Honest question for sexually active singles.

[AnnDriena_]

We've all seen the topics get heated in the past regarding fornication and it's a little confusing to me when someone brings up their single sex life and then defends it saying "God knows their heart" or nobody's perfect and the other things that are said. The topics usually end being locked and with the original poster saying they didn't know why they came in here or that's why I never come in here. Or something of the sort.
I truly am not trying to upset anyone but I would like to know what they thought the reaction would be? For example I would never go onto a muslim forum and talk about my love of a good ham sandwich because the muslims that I know have told me the Quran (did I spell that right? sorry) forbids eating swine. I know good and full well that would upset, offend and cause those who are traditional muslims to set me straight. So I don't go into such forums to get support for things I know they don't believe in.
What exactly are you expecting to hear when you say you are having sex outside of marriage and plan to keep doing so? I'm not looking to judge your answer as right or wrong (please understand I think fornication is wrong) but I'm trying to understand the motivation and your answers could help me.

And I would also like to know do you look at it as a sin and you are hurting yourself or do you look at it like Christ wants you to be his bride and when you share your body (His temple) in an unholy manner you are cheating on him?

personally I look at it as if I was in a relationship with someone and if he was sleeping with another woman and tellilng me he loved me in his heart and that I shouldn't be upset because I knew his heart and that he loved me in his heart and the sex with the other woman was just a "physical" action and had nothing to do with his feelings for me.

Thanks for your time. I hope I explained myself. And again I'm honestly seeking answers. Thanks.

 

[beyondcute]

I guess they are looking for a sign that what they are doing is permissable and okay. It hasnt been revealed to them as of yet that what they are doing is wrong. Most times when people tell you that you are wrong you take offense. Most peopel when they know they are wrong try to justify what they are doing. I guess they are doing just that,

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I think in some cases maybe it was the manner in which things were said. Yes, we need correction, but it needs to be done in a loving manner. Also, sometimes even though you know something is wrong, you've justified it, rationalized it and re-justified it to yourself, so anything that counters that is seen as a threat.

 

[shunemite]

Good question! I'm bad at finding where scripture exactly is, but "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". When I've been in relationships and let touching that shouldn't have happened go on (even though sex itself didn't happen), I pushed the guilt thoughts aside with rationale. And excuses. I knew it was an act of rebellion, knew I was hurting myself in the long run, and many times I said I wouldn't do it again.... yeah right. For me it was outright disobedience.

AnnDrienna, I also don't understand why someone can't just come out and say "what I'm doing is wrong". I like your point about muslims and pork. If we're following Christ we need to be like Him, and where we fail, admit that we fail.

 

[firecracker]

I don't know how to answer that. Are you saying they should not feel welcome here because this is a perfect forum or world? Maybe they just wanted to get someones input or wanted a lil cuddling knowing they are rebelling against God. Only God can judge. I don't make excuses nor do I think that there are degrees of sins. So let the first perfect person throw that stone and its ON!! I am guilty of fornicating. If I felt like screaming it to the world I can and will but I am not seeking anyone's advice or acceptance. I have been celibate and fallen off the wagon a time are two felt like a piece of crap afterwards also. I have friends that think I am weird for having regret and guilt but we are living totally different lives. I have three sins I am still grappling with. I'll be honest I sometimes think living in the world is much easier than my walk with the Lord but I don't have control and have to allow God to handle me. I keep trippin over my own feet so I relinquish my power and am seeking a new heart.

 

[sithembile]

Latia

I don't think this post is about being perfect and judging those who are sinful, for we all fall short. But there are those who fall into sin, confess their sin, repent and ask God for grace to enable them to walk in holiness. Then there are those who sin, but refuse to acknowledge their sin, try to justify it and refuse to accept even loving correction. This applies to all sin, not just fornication. I know I am not perfect but I will not make excuses for my sin, I will accept rebuke because I am more concerned about conforming to God's will than about my feelings. We realise that we are all vulnerable to temptation and sin, but as a true believer, we should never condone sin.

 

[firecracker]

Latia

I don't think this post is about being perfect and judging those who are sinful, for we all fall short. But there are those who fall into sin, confess their sin, repent and ask God for grace to enable them to walk in holiness. Then there are those who sin, but refuse to acknowledge their sin, try to justify it and refuse to accept even loving correction. This applies to all sin, not just fornication. I know I am not perfect but I will not make excuses for my sin, I will accept rebuke because I am more concerned about conforming to God's will than about my feelings. We realise that we are all vulnerable to temptation and sin, but as a true believer, we should never condone sin.

Ok sorry. I think Classimama was on point with her response. I wasn't taking offense to the original post but the tone of her question could run off someone that is in the beginning of there walk. If we want real dialogue asking with a mild tone might just get some answers. I think her question was a very good one it just won't get any true responses from the people she is seeking the dialogue from due to her tone. I have family members that justify their addictive behavior and throw out that "God knows my heart" "God blessed me" "I am a Christian" etc. I look up side their heads, don't judge or tell them any different because if they read the word they wouldn't dare make those false statements.

 

[sithembile]

Sorry I misunderstood your point, thank you for your explanation.

