He's in the transition stage...

[Kkinds]

Have you ever dated a man in the transition stage of his life? Like, just getting on his feet, starting in his career and getting himself together? I've been in a relationship with this man, but we have hit a few rocks in only 7 short months. Basically, he can't give me everything I want right now, but he's asking for time. I get frustrated when he can't focus or don't even do the small things he use to. We broke up, but now were back together because he wanted another chance. He doesn't ask me for help much because he told me that he's learning to finally (at 28) stand on his own two feet and not depend on anyone. He seems sincere at times, but I miss the small things and it's causing so much stress and tension! We argue and it gets pretty bad at times...we've only even together 7 months so should this be this darn hard this soon? What would you do? Have you even been in a similar situation? What happened?

 

[Kkinds]

I meant 28! I'm not sure why that number changed into an emoji

 

[LiftedUp]

No I haven't. The only time I would consider it is if we are both finishing up school and both are transitioning into becoming independent together. I wouldn't be in a relationship with a 28 year old man who is now learning how to get his life together. I will not be happy.

Op, why are you in a relationship with him if his actions does not make you happy?

 

[Kkinds]

No I haven't. The only time I would consider it is if we are both finishing up school and both are transitioning into becoming independent together. I wouldn't be in a relationship with a 28 year old man who is now learning how to get his life together. I will not be happy. Op, why are you in a relationship with him if his actions does not make you happy?

He did at first when he was more stable, but now he's out of military training and starting with new career that he went to school for. I'm thinking all the stressing from moving and getting settled is overwhelming plus some other family problems he's having...he seemed to be everything I wanted and I guess I'm just hoping that things will get better. "They say" that all relationship go through problems so I'm just thinking (hoping) this is one of those times.

 

[SamandI]

I did when I was a teenager. Do. not. want.

 

[keranikki]

Transitioning from the military into civilian life, especially the workplace, is tough. You go from being told what you need to do, where you need to be, and how you're supposed to look doing it to "just figure it out". Also, the money is funny for the first 6-12 months as you adjust to your new salary. I would try to stick it out and remind him that he can go to the VA for assistance if he needs it. There are too many programs for veterans from financial planning to mental health services for him to feel stressed out, which is making you stressed out. Hope this helps.

 

[Browndilocks]

It's usually a bad sign when a man asks you to wait for him. Either he never gets "ready" or when he does, he starts to feel himself & sniff around other grass. It's also not very masculine IMO when a man asks that of a woman... like, the nerve. To me it just sets a tone of him getting comfortable with putting you on the back burner.

 

[CarLiTa]

Without enough details, he doesn't sound insincere to me. Why not listen to him and actually wait? He seems to want to be in the relationship and is trying to express what his current challenges are, so what's the problem?

(And while waiting, you could potentially keep your eyes open, especially since it's just been 7 months).

But I'm also curious, at 7 months, what are all the things you're asking for that he doesn't give you?

 

[Fine 4s]

It's usually a bad sign when a man asks you to wait for him. Either he never gets "ready" or when he does, he starts to feel himself & sniff around other grass. It's also not very masculine IMO when a man asks that of a woman... like, the nerve. To me it just sets a tone of him getting comfortable with putting you on the back burner.

Totally get what you're saying. On the flip side when a man tells you not to wait, he's already gone. Been on both sides. Hearing wait for me is not bad IMO if it's measurable. Not a vague let-me-get-it-together. Bottom line is when it feels right, you know. A man can be off to greener pastures after accomplishing many things during the the relationship...

 

[joyous]

I wouldn't wait. I just feel a real man doesn't step to you until he has himself together, he doesn't tell you to wait until he gets it together.