Hill Harper on "The Rules"

[Glib Gurl]

Here is an excerpt from Hill Harper's The Conversation where he talks about how "The Rules" can hinder relationships:

If something doesn't feel right to you, or if you don't feel like a man is treating you resepctfully, then by all means kick him to the curb. But before you do, make sure you're not relying on someone else's interpretation of his actions. Trust your own rules of self-respect and decent behavior.

Part of the wonder and possibility of a first date is that we get to write our own rules . . . . We get to write our own book on how to be together.

Notwithstanding this , what do you think of what he says above? It sounds like good advice to me....

 

[dark_lovely]

Here is an excerpt from Hill Harper's The Conversation where he talks about how "The Rules" can hinder relationships:

If something doesn't feel right to you, or if you don't feel like a man is treating you resepctfully, then by all means kick him to the curb. But before you do, make sure you're not relying on someone else's interpretation of his actions. Trust your own rules of self-respect and decent behavior.

Part of the wonder and possibility of a first date is that we get to write our own rules . . . . We get to write our own book on how to be together.

Notwithstanding this , what do you think of what he says above? It sounds like good advice to me....

I agree somewhat. I'll admit that sometimes I based my relationship decisions off what my close friends think of the situtaion instead of what I percieve the situation to be. I think its a good idea to get outside opinion for the mere fact that when your in like or love with someone you become blinded and others can see things you brush off that actually should matter. So I think you shoud keep into consideration what they say but always base the final decision on yourself and how you feel.

 

[Bmack]

I agree. However, like Dark lovely said sometimes you rely on outside advice.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

I can understand what he's saying but sometimes women have a tendency to justify/explain the warning signs that alerts you when something is wrong (especially when she's caught up). For that reason, an outside opinion can be helpful

 

[aribell]

I agree except that not everyone has a well-developed sense of boundaries or a good idea of how they deserve to be treated. That's usually the problem--not really seeing that they are worth more than that. But if you're genuinely happy and satisfied, then why rock the boat?

 

[MD_Lady]

Here is an excerpt from Hill Harper's The Conversation where he talks about how "The Rules" can hinder relationships:

If something doesn't feel right to you, or if you don't feel like a man is treating you resepctfully, then by all means kick him to the curb. But before you do, make sure you're not relying on someone else's interpretation of his actions. Trust your own rules of self-respect and decent behavior.

Part of the wonder and possibility of a first date is that we get to write our own rules . . . . We get to write our own book on how to be together.

Notwithstanding this , what do you think of what he says above? It sounds like good advice to me....

YES!!! IMO, women rely too much on the advice of others. When YOU (not your friends, family members, book and magazine publishers, etc.) have first hand knowledge of an individual and a situation, at some point, you have to trust your gut. IMO/E, most women have a gut feeling about what they should or should not do, but talk themselves out of it (and sometimes as a result of someone else's interpretation of their relationship). Plus, since different people want different thing from relationships, someone telling you what they would do might not be in line with what you want from your relationship.

 

[aribell]

YES!!! IMO, women rely too much on the advice of others. When YOU (not your friends, family members, book and magazine publishers, etc.) have first hand knowledge of an individual and a situation, at some point, you have to trust your gut. IMO/E, most women have a gut feeling about what they should or should not do, but talk themselves out of it (and sometimes as a result of someone else's interpretation of their relationship). Plus, since different people want different thing from relationships, someone telling you what they would do might not be in line with what you want from your relationship.

I find this especially true when trying to figure out where someone's heart is, like whether they're just a user, simply confused, it was a misunderstanding, etc. In my experience, other people are good at recognizing that a situation overall is "off," but are kind of bad at knowing what truly motivates the other person. Oftentimes much more negative intent is read into things than is actually warranted. So if I tell someone, "Oh, he didn't return my call," the assumption is "oh you know he must be playing you; everyone has a cell phone; if he didn't call it must've been because he was chasing after someone else, etc..."

The best advice, imo, is that which clarifies what YOU want and how you can get there rather than advice that focuses on making judgments about where the other person is coming from.

 

[vevster]

What makes Hill Harper the authority on relationships? Especially Male-Female cuz he GAY.