 

[Sweet C]

I think some interesting points have been raised. The bottom line is that if you say you are a Christian, and you are claiming the name of Christ, you are according to his Word, subject to the body of Christ. The problem is that we especially in "America" in general have a false understanding of what it truly means to be a Christian. Anytime someone tries to correct us, we first try and decipher if we FEEL if it is done in love or not, and despite this most of the time, we yell out the two key phrases to try and get that person off our back which is "only god can't judge me" and " God knows my heart". Which clearly only shows the other person that we don't read our Word, b/c if we did we would know that according to 1 Cor 6:2, that the saints shall judge the world, or that in jer 17:9-10 that are hearts are deceitful and wicked, thus we must ask god to create a clean heart in us according to Psalms 51:10.

We can't get upset when people are given the Word for correction, and they rage off, b/c for one we know that ain't nothing but the flesh rising up against the spirit, and two, we have all had some point/instance where our flesh has risen up and we had not taken heed to the Word God had given, and later (hopefully) repented for it. So just b/c the flesh does rise up in anger, we can't stop giving the Word. There were many times in scripture where God told his prophet or man/woman of God to give the Word, and they didn't want to give it b/c they were afraid of the people. And then he told them that if they don't, the blood will ultimately be on their hands. Sometimes, the people repented, sometimes they raged off, and some even killed the messenger God sent. But guess what, God's Word will still come to past.

 

[sithembile]

Amen! We Christians have become so soft, we want to be pampered, we don't want correction and rebuke, we use peoples' harsh words as an excuse to avoid repentance. I'm not saying this to anyone in particular, I'm talking about the Body of Christ in general. I remember when an older lady in my church rebuked me about the way I was dressed, I was so angry because it was in front of other people, including my pastor.

But when I got home, I realised that no matter how she said it, she was right and that ultimately, I'd rather be rebuked here now while I have the opportunity to repent, rather than keep saying "God knows my heart" until I stand before the Lord on Judgement Day to be told "I know you not."

NB: I'm not saying this to offend anyone, I'm just stating my views and experience.

 

[beyondcute]

I think you all are right. BUT there is a way to talk to people. Id rather be told "you are wrong and that is not the Christian way" and have someone quote me a scripture rathr than someone say "You are a demon and you re going to hell! I am better than you and you will never make it into the gates!" I think people should be told when hey are wrong but on the other hand I think that you dont haveto come down on people in a judging fashion. Sometiems people "read: posts wrong and think they are coming down on them when in fact the person is really trying to help them. You have to be careful in the way you word things.

 

[shunemite]

Id rather be told "you are wrong and that is not the Christian way" and have someone quote me a scripture rathr than someone say "You are a demon and you re going to hell! I am better than you and you will never make it into the gates!" I think people should be told when hey are wrong but on the other hand I think that you dont haveto come down on people in a judging fashion.

You make a good point. I see extremes on both sides of the fence. From the view point of someone who is struggling with something, like you said, you need to be corrected lovingly and not simply condemned and dismissed. Coz we all make mistakes. At the same token, on a Christian board and we're talking about whatever sin, I'd rather hear someone say "I'm struggling with such and such, and these are my reasons" and not "this is what I do, it's wrong, I don't care, I'll never try to change, and I'm proud of it!"

 

[AnnDriena_]

Thanks for the replies. My "tone" was one of curiousity and I thought I made that clear but now I realize that I should've warned some people that they would be offended by even reading the posts. Point taken and I'll keep that in mind for my future questions . I reread it before I posted it and I thought I specifically told people I was looking to understand the motivation behind them posting such things and then being offended when the word was revealed as contrary to their actions. If I didn't make that clear I'd like to clear it up now. I didn't want people to be offended and go for the "I don't like the way it was said" vein. I said it the way I meant it and if asking the question in and of itself was offensive that's unfortunate but I wanted to state my reasons and with the muslims and pork reference I wanted to explain my viewpoint so that others could see where I was coming from.

I like the responses and I'm a little more clear and of course you ladies are on point but I didn't want to go down the judging road.

So here is some of my understanding.

People feel they are being judged. So they get angry
Some may want coddling for their behavior. And they don't get it and get angry.

I feel you. But some of you have made the very point I know I'm guilty of when you put your sin out there and are rebuked you feel offended. It's happened to me. And I know I had to check myself because when I looked into my heart I had to also look at the bible and take my eyes off the people saying the words and realize God had already judged my sin.

I must admit I get a little confused when people openly admit to continuing to sin and they are not coming from a place of even struggling. It's just "I do this and God knows my heart". I guess those posts leave me a little .

I wonder are you going to repent? Because that's part of truly asking for forgiveness. Turning away from the sin.
I wonder do you believe God hurts when we violate ourselves?

No. Others violating themselves aren't going to hurt me it just confuses me the roads we willingly go down. I mean we all make mistakes. Hey everybody falls in the mud sometimes but It is strange to me that some wallow and other get up, brush the dirt off their butts and call it a learning experience and go on.

And for more clarity I got the idea for this post from msmerc's situation. What her husband is doing is wrong and it's hurting her but I also thought he might just be justifying it with "My wife knows I love her" and I immediately thought of the post that got locked but one poster kept saying God knew her heart. I just wondered where the heart and the actions come together to be insync.

 

[firecracker]

Hey Ann thanks for breaking it down. Your post was on point.