How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your family"

[cocosweet]

Here's what I mean; my hair is creeping toward BSL. Lord willing, the longest layers should be there by Thanksgiving. For the most part, I keep my hair in styles that don't show the full length, mostly because straightening it takes so much time.

The other part is that I don't enjoy being a spectacle which is what I become when I display my length. I've ended up in long drawn out conversations in grocery store aisles from someone wanting to know what all I do to get it to grow only to disappoint them because my routine is so not complicated. Then they want to know who else in my immediate family has long hair. To their disappointment the answer is no one. Not mom, not sis, not granny.

When I was little, I remember my father had one of his friends over to the house. Friend comments on my hair which was a little past apl then. Then they both go on about how a woman's hair is her glory and how I should never, neeever cut it. So of course once I hit my teens, I got a hair cut the first chance I got. I was freaked at other people's (esp. strangers) emotional response to my hair. I still am.

Fast forward to last April. I'm in the salon to get my hair braided for my wedding. I wanted a no fuss style, so I opted for a cornrowed bun. Of course, they wanted me to straighten my hair. I should show all my length off and make the other girls jealous they said. I can't wear braids to my wedding they said. I simply said, "Of course I can. Its my wedding!" Furthermore, I am in competition with no one. Prior to my going to the shop, my aunt actually called and left a message w/ mom to tell me that she didn't want me to have braided hair at my wedding. I wanted to call and ask her "Why do you care so much?!" I did not.

So even when I do straighten it, my knee jerk response is to put my hair up because quite frankly I don't want to hear any of it. Its gotten old and makes me feel really objectified.

How can I get past those feelings? I like my hair, just not the BS that accompanies it.

Sorry this was so long!

 

[ShiShiPooPoo]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

I have been preparing myself for this. My hair is only approaching shoulder length and because so many people are used to my hair being super short, I get all of this "OH MY GOD YOUR HAIR IS SO PRETTY!" stuff. Not that I don't like the compliments but I am the type of person who does not like to draw unneccessary attention to myself and with all the haters around it just makes it worse. The other day I Carusoe'd my hair (came out beautiful) and wore it like that to work. I had been wearing a bun (yuk) for the past several weeks so as soon as I hit the door to sign in "OH MY GOD. YOU FINALLY WORE YOUR HAIR DOWN!" Lord Jesus that irritated me. THEN a few days later when it was back in the bun someone asked me, "What happened?" I was like what? "What happened to all of your hair? Or was that a wig? It was so big." I kindly corrected them and they were like..."ALL THAT IS YOUR HAIR? OH MY GOD!" I swear they say it so loud like 3 people look at you. It is rather nerve racking. I can't imagine what it will be like when it hits BSL. I'm waiting to hear responses 'cuz I know that wasn't much help.

 

[EbonyHairedPrincess]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

I'm finally APL and I simply say thank you and keep moving. I feel I deserve any compliments I get on my hair and I never want to hide it to avoid the attention. It took time, money and effort to learn what's best for my hair and then make the lifestyle changes necessary to maintain the length. Other people feelings are irrelevant in regards to my hair and how I wear it.

 

[cocosweet]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

I have been preparing myself for this. My hair is only approaching shoulder length and because so many people are used to my hair being super short, I get all of this "OH MY GOD YOUR HAIR IS SO PRETTY!" stuff. Not that I don't like the compliments but I am the type of person who does not like to draw unneccessary attention to myself and with all the haters around it just makes it worse. The other day I Carusoe'd my hair (came out beautiful) and wore it like that to work. I had been wearing a bun (yuk) for the past several weeks so as soon as I hit the door to sign in "OH MY GOD. YOU FINALLY WORE YOUR HAIR DOWN!" Lord Jesus that irritated me. THEN a few days later when it was back in the bun someone asked me, "What happened?" I was like what? "What happened to all of your hair? Or was that a wig? It was so big." I kindly corrected them and they were like..."ALL THAT IS YOUR HAIR? OH MY GOD!" I swear they say it so loud like 3 people look at you. It is rather nerve racking. I can't imagine what it will be like when it hits BSL. I'm waiting to hear responses 'cuz I know that wasn't much help.

It'll be just like that. To the tenth power.

