rather than being like a cloud, it is appears to have "texture" even from afar, which is only possible if hair has big curls/waves--as created by a WNG on type 3C/4A-4A or twist-outs/braid-outs on type 4 (actually any type really).

Anyway, while I am a huge fan of a classic afro, I must admit that when a braid-out/twist-out is done nicely, it can create a uniformly textured "-out 'fro" that I actually can see as cute (like I like the last image). But I would still not say I prefer it over the classic 'fro--I really could take either. I just like to see our hair nicely groomed and so if it's got order and doesn't look like a collection of mistakes or doesn't make me wonder if the person is all there, then I will most probably like it.

 

[pookaloo83]

I hate the microphone head look. On me anyway.

 

[Nonie]

I hate the microphone head look. On me anyway.

@pookaloo83, what do you think of Don King's do? If you don't like it, why?

ETA: Thanks @EllePixie for the healthier looking hairdo. It's not exactly microphone head, so would folks who simply just hate the perfect round aka microphone head approve of this less than perfect 'fro like EllePixie? (I'm not talking about the texture folks. I'm asking those who said it's the perfect round they don't like.)

This is an even better non-round afro:

​

 

[EllePixie]

Don King's hair looks very damaged. It looks uneven because it seems to be breaking, and, it looks dry. His shape looks totally different in several photos - and I sincerely doubt it was cut like that on purpose. I don't mind it here -

 

[Klearli]

Yeah I'm so dumb...I avoided this thread at first because I thought it was about sleeping...

Sent from my T-Mobile G2

 

[Napp]

Ya'll don't like my fro?!

gurl i needed that laugh today

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Yeah I'm so dumb...I avoided this thread at first because I thought it was about sleeping...

Sent from my T-Mobile G2

i can't even give you a gif for this one....

I'm just gonna have to air slap you
aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
membership denied!!

 

[loshed]

How did this thread turn into chunky vs. microphone? I'm biased because they're all I wear but I much prefer chunky fros. Microphone fros can be pretty(flo evans, marsha hunt, questlove) but I find the texture of the chunky fro more visually appealing. It doesn't even have to be completely out of control like this but I do like for a little bit of chunk to be left like this.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

Ahh...I see. That explains it. I don't follow fashion or care what it's doing. I tend to keep to classic looks that never grow old in my book, like the Bernie Mac aka Florida Evans 'fro. That's probably why I never got with the chunky afro and why I'll never wear it (looks like uncombed/unkempt hair to me).

So out of curiosity, what are folks wearing in their TWA stage? Carl Lewis box cuts? Don King? I'm not being funny. I'm just wondering what is "current" for those who follow trends. Like if you were to have a TWA today Napp and Junebug, how would you wear your hair? Pics?

I know you said you weren't being funny but

 

[nappystorm]

How did this thread turn into chunky vs. microphone? I'm biased because they're all I wear but I much prefer chunky fros. Microphone fros can be pretty(flo evans, marsha hunt, questlove) but I find the texture of the chunky fro more visually appealing. It doesn't even have to be completely out of control like this but I do like for a little bit of chunk to be left like this.

I like that first pic better

#TeamChunk

 

[EllePixie]

I like that first pic better

#TeamChunk

Girl stop before someone makes a chunky vs. microphone thread...we already got natural vs. relaxed, natural vs. napptural, natural vs. heat "trained," and natural vs. BKT vs. texlaxed vs. relaxed. We don't need NO MO'!!

 

[loshed]

I like that first pic better

#TeamChunk

First pic is my dream hair for reals.

 

[Nonie]

@loshed, I don't think the thread is about chunky vs microphone, but when OP expressed sadness at having Florida Evans' hair, it begged the question what is so wrong with that. Hence the discussion about why chunky appeals to some over the microphone. And it's interesting to hear the different points of view.

I do like the second chunky fro you posted. It is neat and has a uniformity about it. All the bumps are the same size and they clearly look like a style that someone actually took care preparing their hair for rather than an accident. Now the first chunky 'fro you posted erplexed... I...I...I.don't.even.know.where.to.begin. The only people I saw with hair looking like that when I was growing up were homeless people who couldn't afford a comb or the mentally ill and kids who didn't know any better nor could they be bothered. The lady has beautiful hair but I'm sorry I find her style shockingly ugly. I mean, exactly how does one create a style like that? Do they actually do it on purpose or is it a backfired do that they just make do with? Or does she just not have time to do her hair? She's beautiful though.

Clearly I have no "today" fashion sense coz I do not get some of the styles folks love, be they hair related or clothes related.

 

[Klearli]

i can't even give you a gif for this one....

I'm just gonna have to air slap you
aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
membership denied!!

Lol, I'm sorry! I only entered because I was like, who doesn't love naps? I wish I could nap more often...then I saw OPs thought provoking post...



Sent from my T-Mobile G2

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

I like that first pic better

#TeamChunk

me too! i love that first pic.... nada the 2nd

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Lol, I'm sorry! I only entered because I was like, who doesn't love naps? I wish I could nap more often...then I saw OPs thought provoking post...



Sent from my T-Mobile G2

i