I'm finally APL and I simply say thank you and keep moving. I feel I deserve any compliments I get on my hair and I never want to hide it to avoid the attention. It took time, money and effort to learn what's best for my hair and then make the lifestyle changes necessary to maintain the length. Other people feelings are irrelevant in regards to my hair and how I wear it.

Understood. If people just said they thought my hair was pretty, I could deal! But nooooo. There's all this extra crap; and I know why that is but I just have little tolerance for it right now.

 

[growth2come]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

Congratulations on attaining your goal length. But I think you might wanna cut some people some slack because before I discovered this forum I didnt think that black people could grow hair as long as some people on this forum. I also think that a lot of people still think that way...alot of black people still believe that long hair is only for white people and asians....So next time you get these annoying questions of uhooo and aah about your hair why not just refer a sista to this hair forum so they too can learn a thing or two about taking care of our type of hair (Lord knows this forum is a God send...)

 

[blackmaven]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

Tell them www.longhaircareforum.com keep it moving. Let them know you are in a rush got to go.

 

[cocosweet]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

oke:

 

[Legend]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

It's a tough situation. My family always asks me why I bother with hair pieces when I have hair the same length. I just let them know it makes my mornings less stressful and causes less damage to my hair than setting it and combing it. I just ignore the rest and they've stopped bothering me.

Now, if someone asks what I do, I tell them to get inspired and direct them to this web site. (I swear I'm gonna have to start carrying LHCF business cards around to hand out...) Seriously!

Just continue what you're doing don't let other people get you down and do what you want to do. It's your hair, afterall.

 

[HoneyA]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

You hair is beautiful! It's yours. When people compliment you, say thank you. If they ask you what you do, just say "I take care of it". Why are you putting your hair up just so people won't comment on it? Suppose in a year, you are put on medication and your hair falls out,God forbid. Just enjoy it for what it is. Wear it up when you want to wear it up, wear it out because you want to because it's yours and you nutured it. Accept your compliments gracefully Just remember there are some women who have to wear wigs because they have no hair.

 

[bluefolli]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

Ok- I'll post in this one. I thought it was going to be about something else. No harm to OP.

I enjoy my hair everyday. I like looking at sitting on top of my breasts. I like smelling it when I tilt my head to the side. I love mirrors...that just me...so I like looking at my hair from the back. Although, my hair hasn't budged in months, I still love it. I've worked hard on my hair since 2005 so it's been such a comittment. I enjoy the compliments but I can't take some of the negativity. If I know I am going to be around a hint of someone with haterism tendencies and/or someone who will say things like, wasn't your hair like this before or whateva craziness comes out of their mouth, I will wear my hair in bun. I sometimes refer ladies to this forum and sometimes I don't. It just depends on what kind of crazy questions they ask. Enjoy your hair. You know people be hatin!

 

[Southernbella.]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

Wear it down more often. Then people won't be surprised or mystified by it. My hair is always down, so people I know don't comment on the length anymore. Strangers will tell me it's pretty, but it's never a big deal...they can probably tell it's not a big deal to me.

So yeah, wear it out more.

 

[Miel]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

Congratulations on attaining your goal length. But I think you might wanna cut some people some slack because before I discovered this forum I didnt think that black people could grow hair as long as some people on this forum. I also think that a lot of people still think that way...alot of black people still believe that long hair is only for white people and asians....So next time you get these annoying questions of uhooo and aah about your hair why not just refer a sista to this hair forum so they too can learn a thing or two about taking care of our type of hair (Lord knows this forum is a God send...)

Megaditto!
I'm sorry if people are rude to you. Maybe they just don't know how to express their shock. I'm still struggling with the fact that someone who looks like me, has the same ethnic parentage (sp?) as me can grow long hair. But I have the common sense not to fawn all over folks and make them feel uncomfortable about it. I'm sorry people make it difficult for you to enjoy your hair. I've never been in your shoes so I can't even suggest how you should handle it.

Hope it gets better for you.

 

[bluefolli]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

Oh Oh 1 star bandit...

 

[Legend]

Re: How Can I Enjoy My Hair??? Spinoff of What if you don't "have indian in your fami

Wear it down more often. Then people won't be surprised or mystified by it. My hair is always down, so people I know don't comment on the length anymore. Strangers will tell me it's pretty, but it's never a big deal...they can probably tell it's not a big deal to me.

So yeah, wear it out more.

This is true. People do comment much less once they get used to seeing your hair a certain way.